A Midget Quest with Thomas, Chapter 2: Danhausen’s Game
I know, you’ve all been waiting with baited breath in anticipation of what I’ve got to say about Benny-Land. Alas, the Midget with the microphone that no one can ignore has finally arrived to commentate on some AEW shit!
To say that AEW has been on fire as of late would be an understatement. In fact, all of the talking heads are saying that the entire industry is at peak performance right now, with tons of good shit to talk about. But, for now, we’ll focus on AEW and what they’ve brought to the table.
For starters, I want to address the whining that I caught wind of about my lack of a prediction post for AEW’s Aftershock 2. I was busy and wasn’t in the mood.
There you go. I’ve addressed it.
Don’t worry, the rest of this review won’t be so concise, because while I may be short, I get to the point on my OWN DAMN TIME! Where was I? Oh, yeah, we’re going to look at that PPV that everyone was raving about:
I want to start things off here by saying the show was an absolute BANGER. Yeah, I used that phrase, I don’t think anyone wants to feel froggy with me about it just yet!
From the moment we kicked off the show with the cool as fuck video package, through to Bobby Lashley successfully defending the strap (which, I was TOTALLY going to predict, by the way!), we get Lashley doing so thanks to some chaos, including an interference by MJF. This has since led to MJF officially becoming a member of the Hurt Syndicate. I know by great pal, Johnny Quest, already predicted that this is going to lead to a betrayal of the Syndicate by MJF, or vice versa, but for now the ride is going to be fun.
Of course, this was the right booking decision, as Lashley’s reign has only just begun and Orton is likely next in line to have a feud with his old rival, Cardona. Cardona, naturally, has to complete his quest for the Dual Dominion Championship – for which he is slated to challenge in just a few weeks -, and I absolutely expect Orton to get some payback here.
Next, we saw an excellent showdown to tie things off between Team Page and Team Ospreay. Ospreay and Danielson were on a roll until they were betrayed by their other partner, Kenny Omega. In the aftermath, we have yet to hear from Danielson or Ospreay – come to think of it, none of the losers at Aftershock have made a post-PPV appearance as of last week, which is what I am reviewing here…DON’T SUE ME! -, but Omega has explained himself that he is tired of sucking up to all the peons out there. You tell em’ Omega!
The Bucks, though, spoiled a quasi-dream match for the AEW Tag Titles as the Attraction were defending the gold against newcomers the Briscoes. Even though I hear banjo music in my head every time I see these hillbillies, I still wanted to see them win, and now I am likely going to have to suffer through yet another Bucks reign! AHHHH!!
As for the leader of the pack, Adam Page has his sights set on getting back to the world title for a proper reign, and I think it is very likely that he gets there. Just give him time!
The match after this chaotic beauty was another beautiful disaster in the form of Brandon Lee and Sean Olson’s final match against each other in a Last Man Standing bout! Just as he has their entire rivalry spanning decades, Olson came out on top in this swan song for the best damn sibling rivalry in history. In the weeks after, Olson has dropped a kickass vignette and has essentially blackmailed Paul Heyman to leave Lee behind and join a real winner. Good stuff! If this gives me a fourth Olson world title, I will be complete!
In the Main Event, we had Becky challenging the Time Period-Challenged Knockouts Champion, Toni Storm. Just has been the case throughout her AEW tenure thus far, Toni stole the show here, and after she won the fight (another outcome I definitely would have seen coming!), Jade FUCKING Cargill steals the spotlight by jumping the ship yet again!
Cargill tried to follow this up by entering the arena on the following Dynamite, but she was stopped by Benny (we’ll get to him shortly…that is not a joke about his height), who warned that Jade will suffer for her role in the trade named after her by being forced to fight her way to the top, Dragonfly-style. Storm reveled in this news last week, even as she asserted that she is ready for the challenge. What this tells me is that Toni is actually petrified of Jade (an observation which was only reinforced by her initial reaction to Jade’s arrival in the first place), and that she is clinging on to the strap like her life depends on it for the moment.
Shifting gears a little, we’re going to focus on a few other things that have happened since. For starters, the aftermath of the attack on Crock Junior.
While I hate this kid’s stupid name and what he stands for, he didn’t deserve to go down like that. A real debilitating throat punch if I ever saw one. Came out of nowhere as he was just minding his business and just being himself.
Now, the world has to wonder “who did it?” as detectives Midgey and Riddle are on the case. I have to agree with my buddy and old pal, Quest, who feels that Riddle is somehow behind this. However, what if both Midget Hogan and Matt Riddle were masterminds of this? What if this was an inside job? A false flag? The horror!
With Riddle earning some affirmation from Nash and the boys that they will be on his side regardless of what the “investigation” finds – despite being warned that it could tear them apart -, Riddle is poised to proceed and endanger this beloved band of misfits. Considering how he was literally trying to leave for ULW this summer, I can absolutely see Riddle dropping this supposed pipebomb just to wreck everyone’s shit.
Logan Paul is now chasing LA Knight’s coveted TV title, and Quest feels this is low-hanging fruit. Maybe, maybe not. Yet, I am of the opinion that Logan is doing what he needs to right now to bide time for his next crack at MJF. This is about keeping him busy until they can have a proper match. Knight will likely survive this as champion and then he will move on to the next guy.
Here is where I want – before getting to the main thing that I want to talk about – to offer some thoughts on a few additional standouts of the last few weeks: Zoey Stark had a very impressive debut taking down Nia Jax, and looks like a legitimate threat for Toni down the line. Ilja Dragunov tore the house down alongside Logan Paul, and he continues to be a dark horse candidate for wrestler of the year! Finally, Ricochet manages to get people talking despite his many false starts and his enduring losing record in AEW. Pretty sure he wasn’t won a match in like 3 or 4 years. Still, he is about to break out of this, and it may be done through a brief stop in or against the Hurt Syndicate!
And now, we get to the point where I talk about AEW’s highest-rated feature: the Mouse Saga. After Splinter was essentially exterminated by the Harlem Turtles, Shocker – the forgotten brother who tried to warn Splinter about his affiliation with Benny – has assumed Splinter’s position in his stead…reluctantly, following an odd encounter with Danhausen.
Truth be told, it has always been clear – at least to us CME analysts – that Danhausen was in control via his constant nibbling on Benny’s earlobes, and by God we were all validated after this past Monday’s Dynamite!
The final shot of last Monday’s Dynamite saw Aleister Black, Brodie King, Brodie Lee, and what’s-her-face accost Benny, reveal that they are called “the Guilty Remnant” and relieve Benny of his real brains via taking out the manipulative and powerful Danhausen.
The very second that Danhausen was taken down, Benny snapped back to his dementia faster than an elastic pair of pants snapping off of Yokozuna’s ass. It was Danhausen in control all along, and now we wait to see what happens next as the truth has been exposed.
Benny’s enemies will be coming for him more than ever now that they know how his lucidity was “restored”. Danhausen was living like a king babysitting the man wearing the crown, but now that the illusion is no more, the throne is once again up for grabs.
The Emperor has no clothes, no brains, and no chance of returning to the dark.
That’s all for today. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?!
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 