This is the Archive of News Items from Mmouse Enterprises in the 6th Era. Follow all current news here.
Press Conference Date: April 17, 2019
Location: Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters in Memphis, Tennessee
CM = Catherine Mouse, Chairwoman/Owner of Mmouse Enterprises, Chairwoman/Owner of PWI, Chairwoman of the WOW Board, Owner of WOW TV
LMN = Lawrence Mason, Spokesman for Mmouse Enterprises
R-NETWORK = Reporter-Network They Represent
Any additional acronyms will be described, if necessary.
[Loud chatter amongst reporters subsides upon seeing the entrance of Mmouse Enterprises Spokeman Lawrence Mason]
LMN: Good morning everyone, it is nice to see you here for the first time in quite some time. I know that a lot of you will have some questions for Madame Chairwoman Mouse; particularly about what you thought was a finalized business agreement between herself and her uncle, Benjamin -, but I will ask that you hold on those questions until you hear the Chairwoman’s opening remarks. Thank you for understanding and for your patience. Now, without any further delay, here is the Chairwoman and Owner of Mmouse Enterprises, Catherine Louise Mouse.
[Catherine enters the room and approaches the podium]
CM: Thank you, Lawrence. It has indeed been a long while since you last stood at this podium to speak on our behalf, and I suspect you will be doing a lot more of that in the very near future. Your long years of service to my father and now to me have been greatly appreciated. Now, on to the reason why I have called for this press conference:
In December 2014, the PWI had its final show. Considering the fact that the company was then the only active wrestling promotion, it was widely considered by the Board of Directors at the WOW to be a sign that the epic eras of professional wrestling had finally come to an end after roughly 25 years spanning from the founding of Jeffrey Murrey’s WWF in early 1990 to PWI’s concluding Pay Per View entitled “Motivation 6”. In the summer of 2017, my uncle – the owner and chair of BWM Inc., Benjamin Wade Mouse – had contacted me about acquiring the controlling shares for Mmouse Enterprises in exchange for my complete ownership of the entirety of professional wrestling’s video library for the WOW TV Network as well as 10% of BWM Inc.’s shares. With my father having stepped down as owner of Mmouse Enterprises so that he could run for president next year, this deal was finally open as a possibility.
As you may recall, that deal was signed and I submitted an audio-recorded statement for the press by the fall of that year. At first, it seemed like a lucrative deal, and I was immediately rewarded by the WOW Board through my official acquisition thereof when they removed the term limits for my tenure as Board President and sold all of the WOW TV Library to me. I was preparing to finalize the process of selling Mmouse Enterprises to my uncle last year so as to launch my own exclusive wrestling network – named Mouse Wrestling Incorporated – with all of professional wrestling’s video library from the WOW TV and from the material that Benny had previously withheld, but then we were caught off guard by two shocking developments: Benny never paid the money for the shares he intended to buy, he didn’t send us the video library he promised, nor did he ever send us the paperwork for acquiring the 10% share of BWM Inc.
This naturally piqued my interest, as you might suspect, and I hired a lawyer to comb through the details of the deal we signed. Then, as we were waiting to hear back from our lawyer, Benny himself contacted me about arranging a final “From Dusk Til Dawn” event – which was originally supposed to happen in 2010 -, and I became ever more curious. What intrigued me in this respect was the fact that Benny was supposedly trying to acquire all of the rights with respect to professional wrestling’s talent, stories, events, and etc., yet he was somehow incapable of putting on this supershow by himself. I told my uncle that I would get back to him after I reached out to our former talent.
About seven months ago – or a month after I spoke to Benny -, my lawyer asked to see me. There were a number of details in the deal which I had overlooked in mid-2017. For starters, Benny inserted language – deep within the fine print – which gave his company five years to initiate the exchange with my company. According to the deal, there was no obligation on his part to begin paying me at all until August of 2022. Furthermore, he had another 15 years to share his video library, and his obligation with respect to the aforementioned 10% share I was supposed to obtain from him was open to a piecemeal approach wherein he only had to give me .005% per year for the next century. Meanwhile, I was expected to finalize my end of the bargain by August of 2022.
Needless to say, I was quite aggravated, but none of this explained why my uncle needed my help to air the final “From Dusk Til Dawn”. That’s when I asked my lawyer to look into the matter, starting with my uncle’s finances. It should serve as no surprise that Benny has much of his financial information under lock and key, but what we did learn was that his wrestling promotions had a long history of turmoil, which extends far back into the early-2000s.
Before Benny launched the UWF – which had evolved from his previous company, the last incarnation of ECW -, Benny had seen one wrestling promotion after another fold. The most notorious collapse was in 2000 when WCW imploded after a couple weeks of sabotage from the likes of Ric Venom and Shane Murphy. Suffice it to say that Benny’s finances never fully recovered from the debts incurred by that incident. It didn’t help matters that other wrestling promotions before and immediately after kept struggling to catch on during the dominant days of USWA in the so-called “second era” of this industry.
Then, Benny’s greatest success happened with the UWF. He made a killing with the company as it bested my father’s company many times during the next era. However, many of you might recall that Benny closed shop on the UWF long before the UWA came to a close in early 2005. Why did this happen? The fast answer is that Benny’s profits from this highly successful company weren’t enough to keep up with the rising salary demands of his best talent or with his mounting debt interests from his past. On top of that, Benny had purchased in late-2002 – by borrowing even more money – the controlling shares of the UWA’s “North Division”, which had been owned by Jeffrey Murrey. To pay the bills for this purchase and to tame the interest payments for his previous debts, Benny had to dissolve the UWF and file for bankruptcy.
Now, part of that bankruptcy agreement with the government required my uncle to wait five years to try and start anymore new wrestling companies. However, he grew restless and started negotiating with my father for the original “From Dusk Til Dawn”. Not many people realize this, but Mmouse Enterprises covered most of the costs of that pay per view, with John Brown covering the next largest portion, and Benny paid for a fraction. In fact, the WOW itself paid more than Benny did in advertising alone. Where Benny stumbled was when he ignored the bankruptcy agreement and decided to launch the EWA in the summer of 2008, a little more than a year earlier than he was permitted.
The EWA did good for a few months, again proving a ratings success – even with its surprise challenge from Brown’s HCW -, but his violation of the terms of bankruptcy led to a massive cascade of fines from the federal government. This resulted in talent not getting paid – something we learned from a number of lawsuits taken to court at the time – and his inability to afford rent for the venues where his shows were to be held. For that reason – and not the bogus explanations offered by Benny at the time, including his ludicrous suggestion that he had to help with the Olympics -, the EWA started cancelling shows for weeks and even months; earning it the nickname “Erratic Wrestling Alliance”.
When that era came to an end, the EWA putt-putted like a dying vehicle across the finish line. Mmouse Enterprises had been ready and willing to help promote a final “From Dusk Til Dawn” card in late-2010, but Benny never offered to pay any part of it, therefore the arrangement fell apart. Two years later, Benny repeatedly promised his fans that he would start a new company – this time called the N.E.W., or “New Era Wrestling” -, but his promotion had more press conferences than actual shows when that last era came to a close in 2014. It is believed by my lawyer and financial advisors that this unfortunate twist for Benny’s latest professional wrestling experiment collapsed for the same reasons as his numerous other failed ventures; an inability to pay his bills or at least respect the limitations of his finances.
When you put all of this into perspective it is easier to understand why Benny might need my help to host “From Dusk Til Dawn” and it is even easier to understand why Benny gave himself such a sweet deal in living up to his obligations with me. I discovered that Benny again had filed for bankruptcy in January 2017, and that he was given a choice by the federal government: wait five years to launch a new promotion – if desired – or pay all of your debts. If he failed to live up to this obligation, he would face fines which amounted to 200% of his previous fines combined. With the acquisition of a profitable franchise like all the companies owned by Mmouse Enterpises as well as the payments I had agreed to make, he would have both made the money he needed to pay his debts in full and had plenty left over to reinvest in himself and whatever he wanted to do.
If you have not figured it out by now, my uncle duped me and everyone who ever worked for him. Even so, I managed to find a loophole. Rather, I created one for myself. Another detail that you all may recall is that my father was the master of contractual loopholes. He had learned it from his father’s lawyers and he taught me a thing or two about it. In this respect, I had inserted language into the deal to establish a backdoor which nullified any and all deals made by Mmouse Enterprises in the event that I should sign a confession to have been incompetent in my ownership and restore the controlling shares to the previous owner. This morning, I did just that. So, as of right now, I am no longer the owner or chair of Mmouse Enterprises.
Before I take your questions, I will note that there was one last act that I did in the role I abdicated today. I sent a check to the government on my uncle’s behalf for the full amount of his debts. I did this for two reasons. Number one, I recognize that his financial troubles mostly stemmed from the sabotage of his earlier company by someone who was then under the employ of Mmouse Enterprises and this debt payment is my decision to make amends for that unfortunate series of events. Number two, I know that Benny wants to enter into a new era of wrestling and in addition to helping host “From Dusk Til Dawn”, I want him to be fully prepared in the event that this company decides to enter the fray again.
With that, I am willing to take your questions now.
R-ABC: You said that the clause you inserted allows you to return ownership to the previous owner so as to nullify your agreement with Benny. Does that mean the controlling shares revert to…?
CM: To my father, yes.
R-ABC: Well, how can he do that and run for president of the United States simultaneously?
CM: The answer is that my father, who is not here today, is now suspending his exploration of an independent bid for president. In his mind, the fate of this company is more important than a vanity project of pursuing the highest office in the land.
R-ABC: Is that all it was?
CM: Excuse me?
R-ABC: Were your father’s presidential ambitions merely a vanity project?
CM: Look, that is not what I meant. You’ve asked enough questions. Next?
R-FOX: Madame Chair…?
CM: That’s not my title anymore.
R-FOX: Well, it is still your title as far as PWI is concerned, correct? As well as with respect to WOW and WOW TV?
CM: Ok, go on.
R-FOX: Ok, well, since we’ve established that you are still technically running the show with respect to the defunct PWI and with WOW, what will be your role at corporate headquarters and do you plan on stepping down from your WOW role any time soon to avoid a conflict of interest?
CM: There is no conflict of interest so long as there is no competition.
R-FOX: Does that mean Mmouse Enterprises is ruling out another competitive bid in the world of wrestling?
CM: Our company rules nothing out, and there are discussions underway. One step at a time.
R-FOX: What about…?
CM: I’m sorry, how many questions have you asked?
R-FOX: I am just looking for an answer to the question on your role at corporate.
