Fittingly dubbed “The Eve,” PWI-HCW’s Global Conflict V was MMouse Enterprises final show of the 6th Era to go head-to-head with BWM Inc., though we could argue that Armageddon 4: Mickey’s Endgame and Retribution are competing against one another, even if they’re separated by 24 hours, but more on that later (for real this time, not like last week!)
SEGMENT ONE:
We kicked off the show with the cold open of Mickey’s arrival in a gorgeous hummer/stretch limo hybrid. I’m not going to make a blowjob joke, but we were all thinking as soon as I typed the word “hummer.” Lenny Mouse dubbed AEW King of the Cold Open earlier today, but I don’t think we should scoff at MMouse Enterprises attempts to hype a show with a well-done cold open. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s also just a damn fine way to give a show a last-minute hype boost.
While PWI (I know I’m ignoring HCW for the most part, and that’s because I’ve hated this incarnation of HCW more than I’ve ever hated anything in wrestling, well, save for the OG HCW, but that’s only because it was hell to compete with that chaos) is second in Cold Opens, they’re number 1 in hype videos. The King of Video Packages also graced us with several throughout the night, but the most effective for me was the one for Dragonfly vs. Randy Orton.
Listen, it’s no secret that I’m a Dragonfly mark. In fact, one could argue that without Dragonfly, I’d never have become the most-read wrestling pundit on the internet, as much of my earliest successes revolved around jizzing on my keyboard in celebration of Dragonfly’s awesomeness. That said, I think Randy Orton – the first ever EWA champion TWICE OVER – just made a really compelling case for “Superstar of the Era.” It’s been a foregone conclusion that the credit would go to Dragonfly, but save for his historic title run, Dragonfly doesn’t hold a candle to Orton’s accomplishments of being the only man in history to be the World Champion of both the Elite and the PWI. (A compelling argument could be made to give the credit to Asuka, as she’s impressed with THREE world title reigns in all the active promotions, but overall, it’s hard to argue she’s been as significant as either Dragonfly or Orton.)
…but I’m getting ahead of myself. Because although Dragonfly and Orton had an absolute barn-burner that had wrestling fans (myself included) flipping back and forth between AEW and PWI, the ending of the bout erased any chances of the two earning Match of the Night in my opinion. The match ends as neither man can continue, and Shane McMahon announces we’ll get them both in the main event. (So, why didn’t we just do this from the jump?!? Lenny criticizes AEW’s Battle for Exemption because there’s still a possibility that AJ Styles will be exempted, calling it a ratings stunt, but couldn’t the same logic be applied here? PWI wanted a strong open to the show, and they got it, but ultimately the promised “pay off” was held off til the end of the night, and I can’t help but grimace a little at the cock-tease here.)
SEGMENT TWO:
After the not-a-commercial break, we see the Chairman in his lair, as Executioner questions the loyalties of Alexa Bliss. Mickey is all of us here as he reminds Ex that he and Bliss have already settled this, and to me it doesn’t matter that Bliss “isn’t herself” because this is the version Mickey’s been dealing with since day one. This segment is here only for the ratings pop, because this “seed of doubt” wasn’t at all necessary in my opinion, since we’ve known from the jump that Mickey/Bliss has been a marriage of convenience, and it’s not like they’re best buds or anything.
We then cut to Bliss’s playground, and I’m asking myself: Is Alexa Bliss the winner of the “Most Screen Time of the Era” award in PWI? She’s been presented as THE biggest deal in the company since 2019 from where I sit (which at the moment happens to be my bed, but I’m about to move to the kitchen and warm up some leftovers…) Bliss says she’s excited to see the end of Bray Wyatt, and I’m wondering how do you end a man who has only wrestled like a dozen times this era?!
Then, we get the gauntlet match as the Fiend goes through all the people he’s already beaten this era before Slammer comes out. We get some terrible camera work and I plug my ears during the Fiend’s background music, and then Bray disappears as the ref’s hand drops for the 3-count. A couple of quick thoughts here: 1. I don’t really care for gauntlet matches because they make legitimate stars look like jabroni jobbers, and 2: If the Fiend can just disappear any time he wants, why doesn’t he just vanish any time he’s starting to lose?!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!
