Guess whose back (back)…
Back again…
Lenny’s Back…
With a Top Ten!
Lenny’s Back…Grab a snack…Smoke some crack…Start to fap…
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…
I may have gone too far.
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ANYWAYS…on to this week’s installment!!
10. The Curious Case of Candice LeRae
I am beginning to wonder two things here: a) has LeRae been sleeping with Benny, and b) is dementia sexually transmittable?
Seriously, what is up with Mrs. Gargano? One moment she is betraying Johnny. Then she is back with him (sort of) but obviously doing something with Theory right in front of Johnny Wrestling. Then she angrily storms out of the arena and tells Gargano that she is done because he loses. The latest is that Candice created a distraction maybe by accident when she planted a seemingly unwanted kiss on Theory, thus costing Austin and Johnny their vital tag team match against the reigning champions.
My confusion is actually insincere here. I know what she is up to. This is all about mind games and she will either outright betray Theory and Gargano soon, or she will continue to manipulate them into a feud until the point at which she introduces a new team for which she will serve as a quasi-valet.
Honestly, WWE has put Mr. Gargano to better use than he has ever seen and I look forward to the payoff, but I suspect that we will see possible face turn for Mr. Theory before it is all said and done. All of this has me wondering who is waiting behind the curtain to join Ms. LeRae?
9. Fuck Logan Paul (#JusticeForMJF)
You have no idea how difficult for me it was to put anything involving my favorite person of all time this low on the countdown, but the injustice that we witnessed on Sunday could not be permitted to go unaddressed!
This bullshit social media influencer and his piss-filled drinks of poison can fuck right off for Maxwell from fulfilling what I predicted last week! I had high hopes for Logan, I really did, but when he proved himself to be a complete waste of space by attacking the best talent this industry has ever seen I…just…I can’t with him!
Up until Paul ruined it with his fuckery, MJF gave us the match of the night. He was poised to outlast that walking retired satellite dish, but NOOOOO!! And where the hell was Wardlow??!! MJF was right to lambaste him for his inadequacies! Mr. Friedman, I implore you to give me a call, I may know some worthy bodyguards who are worth the price you will pay!
This shit almost made me turn off my TV and demand a damn refund! AEW…you are on notice!
8. Ambulance Ride Down Route 420
Do you see what you made me do, Logan? You made me put an MJF segment BELOW a segment involving one burnout and three geriatrics! Bastard. I’m going to take a shit in an envelope and send it…Lenny…breathe.
ANYWAYS, Hogan was laying on a stretcher en route to a hospital after methane blown out both directions courtesy of the Tribal Chief as the would-be tag champ wannabes sat with him. Oddly enough, Matt Riddle had commandeered the medical apparatus and was blitzed out of his mind probably thinking they were going surfing or some shit…
…you know what? I’m sorry everyone. I am still SOOOOOO PISSED about Logan Paul that it is influencing my analysis of everything else here. I need to get rid of this negative energy by writing an angry hate letter to Mr. Paul right now!
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Ok, I am back, I feel a LOT better now. Back to the ambulance ride to nowhere: Matt Riddle chimes in with a joint after Hogan thinks he is back playing Rip Thomas (or maybe he thought he was the scared dork who shit himself…it’s hard to tell). After Matt tries to get the gang high, Nash intervenes and causes havoc after Riddle’s weed stick burns his bare leg and leads to a wreck!
Now, the way this scene ended left us wondering what happened after the cameraman was sent flying out of the ambulance (something I can only assume since we no longer saw footage within the vehicle).
I need to know what happens next, and I assume we will find out within the next 2 to 3 weeks. Overall, can the Outsiders really blame Hogan here? Matt was the obvious bad guy, right (no offense to Hall)? Let’s wait and see how this plays out.
7. Christopher Lloyd Court Troubles (+ Flex Fuller)
“Doc Brown” is becoming such a random central figure in WWE (alongside the sensei who happens to be everyone’s favorite crackpot celebrity since Charlie Sheen swore to have tiger blood). I am starting to think that some chimp on meth leads the creative meetings over there at this point. Like, where the hell did this shit come from? I mean, I love it, but holy shit.
