Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
June 29, 2021
(MM = Mickey Mouse J.R.)
*Chairman Mouse approaches the podium as the press silently chatters*
MM: Ok, Ok, no worries people. You’ll have your chance at me in a second. I have called of you here because I want to address a number of things, from the attempted coup in Mmouse Enterprises to Motivation, from the Draft to the Fifth Season, from Starrcade to the EWA.
I also have some announcements that I need to make right here and now. For starters, I have been hard at work reorganizing both the PWI and Mmouse Enterprises as a whole. Many members of our staff were let go as we optimized how certain things work here. I also made it a point to make some changes to how things will work around here going forward.
Starting tonight, with my 75% shareholder status, which became official after Jeff Murrey was stripped of all his power and shares as well as after I compelled the Board to sell me all of their shares, I am changing a number of rules. I won’t get into all of it here, but some of the rules that I will highlight tonight pertain to how the PWI functions: from now on, every single PWI show will feature at least one title match, the rule pertaining to title defenses will be enforced, defeating the current Immunity champion in a non-title match or a former champion in any match will make you eligible to challenge for that title, and I have clarified the rules for movement through the superstar tier system.
I enhanced the rules for the Ascendant Championship, as of now – pursuant to these enhancements to the rules – Adam Cole must relinquish the Championship and move to the First Tier where he will receive a World Title shot at our next PPV. For the future, the Ascendant Championship must be defended twice a month – an unenforced rule up until now – and the failure to do so will force a vacation of the title. Regardless, the Ascendant Title must be vacated automatically after 6 months; hence the reason I am forcing Mr. Cole to do so. Filling the vacancy will now have additional options, all of which will be readily available for the audience to read once these updates have been published.
With respect to the Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette, the match options will no longer remain round-specific. From the Quarterfinals onward, all the match types will be made available for each drawing, pursuant to the rules, of course, which prohibit repeating any match type within a single season’s tournament. Finally, on this subject, the Premier Athlete will no longer – as of the Fifth Season Finales – have the option of being the “Boss for a Day”. This was a nice little experiment while it lasted, but I have grown tired of the meddling with corporate affairs which I’ve seen with respect to one of our Tournament’s winners. That privilege will henceforth be replaced by an option to make yourself extra difficult to defeat as choosing this option would enable you to win despite a rope-break alongside a quick pinfall count and avoid losing with harder pinning and submission requirements for your opponents. As an extra bonus, I will make this option retroactively available for our 2021 winners.
Before I get to the schedule, I want to quickly announce the signing of some new talent. Per the WOW rules, they will have to debut by our Season Premiere – which is the next PPV -, and I assure you all that they will do so in some way. While there will likely be more signings in the coming months, I consider these to be some major grabs for the PWI: Proud and Powerful – which the tag team of Independent sensations Santana and Ortiz -, The Usos, – the team that was so idiotically released by my Niece -, Toni Storm, – a young lady who has caught my attention from across the pond -, and finally a great up and comer that you may know called MJF.
With these additions to our amazing rosters I am very confident that the PWI will take our improvements from the past year and build upon them to return the Mmouse Enterprises brand back to the undisputed top of the industry, and I have the utmost confidence that we will succeed in doing that with the following lineup of programming:
Starting in October, after the Bloodbath Anniversary Special, the PWI’s Flagship broadcast – “Asylum” – will return on Columbus Day, October the 11th. From there, we will see Asylum come at you each and every Monday with a few exceptions; including the Showcase special in February. However, there will be a few special episodes of Asylum, including on the last Monday of every month without a PPV. On those Mondays, PWI will feature a special episode exclusively featuring the women of PWI in a special called “Bitches Ball”. On Monday , November 1st, a semi-regular special on the first Mondays of November, March, and May will debut called the “Championship Spectacle” wherein every title in PWI will be defended.