SEGMENT THREE
We again get Catherine in the dark hallway where she made the “deal with the devil” last week to sacrifice her uncle’s life in exchange for help in what I presume to be the Final Battle? I don’t know man, shit’s weird. Then Jackie Mouse appears, catatonic and motionless on the floor. What is it with these Mouse bitches showing up drooling on themselves?! First it’s Megan, now it’s Jackie. I both loved and hated this segment. Hated because it didn’t live up to last week’s, and because we get the return of Jackie Mouse after months of speculation on her whereabouts to some pretty minor fanfare, and loved it because it keeps me guessing. Before I thought Jackie would be pivotal in the resolution to the storyline with Mickey/Catherine/Bliss/Wyatt, since Blaster was going on a while ago about how she was walking a dangerous path to the dark side. Turns out the bitch can’t walk at all! I think there’s about six or seven different outcomes for this, and I don’t know where it’s going. We love a storyline that keeps us guessing!!!
In the weakest segment of the evening, we see Krusader and Mystico as Mystico preps for the Massacre 6 match. Mystico worries out loud about Dragonfly, and Krusader is all, “focus on your own match, bitch!” Then Ted Brown appears and gives Mystico a pep talk, calling him the UWA’s only hope (as Cameron Grimes withers in his irrelevancy.) So look, a couple of thoughts: I don’t necessarily hate this, but the whole Dragonfly/Krusader/Mystico family drama arch would have benefited from having more time. We get weeks with zero progression, and then when we do get the story on screen, it inches forward at a snail’s pace. I’ve been promised there is SOME RESOLUTION planned for all this, but I’m not holding my breath. I will give PWI (and HCW, I guess) credit where credit is due, this is the most relevant Mystico has EVER been, but he’s still just a mid-card act with no motivations or interest if you take away the hook of him being related to Dragonfly.
The Massacre 6 match was fine, nothing spectacular. It mostly served as a way to get some people the bookers like on the card without actually having to, ya know, book them well… Take for example Finn Balor, who’s fallen so hard in the PWI that we almost pray he’s not exempted in the draft just so he can have a shot at reaching the upper echelon once more in the Era to Come. After all of that backstage, Carmelo Hayes rolls up Mystico and earns the shot at the Premier Championship at Armageddon 4. This would have been GREAT SHIT on a normal Monday show, but on the penultimate episode? That’s a nah for me, dawg. (Also, remember when Hayes debuted and went on a big spiel about stopping Mickey/changing his mind and then he never mentioned it again and just moved on to the mid card? I ‘member!)
Before the segment concludes, we get Hayes being approached by Ted Dibiase Sr., and they say they have a deal. Ok, so Hayes is team MDC now? Gotcha. Fine. Whatever.
SEGMENT FOUR
We then get another outstanding promo video for the upcoming Slammu/RIP match (I don’t know why I always capitalize his full name, but I’m never gonna stop.) Last week (I think? Who knows, what even is time?!?) I predicted this match would steal the show, and I’m happy to report that I was right!
Again, credit where it’s due, they did a GREAT FUCKING JOB of making the shark who used to have rollerblades on relevant after 20+ years of nothingness. Truly well done, and if this is really Slammu’s final feud of his career (the Final Battle not withstanding) then I think it’s a pretty fitting end. The shark/man-in-a-shark-suit (if Jeff Murrey is to be believed) stole the show one final time, as 7.4 million tuned in to watch what very well could have been his final singles match of all time.
Good shit, no notes.
SEGMENT FIVE
In the return of my favorite long-running gag in MMouse Enterprises, we again get Mickey popping out from behind a dumpster to try to change Jade Cargill’s mind about wrestling Agramon/Bliss at A4. Jade again brushes Mickey’s warnings off, and says she’s not afraid of no bald man or the 4 foot 9 Alexa Bliss. Mickey isn’t happy about this, and he lets out his trademark screech to end the backstage segment.
In the back, Orton and Dragonfly are looking into each others eyes – a hint of respect, hatred, and passion? Dragonfly says if he can’t be champion, neither will Orton, and the two continue looking at one another until Orton says he’s gotta get to the ring. Dragonfly can’t decide if he wants to fight him or fuck him, and then the segment ends. Honestly I could have done without this, but I’m never going to complain too much about anything involving either of these men.
Bliss then interrupts Lana, who is STILL somehow struggling to speak English after all of these years in America. (Nevermind the fact that she might not even be Russian, and is just doing a character. Kuddos on her ability to keep kayfabe alive, though!) Bliss responds to the challenge made by Sasha Banks on Dynamite, and I’m loving this real-time back and forth between the two companies. I’ll save my predictions for the actual impending match at Starrcade, but as Lenny notes, this will be the first inter-promotional match in FIVE years! Kind of wild, right???
