Press Conference on the State of the Industry
July 28th, 2024
12:00pm
St. Louis, MO
Cash Mouse Entertainment HQ
[LM: Lawrence Mason]
*Lawrence Mason approaches the podium as a large 15-Point Clock with the words “The Rule 11 Clock” is propped up behind him*
LM: Hello, members of the press, and thank you for gathering here on such short notice. As you can see, behind me is the official clock counting down to Armageddon 5. As of right now, the clock – again, as you can see – stands at “Week One”. This is the first time that the competition has triggered the clock to be set to this “time”; which is what has warranted this press conference today. Now, to address what all of this means as well as answer some of your undoubtedly burning questions, I ask that you please give a warm welcome to two-thirds of the Triad, Mr. Ted Brown, and Miss Catherine Mouse.
*Applause as Mason moves behind the curtain and is replaced by a humbled Mr. Brown and Miss Mouse*
[TB: Ted Brown, CM: Catherine Mouse]
CM: Thank you, everyone, for coming here. We do apologize for the appearance of being overdramatic, but the unfortunate nature of CME’s rules requires that we hold a press conference after each week of our competition being absent, unless an agreed upon break is happening.
Think of this as our plea to the rest of the industry to get back in the game and help us avert Mickey’s back-up plan to end the great sport of professional wrestling. We don’t want to be here, but in light of the inexplicable and unscheduled absence of our peers in WWE and AEW, we have no choice. The fate of the industry is in your hands.
TB: That’s correct, this morning, the Board and the Triad received a closed envelope that was instructed to be delivered to us upon the initiation of this unfortunate clock. It turns out that it was a letter written by Mickey in the midst of his final war, perhaps even just before the main event of Armageddon 4. It reads:
“To all of the peons who bow before me on a regular basis. I know that you think you have won, even though your victory – which had to have happened if you are reading this – was very likely an underhanded one. However, this ‘victory’ was actually your greatest defeat. You had no idea what I was capable of all along even as you thought you had seen it all from me over these past near 29-years of my dominance in this industry. The reality is that I have known how I wanted this all to end since at least the beginning of the so-called Sixth Era. It will become painfully clear to you idiots as this countdown to the end of wrestling continues that I truly was the heart and soul of what kept it alive! Since you are reading this, it has become clear by now that I was the only one you could count on; not Murrey, not Benny, but me…alone. So, it is with a proud smile that I offer this eulogy for the business that I made great:
Professional Wrestling was always fun to watch, but it was because of Mickey Mouse that it became a must-watch. Now, with Mickey out of the game, the time has come for it to be buried. May it rest in peace.”
*A silence falls over the room, as the press grasps the sad irony of these apparent final written words of the fallen former Chairman*
CM: I know how this sounds, but I don’t think that my father knew he wouldn’t be alive to deliver this letter or to instruct Executioner to do it on his behalf. What is clear is that he held a grudge which tragically took his life too early. It is our goal to see that this vision never comes to pass.
TB: The Board of Directors – well, that is, the members appointed so far – convened this past Friday night, when it was clear that AEW would not air Chaos and WWE would not air Smackdown. They sent us a letter, approved by them unanimously, requesting that the Triad and the Board consider and vote with one unifying voice to stave the end of the business for as long as possible.
CM: So, while Ted Dibiase has yet agreed to meet with Mr. Brown and I about this emergency matter, what Mr. Brown and I have decided is that we will offer a proposal before the Board tonight which will clarify “Rule 11”.
TB: What we noticed, and what you will soon notice, is that while this Rule unfortunately can not be overturned without the signatures of all participants of the war – and that means exactly what you think it does -, one thing we can “clarify” is that the Rule itself does not specifically say that the final ten week stretch counting down to Armageddon 5 has to be immediate. It also doesn’t say that the final stretch can’t be interrupted.
CM: It is here, in this loophole – if you will – that the Board and the Triad can save the industry. Our official proposal will be simple, as it will read: “The Administration of Cash Mouse Entertainment shall have the authority to determine when the final ten weeks required by Rule 11 will commence, and clarifying the points at which the countdown can be interrupted.”
