Well, they say all good things must come to an end, and I suppose that’s true. My vacation is over, and it’s time to get back to work. Of course, a lot DID happen during my two weeks off (and by two weeks, I mean the near-month where I’ve been half-assing these columns).
Since the end of March, we’ve seen AEW put on our second-ever PPV, New Horizons, and debut a brand-new online-only show, AEW Dark! But, you knew that already – you’re here to scout our competition, so let’s get to it!
I’m going to do things a little differently this week since we’ve got so much ground to cover.
WWE:
Raw, April 1:
As the road to Then, Now, Forever 2 wound down, we saw the show open with Jeff Murrey poking fun at that “dementia-ridden rodent” Splinter, while hyping up the card for the upcoming big shows from WWE & NXT. We also SAW Murrey reject Arn Anderson’s invitation to attend his son’s biggest pro match to date, and the debut of the JWO!
On the same show, we saw the feud between The Rock and Big E heat up as E attacked the Great One in the backstage area. The Rock took a few shots at PWI, where he’s a former champion, I believe, and said Big E should go there because “they’d have a belt there for your bitch ass.” Ironically enough, PWI now is tied with AEW for the fewest “official” championships in the industry.
Back to the JWO, throughout the night Johnny Lawrence and Johnny Gargano were hyping the “third man,” and by the end of the night, we got the newest Johnny in the WWE – The Jackass, Johnny Knoxville! The show ended with Danhausen in his wheelchair, pointing at a horrified Jeff Murrey!
NXT, April 2:
In a chilling homage to the cinematic masterpiece “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle,” Lacey Evans returned home to find Sonya Deville at the head of her table, eating dinner with Evans’ husband and daughter! I’d ask if Deville was involved with Evans’ husband, but unless he has a vagina, I doubt it’s that. It was still pretty terrifying!
We also witnessed the feud between Lexis King and Bronson Reed continue, as Reed attacked King backstage and nearly choked him out before Camden Cross arrived on the scene to break it up. Cross stated that this isn’t how we settle things in NXT and told them to save it for the PPV.
This was also the episode in which we saw Miss Elizabeth begin to assert some of her power in the WWE. She overruled Jeff Murrey’s decision to declare that Camden Cross would NOT wrestle as Murrey originally announced, and she promised to reveal the final two board members at TNF 2 (more on this later). She stated that following the big show, Murrey would be subject to a hearing for his behavior, and she announced that Thomas Ian Griffith had resigned from the board. A separate hearing would determine the fates of Camden Cross and Fandango for the fire at Murrey Manor, and a final hearing would determine the fate of Christopher Lloyd as he faces charges of steroid distribution! Finally, she announced that Smackdown would return on Friday, April 12!
Raw, April 8:
Last Monday, the countdown to TNF 2 and Stand & Deliver reached zero with the final installment of Monday Night Raw before the company celebrated its official anniversary. We kicked off a busy week of action in Philadelphia, which some may consider America’s worst city!
The show opened with a Legends Battle Royal to crown the first-ever WWE Legends Champion, adding to what some may consider an already overcrowded landscape of mid-card titles. (Do we really NEED so many mid-card belts?) Batista won the consolation prize by last eliminating Dom’s father, Rey Mysterio.
In one of my favorite WWE segments of all time (and that’s truly saying something!), Johnny Lawrence and Ryback’s Mom took things to the next level as Cobra Kai’s number one bachelor is finally ready to make an honest woman of Mrs. Ryback! She accepts the proposal, and I imagine the wacky scenarios that could play out with an on-screen wedding between the two.
Murrey’s Misfits picked up another tag win against the JWO en route to their tag title match at TNF 2. I really enjoy Hook, and as much as I love the Murrey’s Misfits stable, I do think Hook has the potential to be a serious singles star. (Well, as serious as you can be in the WWE, where comedy rules.) The Misfits didn’t do it all on their own, however, and Doc Brown gets the assist after using a giant mousetrap to crush the hand of Johnny Knoxville.