Also, I am electing to modify our weekly programming schedule by also merging the Legends and Ascendants rosters into one for the Second and Third Tiers. For the first three Saturdays of each month devoid a Pay Per View, we will have Ascendants air in a slightly expanded format that will seem less formulaic and more of an appropriate showcase of our ascendant class. On the Fourth Saturday of each of those months we will host Legends as a sort of special episode of Ascendants. Additionally, the Spotlight and the Uprising will be kept as the two Pay Per Views of the Ascendant Class. I will also be granting Commissioner Slammu and his new Assistant Krazy Kid more autonomy in how he runs his shows.
Our Season Premiere will be called “The Wrath of Mickey” for reasons I am sure you all will pry for answers about when I open this up for your inquiries, and we will finally be changing the format of our Preseason. PWI Live will proceed as a biweekly program starting with its premiere episode on Sunday, July 11th! That’s right, just shy of two weeks from tonight!
I won’t break the promise made at Starrcade to the EWA about giving them a head start. They are scheduled to return on Monday, July 26th, and while it was tempting to make them compete with PWI Live, I chose to keep my promise. That week’s PWI Live will take place on the 25th, the day before, and our next episode afterwards will be on Monday, August 9th. Let’s see if Megan has what it takes to go toe to toe with me even after I give her a running start. Now, for your brief questions. I am tired, so we will make this short and sweet. You…
ESPN: With the signing of new talent is there the concern that the roster is getting too crowded?
MM: That’s a fair question. I will be discussing with Slammu some plans for getting rid of dead weight in the weeks after PWI Live debuts. This is not a question that we take lightly. The only thing I will say for sure, though, is that we take pride in the strength and size of our Women’s roster, which remains the largest and most talented in the industry.
ABC Sports: Mickey…
MM: Mr. Mouse to you…
ABC Sports: Oh?
MM: No, Mr. Mouse. I don’t know anyone with a vowel for their name.
ABC Sports: Eh…
MM: Ok, numbnuts, you’ve wasted my time…you!
NBC Sports: Yes, sir, thank you.
MM: You’re welcome, I get that a lot. I’ve done a tremendous amount for this industry. I appreciate your gratitude. I like you. Next…
NBC Sports: But I…
Sports Illustrated: Mr. Chairman…
MM: Yes! I like that even more. Say that from now on!
Sports Illustrated: …indeed, um, are you concerned about the predictable backlash for scheduling the preseason to preempt the EWA’s return?
MM: Concerned? I welcome it. The lemmings are nothing if not scum who are like clockwork scrambling for their keyboards to bitch about my latest actions as the greatest promoter the world has ever known. Nobody likes whiners and complainers. That’s why I fired the biggest whiner of them all: Mister Jeffrey Murrey.
HBO Sports: With the changes to the Premier Tournament, is it fair to say that Alexa Bliss has created enough havoc with the things she’s done as a now-two time winner of this privilege?
MM: Absolutely. Look, I like Little Miss Bliss. But there is only room in this company, let alone THIS INDUSTRY, for one all-powerful God. She can call herself the “Goddess” all she wants, but the days of people trying to share power with me are OVER.
Showtime Sports: Was there any further damage done by Alexa this time around?
MM: *Scowls* I don’t remember fingering you to speak, and now I will remember to keep my pointer pointed elsewhere. And the answer is yes, and you will all see what I mean when the updated rules are published.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Did you inform Adam Cole of his having to abdicate his championship before now?
MM: Hell no. He’s no better than everyone else. He found out when you did. Sheesh.
CBS Sports: Do you have a response to the comments made by Miss Mouse at Starrcade about you and the PWI?
MM: *Laughs* Ok, ok. I’m going to get real here, and you all should to. The only claim to the “Mouse” name that Megan has is through the idiocy of her Lead-Poisoned ADOPTED father’s misguided decisions. Do you think I would ever adopt the child of a whore who lied to me about me being a father? Of course not, because I am the SMART ONE. Megan is a product of Saguna splooge, not my father’s bloodline. She is an Imposter Mouse, plain and simple, and I am going to show her and the entire world just how in over her head she is…that is if she doesn’t flake out like her “father” has so often. I’m out. Thank you, everyone!
*Leaves as the press clamors for more answers*