Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters
Memphis, Tennessee
May 6, 2024
1:20pm
(LM = Lawrence Mason)
*The spokesman for Mmouse Enterprises, Lawrence Mason approaches the podium*
LM: Welcome, members of the press, I am sure that you are curious as to why Chairman Mouse has asked me to convene you all here today. I assure you that we will have an opportunity for a few questions once he is finished with his opening remarks. So, please – as always – refrain from shouting out any inquiries until he has indicated that it is time for you to do so.
Without any further delay, please join me in welcoming the Chairman of the Board, Mr. Mickey Mouse.
(MM = Mickey Mouse)
*The Chairman comes up to the podium, with a sly grin on his face as a smattering of applause could be heard*
MM: Thank you, thank you. While I know you could have done more than that, I completely understand. After all, my end game set for a mere 3 weeks from tonight is for all of you to be out of the job in this industry we have all loved for at least 3 decades. And, that’s exactly why I am here.
The world of professional wrestling may have not been solely responsible for my immense wealth, but I do owe a bit of gratitude to it. Without this business, we wouldn’t have had so much fun over the years. Each era of this business has been grand for their own remarkable reasons, and while some other promoters are desperately seeking to keep it all alive after Memorial Day for a so-called “seventh era”, I both have to laugh to myself about their naiveté as well as feel a bit depressed for their failure to read the proverbial writing on the wall.
Murrey and Benny have deluded themselves into seriously thinking that they will thrive in an era following the death of Mmouse Enterprises and Brown Inc., but I see this as a clear sign of their lack of the genius vision I have long enjoyed. Mmouse Enterprises and Brown Inc. have represented the essential heart and soul of this business for almost its entirety in the mainstream, and we all should know that no creature or creation can survive without neither.
Yes, yes. BWM Inc. and Murrey Entertainment have their devout followers who will absolutely keep watching for a time, and we can’t ignore that Murrey himself is the one responsible for bringing this carnival act into living rooms and packed arenas the world over.
The problem, though, is that the business out-grew Mr. Murrey in the late-90s as the fan base found a then-new and revolutionary force providing for them the most exciting approach to entertainment that we have ever seen. Murrey’s strategies are tired and played out and overly reliant on a crash-style approach as well as over-the-top comedy acts all the while they dismissively cast aside their greatest potential draws.
With Benny and even his latest bottom bitch, Sami, my brother who sees Home Depot’s insulation section as a buffet is nothing without me – or at least my company – as his ultimate foil. Sure, they have dominated this the so-called sixth era of professional wrestling, but once Mmouse Enterprises and Brown Inc. cease to exist BWM Inc. will crumble under the weight of their own lack of direction.
Simply put, Murrey Entertainment and BWM Inc. will not be enough for one another to survive the fallout from my impending victory. BWM Inc. will swiftly fall into its old familiar erratic behavior, seeing that their passion has been exhausted in a business missing half of its base of support, and then Murrey Entertainment will soon close shop within weeks of BWM Inc. doing so. I see this whole process transpiring in under nine months, maybe a year if I am being generous.
So, the “seventh era” will be nothing more than an echo of what concluded the sixth at my direction, and will therefore seal the fate of this industry…just as I intended.
As for those trying to stop me here on the frontlines of the Global Conflict, the final war – if you will – of sports entertainment: I wanted to offer my sincerest condolences for the failures that you are about to suffer at my hands.
For starters, I am proud to say that we are likely never seeing the likes of Blaster Bladwick again, as he was effectively hospitalized last week and now sits in a coma. No worries, though, as I am ensuring that even my greatest foe has the toughest security on call with FRED on guard. *chuckles*
Then we have Ted Dibiase. Before his son managed to defeat Dragonfly last week, Dibiase Sr. tried to assert himself as some sort of hero during the pointless draft negotiations. I can clearly see what you are trying to do, Ted, you scoundrel. You are making a play at seizing power here in PWI before the war resolves by impressing the Board. While you have no pull right now, it is obvious that you are hoping to swoop in and save MY company after I destroy it. However, YOU WILL FAIL! Mmouse Enterprises dies in 21 days, and there isn’t a damn thing that you can do to stop it!
Next, I look to my disappointing family trying to stop me. You would think that those who share my blood would recognize the purity of putting down something that you love when it has become terminal, but I am surrounded by traitors. Maybe it’s because they are jealous that they didn’t think of it first.
No matter, as Catherine – my ungrateful bitch and failure of a daughter – and Scott Nash – my father’s bastard seed – will not be able to resurrect the UWA as part of their scheme to save the industry. Even when you think you have me where you want me, I am 100 steps ahead of you. This is not a war that anyone can win, except me of course!
Having said all of that, and before I take some of your questions, I just want to welcome the entire world to the final throes of sports entertainment. This is the final whole month that you will all thoroughly enjoy. So, enjoy it while it lasts!