TB: We want the industry to know that there is hope, and that we intend to help maintain it. Now, we know that you have your questions, so let’s get to them. You, up front, go ahead.
CBS Sports: Yes, thank you, Mr. Brown. So, are you two saying that these press conferences will be called every time the competition misses a week of action?
CM: Only when their joint absence is unscheduled, but yes, it will happen each time they trigger the clock. The requirement for these press conferences was decided by the Triad and the Board almost immediately after we learned of “Rule 11”.
HBO Sports: Just so I can get this right, are you two saying that Mickey’s signature would be required to overturn “Rule 11”?
TB: That is correct, which obviously can’t happen now.
CM: This is because the agreement for the terms of Mickey’s war supersedes any corporate decision made by any of the participants of said war. We must remember that this agreement was designed specifically to prevent any future interpromotional wars involving any of us who waged this final conflict. The purpose was to maintain a permanent peace which could only be breached with unanimous support of the signatories.
TB: Which is why Nash and Mickey’s “poison pill” was so disastrous. They knew that Mickey would never agree to amend the deal, and the consequences for throwing this deal out are not only disastrous on a financial level for the corporate structure surviving the conflict, but it would also have grave implications in ensuring that the interpromotional struggles would continue in perpetuity; and that is exactly what we wanted to prevent when we signed this document.
Sports Illustrated: Do you have any guesses as to why the competition took this hiatus?
CM: I’m not in the business of speculation, and neither is Mr. Brown…
TB: Correct.
CM: …however, my assumption would be some kind of unforeseen scheduling conflict for each of them. I have faith that they will “get back to business”. It certainly won’t take them four weeks to return to action.
Showtime Sports: How can you be so sure?
CM: Well, I trust that my cousin – at least – has no desire to repeat the sins of my uncle. When we spoke at my father’s funeral, we had a genuine heart to heart, and we agreed that the business is bigger than our fathers. It was our mutual impression that we must do everything possible to ensure that the future is grander than the past.
NBC Sports: What about Chairman Murrey?
TB: Obviously, the man who brought this form of entertainment to the main stream loves this business. I’m sure that Murrey Entertainment has a damn good reason for why they missed this past week of action.
Wrestler Magazine: Where is Ted Dibiase?
TB: I knew that question was coming soon. The short answer is that we don’t know. There is no clear reason that he or his secretary has provided to us for not being here with us. Though, we will be anxiously awaiting the publishing of his interview with Mr. Quest, which I am told will be available for reading by 2am tonight.
Wrestling Observer: Is the ongoing division in the Triad a contribution factor to Mr. Dibiase’s absence here?
CM: Mr. Meltzer, it is good to have you back. Um, I am thinking that Mr. Dibiase’s pettiness about the drama at the 2024 Draft has influenced his decision to not be here today, yes.
Sportskeeda: Don’t you need Dibiase to vote with you to “clarify” this rule?
CM: Technically not, but it does get harder to make permanent. We must insist on the importance of Mr. Dibiase coming to the table as soon as possible to help us figure out the best way forward. We invite him to join us here at the Headquarters tonight as we convene the Board to consider this proposal. It is of the utmost importance.
Yahoo Sports: What if he doesn’t?
TB: Then we still have a path to clarify this rule without him. Remember, that Catherine and I only need a majority of the Board to enact our proposal.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated (PWI): What if you fail to secure a majority of the Board?
CM: That won’t happen.
PWI: But what if it does?
CM: In the unlikely event that we don’t secure majority support, then we can still enact it, but then Mr. Dibiase reserves the right to overturn our decision, but he would need the unanimous support of the Board to do so. Again, not going to happen.
TB: Look, everyone, that’s all of the questions we have time for at this moment, but we will get back to you all with a follow-up press release once the Board holds a vote. Thank you for coming!
*Catherine and Brown depart as the press continue to chatter and shout questions*
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 