CM: My father has appointed me as his Vice Chair and C.O.O., are you satisfied?
R-FOX: With the decision of your father? Or the answer?
CM: Am I supposed to do your job for you? Sheesh. The answer, dumbass.
R-FOX: I suppose, and I don’t apprecia…
R-ESPN: Any word on when this supershow will be transpiring?
CM: If my uncle is up to the task, and as long as we can get the talent together, we are shooting for early June of this year.
R-ESPN: Isn’t that a little too close to now?
CM: Nothing is impossible when this family puts something on the agenda. Believe that. Anymore questions?
R-NBC Sports: Any comment on the tragic accident which took the life of PWI’s last champion, Terry Austin in December?
CM: We extended our condolences to the Austin family at the time and I will reiterate now the gist of what that statement said. Terry was a hard worker, in fact, he was among the hardest working talents that we had ever experienced the pleasure of employing. He stood up when it was time to do so and he was not afraid to take bumps or to push others. When my father saw fit to shock everyone and make him the first USWA champion of the second UWA run, Terry and my father caught a lot of flack for it. Industry pundits ridiculed the decision and the widespread hatred for Terry made him one of the more polarized figures in industry history; putting him in the reviled class of stars alongside HBP and Midget Hogan. When his car was smashed by that semi so close to Christmas, it broke all of our hearts. I personally liked Terry, and felt that his hard work had earned him the title which should be forever associated with his name: champion. Next?
R-HBO Sports: Is there any truth to the rumor that Mmouse Enterprises has been in negotiations with Teo to exclude him from any future draft?
CM: Where do you people get this? I’m done with this press conference. Thank you everyone. See you next time.
[Catherine exits the room as the reporters start yelling for attention to their inquiries]
Special Press Release – May 20th, 2019
Updated: Aug 2, 2019
From the Desk of Catherine Louise Mouse, Chief Executive Officer of Mmouse Enterprises:
It has been a busy 24 hours here in Memphis, and I have not had a chance to read the response of my uncle to our previous press conference. When I can take the time to read what his special educator likely helped him concoct, I will be sure to respond in a way that even his special brain can comprehend. In the meantime, with the Third Installment of From Dusk Til Dawn fast approaching, I am excited to present to the world of wrestling the following video. It has definitely been far too long. A decade waiting for this event has left us all desperately anticipating what comes next. Let the fun begin.
More information to come soon.
Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters
May 29, 2019
[Lawrence Mason enters the room and heads for the podium]
LM: Good afternoon everyone, it appears that we have much to discuss as the past month in professional wrestling has been quite exciting to witness; especially from a position such as mine. The Vice Chair herself will be here shortly to address these matters at length as well as to answer whatever questions you may have for her. Before we get to that, I would like to take a chance to reminisce on everything that we have seen and learned in the past month and a half.
First and foremost, we know now that the third and final installment of “From Dusk Til Dawn” will take place on June 14th and will feature ten major matches. We know now that the PWI will re-launch for its third season in January of 2020. Now, I introduce you to the Vice Chairwoman and Chief Operating Officer of Mmouse Enterprises: Catherine Louise Mouse.
[Catherine enters the room and takes the podium]
CM: Hello, it has been a great month in professional wrestling and I am excited to say that the next six months will be no different as we prepare to see the last “From Dusk Til Dawn” on the 14th and the premiere of PWI’s third season in January. In the meantime, let me get right to business. I had initially called for this press conference to take place this past Friday, but we wound up having to delay it twice since because some very important negotiations were taking place over the Memorial Day weekend. While all of you were enjoying your hotdogs and burgers, my father and I were working tirelessly to secure the temporary lucrative contracts for the superstars we will be hosting next month.
Now, while my uncle may seem to have a troubled relationship with the truth, he was right about at least two things in his recent comments: Mmouse Enterprises will be in charge of deciding the venue for this spectacle and there will be 10 amazing matches. With respect to the venue, I felt that it was appropriate to wrap up this particular series where it began: at Buckeye Stadium in Columbus, Ohio! Regarding the 10 matches, I will happily run down the list of the tentative – though mostly secured – card:
First, we will see a 20-man “Beginner’s Ball” featuring 20 superstars whose mainstream careers started in or after 2008. The specific stipulations for this match have yet to be agreed upon, but I can tell you the names of the 10 athletes we’ve contracted for this bout. Now, keep in mind that EVERY superstar involved in this event is a free agent. No one except members of each respective corporate board is exclusively contracted to any company. The names of the 10 men we’ve contracted are: HCW’s Tiny, Petey Williams, John Morrison, Robby Storm, Elijah Burke, and newcomers Cesaro, Aiden English, Braun Strowman, Sheamus, and Kofi Kingston. The other ten stars – and half of most other matches – will be the responsibility of my uncle to contract.
Secondly, we are slated to see the final, long-anticipated grudge match between Teo and Attitude. I can say with certainty that Teo will be there, and I am confident that Attitude will be as well, courtesy of Benny.
Thirdly, we will see another final battle amongst brothers in what we are dubbing the “Callaway Bowl”. It was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but Mmouse Enterprises managed to get all four brother – Undertaker, Kane, Soultaker, and Agramon – contracted four what will be a 30-minute Total Anarchy Match!
Fourth, we will feature a match between two of the most decorated and celebrated women to ever enter the ring. In fact, it is a match between the ONLY TWO women to ever be a world heavyweight champion as Amazon – the first ever woman to be world champion, who I personally reached out to and secured for this event – takes on Athena Starr; the first ever woman to be Undisputed Champion of the World!
Fifth, we will crown the Greatest Tag Team of all-time when the legendary duo of Sean Olson and Brandon Lee takes on whoever Benny manages to get. Just a note, since my father and I agreed that this match must happen – especially since it is the ONLY tag bout of the night -, we reached out and secured the contracts for RVD and the Rock to possibly represent BWM Inc. just in case he couldn’t find anyone else suitable.
Sixth, there will be a 20-man Legends Battle Royal. Like with the “Beginner’s Ball”, Mmouse Enterprises was responsible for securing half the contracts here, and the 10 we nabbed for the match are as follows: Sabu, the Heartbreaker, Stan Hart, Rhyno, the Ladies Man, Rocky Johnson Junior, Iron Claw, El Giante, Che, and Scott Nash. If, for whatever reason, Benny fails to get 10 other guys, we will just host however many do show up. This is all for the entertainment of the crowd, after all.
Seventh, there will be a match that was the brainchild in multiple ways of my uncle Benny. He may be a liar and may not have all his tools in the toolbox, but his sadistic side gave birth to the Massacre Six match, and this year he pitched what will be the FIRST EVER Women’s Massacre Six match! Now, this is one rare area where I not only agree with my uncle, but enthusiastically so! That is why I took the liberty of contracting six talented women just to guarantee it takes place! The women who I contracted and who will be guaranteed to be in this match are: Living Dead Girl, Victoria, and Angelina Love! Now, Benny is technically responsible for rounding up three of the six women to partake in this brawl, but in case he comes up short in doing so, the other three women I contracted are: Ivory, Ariel, and Sunny! May the best woman win!
In the eighth match, we have an emotionally charged bout that has been 18 years in the making, if not at least 24. Slammu, an icon in this business who’s won more championships than any other superstar in history first met Splinter in 1995 shortly after Slammu made the leap from professional boxing to wrestling. Splinter trained Slammu in those early days and that was a direct request from Slammu to my father. Slammu had said he wanted to learn from the very best in the business and Splinter undeniably fit that description. Although Splinter worked for Jeff Murrey at the time, my father wanted Slammu to join what was then called the WPW so badly that he reached out directly to Murrey to make it happen. It was over the course of that training that the two of them formed a deep bond and friendship.
However, that friendship met its challenges and the most significant challenge it faced at first was when Slammu turned on Splinter at the 2001 USWA King of the Ring in the main event. Slammu defeated Splinter in their first ever encounter only after there was significant interference from members of Mickey’s Apocalyptic Corporation super-stable. Slammu’s moniker of “Almighty King” was born that night on the back of his mentor as Slammu gained the crown, took his championship, joined my father’s stable, and watched on while his broken best friend was publicly fired just one day before his contract was set to expire anyway.
Over the years, Splinter had come to claim that he had forgiven Slammu for that moment in wrestling history, but then the two of them battled it out in the Legends Bracket’s Final Match in the inaugural “From Dusk Til Dawn” tournament for the Undisputed Championship. Splinter beat Slammu that night in what was arguably one of the greatest matches of all time and it all seemed well and good between them until later on that year in 2008 when the two of them were featured in the WOW Award Show at “Diplomatic Deficiency” when Splinter – who was the Undisputed Champion and a heel at the time – practically spit in Slammu’s face.
Their third encounter at the 2009 edition of “From Dusk Til Dawn” was the main event of the evening and was billed as the effective “tie-breaker”. Much to the surprise of everyone in the arena, the egomaniacal Spinter – who was still a bitter heel at the time – fairly defeated Slammu, but then rubbed said victory in his face. The unceremonious and unsportsman-like conclusion of the night left a sour taste in Slammu’s mouth and he has not since forgotten it, and their friendship has remained in tatters.
That is why Slammu requested this match, what he feels should be his one last chance to prove to himself that he can defeat Splinter, fairly. So, it has been agreed that there must be a winner, it must be by pinfall or submission, and that no one is permitted to interfere with the threat of debt-incurring penalties hanging overhead. A match taking place 18 years after Slammu betrayed his mentor to become “Almighty” and 10 years after their last encounter. Only the best will win!
In the second to last bout, we will see a bout between two of the greatest world champions of all time. It would have ideally been a match between Terry Austin and whoever served as the only N.E.W. champion, but we all know why that can’t happen. On the Mmouse Enterprises side, it should come as no surprise that Mickey chose Dragonfly, who he considers to be the greatest world champion in wrestling history. It is anybody’s guess who my uncle chooses.
Finally, we have the main event. Since 2003, the wrestling world has yearned for and even anticipated a bout between the two biggest, most feared, and most effective monsters in the history of the industry: FRED and Armageddon. While Armageddon had been in the business for a few years prior to their first ever face-to-face meeting, FRED stormed into the scene in the summer of 2003 when it was revealed that Maniac truly had someone named “Fred” in his life. When Mickey got a hold of and briefly controlled FRED in the months which followed, he made this monster his chief threat to all who stood in his way. Then, at Motivation Two in 2003 at the first ever Total Anarchy Match, we saw Mickey’s favorite beast confronted by Benny’s.