In the ring, Jade is ready to beat Kane 2 – er – I mean, Agramon, but before they can have a “fair” fight, the lights cut and the Fiend attacks Agramon! Bliss then appears and knocks the Fiend out of the ring, ya know, because the little gal is super human and all, and when she does, she smacks the black right off him as his charred body is replaced with a normal looking Bray Wyatt. Seriously though, are we ever gonna get a rational explanation for the Fiend’s powers, or am I just supposed to be happy with “ghost possession” as the only explanation? After Bray does her dirty work, Agramon is pinned by Jade and I’m like, okay then?
SEGMENT SIX
Backstage, Ted 2 is set to hit the ring for his upcoming title defense when his dad, Ted 1 is all, “I’ll help you son!” and Ted 2 is like, “Nah, Dad, I gotta do this alone!” We’ve seen this work well for T2 once before, and he’s like “I’ve beat Dragonfly twice already and I was Orton’s bitch for like three years, so I know how to beat him too!” His dad’s all, “Son this is super duper important and we gotta cheat!” But Ted 2 is all, “Dad I said NOOOOOO!” Something tells me the Teds are gonna regret this!
Next is the “Main Event” (and that’s in quotes because it’s really a backdrop to the closing of the show, but we’ll get there, I swear!) and in the end, Dragonfly’s cock(iness) costs him the chance to end the era as champion, and Orton shocks the world and captures the belt! After Dragonfly’s 9,000 day reign, I can’t tell you how refreshing it’s been to see the belt hot-shotted from DF to T2 to RKO. A quick aside, though. Orton was originally denied his chance to be champion at last year’s Starrcade, when Mickey was like, “Aint no Elite Alum gonna be MY champion!” Then we never saw them interact again. I find that a little frustrating, because why introduce that element to the story if it wasn’t going to have a payoff? I know that things change, but I guess I just expected a little more. I get it, Mickey’s busy with about seven other feuds at the moment, but it was pretty fuckin’ instrumental in starting all this, would’ve been nice to see it come back around. Anywho, as I was saying earlier, if Orton beats Cardona Monday night, I think he’s gotta be Superstar of the Era, right?!?
Speaking of Cardona, after the match Dragonfly and Orton shake hands and are all, “We can be fwiends now!” as Ted Jr. is all, “I should’ve listened to Poppa!” It’s all pretty short lived as Cardona and FTR come out and assault Orton to remind us all that there’s still another world title match to look forward to.
To close the show, we cut to a dark room and the Cloaked Guy (If this turns out to be Soul Taker I’m gonna complain online) is standing above Alexa Bliss, who is tied to a table. GAT DAMN I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasized about THIS scenario!! But my boner was short lived because even I’m not kinky enough to jerk it to an exorcism. Oh, and Catherine was there, too! Mickey is incredulous and tries to approach the hooded man, but Alexa’s/Sister Abigail’s soul comes flying out of her body and Mickey goes flying back! Look, soul transfers are nothin’ new in this business (if ya know, ya know) but I’m left wondering the implications of Sister Abigail’s possession of Mickey is going to turn the tide in his favor come Monday night? Will the Era truly end with a Mickey victory??? Or, was Jeff Murrey right a few weeks ago when he said Mickey and his sister Mickie are actually one in the same? Has Mickey Mouse been a lady in drag this WHOLE time? Also, who is the Cloaked Guy? If it’s E-Dawg I’m gonna riot, BTW.
Listen, I’ve bitched about PWI a lot in this era, and I’ve questioned a LOT of their booking choices. That said, I think we can all agree that when it comes to compelling finishes, MMouse Enterprises DOES NOT MISS.
Remember when I said earlier I’d come back to the whole “AEW vs. PWI” thing one more time? I wouldn’t be surprised if PWI finishes the era with the highest rated show of all time. Because Monday night is gonna be ALL ABOUT resolutions, while Retribution is likely going to be a mix of a “series finale” and a tease of what’s to come. Both shows are going to be epic, but maybe Mickey’s potential loss tomorrow night will end with a different kind of victory? One of the ratings variety?
Time will tell.
Until next time, Chris Hyatte, OUT!
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 