Press Conference
September 16th, 2024
1:56pm
St. Louis, MO
Cash Mouse Entertainment HQ
The following is what transpired at today’s presser:
*The press could be heard talking amongst themselves as CME Communications Director and Spokesman, Lawrence Mason approached the podium*
[LM: Lawrence Mason]
LM: Welcome, members of the press, and thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to join us today. On the eve of yet another exciting week of action, Cash Mouse Entertainment would like to take this time to offer a sincere set of congratulations to our competition for their victories over the past week or so. It was a hard fought battle for sure, and that was especially the case in the nail-biter ratings victory that WWE enjoyed this past Tuesday by barely over 300 viewers.
Still, this era has only just begun and we are just as ready as you are to see what’s next. So, to help us prepare for what’s next, I introduce you to one half of the current co-Vice Heads of the Triad, Miss Catherine Mouse. Thank you.
*A smattering of applause follows Miss Mouse as she replaces Mason at the podium*
[CM: Catherine Mouse]
CM: Thank you, Lawrence. Your eloquence is always a welcome break from the chaos to which we are so accustomed in this industry. On to the matter at hand: as you can see and hear, my interim title has changed here, and that is because of the deal struck in the Board Meeting in order to establish some semblance of order in the wake of panic induced by our competition taking unscheduled breaks. Mr. Dibiase is presently the Head of our company and I believe we are paying a slight price for that.
Dibiase is an unproven leader when it comes to actually running a company, and while my track record is less than stellar, it is far more qualified than our current leader. Rest assured, when my time comes to lead in the Spring, things will be very different and we will have structure, and – most importantly – success.
Right now, our competition is practically laughing at us as we have seemingly lost the advantage that we had coming in to the fall. At the outset of the era, ULW was the talk of the industry, and now we are – as Mr. Quest put it – slipping. This is most unfortunate, as Mr. Dibiase’s ineptitude in leadership threatens to bring the entire ship down with him.
All I can say to you, the audience…as well as the press, is to be patient. Mr. Brown and I are doing everything we can to help keep this ship from sinking with Dibiase at the helm. The work behind the scenes as been tireless and determined, despite Mr. Dibiase being so consumed by his ego.
Even though I have no faith in the leadership of Mr. Dibiase, I remain confident that our talent has what it takes to bring ULW back to the top. Our resilience will shine through, and I can’t wait for all to see what we are made of!
Now, with that having been said, I will happily open the floor for your questions.
CBS Sports: Miss Mouse, what are we to infer from your decision just now to leave out any mention of how the company will be managed under Mr. Brown?
CM: Nothing at all. Mr. Brown is a great business partner, and he – at least – has recent experience in running a wrestling promotion, especially as he worked under the guidance of his brother, John Brown, in HCW.
Showtime Sports: Your daughter has become quite the asset for Mr. Dibiase, has she not?
CM: My daughter is an asset for this whole company. It is belittling to imply that she is merely a puppet for an aging man. We really need to move on from these old paternalistic mindsets.
Sports Illustrated: Do you think that Murrey has CME’s number?
CM: Underestimating Jeff Murrey in the industry that he made mainstream is a mistake for anyone. Still, I do not fear competing with Murrey, nor do I think he “has our number”. A couple consecutive victories doesn’t automatically place Murrey’s WWE ahead of ULW. We are still the number two company, by a mile, and we continue to be more of a threat to AEW than WWE is to us.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: That’s a bold statement, Miss Mouse. Aren’t you concerned that this is the type of reckless declaration that used to backfire on your father so often?
CM: Do I look concerned to you? I may have many differences from my late father, but one of the things I respected about him and took from him was his recognition that part of the art of success is the mastery of “manifestation”. Cash Mouse Entertainment has so far been successful at this continuation of Mickey’s vision and I make no apologies for the confidence that it breeds.
NBC Sports: Any word on the whereabouts of Vice Commissioner Evil?
CM: What do you mean?
NBC Sports: Isn’t he missing? Ted Dibiase was seen on a recent episode of…
CM: This is nonsense. Next question.
TIME: Ma’am, with your mentioning of your late father and your daughter, I have to ask: what are your thoughts on what appears to be your father possessing your daughter?
CM: I literally have no idea what you people are talking about. *looking to Lawrence Mason* Can you explain what they are talking about?
LM: *practically whispering* I have no idea, Madame Mouse.
CM: *Looking a little disheveled and almost lightheaded* Look, I think that does it for today. Thank you, all, for coming. Hope you enjoy the show tonight.
*As Catherine Mouse and Lawrence Mason depart, the press talks loudly amongst themselves, seeming to be taken aback by the last set of exchanges*
Respectfully submitted by
Lawrence C. Mason
Communications Director and Spokesman for Cash Mouse Entertainment
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 