This encounter encapsulated the mounting tension between the UWA and the UWF as both beasts were direct representatives of their Mouse bosses. This tension helped give birth to the joint events which later birthed the WOW and even “From Dusk Til Dawn” itself, and now we come full circle. There is no doubt in my mind that these two would have battled at either the 2008 or 2009 editions of “From Dusk Til Dawn” were it not for Armageddon being sidelined by what many thought was a career-ending head injury. So, as Armageddon enters the ring for the first time since 2005 and these two come face to face for the first time in at least 15 years, we will finish the final “From Dusk Til Dawn” with a battle of wrestling’s greatest monsters to deliver to the fans the dream match in hell which brought us together in the first place!
With that, I am ready for your questions.
NBC: Your uncle disputed your claims about his financial situation and asserted that you were slandering his good name with lies, and he also said that no one in your family beside him reached out to Terry Austin’s family after the last PWI Champion passed away, care to comment?
CM: My uncle’s loose affiliation with reality is well documented. He knows the truth and he knows that I know it as well. I have the documents to back up what I said when I was last at this podium, but we will go ahead and let Benjamin pretend that all is well in his fiscal house. Let’s move on to the next question.
NBC: …and what about his claims regarding Mr. Austin’s death?
CM: I’m sorry, I don’t recall saying that follow-ups were permitted this afternoon. Next question.
NBC: …but you never answered that part of the ques…
CM: ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT AND I WILL HAVE YOU ESCORTED BY SECURITY AND YOUR PRESS PASS REVOKED! NEXT QUESTION, PLEASE!
ESPN: Yes, ma’am, I would like to know the answer to the question you didn’t address?
CM: What the hell is it with you people?! Mr. Austin’s death was unfortunate. His family deserves to grieve in peace without the lot of you stirring the pot with his carcass. Let him rest in peace. Next question.
ESPN: …so, no answer to…
CM: SECURITY! Escort these lovely people representing NBC and ESPN from the premises and make sure that they cede their passes!
Sports Illustrated: You briefly mentioned the PWI’s return. Rumors swirling around on the internet have claimed that the schedule will be different than the last go around. What can PWI’s fans expect starting in January?
CM: Great question. As with the previous PWI era, we will be having seasons which stretch from the beginning of Autumn until the beginning of Summer. There are a few differences this time around: number one, we will have three annual pay per view events. One will kick off the season, taking place on the Autumn equinox, the next will mark the mid-season finale on the Spring equinox, and then we will have one marking the season finale on the Summer solstice. The mid-season finale will be followed by a one month break and the summer break obviously extends for the entirety of that season. Additionally, our shows will be bi-weekly starting with our kickoff show in January.
HBO Sports: What are the names of the Pay Per Views? Can we assume that two of them will be Motivation and Oblivion?
CM: Well, we retired “Oblivion” in April of 2010 with the “Final Oblivion”, but “Motivation” will be returning as our season finale event, starting with its seventh installment next June. As for the names of the other two Pay Per View events, those will be “Legends Rising” in the opener and “Fate’s Resurrection” as the Mid-season finale.
HBO Sports: So, that means the first event in January will be “Legends Rising”?
CM: No, actually, that one will be entitled “Greatness Reborn”. Next?
ABC: With all due respect, you just answered three questions for HBO Sports, with one of them being a follow-up. Yet, you had two of our colleagues escorted earlier for asking that you simply answer one secondary question which was apparently too touchy a subject for you to dignify with a response. Can you admit that this whole process is riddled with double standards and that you are only willing to answer softball questions?
[Catherine stares at the reporter, rolls her eyes, and walks away from the podium, replaced by a visibly bewildered Lawrence Mason]
LM: It appears that the Vice Chair has been met with a sudden emergency which commands her immediate attention. That will be enough questions for today, thank you!
[Loud shouting from the press as Lawrence exits the room]
Mmouse Enterprises Press Release – 6/2/2019
From the desk of Catherine Mouse:
I have had a few days to process the recent press release from my Uncle Benjamin’s company. Rumors had been swirling for weeks that BWM Inc. would be reentering the wrestling universe and some speculation had arose regarding Benny’s indecisiveness over whether to bring back the UWF or the EWA. It is interesting that he went with the latter, considering that few wrestling promotions enjoyed the success that the UWF had. Additionally, one would think that Benny would avoid the EWA considering that it had developed the reputation – as I mentioned in a press conference last month – for being rather…say…erratic.
Still, in light of the disaster that was his most recent attempt at providing wresting entertainment – the N.E.W. (let’s call that one “Non-Existent Wrestling”) -, I suppose he is willing to take another crack at the EWA so as to reinvent it. I can’t say I blame him. The EWA had a lot of promise when it was established in 2008 and had it not been for the shock to all brought about by the surprisingly great ratings performance of John Brown’s HCW, maybe the EWA would have finished the Fourth Era on a stronger note than the UWF before it.
With all of that being said, as an avid advocate for the women of wrestling, I applaud my uncle for this groundbreaking announcement, as it revealed that women will open a promotion all alone for the first time in history. This is a victory for women’s wrestling the world around. I can think of no better way to rebirth the EWA than with the most elite talent in sports entertainment: the women. The PWI will be opening on the first Monday of January and I can honestly say that the greatest rivalry in this industry hasn’t seen anything yet.
Special Announcement from Mmouse Enterprises – 6/9/2019
From the desk of the Owner and Chairman of Mmouse Enterprises, Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior:
In 5 days the wrestling world’s long drought will come to an end. This is because a storm is brewing on the horizon. We will witness the final installment of “From Dusk Til Dawn” in front of a grand audience the likes of which only the best in this business can gather. On June 14th, I will be making a special announcement pertinent to the rebirth of Premier Wrestling Incorporated. Then, after the show is over and the dust has settled I will call upon the WOW to host the first draft in 8 years in light of the news that my brother will again be seeking to challenge my daughter and I in a new war for wrestling supremacy.
The thunder is rumbling in the distance, but the maelstrom that will be the sixth era of professional wrestling will soon rip through this industry.
Let it begin.
Press Release from the Desk of Mickey M. Mouse Junior
Released June 10th, 2019. Columbus, Ohio: the site of From Dusk Til Dawn 2019. From the desk of Chairman Mouse.
Moments ago, the 2019 Draft wrapped up. I am proud to announce that Premier Wrestling Incorporated came out of this convention stronger than ever. We at Mmouse Enterprises – with the Vice Chair Catherine L. Mouse working alongside me – caught my chief rival, the preschool dropout who runs things over at BWM Inc., off guard. What was funny about how this edition of the draft unfolded is that Benny even said before it started that he expected us to come after the women of wrestling with full force (especially in light of his announcement that the rebirth of EWA would be centered on this particular division), yet his actions in the draft did not reflect that same concern.
In the exemptions portion of the draft, where each of us had an opportunity to remove ten superstars from consideration for the draft out of our previous roster, Benny chose more men than women while Catherine and I chose to show equal respect for both rosters as we exempted five great men and women superstars. Then, in the draft – as you will see encapsulated by our selections below – we twice forced Benny to pay attention to the women’s roster by going after the best of the best in both the contracted and free agent phases of the selection. The end result is that while Benny will claim to have the “Elite” of professional wrestling, the true home of wrestling’s premier talent will be in the aptly named “Premier Wrestling Incorporated”.
The draftees you see below by no means signals the end of our ambitions for acquiring the very best in this industry, as there are many more extremely gifted superstars still working as free agents in the independent circuit. So, without any further delay, here are the results for Premier Wrestling Incorporated/Mmouse Enterprises in the 2019 WOW Draft:
10 Exemptions: Ariel, Living Dead Girl, Angelina Love, Victoria, Amazon, Dragonfly, Teo, Mike O’Malley, Robby Storm, and Rhyno.
Draft picks: 1. Attitude, 2. Michelle McCool, 3. Maria, 4. Molly Holly, 5. Layla, 6. Sunny, 7. Ivory, 8. John Morrison, 9. Dolph Ziggler, 10. FRED, 11. Slammer, 12. Cesaro, 13. Braun Strowman, 14. Petey Williams, 15. Drakus, 16. Christopher Daniels, 17. The Miz, 18. Wade Barrett, 19. Brandon Lee, 20. Rob Van Dam, 21. Stephanie McMahon, 22. Jeff Hardy, 23. Mr. Kennedy, 24. Matt Hardy, 25. Randy Savage, 26. Diamond Dallas Page, 27. Scott Nash, 28. Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart, 29. The Scarecrow, 30. Jeff Jarrett, 31. Mr. Perfect, 32. Kurt Angle, 33. Scorpion, 34. Taz, 35. Bossman, 36. Lance Storm, 37. Mark Henry, 38. Test, 39. Chavo, 40. Eddie Guerrero, 41. Ken Shamrock, 42. Sable, 43. Doink, 44. Mr. Ass, 45. X Pac, 46. Chaz, 47. Abyss, 48. Kurgan, 49. Kane, 50. Triple H, 51. Alexa Bliss, 52. Brock Lesnar, 53. Paige, 54. Sasha Banks, 55. Carmella, 56. Samoa Joe, 57. Kevin Owens, 58. Jon Moxley, 59. Asuka, 60. Sonya Deville, 61. Gail Kim, 62. Ruby Riott, 63. Aleister Black, 64. Mandy Rose, 65. Emma (Tenille Dashwood), 66. Sarah Logan, 67. Baron Corbin, 68. Peyton Royce, 69. Billie Kaye, 70. Zelina Vega
Additional Acquisitions: Tiny, The YMCA, The Guy, The Untouchables, Road Dogg, and Johnny Stamboli.
The following major retirements were also announced or reasserted (alongside others): Blaster, Slammu, Frank Shamrock, Krusader, Splinter, Lady Love, Jesse Ventura, Giant Gonzales, Phobe, Undertaker, Soultaker, Agramon, Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatelo, Invader, Vader Two, Iron Claw, Steel Claw, Titanium Claw, The Crock, Woody Junior (as if that was ever a mystery, but I guess he had to announce it again in case everyone forgot him…sheesh), Mr. Moody, The Hulk (who retired despite his career only extending to his 2002 HCW debut), Edge, Maniac, Keeper, Stan Hart, Terminator, The Heartbreaker, and Heart Break Punk.
Of course, the above-mentioned retirements only lists a segment of the names announced during the draft ceremony, as the list was very long and encompassed many wonderful stars of our industry’s storied past. However, in looking towards the future Catherine Mouse is leading the way in scouring the independent circuit for the rat race which is now underway to find the next big thing in wrestling. So stay tuned for more details. My special announcement at From Dusk Til Dawn will also spice things up for sure. See you Friday!!