We had another backstage brawl between The Rock and Big E, this time with the champ attacking the challenger from out of nowhere! Lesser wrestling pundits would exclaim that this spells out a loss for Rock at the PPV, due to the so-called “Last Laugh” rule of booking, but I don’t see it.
Stand & Deliver, April 9:
In what was probably the most serious installment of WWE programming to date, the NXT PPV delivered with four solid matches, capping off some of the company’s most heated feuds.
Sonya Deville got the special entrance, but it wasn’t enough to overcome Lacey Evans, who used a long, black “foreign object” cough IT WAS A DILDO hack – sorry, had to clear my throat. The giant dick connected with the mouth of Sonya Deville, her worst fear, and Evans got the victory!
Austin Theory defeated Johnny Gargano, with the rest of the JWO on commentary. I’d like to see Theory move on to a feud for the NXT title from here, but who knows with this company. He could be dressed in a pimp outfit by the week’s end, surrounded by hos. Ya just never know!
Lexis King pulled off the shocker, defeating Bronson Reed. I admit, I wasn’t expecting this result, as I thought for sure King was being primed to be the face of the company at large. I’d imagine he moves on next to Brock Anderson, who soundly defeated Jesse Ventura in the main event of the evening. While I’m upset that King isn’t moving to the main roster any time soon, I’m going to continue to enjoy his work on NXT, where he can shine as a big fish in a small pond rather than getting lost in the five knuckle shuffle on the main roster.
Elsewhere, we learned the results of the investigation into the fire at Murrey Manor, and Camden Cross and Fandango have been removed from the board of directors!
Then, Now, Forever 2, April 10:
WWE wrapped up an absolutely stacked week with TNF 2, celebrating one year of thorough Sports Entertainment. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been thoroughly entertained this past year, and I cannot wait to see what comes next!
The European Championship triple threat ended in a no contest, as neither Drew McIntyre, Gunther, nor Damian Priest were able to secure the win!
In a moment that paralleled the great sports movies, Johnny Lawrence FINALLY defeated Ryback to become the Intercontinental Champion! And this was AFTER Ryback’s Mom, aka Johnny’s fiancée, came to the ring to betray him!
The Viking Raiders continued their streak of dominance by defeating their biggest challenge to date in Murrey’s Misfits. This was even with the attempted interference from CEO Murrey, Elias, and Doc Brown! Immediately after, we learned that Jeff Murrey has sold 25 percent of his stocks to Endeavor, the parent company of Murrey Entertainment! (Liz had promised we’d get the results of the investigation into Murrey; perhaps this was Murrey’s attempt at placating the board to keep those results from being released???)
In what I’d consider to be the upset of the night, Asuka defeated Rhea Ripley to retain her Women’s Championship. Asuka is quietly making a compelling argument for the “Greatest Female Superstar” of the era, as she’s the only woman to hold all three women’s belts in this era!
In a hell of a main event, The Rock defeated Big E thanks to the help from Solo Sikoa, the younger, stronger brother of the Usos! The Rock seems to be forming his own rendition of Roman’s Bloodline stable, and you have to wonder if they’re quietly working together to take over the whole industry???
PWI:
April Fool’s Brawl, April 1:
Onto the PWI, we kicked off this special edition of Global Conflict with one of the funniest cold opens the company has ever done. The Executioner informed Mickey Mouse that it had finally happened – the company had won its first ratings battle of the era!! (Ironically enough, they’d pick up their second win with this show, although AEW was off so it’s not the same in my opinion.)
Later in the show, Aiden English continued his quest to become the fourth Duck Tape Man and received an invitation from Mickey to the celebration that would close the show.
Things remain rocky between Teo and Attitude as they get closer to their rematch for the tag titles. Attitude expressed his doubts about the two working together as a team at Wrestlemania, and demanded Teo leave him be when they’re not in the ring.
Another highlight of the evening included the backstage “interview” (if you can call it that) between Anthony, the Crock, and Jesse Hash. Anthony couldn’t figure out how or where to stand for the interview, or even how to conduct it. Good stuff.
In the best segment of the night, the Executioner and two referees brought in the oversized cake for Mickey’s ratings victory celebration, only to find after tasting it that it was over 4 years old! There also just so happened to be a dead prostitute inside, as she likely suffocated when she never got released in 2019, as Mickey had yet to secure a victory. (Later in the main event, Mickey even tasted the cake, which cracked me up!)
In the main event, we saw Dragonfly defeat the Giant Gonzales (again), effectively ending any credibility that the Giant Gonzales came into the company with. Listen, I get why you don’t make him world champion, but did he really need to eat back-to-back losses to Dragonfly? I’ve always been a huge Dragonfly fan, but it’s hard not to get jaded about him right now when the results of all of his encounters have been so obvious. The match was great, I guess I’m just bitter about Gonzales stacking L’s like he used to stack his opponents.
The Ratings Victory celebration turned south, as we expected it to, when Nikki Cross popped out of the cake (did she kill the hooker?!?) and took Mickey to the Firefly Funhouse, aka Alexa’s playground. Alexa demanded Mickey keep Jade away from the title scene and revealed it was the spirit of Sister Abigail, not Bray Wyatt, who’d been stalking Mickey!
Arguably one of the best PWI shows from top to bottom of all time!
Battle Line, April 10:
Jesus Christ, my fingers hurt! I’m too old to be typing all of this at once.
Anyways… the show opens with the Executioner finding Mickey outside in the parking lot, and he’s relieved because he hadn’t seen him since the celebration. Mickey informed him that the Women’s Champion is out of control. (The last time I saw Mickey this scared of a female, it was regarding a paternity suit!)
R-Truth picked up a win against Bam Bam, another member of the Million Dollar Corporation who is seemingly floundering after coming in as a big deal. I like Truth, so I’m not going to complain about this for the time being, but get your shit together, bookers!
We got a fun backstage segment with the Crock, LA Knight, and R-Truth. This set up a match down the line, and as much as I hate seeing Knight wrapped up in a comedy storyline, I can’t argue that he’s not getting over as a result of it!
Molly Holly won a battle royal for a title shot down the line, thanks to Becky Lynch costing AJ Lee in the final moments of the match. When Becky and AJ finally meet in the ring, it better be a war!
Randy Orton attacked Cardona backstage, as Dragonfly wasn’t here and Orton remembered he’s feuding with multiple people at the same time. FTR proved worthless as backup, as Orton took out all three.
One thing I will complain about is the background feud between Ted Brown and the Ultimate Warrior. Like, nobody wants to see Ted Brown in the ring in 2024, especially if it means seeing the Warrior job AGAIN. Shouldn’t Brown be more concerned with the fact that his company’s about to end, rather than engaging in this side feud with Mickey’s muscle? (Ironically enough, I’m not sure we’ve ever even seen Mickey and the Warrior interact on screen, outside of maybe that first week or two – but even then, I can’t recall if that happened or if I’m willing it into existence!)
Lenny Mouse wins “Segment of the Night” as he was discovered passed out behind a dumpster by Shane McMahon. Lenny has been missing ever since Easter when MJF won the world title, and he didn’t realize he was in Detroit. Lenny’s takeaway from his nearly two-week bender? “I need to party like this more often!”
The runner-up for segment of the night was the training montage of Mr. Kennedy, as Hans Gustav took him through a Rocky-esque course on how to break necks! Good stuff, my friends. Good stuff.
Next, we saw the Aggressor on the show as I wanted to rip my hair out. Whyis this dude still a guy who gets TV time, we wonder? The good news? FRED came to the ring and beat the jobbers!
We got a slight progression in the “What is Blaster scheming” storyline, which hadn’t moved in several weeks. Blaster and DiBiase apparently agree on the plan, much to the dismay of Scott Nash.
In the main event, we saw Ted DiBiase Jr. finally arrive as the fourth man in the fatal four-way to determine a number one contender for No Mercy! I’m happy for Ted 2, as this is clearly his biggest push since his original push as a member of Randy Orton’s Legacy alongside Cody Rhodes in the OG EWA.
That’s all for this week, I’m off to soak my fingers in hot water to fend off arthritis! I’ll be back next weekend!
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 