So, first question goes to…you.
PWInsider: Yes, thank you, Mr. Mouse…
MM: I like you already…
PWInsider: …why do you seriously think that BWM Inc. would collapse without having you, Mmouse Enterprises, or Brown Inc. around?
MM: I retract my previous comment…sheesh. Were you NOT listening?!
Look, AEW, EWA, UWF, have all been fine companies. Notice that I left NEW out of this equation, because they had, what? Two shows? Maybe 3? Anyways, I can say with unbridled confidence that BWM Inc. would fold, and fold first, after this war is over because they have become dependent on solidly reliable competition to thrive.
Does anyone here seriously think that AEW will stick around for longer than a year with only the WWE to compete with?
…I see some of you idiots nodding. Look! WWE is NOT competition. They are a parody of a wrestling company. Hell, they are a poorly devised copy of the much more enjoyable WWF of old. Murrey’s last great invention was the LWF – 20 fucking years ago, mind you -, but I successfully emasculated him when he worked here for so long.
Trust me when I say that AEW will lose all of their motivation within a few months of this supposed “seventh era” after I prevail on Memorial Day. We will find out that Benny’s “dementia” had little to do with their failures to keep a schedule, as it was always their directionless incompetence, irrespective of his condition!
You!
NBC Sports: Looking at the ratings from the past few weeks, all major companies have been doing very well. Is this really the best time to kill the industry?
MM: Yes. I know that ratings are up across the board, but those ratings are up because the people are watching it for the grand finale! Strike the iron while it is hot, like they say! Ending it on a high note is the ONLY way to go out!
Showtime Sports: Why not just step aside and let Catherine finally take over?
MM: Are you serious? Did you all NOT see what happened back in 2012 through 2014? Catherine made MY company just as erratic as what BWM Inc. has been in this era! She proved to me that she wasn’t ready then, and her failures in “leading” her side to create a legitimate coalition against me now has only reinforced my lack of confidence in her leadership skills. Catherine is not the answer and never will be. That’s why it dies with me!
Wrestling Observer: What is to stop Catherine and company from just opening a new company once this war ends?
MM: Um…who the hell let Dave fucking Meltzer in here? Shouldn’t you be polishing Hyatte right now?
I can only say this, Meltzy-boy: the terms of the Final Battle at Armageddon 4 will preclude any of the participants doing so. Don’t you know how contracts work?
DM: Yes, I do…
MM: Doubtful. Go mark out over some Indy bullshit you fucking tool. *to security* Get this idiot out of here!
*Dave Meltzer is forcefully removed from the press room*
Any other questions? We have time for one more. Yes, you!
Sports Illustrated: Do you have any regrets here, and – if I may – do you have any thoughts regarding Dragonfly’s storied reign coming to an end?
MM: You clever little bitch. You snuck two questions in there after I told you we only had time for…fine. Whatever. I will answer both.
Firstly, I do have some regrets. Namely, that PWI didn’t dominate like it should have, but for that I blame the flawed vision of Catherine when she created this brand back in 2011 and then revived it in 2019. We were never going to lead the pack with a corny name like this. It’s her mother’s fault for raising her to fall far behind my level of intelligence.
Secondly, I have a few thoughts on Dragonfly. Despite our serious differences over the past few years – remember, it is primarily his fault that HCW was ever resurrected to begin with -, I can never deny that I still see him as the greatest of all time.
I knew when I saw him debut in Murrey’s UWA-North Division in the fall of 2002 at the age of 19 that he was something special. It’s the reason that he became my first draft pick of the original wrestling draft, which was held between the North and South Division of the original Undisputed Wrestling Alliance.
It took him only 3 months from his debut to become a world heavyweight champion, and that first reign became what was at that time the longest world title reign in industry history, and particularly of Mmouse Enterprises history. Since that debut, Dragonfly has held a world title for more accumulative days than ANY other star in the history of the business, with multiple title reigns exceeding a year in length. He has reigned as UWA Champion, as PWI Champion, as WWF Champion, and as the Undisputed Champion.
Word had it after Starrcade last year that after Murrey saw the Undisputed Title match wherein Dragonfly retained over Randy Orton, he was reported as saying that Dragonfly has far exceeded his expectations, and that he has easily overshadowed his once more prominent cousin, the legendary Krusader.
There will never be another Dragonfly, even if this industry somehow survives the month and years ahead. He is an icon on a level that only Splinter can slightly touch if he tip-toes.
With that in mind, and in closing, I want to announce that on the night of the WOW Awards next month, Mmouse Enterprises will officially hold a hall of fame sweeping induction, complete with a handful of prominent speeches, and the headlining inductee will be none other than Dragonfly himself!
Thank you, and that is all I have time for tonight!
*The Chairman leaves as the press shout further questions*
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 