Mmouse Enterprises Press Release (Re: The Recent Belch of Stupid from Benjamin)
June 11, 2019
From the Desk of Chairman Mickey Mouse J.R.
After reading Benny’s response to my post-draft release, I had to have an emergency neurological examination to prepare for the threat of serious brain damage caused by my runt sibling’s lack of basic intelligence. Stupidity is most definitely contagious if left unchecked and the only real antidote is a healthy helping of education courtesy of one the world’s greatest minds in the world of business. I am happy to assist anyone who may have been victimized by the intellectual rape to which the wrestling world was subjected by the reject of House “Mouse”.
If Benjamin spent less time walking around empty arenas – a sight to which he has become accustomed to seeing after each of his promotional failures over the last few decades – and more time working with the creative genius like I have throughout my career (for me, that mostly involves a conversation with the mirror…for him, that is an arduous feat even for Harvard’s top graduating business class) he would see how one could have accomplished what I did in the past and even in this recent draft.
I knew going in that I would need the young and ambitious assistance of my brilliant and determined daughter, Catherine. Benny raw dogged his experience and was left with shame and sketchy results not unlike his equals in the bedroom battle field. I appreciated that Catherine’s unfinished vision for the PWI would need her unique touch to make it complete in the coming era, and that is why we came out with a larger and superior women’s division than Benny’s.
Benny may think it hilarious to mock the Mmouse Enterprises decision to exempt superstars like Robby Storm and “The Best” Mike O’Malley, but that is because he is detached from the ability to see untapped potential instead of relying on stars who’ve already seen their light burst through. What do I mean? Much of the talent Benny has utilized to build the modicum of success he has experienced were already stars in the Indies or even with my guidance. He has primarily only had five breakout stars for which he can solely claim facilitating: Teo, Attitude, Armageddon, Jesse Hash, and Athena Starr.
Benjamin sits back and chuckles about the prospects of O’Malley and Storm now just as Murrey and the rest of the world did at the likes of Metalhead, Blaster, Cool Quest, Iron Claw, and Woody Junior back in 1996. It is not unlike how others were mocked throughout the history of the USWA; and there is practically an army of additional names to mention with respect to the superstar-factory that has been my company.
Benny also forgets that I have been proven capable of turning no names from other promotions into icons. It is easy to forget that Dragonfly didn’t start out as the powerhouse in sports entertainment that he has since become. When he came to me in October 2002 from the North Division of the UWA, Dragonfly was little more than Krusader’s talented cousin. Icons are not born, they have to be molded, and it takes the right touch to ensure that happens.
Where Benny’s limited powers of perception sees jokes, I see gold deeply buried yearning to be unearthed. However, I won’t count on anyone other than myself to recognize the treasures before me at this early stage. I will just have to do the hard work of – alongside Catherine – carefully preparing our prizes for the world to enjoy over the course of time…just as I have done time and time again.
You will all soon see who the real “elite” are in professional wrestling.
Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior – Owner/Chair of Mmouse Enterprises
Mmouse Enterprises Press Release – 6/12/2019
A Joint Statement from the Chair and Vice Chair of Mmouse Enterprises:
Dearest fans of professional wrestling,
You are being played for fools by the greatest conman in the history of business: Donald Trump? No, Benjamin Wade Mouse. Benny wants all of you to be as dismissive of the critique of his intelligence as he is, but the truth is that Mickey repeatedly highlights this fact because it is relevant to the topic at hand. Without a sound mind and a basic ability to comprehend what is transpiring in the world around you, one can not be expected to provide quality service to you, the consumer. In essence, Mickey is ridiculing the intellectual weaknesses of his youngest sibling out of concern for the welfare for the employees and customers of BWM Inc. This is an act of love, not resentment.
Unfortunately, Benny also felt the need to lash out and distract from his very real handicap by attacking the business relationship between Mickey and Catherine as well as taking a tasteless and morbid jab at a deceased former Two Time World Champion and future Hall of Famer (a disgusting move which we will not dignify with a specific response). Mickey has demonstrated time and time again that he has the utmost faith in his daughter, and she will still be in control of the creative direction of PWI moving forward. Mickey has only taken it upon himself to pen the recent press releases because he appreciates that Benny is a petty and manipulative specimen and Mickey wants to keep Catherine’s hands clean from what will undoubtedly be a dirty slug fest.
Even so, Catherine has been gnashing her teeth waiting to get back into the fray all the while rebuilding the foundation for what will certainly be the greatest wrestling promotion of all time. Catherine is a fighter, but she is also a professional on a superior level to her father and uncle. Mickey sees her potential and was alarmed by the initial back and forth which threatened to stain her image. Going forward, Mickey has agreed to step back as Catherine resumes authoring 90% of future press releases and participating in the same percentage of press conferences. This is Catherine’s time now, and Mickey trusts that the future is in great hands.
From Dusk Til Dawn’s final chapter will finally put an end to eras of old. It will be an epic event for the history books, but it will also open the proverbial flood gates to usher in a new day. With that in mind, the title of this spectacle is wholly appropriate. It is the “Dusk” of the past, and the “Dawn” of a new beginning. The dawn of the sixth era of professional wrestling.
Mickey M. Mouse J.R. – Owner/Chairman of Mmouse Enterprises
Catherine L. Mouse – Vice Chairwoman/C.O.O. of Mmouse Enterprises
Press Release on Premier Wrestling Incorporated’s “Greatness Reborn” Pay Per View – 6/17/2019
From the Desk of Vice Chair and Chief Operations Officer Catherine L. Mouse:
History was made just three days ago at the final installment of “From Dusk Til Dawn” and it is hard to believe such a short period of time has passed since then, especially in light of the aftermath from that star-studded spectacle. Still, we have much work to do in our preparations for the return of PWI. Since BWM Inc. has revealed the plan for their opening EWA event in December, I have decided to reveal the entire card for ours in January. Just a reminder, every PWI event will transpire on a Monday; pay per views included.
On Monday, January 6th, the PWI will return with “Greatness Reborn” as we welcome back professional wrestling to the PWI Stadium in Memphis, Tennessee. The following matches will be featured at that event:
Opening Bout: For the privilege of Immunity throughout the 3rd Season, there will be an Extreme Battle Royal (20 Superstars Total, Gauntlet Rules, Elimination via Pinfall, Submission, Over the Top Rope, and First Blood. Only 4 Superstars will be in the ring at a time with the rest entering the match only to replace the eliminated participants), Participating Talent: X-Pac, Test, Taz, Randy Savage, Mr. Kennedy, Ariel, Molly Holly, Maria, Layla, Ivory, Johnny Morrison, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barrett, The Miz, Cesaro, Michelle McCool, Stephanie McMahon, Sable, Sunny, and a Mystery Participant.
Christopher Daniels will take on Kurt Angle
Brandon Lee will square off against Rob Van Dam
Robby Storm goes toe to toe with Jeff Hardy
For the PWI Championship, there will be a Six Pack Challenge (one fall to a finish), with the following men battling it out to take the industry’s top prize: Teo, Attitude, Scott Nash, Drakus, Petey Williams, and Rhyno
Finally, in the main event, the women will make history yet again as four women will endure a Total Anarchy Match to crown the PWI Women’s Champion! The four participants will be Living Dead Girl, Amazon, Victoria, and Angelina Love!
Get ready, because things are about to get interesting real quick. See you soon.
MMouse Enterprises Headquarters
July 6, 2019
Lawrence Mason: *Approaches podium* Good morning members of the press. The Chief Operations Officer, Miss Mouse will be here shortly to take your questions. We know that all of you have been clamoring to hear from the PWI ever since From Dusk Til Dawn and in light of recent press releases by our competition. Catherine is more than happy to answer your questions and without any further delay, here she is.
Catherine Mouse (CM): Thank you everyone. The past month since From Dusk Til Dawn has been quite a whirlwind of events. Preparations are well underway for the highly anticipated rebirth of the PWI. I have no special announcements as of right now, but have agreed to this press conference to take your questions so that our customers may be as best informed of developments as possible. First question.
NBC Sports: Thank you, Madame Vice Chair. Since From Dusk Til Dawn we have heard plenty from your uncle and nothing from your father. Why the silence from Mickey?
CM: My father recognizes that his time to control the helm of this company has passed. The world saw him humble himself for the first time in his life at From Dusk Til Dawn. He saw the future while looking at me and the female talent in the ring at the time, and he knows that his role in that future is simply as a wise, proud, and silent observer. The floor is mine and I am not about to get sucked into the drama of days past. We have a business to run here as opposed to a never-ending Mouse family feud soap opera. Next.
ESPN: If we are counting points based on the old competitive feud between this company and your uncle’s, it may be reasonable for some to assess that BWM Inc. is taking a substantial lead in the wake of From Dusk Til Dawn especially as they announce one major new acquisition after another. How do you respond to your rival seizing the day?
CM: I congratulate the free agents who’ve secured new contracts in the EWA. However, I worry about the free agents who were drafted by the company during the so-called “shadow draft” or “free agent draft” but many of whom have yet to receive their contracts from BWM Inc. As per the rules of the WOW Draft, the free agents who were enlisted and divided up by the two companies must receive their contracts by the end of March 2020 lest they return to free agency. I can guarantee you that while my uncle wastes precious time and money acquiring new talent and neglecting his obligations to those he has already secured otherwise, we in the PWI are preparing to spend $100 Million between now and March to rebuild our entertainment infrastructure and guarantee the contracts for our new draftees. As part of our policy of fiscal responsibility – a lesson our competition could learn from -, we will only target new talent once our immediate obligations are met.
HBO Sports: Do you have your eye on any talent currently in the independent circuit and free agency?
CM: Of course, and every one of the EWA acquisitions announced over the past two weeks was on that list. Even so, we are not going to forget the bills we still need to pay just to beat Benny to the punch of making headlines in the wrestling world. We will do this the right way and our product will prove superior as a result.
CNN: Can you tell us anything additional about how the roll out of PWI’s return will look?
CM: I can and will only tell you that more information will come in the coming weeks and months as we build the aforementioned infrastructure. We take this investment of $100 Million seriously. Some time in either September or October we will begin major promotional efforts for the event which will shed more light on what to expect. Well, everyone, I hate to cut this short, but I have more work to do. Be sure to stay alert as more press releases and, yes, press conferences will be coming in the near future. *Leaves*
BREAKING NEWS!! (via MMouse Enterprises) – 7/15/2019
Memphis, Tenn., for immediate release: Effective July 15th, 2019, Mickey M. Mouse Junior has announced the permanent suspension and disbandment of his 2020 Presidential Campaign, citing “other pressing interests”. For more details, stay tuned and be sure to be alert for an impending press conference at MMouse Enterprises Headquarters to address this latest development, news related to PWI, and for any and all responses to our competition!
