Hi…Lenny here, and I am not feeling like myself today. It’s hard to explain, but something terrible happened to me this week. Fitz will fill you in later.
Anyways, welcome to the 24th installment of WRESTLING WITH LENNY!
TEN. Living Dead Girl Returns!
Well, it may have not happened exactly in the way that I thought it would happen, but I knew that it was a matter of time before we saw the return of the first ever phenom of the Women’s Division. Like I said before, LDG has a long history with Athena, and there was no way that this farewell tour was going to finish without crossing paths were her most fearsome rival of all time.
It was a nice attempt by the bookers to throw me off of their scent by sending Trish out there – not that there was anything truly wrong there -, but come on…we knew this was coming. Besides, Living Dead Girl was literally the most dominant star in women’s wrestling just a few short years ago and BWM Inc. fell all over themselves at the chance to get her back. I honestly couldn’t see her staying out of the picture for too much longer considering all of the hype behind her.
I mean, seriously. Consider the fact that BWM Inc. is the company which introduced us all to LDG around 15 years ago. They hyped her for weeks as being the next big thing in Women’s wrestling, only to drop the ball when it was time to deliver. Hell, most of her actual in-ring work and success has transpired in PWI.
Don’t count on LDG to win the Knockout’s gold any time soon, though, as BWM Inc. has long had an allergy to letting anyone with any hint of supernatural influence anywhere close to gold (except for the Undertaker). Then again, not many “phenoms” have worn gold in this era, now that I think of it.
NINE. Ryback gets revenge!
After we saw Johnny Lawrence commit arson last week, torching Ryback’s steroid lair…errrr…gym…to the ground, we saw good ole Johnny showing off his legendary ride. Sadly for us car enthusiasts, Johnny’s gorgeous red convertible drove to the rainbow highway in the sky in a blaze of glory after Ryback did the fiery equivalent of “eye for an eye”.
Mr. Lawrence was so concerned with hooking up after beating Flex that he forgot to protect his ride home. We have yet to see how the cosplay sensei will react to seeing the carnage left behind by Ryback, but then again I think we can guess that the next step will either involve setting fire to Ryback’s favorite Uncle who happens to be a monk or something involving nukes. Either way, this shit is far from over.
EIGHT. Benny Dementia Theater
My hotheaded friend with the mop pointed it out the other day: my brothers dominated the opening of the top two rated shows on Monday, and Mickey’s drift into insanity slightly eeked out a victory over Benny’s slide into La La Land.
Look, I know that some in BWM Inc. were concerned that I saw this coming, but I KNOW MY BROTHERS! I’ve known that something was off with Benny – just like Mickey – for years now, but I could never put my finger on it, until Splinter spoke up.
The scene of Benny staring hopelessly into the camera awaiting his next directive was a bit too much for me. I had to hit “mute” for a second and weep for him. This is an act of cruelty, Sami, come on. Forcing my poor brother to serve as your PUPPET (which is exactly what I said last week) is disgusting, and you know it. Tragically, Sami saw fit to issue a press release defending himself and offering some bullshit explanation for what we all saw.
Benny is suffering from dementia. He’s not trying to be careful with his words – my family doesn’t know how to do that, for fuck’s sake -, nor is he fit for this office anymore. Benny, Mickey, and Sami should all be forcefully removed from their offices…like, now!
SEVEN. Candice Continues To Play
What did I say about that little hussy? Candice LeRae is a succubus of the highest order, and she is playing Theory and her husband like a pair of fiddles. Her latest act of trickery involved making her husband murderously jealous of his partner, Theory. Theory getting bashed repeatedly with a steel chair while LeRae responded with twisted glee is what I expect from The Joker in The Dark Knight, not what I expect from a loving wife or friend.
As I said before, Candice is intentionally destroying both of these men, but it is for one of two purposes: a) weakening them so that someone else can finish the job later on, or b) creating a source for her own demented entertainment. LeRae is sick, either way, and I think she needs as much help as my oldest and youngest siblings!
SIX. Splinter Takes Flight
I should have known that the emphasis of the camera on the background of that interview between Splinter and Young was going to be some kind of bad omen. Splinter was all ready for his match alongside his former protégés. Moreover, he was set to give us the rest of the story that Benny and Sami are keeping from us, but that dastardly Menotaur had to go and launch Splinter through the window in the single-scariest awesome moment in history.
Menotaur’s return is already one of my favorite things happening in this era, but his feud with Splinter is starting to make me feel like a kid again. I will have predictions for the week ahead in about 24 hours, but one thing I can say with certainty in this particular part of the grand scheme is that Splinter is going to get some revenge against Menotaur, and it could very well end Menotaur’s career!
FIVE. The Ambulance versus The Ring
I did not expect Savage and Riddle to come anywhere close to beating the Usos in this non-title match, but look what happened! Savage and Riddle were poised to lose their match against the champions when their insane allies wrecked an ambulance into the ring!!
I sent an inquiry to BWM Inc. about how this didn’t constitute a disqualification against Riddle and Savage, and the rationale that I got in return was that there was no DQ because no one was directly hit. I am not sure how universal that standard is, but it sounds to me a like a wild and potentially dangerous technicality (I’m sure the Usos would agree).
After the match was over, admittedly my favorite part was Savage, Hogan, Nash, and Hall all screaming “NO!” in unison after Riddle offered to drive. I do believe that this group will have some challenges going forward, but they do appear to have gotten passed their growing pains. In other words, the group is here to stay. Now, we have to wait and see what happens with Savage and Riddle’s impending tag title shot, but I will save THAT for the predictions!
