Press Conference: Chairman Mouse Missing!

Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre

Knoxville, Tennessee

December 22, 2022

3:30am

(LM = Lawrence Mason)

*The spokesman for Mmouse Enterprises, Lawrence Mason walks up the podium, greeting a confused press corps*

LM: Good…morning, distinguished members of the press. I know that you must have a lot of questions, but for right now, let’s just address what has transpired since “Rising” this past Sunday. As the show went off the air, it became apparent that the Chairman’s life was in serious danger. Upon realizing this threat to Mr. Mouse, we dispatched security promptly to the parking lot of Madison Square Garden. However, when the security force reached the location, we found the Executioner and Mr. McIntyre, but Mr. Mouse himself was missing. Following protocols set in place nearly two decades ago by the Chairman, the next in charge in the hierarchy of Mmouse Enterprises – the Assistant Chairwoman, Catherine Mouse, specifically, in this case – was appointed as the Acting Chair in an emergency vote by the Board of Directors.

So, please welcome and allow the Acting Chair – Miss Mouse – to answer any questions that you may have at this juncture.

(CM = Catherine Mouse)

*Catherine solemnly walks up to the podium*

CM: Hello. This is not how I wanted things to end up. Regardless of the numerous horrible thing Mickey has done to me – especially since the Spring of 2019 -, I can’t help but take this role with a great deal of hesitance. The Chairman is still my father at the end of the day, and he is still the Chairman and Owner of Mmouse Enterprises. In order to allay any fears that our shareholders may have in this uncertain time I want to assure you that I am ready to assume this responsibility for as long as necessary and will hit the ground running to ensure the success of this company and the satisfaction of the fans of PWI.

Now, so as to avoid making you fine people wait any further, I will open the floor to your questions.

CBS Sports: Madame Chair, isn’t there some part of you which feels that the Chairman had this coming?

CM: Look, my father often plays a dangerous game. He is power hungry and overall megalomaniacal. Every action has consequences, but that doesn’t justify any harm being done to the man. If F.R.E.D. truly is responsible for Mickey’s disappearance then he should bring him back immediately lest he desires the full force of the law coming down on him.

Sports Illustrated: Why haven’t the authorities already been contacted?

CM: You misunderstand me. They have been, but I have worked it out with them that no charges or other legal action will be taken if my father is returned safe and sound in a timely manner. I won’t promise no disciplinary action, though, as there has to be some price to pay here.

HBO Sports: Aren’t you or the Board worried that every moment which passes without the Chairman is a potential threat to his survival as well as that of the company?

CM: I am going to put this bluntly: Mmouse Enterprises is a strong company which will endure no matter what happens to Mickey Mouse Junior. Even so, I am confident that he will be returned safely.

ESPN: What does the Board say?

CM: The Board made it clear in the emergency meeting wherein they appointed me as Acting Chair that they stand behind me and my steadfast determination to return my father to his rightful place as leader of this company.

ABC Sports: You must forgive us if those words coming out of your mouth ring hollow. How can the public trust that you mean what you say?

CM: Having a few major differences with my father does not mean that I want him to be harmed. Additionally, I am a proud businesswoman who will always do what is in the best interest of this proud family business, and the safe return of Mickey to his position is in the short-term best interest of Mmouse Enterprises, and quite frankly the entire professional wrestling industry.

CNN: We heard reports about an hour ago that the Chairman’s private quarters were leveled. Any truth to that?

CM: I have no comment as of this moment, as the numerous rumors surrounding my father are under an internal investigation. I promise to get back to you all as soon as we know more.

Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Madame Chair, what about these so-called “major changes” that the Chairman was planning to announce? Any word on whether that is still in the works?

CM: Changes are definitely coming. Alright, everyone, I am sorry, but we have to wrap this up! I will update you all again as soon as possible.

*The Acting Chair then left the podium and exited through the curtain as the press continued shouting questions*

Published by Daniel Crawford

I'm a single father of two, one of four children of a single mother (who passed at the age of 49), an activist, an aspiring public servant, an author, a podcast host, and an average member of the working class.

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