July 16, 2019
MMouse Enterprises Headquarters
*Catherine Mouse enters the room without an introduction from Lawrence Mason*
Catherine Mouse (CM): Hold on, hold on (she says, trying to calm down a raucous press room), I’m sure you all have important questions and I promise that we will answer them as soon as possible. As you all certainly know, in the early hours of yesterday morning it was announced that my father has completely withdrawn his name from consideration for president in the 2020 campaign. Prior to this decision, he had temporarily suspended the campaign a few months ago to help plan for the last From Dusk Til Dawn. Believe me, this breaking news was a shock to all of us here at Mmouse Enterprises just as it was for you.
Aside of the drama surrounding my father’s political ambitions we made some investments over the past 24 hours and are preparing to possibly make some more in the coming days if the Board can agree on the timing of these expenditures. For now, we have successfully invested in some new vital equipment, designing our new championship belts, and will be commissioning new referees for PWI to be led by the new Senior Official, Earl Hebner. With respect to superstars, we have officially signed three of our shadow draft picks: Brock Lesnar – who has been involved in and dominating Mixed Martial Arts around the globe since the PWI closed shop almost five years ago -, Jon Moxley, and Gail Kim.
Additionally, we are also pondering adding some additional championships to the roster, but have not made a final decision just yet. Part of what we want to avoid in PWI is over-saturating the audience and talent with meaningless prizes just because we can. While the USWA era is remembered fondly as the golden age of this industry, the one thing which many critics lashed out at the USWA for was the insane amount of championships which had existed at the time. There were literally around a dozen separate championships at one time including three separate tag team championships and a plethora of mid-card championships. At the most, we are pondering adding one mid-card championship for the women’s and men’s divisions, respectfully. If we decide to do so, that will result in 6 separate championships: a world title, a women’s title, a mid-card title for both divisions, and tag team titles for both divisions. Remember that the Immunity Championship has been discontinued as a championship which can be defended continuously. Rather, “Immunity” will be a privilege bestowed upon the winner of our annual “Immunity” Extreme Battle Royal match and which will be held for the duration of a single season.
On another note, after extensive discussions on the subject, the Board decided that not everything about the USWA was so bad. In fact, it dominated the ratings for a number of reasons. While some of the concepts of that era are certainly out of date now we can adopt a number of standards for the current era. In one example of us adopting – or at least modifying – a USWA standard is that the re-launched PWI will suspend count-outs in matches unless a match is sanctioned under “traditional rules”. This is not the same as the Classic USWA’s constant “No Disqualification” rule. We need some law and order in the PWI and we intend to hold our athletes to account. To make things simpler, all regular matches will have to end in the ring.
Now, on to your questions.
*Hollering resumes* ABC: Madame Vice Chair, is your father’s decision to end his presidential aspirations related in any way to Benny’s assertion that he has driven Mmouse Enterprises into bankruptcy?
CM: Well (laughs), that is just absurd. I invite any of you to look at the financial records of this company. I assure you that we are far from bankrupt. My father’s decision about politics kept the rest of us in the dark. I am not privy to whatever it was which drove him to pull out of the race.
ABC: Is your father personally bankrupt due to his campaign?
CM: You will have to ask him that, because he speaks with no one beyond his lawyers about his private financial records. Next question please.
ESPN: Do you have a reaction to the flurry of news from BWM Inc. about their latest acquisitions and Benny’s rebuttal about you asserting that he is wasting money? Specifically, he made the bankruptcy claim to explain why the PWI is seemingly lagging behind the EWA in reaching out to new talent.
CM: My response is not going to change much from the last time I addressed my Uncle’s lavish spending versus our own cautious and paced approach and it is that we are being fiscally responsible. Yes, the EWA is securing new talent beyond the scope of the shadow draft, and many of the stars they’ve secured were in the radar of PWI’s interests. The EWA simply made an offer before we could. We are not going to spend outside of our means just to play this game of chess which is likely to blow up in Benny’s face as well as the faces of the talents to whom he is promising the world while having a track record of delivering nothing but broken dreams and shuttered gates.
ESPN: Are you doubting that Benny can deliver on the promises he is making to the new talent?
CM: I am saying that history has not been kind to the hopes of upcoming talent who find their way into my Uncle’s grip. One thing that Mmouse Enterprises has always prided itself on is that we go out of our way to ensure that every superstar under contract with us has an equal shot at breaking out for the world to see. This is how we’ve managed a pristine record of producing new superstars with athletes formerly unknown in a cut-throat industry.
Fox Sports: Why have only three of the shadow-drafted stars been signed? Aren’t there about two dozen stars that the PWI has to sign from that roster?
CM: Here’s the thing, signing superstars comes with negotiating contracts. Doing that is not cheap when you have everyone wanting to be a millionaire from the start. We are estimating that out of our total one hundred million dollar investment to kick off the new era about sixty million of that will be spent on the talent alone. Suffice it to say that we wanted to secure the most expensive contracts first.
NBC: When you say that you had to secure the most expensive contracts first, who out of the three demanded the most expensive contract? Why?
CM: That would be Gail Kim, and she was deserving of the dollar amount she requested. This is because she is an internationally-renowned sensation who revolutionized women’s sports around the world. Even my father wanted her back a decade ago, but she was not interested at the time.
NBC: How much are we talking about?
CM: Normally I don’t like to talk about these things, but it was an 8 million dollar per year contract. Worth every penny.
Sports Illustrated: Since we are on the subject, how much did Lesnar and Moxley demand?
CM: Lesnar negotiated the next highest contract at 4 million and Moxley asked for about a million and a half, which is pretty standard for most popular indy sensations anyway.
HBO Sports: When Lesnar worked for this company before, how much did he make?
CM: About the same as Moxley will be. He was an immense talent back then, but a lot has changed since those early days. Lesnar is no ordinary talent this go around and I suspect the world will know that soon enough. Well, everyone, that is enough for now. Until next time. *She then promptly leaves*
Blockbuster Announcement! (From MMouse Enterprises) – 7/16/2019
From the Desk of Vice Chair and Chief Operations Officer, Catherine Mouse:
Almost 24 hours ago I stood before the press to reveal some amazing official signings. I also noted that I was in talks with the MMouse Enterprises Board of Directors to approve the spending I believed we needed to remain competitive. Not only did the Board agree with my assessment, but – in light of the recent acquisitions by our competition – they pressed further by expanding our budget by Twenty Million Dollars overall and approving an immediate expenditure of 40 million dollars now. With that approval, the following “shadow draftees” have been officially signed:
Alexa Bliss, Paige, Sasha Banks, Carmella, Samoa Joe, Kevin Owens, Asuka, Sonya Deville, Ruby Riott, Mandy Rose, Tenille Dashwood (known in the Indies as “Emma”), and Baron Corbin. In addition to Lesnar, Gail Kim, and Moxley, these signings mean that we only have five remaining contracts to secure: Aleister Black, Sarah Logan, Peyton Royce, Billie Kay, and Zelina Vega.
However, we also took a chance, broke away from our original plans to hold off on new contracts and sealed the deal on signing the following superstars: Matt Taven, Madison Rayne, Dr. Britt Baker, Shinsuke Nakamura, Bray Wyatt, Velvet Sky, and a newcomer straight from PWI’s Developmental Program: Miss Zevon Heaven. The Board felt that these 7 new recruits were appropriate, especially since it helps to maintain our premier status in the world of professional wrestling. We have our eyes obviously on the five draftees still holding out on their contract negotiations as well as on about a dozen other new signees.
Thank you for your attention. Stay tuned for future updates very soon!
Press Release from Mmouse Enterprises – 7/25/2019
Released by Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason:
Some shocking developments in the Board of Directors will be revealed in full detail by the weekend, but those details will be elaborated upon by the Owner and Chairman, Mickey M. Mouse Junior. Additionally, the PWI will add two new up and coming stars to its roster: “The Villain” Marty Scurll and Allie!
Stay tuned as more breaking news is sure to come!
Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters
July 27th, 2019
(MM: Mickey Mouse JR, LM: Lawrence Mason)
*Lawrence Mason enters the room and takes the podium*
LM: Thank you everyone for coming today. As we announced the other day there has been an explosion of events here at Mmouse Enterprises. We announced new talent and are making great progress towards being prepared for the relaunch of PWI in January. In the past month we learned that Chairman Mouse had permanently suspended his campaign for president for reasons that he will delve into shortly. Swiftly after that moment, the Chairman reasserted his authority as owner of this company with what he considered to be necessary terminations where he had the power to terminate in our corporate offices. He then subsequently sent the Vice Chairwoman a message, telling her that while he may not have the authority to terminate her, she is absolutely not in sole control of the fate of this company and must cease and desist in any of her claims to the contrary…
*Mickey enters the room, motions for Lawrence to leave as he takes the podium*
MM: Ok! Ok! You all get the gist of it. I’m back in the fray! Now, let me explain in clear terms what the overly-diplomatic Lawrence is incapable of conveying: I am fed up with my daughter and my brother thinking that they can just barge into the picture, humiliate me, and write my professional obituary! If you think for one second that I am going to sit idly by and ride off into the sunset of this industry as Benny and Catherine take over and wreck everything that I’ve built then none of you have learned a damn thing about me!!
I didn’t suspend my campaign because of any concern that I couldn’t win, nor did I amass a grand debt – unlike my aerosol-inhaling youngest sibling -, rather I ended my campaign because the industry that I built – YES, THAT IIIIIIII BUILT – was in great peril in my potential absence and I knew it was more important to preserve my professional legacy than to pursue a political vanity trophy. That is why I decided to purge the corporate headquarters of the disloyal and to reinstate my authority over the future of the company.
