PRESS RELEASE: The Final Battle Stage Set!

Mmouse Enterprises

Headquarters #1

Memphis, Tennessee

May 25, 2024

In preparation for “Armageddon 4: Mickey’s Endgame” this coming Monday, the outcome of both Global Conflict V and the overall Global Conflict Series has been hotly debated ever since.

At first glance, PWI and the Million Dollar Corporation (henceforth known as “MDC”) are tied atop the total tally at 19 victories a piece, with UWA at 18 victories. This outcome apparently leaves MDC and PWI in a position of sharing the responsibilities for determining the final stipulations for the match. Additionally, PWI and MDC each had one victory out of three bouts on Global Conflict V for a winning percentage of 33% a piece, while UWA apparently snuck out of the night with 2 victories out of 5 matches for a final winning percentage of 40% for the night. This would appear to give UWA the victory for the night, and thus the advantage for the Final Battle!

However, a hidden clause in the Conflict’s agreement for Global Conflict V – snuck in by Chairman Mouse – indicates that “there shall be no ‘unaffiliated’ talent in the final night of the conflict”. It further states that “all previously undeclared affiliations will be presumed to be affiliated with PWI by default for the purpose of the final tally of the night and overall”. This means that Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton were representing the PWI in their respective matches as a consequence of not previously declaring their affiliations, and therefore both increases PWI’s winning percentage for the night to equal that of the UWA (with 2 victories in 5 matches) as well as elevates PWI’s total tally of victories to 20.

Unfortunately, this “trickery” – as Ted Dibiase Sr. called it upon hearing the news – means that PWI wins the total tally, thereby enacting Chairman Mouse’s decreed stipulations for the Final Battle. Furthermore, considering that one of PWI’s now-2 wins on Global Conflict V includes capturing the Undisputed Title in a triple threat which involved both UWA’s Dragonfly and MDC’s now-former champion, Ted Dibiase Jr., the value of PWI’s 40% winning percentage is given the edge over UWA’s; which means that the victory of Global Conflict V and therefore the Final Battle’s “advantage” is also awarded to PWI.

Ted Brown and Scott Nash issued a joint statement condemning the Mmouse Enterprises Board of Directors for permitting this set of “stolen” victories to Chairman Mouse, saying that “Mickey will lose at Armageddon 4, just as he has to AEW and Murrey for most of the head-to-head ratings battles in this era!” Taking one last jab at the oddly-silent Chairman, Nash quipped that “it is highly appropriate that AEW won the ratings battle for the night that Mickey hijacked the Global Conflict to advance his twisted agenda. Congratulations to BWM Inc., on their just victory! Don’t worry, we will be enjoying our own victory over this out-of-touch madman in just 2 days!”

With the final decision pertinent to all of the conditions of the Final Battle for “Armageddon 4” finally in place, each of three factions presented their slate of “champions” to go to war in this impending match blending the rules of the Crimson Car Match, the Capture the Captain Match, and the Handicap Match, which has been dubbed by Executioner (presumably on behalf of Chairman Mouse) as the “Capital Carnage Match”:

Ted Dibiase Sr. revealed that the three MDC participants, including himself – as required per Mickey’s decree as it relates to at least one leader of a faction participating in the match -, Giant Gonzales, and Rip.

Ted Brown revealed that UWA will be championed by Scott Nash, Slammu, and Dragonfly.

Speaking on behalf of Chairman Mouse, Executioner unveiled that PWI will be represented by Chairman Mouse – as he promised -, FRED, Rhyno, and a mystery participant.

So, there you have it: the final stage has been set. More on this story in the coming days!

Respectfully submitted by:

Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason