Anthony’s Side Mission Five Way: WINNING!

Anthony’s Side Mission – What the fuck is happenin’ in WWE?

Yo! What the fuck be up in this hiz-ouse?!! I’m back from probation (nah, I didn’t do no bad shit, ‘cept I was told by management to keep things chill between Stacy and I) and ready to do this thing again!

WWE be settin’ the industry ablaze of late and I am over here hollerin about the Hurricane and his piss title! I’m also considerably spooked by this Hollow crew. Like, what??? We’ve got the ghosts and ghouls hangin’ out long after the Halloween parties have wrapped up, and this is called wrestlin’??? Bullshit!

Also, what the fuck be up with Gable ditchin’ the good doctor and goin’ all proper and serious all of a sudden? I mean, my boy is talented and all, but he had a personality and a purpose with Doc. Now, he just has the purpose, and it was on purpose. Am I supposed to be impressed or bored? Or so bored that I am impressed? Damn, y’all have me feelin’ philiso.. fill in soft…philosoft…you have me feelin’ like Socrates up in here!

Another thing I want to say is I am sooooo confused as to what the hell is goin’ on with all these belts all of sudden? Is this Opera or some shit? Everybody gets a title to flex in the E? Maybe that’s why they be callin’ their little make believe world “WIN”, because everybody’s a winner in Murrey world! Hell, I want a belt! Throw me one, Murrey! Just call me the Stacy’s Ass Champion and be done with it!

I bring up the valley of titles because I blink and suddenly there’s 80 tag champions walking around. I done lost track of who holds what strap, and now you got me doin’ homework just to keep up. First phil off sophie – or however the fuck you spell that – and now I gotta get out the ol’ trapper keeper and bookbag to watch men in tights in a ring? Hell no! I can just jerk the gerkin and buy a toy wrestling belt for my penis for puttin’ up with the abuse. At least then I would know who runs this shit and who the champ is!

WWE has had more bosses in 12 months than Debbie had partners in her whole catalogue (that’s just what I heard, I ain’t never watched her stuff, you know). Maybe Trump oughta look into the transitions of WWE while he is on his hatin’ the Trans thing. Just a thought, Tiny Hands.

Perhaps NXT’s gangstas will wind up runnin’ it all before it is all said and done. I mean, they did just go legit, and while I am thinkin’ of MC Hammer, I have to admire that fossil HBP for refusing to quit! C’mon Punk, get that strap back and clap back at Ethan before he walks all over your legacy, my man!

I saw somethin’ with Karrion and Scarlett tryin’ to scare Trick or somethin’, but I was too distracted by Scarlett’s ass to pay attention to what they were sayin’. I know it looked spooky, though, so I guess I need to keep my Halloween decorations up for while longer.

Shiftin’ over to what happened on Friday and I am left scratchin’ my head about Vince and Seth. Are these guys secretly teenage love birds or some shit? I mean, one week they are holdin’ hands, struttin’ through the parks, then Seth stomps on Vince’s heart, and now they are back to exchanging hand sweat. My head is spinnin’. Maybe I need some weed.

Yeah, I always need weed…or the weed needs me. I’ve never figured it out for sure.

Seth defeats the Yeet man as Vince privately experiences a non-deadly stroke, and then the Rock reminds us that he is a man of Hollywood. Ol’ Movie Man over here givin’ us film-production level shit seeking an Oscar along with his comin’ record. I tune out mentally when he talks about his family…blah blah blah!

Vince must still be reelin’ from his man-to-hand combat while watchin’ his boyfriend work, because he tells us what we already knew after watchin’ NXT: crazy stalker dude is set to fight HBP next week. Should be fun to watch, but Vince won’t let me forget about it…geez man.

Jesse is apparently fed up with Vince’s shit too as he comes out and puts the bitch in his place, and I already mentioned what happens next, and I ain’t about to repeat myself or I am gonna have a deadly stroke of my own.

This has been Anthony, and now I am told that I have to pass the keyboard over to Johnny Quest so he can get you all excited about what’s happenin’ next week:

Predictions: AEW Dynamite Returns

Hi, everyone! This is Johnny assuming control of this column to prep you for what we have on tap in the week ahead for ULW as well as offer some quick predictions for what AEW has announced in the week ahead.

Shocker to make announcement (rest of leadership is absent)

As Anthony alluded to a short while ago, there have been a plethora of announcements in the business as of late, and I look forward to discussing my thoughts about the new – very interesting – reveal by Mr. Murrey as he has reacquired WWE. For now, though, I see Shocker likely making an announcement pertinent to the AEW World Title scene, or maybe even something regarding the arrival of Uncle Howdy and how this will be resolved between him, Zayn, and Danhausen. We’ll see.

Olson to speak publicly for first time since losing gold

Sean Olson losing the World Title thanks to Brandon Lee’s return was incredible, and now we get to see what he and Paul Heyman have to say about it. Obviously, this will build towards what will likely be the REAL swan song match between the two half-brothers, but I fully expect Olson to act indignant, Lee to immediately respond, and Heyman to appear deeply conflicted along the way!

Flex Fuller versus Scott Hall

The arrival of the Flex Squad into AEW was definitely not on my bingo card this year, but now that we are here, we have an opportunity to see THE breakout star of the Sixth Era – Flex Fuller – prove that he can thrive somewhere other than WWE. There’s no doubt in my mind that he gets the win here, especially since this is his first match beyond WWE, but there is a possibility that Hall pulls through with some shenanigans, considering how strong the Squad looked upon their debut.

Television Champion Logan’s Open Challenge

One of the most reviled talents in the business today, the former world champion, Logan Paul, will defend his title in an open challenge. While I expect Logan to retain here, I do expect that Logan’s opponent will either be someone picked up during the draft who we’ve had yet to see, someone from Logan’s past (MJF is teased for the night as well, but his current story revolves around Lashley, not Paul), or someone from outside of the company. Either way, this will be fun.

Main Event, Tag Champions the Harlem Turtles defend against the Young Bucks

The most decorated and celebrated Tag Team of all time, the reigning AEW Tag Champions, Stevie R and Booker D, are set to defend against one of the best teams to debut in the past two eras; the Young Bucks. Nick and Matt Jackson are hungry to get their third tag titles, and while I strongly believe that the Harlem Turtles are currently positioned to retain, it is not out of the question that the title change hands here when you consider that the Turtles could be affected by the ongoing story surrounding Uncle Howdy and the Guilty Remnant or the fact that the crew of Omega, Page, and the Bucks need a big win to revitalize their position.

So, when you consider all of that, I am going to predict that the Young Bucks steal the win here, thanks to some outside help.

Lastly, for Dynamite, Jade Cargill is also teased (Toni Storm was not mentioned in the preview posted on social media). I suspect that Cargill will either squash an opponent and make a threat towards Toni, or she will just come out and cut a promo. Either way, I am looking forward to seeing what happens here.

To you WWE fans, I apologize for not having predictions here. They didn’t offer a preview, and I am not about to try to guess what the single most unpredictable company ever is going to do. Anyways, on to what’s on tap in ULW for tomorrow night!

Preview: Awesome Aggression VII

Second Tier Tournament Qualification Match: Drew McIntyre versus Ricky Starks

Ricky Starks has been on fire since he arrived in the business in HLW. His success carried over into his brief AEW stint until he was drafted and sent to ULW. Here, this young man has been making his mark, and he now his eyes set on becoming the next Undisputed Champion.

But, to get there, he has to first defeat the former WWE Champion, Drew McIntyre. Drew is a take-no-prisoners bonafide beast in the ring, and if he manages to get qualified, he will be a force for others to reckon with in the tournament to come!

Third Tier Tournament Qualification Match: Homicide v. Raphael v. Saguna

The third tier of this tournament is all about giving the often-overlooked and forgotten stars of the company have a chance at gold. During the Fifth Era’s decline, PWI experimented with this all-inclusive approach during the era-ending monster tournament which saw Terry Austin shock Teo and the world by becoming the last world champion of that era.

Here, we have three quick, ruthless, and relatively small talents square off to pursue this dream. Included are the likes of the 2019 Beginner’s Ball winner, Homicide, the celebrated and often-mocked troublemaker (as well as former holder of multiple titles across numerous divisions), Saguna, and finally the latest addition to the Turtle World Order, the legendary Raphael!

Main Event – Second Tier Tournament Qualification, Hell in a Cell Match: CM Punk versus AJ Styles

A ton of bad blood exists here, and we have seen this story play out ever since the summer. Two former world champions are set to battle it out for the third time, to break their tie, and to see who gets a tournament berth into the second tier, with all of this taking place inside hell in a cell!

You can’t ponder AJ Styles or CM Punk without thinking about how much these two men have contributed to the business since their debuts around roughly the same time in the midst of the Fourth Era. Tomorrow night, one man will stand tall once and for all en route to a world title pursuit while the other will be forced to contemplate what they need to do next to get back to competing for gold!

We look forward to seeing you tomorrow night as the stage for next week’s Great Gobblefest gets set and the Undisputed Championship tournament continues taking shape!

Until our next Mission, this has been Anthony!