In the past few months you have heard announcements from this podium suggesting that our programming would be bi-weekly, starting with our returning Pay Per View. Well, that is both true and false. It was completely true until I felt compelled to inject myself into this battle. So, after the season premiere on January 6th at “Greatness Reborn”, we will not be waiting until the 20th for the return of “PWI Live!” Instead, I will be introducing my own bi-weekly program on the 13th called “PWI Asylum” with a healthy blend of everything which made my model for this industry work in the past and the greatness of today’s talent. Catherine will premiere her own bi-weekly program called “PWI Legends” the next Monday – the 20th -, and immediately after that broadcast goes off the air she and I will host a PWI Draft of male superstars to split between us. Until we secure at least 50 female stars the women’s roster will be shared on “Asylum” and “Legends”, and tag teams will be able to cross over from time to time as well while the champions will represent the company united. Furthermore, the drafts will become annual starting with the season finale’s eve in season four at Motivation 8 in June 2021.
Why am I doing this, you may ask? Because I want to demonstrate to Catherine that I can do a better job of crushing Benny than she can. She will get her chance on my off-weeks and vice versa. So, prepare yourselves, because the fun has only begun! No questions!!
*Mickey then leaves as a frustrated press room shouts questions at him*
AFTER THE PRESS BRIEFING, THE FOLLOWING RELEASE WAS HANDED OUT TO THE MEDIA:
Tentative Card for “PWI Asylum Premiere on January 13th, 2020” –
Men’s Tag Team Championship, Ladder Match = Guerreros v. TNT v. The Hardys v. YMCA v. Lance and Robby Storm
Mark Henry v. Kane
Teo and Amazon v. Attitude and Ariel
Triple Threat – (the PWI Participants from From Dusk Til Dawn’s History-making Massacre Six Match) Victoria v. Angelina Love v. Living Dead Girl
Open 20 Woman Battle Royal to Crown First Ever PWI Women’s Tag Team Champions (Last Two Women Become Champions)
Finally, the return of the CROCK SHOW!!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
August 2, 2019
(CM = Catherine Mouse)
*Catherine enters the room and takes the podium*
CM: Good morning everyone, I appreciate your attendance. I will make some quick remarks and take your questions shortly after because I – unlike some cowardly men in my family – am ready and willing to answer them. So, what has been happening at Mmouse Enterprises? Why is this press conference being held at a separate headquarters which is still largely under construction? Does Benny really have the drop on us? All of these questions and plenty more will be answered. Let me first start out by going right for the proverbial jugular. My father is an asshole and a liar, and he refuses to accept that his time has long passed him by. He clings to the glory days of the late-1990s and the early-2000s because he knows that he will never again know fame and fortune like that.
My father lied to me when he assured me that the reins of this company and industry’s future were firmly in my hands now and that he was backing away. For whatever it is worth, he mostly stayed away from 2012 through 2014 during the original run of PWI. He let me get my feet wet. I had fun during that time, but I never had a chance to demonstrate my strength as a woman, a damn talented woman, in the battlefield because my uncle’s company closed shop after only a handful of shows and I was left with no competition. Regardless of the success we had in further building icons like Teo during the PWI’s first era, it still came to be regarded by many sports pundits in that male-dominated scene as the “lost era of wrestling”. They even held the HCW era of 2005 through 2008 in higher regard!
What sickened me the most was – in the days preceding From Dusk Til Dawn – I overheard my father echoing that sentiment in a conversation with one of his lackeys. He then, within minutes after seeing my anger which I expressed to him in a confrontation once I heard this utter crap, had the audacity to ask me to partake in a joint statement with him. To humor him, I lent my name to the statement his handlers penned, and then I angrily told him I was not going to be involved in the festivities of From Dusk Til Dawn, despite the fact that I – not he – had been the one working to represent our company in our partnership with Benny to make that show a success.
Yet, when I decided to show up after what should have been that show’s main event – Athena Starr versus Amazon -, my father became silent. Why? Number one, again, he is a coward! He knew that I meant business and that I was livid about how the show’s finishing touches were made. He knew I had insisted on more women’s matches at the show, and he knew how badly I wanted the women to main event the final edition of that mega card. What did he do about that? He undermined me in the negotiations with Benny and agreed to have Fred and Armageddon main event the broadcast. So, he knew his betrayal was incurring my wrath.
Second, he fears being embarrassed on a global stage more than anything in the world and that an argument with me would lead to just that. That is why he left without uttering a word because he knew I was right. Of course, all of this just covers what we saw almost two months ago. What we have experienced since has been a series of betrayals.
First of the betrayals was the obvious moment before that PPV when my father reinserted himself as Chairman of the Board as he bought back his shares of the company, and we will get back to that momentarily. Second of the betrayals came when he left the stage that night and went to the PWI locker room whereupon he threw a tantrum that came to my attention once I came back there. During this tantrum he went on a tangent about how I supposedly didn’t deserve the center of the stage and that I had botched my chance that he had handed to me. He may not have undermined me in public, but he certainly did so with the locker room…and the EWA talent heard it as well.
After that came his silence, because he never said these things to me in person and when I tried to confront him about it he made sure that he was far away from the arena. That’s when he started ignoring my phone calls and even the Board started to wonder if he was just going to sell his shares again and return to his campaign. That’s why we started to make important decisions without him. He just wasn’t there. Instead, he was too busy sulking about his pride being crushed in front of every wrestling fan alive.
What came next was the worst betrayal yet. This is when his lawyer sent me a cease and desist letter which ordered me to stop acting as the head of the company. He then informed me in a second letter that he was going to purge the corporate office of anyone he saw as loyal to me. Finally, after he did what he could to wreck whatever alliances that he thought I had, he announced that he was creating his own brand within the PWI to force me to prove my worth in competition with Benny without his help…hell, in spite of him, because he wanted another crack at taking Benny down so that he could rub it in my face that I will never be as great as he.
So, that partially brings you up to speed on what happened. Yet, there remains an unanswered question: why couldn’t Mickey fire me or even most of the workers in our corporate office? It’s because he no longer controls a majority of shares in the company. In fact, no one does, and we did that by design after he had stepped down and sold his shares to me. When Mickey bought his shares back he bought those shares at the 2012 price, which only represented 24% of the controlling shares as opposed to the 68% he had seven years ago. It seemed that Mickey forgot how the markets work during his time away, but I also control 24% of the shares, and so does one other anonymous party – who I’ve been informed wants to keep their name a secret for the time being – while the remaining 28% is split evenly between our shareholders and the Board. In other words, Mickey can call himself the “Chairman” all he wants, because it is a title that the Board allows him to have, but he an equal to me whether he likes it or not.
As for the upcoming debut of the PWI, we will indeed be doing as my father suggested. There will be weekly shows and as of right now we are contemplating adding another month long break after a fourth pay per view, but that won’t be added to the schedule until our fourth season, which starts in September 2020. On the question of why we are here in Nashville at the second headquarters, I have decided that this is the headquarters of the company’s future and Mickey can have the old one with its mold and asbestos. We are seeing construction here because we are adding to it since there will be a permanent performance arena attached to this building so the fans of PWI can see the best action we have to offer and pay the headquarters a visit.
Finally, before I get to your questions, I have to proudly say that Benny does not have the drop on the PWI. I’m going to let Mickey hang himself in his bi-weekly broadcast while I thrive on mine. People will remember when they see what we have that this, the Legends brand is the real PWI and that it is the show to watch. I’m not my father, and I refuse to get distracted with all the drama involving my odd uncle. He can squawk all he wants over there trying to make an impression, but when the lights burn bright and the cameras roll come January, we will quickly know why the Elite have nothing on our Premier athletes. Question, please.
NBC Sports: Yes, Madame Vice Chair, care to comment on your father’s released card for the first edition of “Asylum” and when can we expect the card for your first show?
CM: Yes, I have faith that the talent involved will perform at their best. I just have no faith that my father will stay out of their way. He always has to be seen and heard, no matter who it hurts. Like my father did last time, I will share the first card of “Legends” in a press release which will be given to you after this press conference.
ESPN: Catherine, do you feel as though your uncle got the best of you with some of us star-studded acquisitions, particularly in the women’s division?
CM: I believe he calls it the “Knockouts Division”, but I will admit that he successfully nabbed – even recently – some talent that I had personally hoped to get here. Even so, I am confident in our ability to compete. You will see just how amazing our women’s division will become over time. The Knockouts will have their work cut out for them.
Sports Illustrated: How about the 50 woman roster threshold for drafting the women? Whose idea was that?
CM: Who do you think? My father may have featured women’s wrestling in the USWA era, but he never prioritized them as top stars until I came around and admittedly until the competition started to cherish their worth in a visible way. Unfortunately for him, though, the announcement of that threshold was premature because he wanted some kind of public moral victory over me, because forcing our women to work twice as hard as the men would really stick it to me. So, I have managed to encourage the Board to lower the threshold to 40, which is a more easily attained number, as you might imagine. Interestingly, our anonymous third 24% shareholder sent in a late ballot voting in favor of that threshold, so Mickey was overruled just by that anonymous figure and me!
ABC: When do you think you will be able to attain the number of 40 women on the roster?
CM: Sooner than you think, because I have a proud announcement to make of a slew of new acquisitions. Just last night, we secured the contract for six new superstars, with one of them being a male! First of all, we have signed the Scottish Psychopath, Drew McIntyre, who is a ruthless brute from Glasgow. Then, we managed to sign daughter of sports legend Tully Blanchard; Tessa Blanchard! Additionally, we signed a quirky girl from Appalachia, trained by the Duxen family, Daisy Buffer. Two more signings involve two high flying women trained by the great Dragonfly, Thundra and Starfire! Finally, I am beyond proud to announce one of our greatest signings to date, a woman who dominated the women’s division across the independent circuit in the past decade; Alundra Blaze!
CBS Sports: Is there any truth to the rumors which broke this morning that the company is trying to negotiate for an earlier start than January?
CM: Those claims are unsubstantiated, and I really would like to know whose spreading such junk information.
CBS Sports: My sources seem to suggest that these leaks came from the top.
CM: Yeah, the top of a pile of shit. Thank you everyone for your time, please find the press releases which should have been left in an envelope during my remarks. *Leaves*
*PRESS RELEASE FROM THE DESK OF CATHERINE MOUSE*
Opening Bout: Zevon Heaven versus Michelle McCool
Jon Moxley versus Dolph Ziggler
Matt Taven versus Rob Van Dam
Molly Holly and Ivory versus Alexa Bliss and Carmella
and in the Triple Threat Match Main Event: Scott Nash versus Jeff Hardy versus Petey Williams!
Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters (HQ1)
August 17, 2019
*Lawrence Mason (LM) approaches the podium*
LM: Distinguished members of the press, thank you for coming here today. The Chairman will be with us shortly to give a brief statement and to take some quick questions. Beforehand, he has asked me to say that this building in which you are standing and sitting is now free and clear of any contaminants. Mickey took money out of his own pocket to fix this place up and to make sure that it was safe for all visitors and employees. He did this because he cares about the welfare of his hoards of fans as well as his loyal employees. Mickey also wants to send a message to Benjamin Wade Mouse – the Chairman of BWM Inc. and 10% shareholder of Mmouse Enterprises -; the time has come for civility in our industry. Let’s respect each other’s investments by not attempting to meddle in one another’s affairs outside of the standard competition between us. If you, Benjamin, sell back your shares to Mickey for $200 million before the launch date of PWI and he will forget this whole mess happened as well as give you free back row seats to every show for the entire third season of PWI. Pass up on this deal and we will have no choice but to respond like only we can. Now, please welcome the Chairman, Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior.
*Mickey (MM) enters the room*
MM: As you’ve just heard from Mr. Mason, I have extended a very generous offer to my youngest brother, Benjamin. We may not always see eye to eye, but I am able to give a little for the greater good of all. Moreover, I want to announce that the Mmouse Enterprises website will be completely updated by the end of August to reflect all of the changes here in the past year as well as to include our updated roster, new championships, and updated rules.
One such rule that I am announcing right now is that on “Asylum” there will be no “champion’s advantage” by way of the traditional standards wherein a champion can’t lose their championship on a disqualification. For far too long champions have taken the coward’s way out in escaping with a belt that they by all rights should have ceded upon being disqualified or even counted-out. Now, there will be justice for everyone. Moreover, there will be a slight change to the rule for the Tag Team Championships to help reduce the “champion’s advantage”, as the rule requiring that both champions must be defeated will be suspended except in the case of pay per view title defenses.
Finally, I am announcing here and now that PWI is considering the launch of a two-match, weekly developmental wrestling program which we will call “PWI Ascendants”. If the Board and the Vice Chair wind up agreeing with this – which we suspect will only be half an hour long at the most – then it should premiere at some point in March or April. Now, for your questions.
Fox Sports: Do you admit that there was a problem with asbestos and mold in this building?
MM: *sighs* Unfortunately, yes, but I will note that we bought this building from my father who had it built in the late-1960s. Back then, not everyone was concerned about certain elements in the air. I actually established an initiative in the early-2000s to deal with this issue when it was brought to my attention that some of the older parts of this building tested positive for asbestos. I’m ashamed to say that my lengthy efforts to have that dealt with before I stepped down in 2014 fell on the deaf ears of certain Board members who are now long gone. That has changed, I can assure you.
Fox Sports: …and the mold?
MM: I don’t remember giving you the nod for a follow-up, but I will politely answer you anyway. The mold was not a problem when I was leading this company up through 2014, and that is all I will say about that.
CNN: Are you saying it was your daughter’s fault?
MM: I’m saying it was not a problem when I was in control. Next question.
NBC Sports: What about the rumors which reportedly leaked suggesting that PWI was considering launching earlier than previously announced?
MM: You people never give up on these rumors, do you? Just know that we are responsibly preparing for the rebirth of wrestling’s greatest source of entertainment. We are officially set to be reborn in early January.
ESPN: What do you make of Benny’s attempt at an olive branch to Catherine?
MM: It is a desperate move, I’m sure. Catherine should remind herself that her uncle is the same incompetent fool who let Ric Venom and Shane Murphy destroy his own company in a matter of two weeks. He always had the power to stop it, but never even tried. He just let a subordinate and a guest tear it all down. Any advice from him is to be taken as seriously as a toddler’s threat. Then again, in Benny’s case, he might want to take a toddler’s threat seriously.
CBS Sports: Didn’t Ric Venom also manage to destroy the USWA with the help of HCW?
MM: That is not relevant to this discussion.
CBS Sports:…but that was the whole plot behind the September 2002 final USWA Pay Per Vi…
MM: I SAID NOT RELEVANT!!! NEXT QUESTION!!!
Sports Illustrated: With the women’s roster growing rapidly after the recent signings, and with the Board forcing a compromise between you and Catherine on having a draft for both gender divisions, do you anticipate that the 40 woman threshold will be met by January?
MM: Yes, and I never doubted it for a second. We are quickly building the greatest women’s roster in the history of this sport, and I am damn proud to say that I was the first wrestling promoter to take women’s wrestling seriously. You will see these magnificent superstars take the industry to new heights over the course of the next year.
RT: Are you prepared to offer praise to Benny for also building an amazing women’s roster?
MM: Who the hell let the Russians in here?! Next question and escort this commie fool out of my building!!
ABC: What are your thoughts on EWA’s women’s roster?
MM: Well, EWA, NEW, ECW, WCW, UWF, and every other wrestling abortion which has sprung from the anus of Benny has always served one good purpose in this industry: training talent for me to capitalize on in the world’s greatest company. In other words, I might consider the first episode of EWA’s to be the first episode of “PWI Ascendants”, because you know it is a matter of time before many of them wind up working for me. Ok, everyone, that is a wrap. I will see you all next time!!
*Leaves, as the press attempts to shout more questions*
From the Desk of Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
August 22nd, 2019
As I sit here in my beautiful home, surrounded by my various trophies from my amazing accomplishments in life I think to myself about all the ways that I could possibly give back. It took me a mere 30 seconds to realize what I had to do. I read the transcript of my brother Benny’s most recent engagement with the press and it dawned on me that Benjamin is not my enemy…he is a suffering sibling in dire need of my assistance.
Take, for example, this quote from my brother in response to a question about his creative difficulties: “it is true that creative did not begin working on our male stories”. It was upon reading this troubling portion of my brother’s comments – which seems to doom the hopes of a clear path to choosing EWA’s first world champion – that I saw my mission. Benny and the rest of the world knows that nobody has quite mastered the art of crowning first world champions like I have. Without my genius, Slammu would be stuck training aspiring boxers and Dragonfly would still be hopelessly chasing Krusader’s shadow.
It has become obvious that I could provide some much-needed guidance as the eldest of my mother’s children to her youngest. Some might consider it insane for me to help my “competition”, but this is about blood over profit. I want my family to be successful, as that is what my mother would want. I wouldn’t even charge Benjamin for the service. All we would need to do is trade: the top-notch creative services of Mmouse Enterprises for the 10% of stock in my company which Benjamin presently owns.
Sounds fair to me.
Hope to hear from old Ben soon.
Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior
Chairman of the Board – Mmouse Enterprises
Rightful Majority Shareholder of the Company
P.S.: The Mmouse Enterprises Website has officially been updated, details to be explained in our next press release.
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
September 3rd, 2019
[CM: Catherine Mouse]
*Catherine enters the room and approaches the podium*
CM: Good morning members of the press and staff of the PWI HQ2. I know it has been a short while since you all heard from me, and many were hoping I would immediately respond to my father’s comments a couple of weeks ago. There is a lot to address today and I want to be as thorough as possible in tackling everything that is on your minds and which the wrestling fan base wants to learn about. My uncle and my father are in a pissing contest of sorts and I will have no part in it. My emphasis is on the fans and on our amazing talent.
Having said that, I have heard my uncle’s apparent attempts to extend an olive branch to me. While my every instinct in what I know about my family teaches me to be cautious about accepting his efforts for peace, I will at least respond by saying simply to Uncle Benjamin that I have heard him and that I will stand down from any further attacks on him or his company. Even so, it should be known that I will not sit idly by and watch my company be belittled or sabotaged by anyone. If Benny – or my father for that matter – comes after me or my staff I will respond in kind.
Furthermore, if my uncle is sincere in his attempts at peace he will sell his 10% in Mmouse Enterprises stocks, not to my clever father, but back to the public. It is simply not good for business for such a small slice of this company’s profits to be enjoyed by the public. When Benny purchased his 10%, he took it from the people, not from the Board. The Board only holds 14% and the people used to own 14%, but now they only have access to 4% of our shares. Instead of meddling with the business of my company, Benny should stick to his own affairs and return to the people what belongs to them.
As for my father, I know how clever he thinks he is. First, he wants to manipulate me into thinking that Benny is out to get me while he – my father – demonizes me, hints at blaming me for the mold in the old headquarters, suggesting that I was not up to the task of leading the most powerful wrestling promotion in the industry’s history, and hijacking control of this company out of that same doubt. I know he wants to steal this moment from me, but he fails to realize that it is not about me. It is about the fans and the immensely talented performers in our locker room and the amazing staff doing the work behind the scenes. I’m fighting for them, not for me. That is the primary difference between Mickey and I.
Finally, I want to announce some exciting developments in the PWI. As my father mentioned in a press release, our website is now updated with a new, and better, look. Our roster is updated, and we have also some new contract signings. We have commissioned three new officials – Brutus White, the “Road Dogg” Jesse James, and Johnny Stamboli -, with Earl Hebner serving as the Senior Official. We will be looking at adding a handful more in the weeks to come. As for the new talent, we have signed two exciting female superstars: a girl who calls herself the Mockingbird and her tag team partner, Sharon Carter. If you are keeping track, that brings our total confirmed women’s roster to 34, with Zelina Vega, Peyton Royce, Billie Kay, and Sarah Logan still negotiating their contracts from the Shadow Draft to bring us up to 38.
I am also announcing here that we can confirm that the PWI will launch “Ascendants” starting in February to promote PWI’s up and coming superstars. Our company will also be reinitiating the Tier Mobilization rule that we experimented with back in 2013. This rule will go into effect starting in March. Finally, before I get to your questions, I am officially announcing that PWI will have four Pay Per Views; one for each season. With a two week break following each PPV except for Motivation. The names of these Pay Per Views are as follows: for the Autumn Equinox Season Premiere, “Clash of the Destined”, for the Winter Solstice, “The Rising” – which we were previously calling “Legends Rising” -, for the Spring Equinox, “Fate’s Resurrection”, and finally our Season Finale on the Summer Solstice will be “Motivation”.
Now, I will take some of your questions.
NBC Sports: Madame Vice Chair, I’m just going to get this question out of the way. Are you aware of whomever it was spreading rumors from your company about an earlier start?
CM: No, but I personally have my suspicions.
NBC Sports: Who do you suspect?
CM: My suspicions are not worthy of a dramatic headline. I will only say this: the PWI fully intends – whether everyone with shares agrees or not – to abide by the recent WOW Board ruling that neither promotion should start before December 1st. Talks of a premature start are ill-informed and even malicious.
Sports Illustrated: With the number of women on your roster getting ever so close to the magic 40, are you confident you will have the numbers you need for an internal draft?