FOUR. The Rock’s LVL
I am not entirely sure why the Rock refuses to take his ratings-drawing power to Raw and stay there to help his brand win the ratings, but he has been seemingly obsessed with planting his flag in the show which is supposedly meant to groom the stars of tomorrow.
The Rock consistently draws good numbers, especially since he turned heel. Hell, he would have been a major factor in helping WWE overcome HCW this past Monday (which, by the way, marked the 3rd time in 5 weeks that PWI or HCW have topped WWE, but I will get more into that later). Instead, Rock let Big E remain at the center of attention for the flagship program. I mean, this could be some veiled attempt by WWE to put Big E in a prominent position to take the reins at Then. Now. Forever. 2, but it is confusing, to a degree.
Regardless, Rock’s reign has been a true treasure of this phase of the Sixth Era of professional wrestling, and I am getting to the point where I don’t want it to end…for a while.
THREE. Holy Vibrating Women’s Division, Batman!
…I…
This…
It had briefly crossed my mind that I had passed out watching porn again and that this was some weird fantasy wherein my interests were melded together. It’s better than the last time I suppose…
…that’s the last time that I watch Wheel of Fortune after a few rounds of “A Night in Paris”…
What are you looking at?????!!!
WWE seriously looked at all of the critique about their Women’s Division and said: “They want to have equality? Well, they can equally suck it!”
WWE should just go ahead and rename itself FYFW or “Fuck Your Feelings Wrestling” already, because Jesus Christ did they make the women pay for our bitching!
I mean, yes, we got a decent match pitting Sonya Deville against Beth Phoenix, but then…Lacey Evans came in and went all PornHub on us! For God’s Sake, there were children in that audience! I would have be honored to take their place if Lacey had merely given me a heads up…I mean…this was atrocious!!
The funniest part about this is that Lacey Evans is a conservative-ish women’s competitor who was trying to set the openly gay Sonya Deville “straight”…with a sex toy? If you aren’t following the irony here, let me spell it out: Sonya is supposed to be set straight by another WOMAN using a device for sexual stimulation on her? LMAO!
In the end, this remarkably left the Women’s Division in a stronger position. Beth is plowing through…wait…fuck it…she is plowing through the division en route to Asuka while we have a real entertaining rivalry between Lacey Evans and Sonya Deville. Pure gold!
TWO. Doc Brown’s Elixir
The highest rated segment of the night may have been Edge Court, but the opening of Raw with Doc Brown telling Murrey that his “elixir” was just what Murrey needed to give him “the edge he needs” (a funny coincidence in words, that I just noticed, by the way) was one of the funniest things that I have ever heard!
Christopher Lloyd may or may not be off of his proverbial rocker, but this man is absolutely owning the wrestling business right now. Plus, I GOT TO SEE LAWRENCE AND BROWN SHARE THE SCREEN TOGETHER! For the first time ever, and for a brief moment, we see Brown and Johnny interact. Brown tried to offer some magic to Lawrence, but Lawrence said he didn’t need it, and HE WAS RIGHT! Ch-yeah!!
I really don’t know what to expect from WWE week in and week out, as it is the single most chaotic promotion that I think we have ever seen. Seriously. Honestly, the last place finish for Raw this past week was deceptive because it doesn’t tell the whole story: Raw was an amazing show in competition with two other amazing shows! Wrestling is truly in a boom time right now and I love it!
However, I need to step away and let Fitz Riot handle this last part, because it is too painful for me. See you all in about 24 hours for my Predictions and Preview post!
ONE. MJF Knoweth Not Lenny (A Special Entry by Fitz Riot)
While my fellow “Anonymous Juror” crawls into the fetal position and weeps, I need to speak on why Lenny has temporarily abrogated his responsibilities.
You see, Lenny is a superfan of MJF, and has been since MJF came to PWI for his brief one year run here. There was no bigger advocate for MJF in PWI than Lenny week in and week out, and he went out of his way to help ensure that Max had all of the opportunities that his heart desired. The man was undoubtedly destined for greater things until he was sent packing to AEW in exchange for The Young Bucks and CM Punk. Lenny’s heart was devastated by the loss of his favorite person of all time.
Since going to AEW, Lenny has been an outspoken critic against everyone who dares to stand in MJF’s rise to prominence, and Lenny has consistently served as the loudest possible cheerleader for the man whom he considers to be the true “Pinnacle” of professional wrestling.
After Logan Paul cost MJF the TV Title, Lenny was enraged and made sure to write everyone who would read, especially Logan himself. Lenny was elated when he saw that MJF would have a chance to confront Logan, but then it happened: MJF expressed confusion when asked about Lenny. He conveyed that he had no idea who Lenny was and even briefly confused Lenny for Mickey.
Needless to say, Lenny has been listening to sad 80’s ballads all week since, and I don’t think it will change any time soon. Lenny still has high hopes for his beloved MJF, and he still believes that MJF will hold the prize above his head soon, but I think Lenny is blinded by his adoration of a possibly overrated star.
If you want my two cents, MJF only wins the gold if AJ and Danielson are building towards a mere grudge match in the future, but my money is on Styles remaining champion for at least one more month. Honestly, I think that’s the smart money: bet on Styles, not on Lenny’s obsessions.
Until next time, this has been Fitz Riot wrapping up for Lenny Mouse! Thank you for reading!
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 