These elixirs that are concocted by Mr. Lloyd have to be syringes full of sugar water…right??? There’s no way that these grown men and professional athletes are dumb enough to let this octogenarian actor create some madness in an unclean lab and inject it into them, ri-…wait…this is WWE after all. Please put him behind bars and don’t stop there!
Arguably the best part about Lloyd hijacking Murrey’s Misfits (a more fitting name for the group than I initially realized, honestly) is that the guy who tried to act like the Ultimate Warrior, Flex Fuller, has become the newest and brightest star of the first month and a half of 2024!
Fuller’s flexathons both on Raw and NXT had me rolling off the couch. I just don’t know what to expect from Murrey’s brand of entertainment except that it has to be compared to an acid trip taking place in a cage in the middle of a Middle Eastern highway at dawn and during wartime! This what I imagine the LWF would have become had it lasted longer than 9 months in 2004.
What will they do next???
6. Brothers of Allin
I have to admit that I never truly trusted that Darby was going to find a way out of this one, but he pulled a fast one on me. Instead of facing the Beast Incarnate all by his lonesome, he resurrected the Brothers of Destruction to rush to his aid!
While Paul Heyman squealed for Brock, Undertaker and Kane came out of retirement to assist their twisted and dark skateboarder friend. Unfortunately for Darby, this only forestalls his demise as Brock will surely be gunning for him after he finds a path out of the abyss (and by “abyss” I mean the space underneath the ring, not the literal hell or the wrestler).
I am curious as to how this union came together, though. How did Darby come to partner with two of the four demonic Callaways? Is this a favor for a friend or is this a job with some strings attached? Darby needs to be careful when playing with the Devil’s favorite children, because it has never worked out well for anyone. This might even come back to haunt Darby later if Kane and Undertaker finish the job and don’t feel adequately compensated.
What about Paul Heyman? Yes, he is feeling distraught over his greatest weapon being taken hostage by the zombies in wrestling tights, but do we really think that he is out of options? Surely the original mastermind behind ECW can conceive of a way to get back at Darby and his buddies as well as to get Brock back. The next few weeks will be very telling as to what we can anticipate. Don’t count Brock or Paul out (because betting against them is a sure loser) and certainly don’t underestimate the possibility that the Brothers of Destruction can turn this into a nightmare for EVERYONE involved.
5. Lexis King meets the Claymore
Lexis has firmly become one of my 5 favorite people in WWE right now, and he remains one of my picks to soon reign as the WWE champion. Yet, before he can get there he must weather the storms to come from his recent decisions.
King’s recent affiliation with the Final Judgment backfired on Lexis as Drew McIntyre took advantage of Pillman’s son being advised by Bret Hart. Drew claymored King’s face entire into the Upside Down and warned that Lexis was about to face his full wrath for playing a part in costing Drew the gold.
My suspicion here is that Drew is going to overtake Lexis in the short term as part of his journey back to The Rock, but Lexis will gain a lot as the supporting star in this. What do I mean? Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but Lexis rubbing elbows with a high-profile former champion like Drew will pay dividends for his career down the stretch.
King is absolutely being groomed as the next face of the company and he will most definitely over-perform in the match which looms between himself and Drew. I guarantee that King is destined for greater things. Just keep an eye on him.
4. Danielson’s Genesis
I recently learned of some chatter wherein some in management had some mixed feelings over their choice of “Genesis” as the first PPV name for AEW. I viewed it as an appropriate and clever choice for a brand which is trying to leave the many missteps of BWM Inc. in the past. It essentially speaks to the rebirth of the company and the PPV overall felt like a genuine new launching point for a truly and reliably stable future for the company. Honestly, I could not be more relieved. The industry needed this!
There was another person who seized the moment to create their own rebirth, though, and that was none other than Bryan Danielson. After his buddy retained the AEW Title in great battle, Danielson joined in the celebration.
But, as the celebration continued it became very clear quite quickly that Danielson was becoming both distant and disenchanted with the whole thing. As their friends vacated the ring and left Bryan and AJ in the ring, AJ sought to continue the occasion with his best friend of all.
This was the moment that I could feel a literal shift in the atmosphere. It was as if the electricity in the room started to brew something violent, an impending storm which could wreck the place, and boy was I right!
The palpable sense that something was wrong and that a major turn of events was going to smash everything into smithereens was confirmed with an angry outburst by Danielson, who made AJ Styles pay a hefty price for trusting the American Dragon to share the ring with him!
Danielson didn’t just end the show and own the title of the event, he sent a clear message to the world: AJ’s reign is in serious danger! I loved every second of this and I can’t wait to see where it goes!
3. Johnny Lawrence commits arson
While Danielson was creating art, William Zabka was fucking shit up and committing actual felonies on television! Luckily for Zabka, something tells me that law enforcement will just brush this off as part of the act instead of a legitimate crime. Besides, “Johnny Lawrence” can do no wrong, especially as the courts are all tied up between an orange Koolaid Man knockoff trying to bust down the walls of the White House and an old retired actor pumping his buddies full of Lloyd juice…er…wait…
Anyways, we saw what “Johnny” spent his 525ish dollars on, and it wasn’t to recover, it was to destroy Ryback’s hopes and dreams of being fed more weights until his muscles cried for mercy.
William Zabka should absolutely win the breakout star of the year award for this industry, hell of the era. None of us realized back at Starrcade just how much staying power he would have, but here we are…enjoying the ride.
Oh yeah, and #JohnnyForChampion!!
2. The Rock makes a statement
While I was left shocked that The Rock actually won the WWE Title, this incredible promo by the most electrifying man in the industry at the end of Raw made me a believer!
Dwayne showed us that he absolutely still has “it”, and that he may have been the right choice to replace Drew temporarily. Rock sent a clear message to the other top stars in the industry – namely AJ Styles and Dragonfly -, and it is that he stands alone in his own tier of greatness!
Look, I am smart enough to recognize that The Rock is a little mistaken here. I know that AJ has carried AEW unlike Rock ever carried ANY company throughout the past 26 years. I know that Dragonfly is probably the GREATEST in the history of the industry, and VERY FEW stars throughout the history of the business come anywhere close to him, but my heart told me something different when I watched this promo.
Rocky made me feel like he was spitting facts! He made me believe his words. The Rock told us that he was in a league of his own and I had a hard time reconciling what my heart was believing with what my brain knew to be true.
This ability to manipulate the emotions of the audience is what WWE needed right now, and it is what you look for in a champion. Dwayne Johnson connected with me this past Monday, and I suspect that I wasn’t alone.
I am glad that he is back on top and I hope the entire industry heard his message loud and clear!!
1. Sami Zayn/Benny Mouse/Splinter/Harlem Turtles
There is no story in this industry which has captivated us all quite like the drama in the Mouse Family…my family. As much as I truly believe what I said last week about calling for deposing my family from the reigns of this business, I can’t deny the staying power that our problems have had.
There’s a reason that we have dominated the industry as long as we have, and it isn’t just due to a duopoly between my two brothers. No, it’s because the audience has been more invested in our ups and downs than they have with anything else going on around us.
The numbers don’t lie. Every time Mickey or Benny is on screen the viewership shoots straight up. It’s an undeniable fact of life in professional wrestling ever since 1997.
Benny’s suspected bout with dementia dominated the overarching story of Genesis just as it had with the conversations surrounding the industry since the Monday prior. Sami played the part of Benny’s shield from accountability from helping my brother dodge pressing questions to preemptively orchestrating the ouster of Splinter and the Harlem Turtles from the premises.
By the end of the night it was clear that we had far more to learn about this unfolding crisis in BWM Inc. Who will ultimately end up in control over there? Will Benny be institutionalized? Should Sami face criminal charges for enabling the abuse and exploitation of Benny’s ailments? Are we ever going to find out the additional dirt that Splinter has on this?
If there is anything that AEW has mastered this era it’s the art of anticipation. I am on the edge of my seat waiting for this suspense to stop killing me. Like a drug addict I am hanging on every word of this drama and I am badly needing my fix this coming Monday.
Will you join me in re-upping with the next installment of Dynamite? You know you will as our dealer supplies us via the primetime drug we have all come to love (except when it involves that human pimple Logan fucking Paul)!
That’s all for tonight, I will return in a few days to preview and possibly offer predictions for next week!
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 