Mission 005: The Dibiase Interview

Mission 005 – The Mission? Interviewing Ted Dibiase

I know, I was absent for a couple weeks. I do apologize and promise to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. However, my hiatus wasn’t the news of the past week, but rather the absence of WWE and AEW. When Catherine Mouse and Ted Brown realized that there would be no action from the competition this past week, they knew what would happen next: the “clock” would be initiated!

What happened next was a frantic emergency virtual meeting of the Board and then a press conference. The one person missing in all of this? Triad Member Ted Dibiase. After learning that he had skipped the call and had no plans to attend the presser, I reached out to his secretary to arrange this interview.

Truth be told, I didn’t expect Mr. Dibiase to agree to this interview, but much to my surprise, he did! Without any further delay, let’s get right to it!

[TD = Ted Dibiase, JQ = Johnny Quest]

JQ: Mr. Dibiase, thank you for taking the time to sit down with me today.

TD: You’re welcome, Johnny. Big fan of the column.

JQ: Thank you, sir, I appreciate that. So, let’s get to it here: why did you skip the press conference?

TD: *Laughs* Because it became clear to me back in June that I was sold a bill of goods by Brown and Catherine. They didn’t want a partner. They wanted my help to defeat Mickey. They knew that they were not in a position to win the war, and that I was better positioned to do so. This should have been my era, but I let them manipulate me. Never again.

JQ: Does this mean that you want Mickey’s vision to come true? Do you want a swift end to the seventh era?

TD: What it means, Johnny, is that I work for no one. NO ONE! My days of playing second fiddle to anyone ended when I left Murrey’s company. This is their bed, and they will have to lie in it. If they want my help, then they better be prepared to beg. Otherwise, I am perfectly content with watching the era end as I prepare to pick up the pieces afterwards and create a brand in my image.

JQ: Is there anything that you have in mind that Brown and Catherine can do to bring you to the table?

TD: They know what I want. Let’s leave it at that.

JQ: Very well. What are your thoughts on the past week and the hiatus of WWE and AEW?

TD: I’m seeing more and more every day that Mickey knew what he was talking about, except one thing: this industry doesn’t revolve around him or his corrupt family. Instead, it was built around me all the way back with the birth of WWF. Still, with Mickey gone, the competition no longer has an excuse for their shortcomings. In the first month of ULW, this company has far surpassed the performance of PWI’s first month in either the Fifth or Sixth Eras. As a result, it appears that WWE and AEW so feared the ratings bashing that they would have suffered this past Monday, with ULW scoring its second highest rating to date, I can’t say that I blame the other guys for calling an audible and skipping this past week.

JQ: Do you really think they have come to fear ULW?

TD: If they don’t, then they ought to. ULW is coming out swinging week in and week out. Month One was a mere drop in the hat compared to the incredible stuff coming down the pike.

JQ: Any chance we can get a preview?

TD: Here’s what I’ll give ya; this Monday ULW hosts its first special event, “Independent Intentions” with a blockbuster show from top to bottom!

JQ: Okay…

TD: Next week, ULW features Dragonfly’s swan song, capping off the greatest wrestling career of all time!

JQ: Is that all?

TD: Far from it, Johnny, my boy! *cackles* You see, we are still going to reveal the last two Board appointees, a flurry of debuts are coming your way, and the official beginning of the ULW Main Season! After the season opens with a bang, the holidays hit, and it will be one holiday special after another, and those cards will be so good that you will think they were Motivation-lite!

JQ: Aren’t you afraid that this confidence will backfire?

TD: Hell no! The only way that ULW won’t dominate is if Brown and Catherine stand in the way, which they are definitely doing right now. They and the Board need to do what they should have from the start and coalesce around me! I will lead this company to new heights that were unimaginable and certainly unattainable under Mickey or Catherine.

JQ: Sounds to me like you want to become the unquestioned leader of Cash Mouse Entertainment.

TD: And I would say to me that it sounds like you are smarter than you look! *winks*

JQ: Well, speaking of these things that are coming for the fans to enjoy as well as the apparent power struggle unfolding, where does Splidder fit in all of this?

TD: The dopey brother of Splinter? He plays nowhere near the role that you may think he does. He’s a pathetic rodent just like his overrated brother! Still, Splidder has some knowledge of the competition which I believe can ensure our dominance of the business. The rat may be resisting right now, but I know how to make these sewer dwellers squeal, and squeal is exactly what Splidder is going to do!

JQ: Alrighty, what about this saga involving yourself and the Undisputed Champion, Bray Wyatt? Is the plan to make sure that Attitude is placed atop the company?

TD: My plan is to make sure that we have a champion who adequately represents this brand. Right now, Bray is only half the man he was back in May. Something has changed in him, and he has lost his edge a bit. Just know that having a champion we can all be proud of is of the utmost importance.

JQ: How about Vice Commissioner Evil and Jackie Mouse? What is the plan there?

TD: Jackie is a great young woman, and I intend to make sure that she grows up to be THE most superior member of her family. However, she will not do so under the guidance of her parents, nor even her deceased grandfather, but under my wing. Evil is just there to make sure that this transition from one guide to a superior one is seemless.

JQ: So you are trying to manipulate her?

TD: That’s certainly one perspective. Albeit a misguided one. A terribly misguided one.

JQ: What would you call it then?

TD: *leaning in* An apprenticeship, Johnny. She will be my apprentice, and the world will recognize all that she is capable of without hesitation because of my loving and guiding hands. *chuckles*

JQ: Well, Mr. Dibiase, I appreciate you stopping by. Is there anything else that you would like to add?

TD: Certainly, I want to address the so-called leaders of Murrey Entertainment and BWM Inc., by saying that I see your trembling feet as you anticipate what comes next. Your fear of what I bring to the table and the ratings domination soon to come will prove to you that you should have rooted for Mickey all along. It was never he who was going to put you out of business, but I…that man whose rise to fame started all of this. So, enjoy this era while you can, for the day will soon come that it is recognized simply as the “Million Dollar Era”!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Until our next Quest, this has been Johnny with yet another Mission!