CM: Yes, and I never doubted it for a second. Actually, this allows me to bring up one thing. Since my uncle made it a point to mock the emphasis on the quantity of women stars on this roster, I want to address that criticism. I personally wanted a large women’s roster even before the Board decided to set the bar at a minimum of 40 for a draft. I wanted a large women’s roster before there was any sign of a brand split. For decades we have always looked at the amount of male competitors in our ranks while disregarding the pitifully small pool of women available to compete. Having a large women’s roster gives the women of this company a chance to rest and let someone else shine for a moment. The days of having only a dozen women to showcase are over. Our time has come.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: There were some rumors that the Board had pondered letting the Immunity Championship return as an actual title. Was there some doubt about making it an award which can’t be defended, or were there other considerations?
CM: Well, well, it’s the OTHER PWI. Just kidding, I’ve always enjoyed your magazines. Anyways, I’m familiar with the chatter about the Immunity Award. Some on the Board – namely my father – wanted to make the award defendable like a championship. In fact, he was hell bent on reverting it back to the old rules. However, while I enjoyed the Immunity Championship it served as a distraction of sorts and we even went months without booking it to be defended back in 2008 as we dropped the ball with Kevin Nash’s reign. In this return of the PWI, we want every championship to matter and we want as few championships as possible. So, each division has two options: the “world” championship and “tag” championships. We will keep it that way, but there is still some talk about slightly modifying some aspects of the Immunity Award. I invite all to stay tuned for more developments on that.
HBO Sports: Any comment about why Road Dogg and Stamboli were demoted to be officials?
CM: Honestly, that is a shameful question. It is not a demotion to become a referee in any company. Road Dogg and Stamboli are both great veterans of this industry and they were both looking for an alternative role within the company, citing some health issues which could have hindered their in-ring performance. Their wealth of knowledge of the rules lead the Board to agree that they should become referees in light of Ted Van Dam and Nick Patrick retiring in 2014 and Maxx McMahon retiring in 2010. We are proud to have them on the team. Our brand new official, Brutus White, is actually a second cousin of Mark Henry and we are proud to have him join as well.
ESPN: How are the company’s investment plans coming along?
CM: Quite well, actually. Truth be told, I informed the Board two weeks ago of my intent to spend an additional $100 Million of my own money on making many of the investments that I believe we should make. I wanted to avoid asking for the Board to double their previous pledge and also didn’t want to further spook our shareholders with what they may have seen as a reckless expenditure. That’s why I decided to take on all of the risk myself and free up what the Board approved simply for the contracts we need to negotiate both out of our remaining Shadow Draft holdouts and the other talent we are currently scouting around the world.
ABC Sports: So, that means you are aware of the health of your stocks in the stock market?
CM: Need I remind everyone that I have a few degrees? One of those is in Business Management. I’m no novice when it comes to watching the ebb and flow of our traders. The Stock Market is entering very volatile territory with the possible onset of a recession looming. Every businessman and woman must think and act accordingly. Well, it seems that time is up. You will all hear from me again very soon. Thank you.
*Catherine then leaves as the room experiences some chatter amongst the press*
Mmouse Enterprises Press Release (via the Chairman) – 9/8/2019
From the Desk of Mickey Mouse Junior:
This will be brief because I am a busy man. I direct your attention to the website for Mmouse Enterprises – specifically to the latest update on the “Rules” page – wherein you will see the revelation of a new, highly prestigious, and exclusive to PWI-tournament; the “Premier Athlete Roulette Tournament”. More details on this will come by night’s end.
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
September 9, 2019
(MM: Mickey, LM: Lawrence Mason)
LM: Good afternoon members of the press, I am privileged to be introducing the Chairman of the Board here shortly, but I first wanted to bring everyone up to speed. Yesterday, the Chairman revealed in a brief press release his latest brainchild: the Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette. This was an idea which Mickey presented to the Board on Friday and which received unanimous approval. Mickey’s knack for innovation in the industry is second to none and has led the way for Mmouse Enterprises to dominate sports entertainment in the past. It was his idea to conceive the “Immunity Championship”, it was his idea to conceive the “Total Anarchy Match”, and even he was the one who pitched the idea for there to be an Undisputed Champion of the World. There are so many other areas where Mickey’s creativity has revolutionized this sport, and now the latest creation – the tournament to declare one athlete as the “Premier Athlete” – will take the industry by storm. Without any further delay, here is Mickey.
MM: Thank you, Lawrence. I know my detractors certainly didn’t think I still had it in me to change the game, but here we are. I realize that this seems to be just another tournament, but it is truly different in numerous ways. The unpredictability of this prestigious tournament will make it the annual talk of the industry. With so many possibilities – from the random selection of tournament entrants and opponents at each round to the random match stipulation as well as the high stakes prizes which comes with winning the whole damn thing -, we will not see anything like this ever duplicated anywhere else. I have ensured that the winner of this tournament will be unquestionably the undisputed Premier Athlete not just of the PWI, but of all professional wrestling! The best part about this tournament is that no one – not even the athletes involved – will have a clue about when it will start, nor will they have the ability to plan for it.
Much has happened in the industry as we prepare for its revival in the coming months. I look forward to the competition and to dominating that competition all over again. In my assessment, this tournament will serve as one of the essential components in guaranteeing that Mmouse Enterprises remains the best in the business. Now, for your brief questions.
ESPN: Just before you came out, Lawrence said that this idea received the unanimous support of the Board. I assume that means Catherine thought it was a great idea. Right?
MM: Seeing that she was in Nashville at the time of the meeting, she had no say in the matter. Catherine has been busy trying to prove that she is somehow above the fray ever since I denied her the right to force the people into watching a main event at From Dusk Til Dawn which was not worthy of the coveted spot. She can pretend all she wants that she will not lash out at Benny or even myself, but I know her, and I feel the need to remind the people out there of how Catherine rose to prominence in the first place. Her whole professional life has been shrouded in controversy that she orchestrated for her own gain.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: So, you admit to vetoing the Women’s Main Event at From Dusk Til Dawn?
MM: Yes, because the FRED v. Armageddon match – or the battle of the monsters – was the last great dream match that we had never seen and which we had been building up since the Third Era’s peak in late-2003, long before the original From Dusk Til Dawn. Not only was Amazon and Athena Starr’s match not main event caliber on such a grand stage, but we had seen the damn match before. Don’t get me wrong, they had a great battle that night, but the fight those people had paid good money to see was the true main event…and the final showdown between Slammu and Splinter. Simply put, as a veteran wrestling promoter who led this industry despite numerous efforts by competitors to topple us, I know a main event when I see one. We are not in the business of charity matches or politically correct grandstanding. We are in the business of providing the consumer with the best possible entertainment that their hard earned money can buy. When I see a match – regardless of the division – worthy of main eventing a show, you can guarantee that I will book it in a heartbeat.
NBC Sports: Are you implying that Catherine is looking for charity cases or “politically correct grandstanding”?
MM: I’m just saying that my daughter is more impulse than logic. She puts on a great show of being this progressive leader, but the truth is that she blindly follows her heart when her business mind – a mind I gave her, by will of my testicular superiority – knows better. I suspect we will see this contrast between our styles come January.
HBO Sports: Shifting gears now as we segue with your mention of the January debut, is it reasonable to say once and for all that the rumors about an earlier start were never grounded in truth?
MM: I’m going to say that any talk of a premature start is not worthy of my time or further comment. Next.
PBS: Are you still clamoring for ways to get Benny to sell stocks of your company to you?
MM: I didn’t realize that Big Bird and the Count covered professional wrestling. I don’t watch preschool television, nor am I willing to see you as anything but another charity case.
Sports Illustrated: Back to the Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette, why not just bring back the King of the Ring?
MM: Because the King of the Ring tournament outlived its usefulness with the last tournament in 2002 under the USWA banner. While I always enjoyed the King of the Ring tournament and while some were wanting us to bring it back, I recognized that we needed a new concept, a creative twist on the old pursuit of the crown. So, we took what was great about the King of the Ring and made it better…significantly better. Unlike the King of the Ring, this tournament will be very unpredictable and very unconventional. The winner will have to survive more obstacles and challenges than Indiana Jones, and the prize at the end will empower that superstar – er, Premier Athlete – to control their own destiny and make a mark that will never be forgotten.
CBS Sports: When looking at the power given to the Premier Athlete, it is incredible to think of the choices they have. One such power, the one which stuck out to me when I was reading the update on the website, is the power for the Premier Athlete to become “Boss for a day”. Is there any fear in the Board or even for yourself as to what that particular power could reap for the company if it was left to malicious hands?
MM: Admittedly, there was some apprehension in making that power one of the options for the winner of the tournament. I must remind everyone that the winner will only have two choices out of the five prize options for power: three title shots of their choosing, boss for a day, automatic entry as a third finalist in the next tournament, immunity, and controlling all of their match stipulations for the duration of the season. Each of those options is worthy of consideration and can change the winner’s career forever. They must also remember when and if they choose to be boss for a day that they are only boss for a single day, no more. There are consequences for every action, including the misuse of power. So, my advice to the mystery competitors is simply this: may the Premier Athlete win, and may they choose wisely! Thank you, everyone, I must be going now!
Mmouse Enterprises: BREAKING NEWS! – 9/13/2019
PWI has officially finalized negotiations for the contracts for Peyton Royce and Billie Kay (both of whom were picked during the “shadow draft”), also known as the “IIconics”. Additionally, Vice Chairwoman Catherine Mouse secured the contracts of three more female wrestling superstars: Taya Valkyrie, Ivelisse, and Amber Gallows! These developments now bring the total women’s superstars in PWI to 39, just one talent shy of the 40 minimum required for the women to qualify for the internal draft in January!
Stay tuned for new developments in the coming days!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
September 18, 2019
(CM: Catherine Mouse)
*Catherine approaches the podium*
CM: Thank you members of the press for arriving on such short notice. I have called you all here for a special announcement. As of noon today, we have finalized a contract deal for one of our three remaining shadow draftees. This draftee, Sarah Logan, is significant because her official acquisition brings the available, active women’s roster to 40, which means that the women will now be able to qualify for the internal draft in late January. I have been tirelessly working to make sure of this so that the hard working women in PWI will not be forced to work harder than the men by having to compete twice as often. Additionally, to piggyback on the tournament unveiled by my father a few weeks ago, I want to reveal that the women will partake in their own “Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette” starting at a time to be determined. Now, for your brief questions.
NBC Sports: What did it finally take in order to secure the deal with Miss Logan?
CM: She was a tough cookie to crack, I can say that. She is used to wrestling in the Nordic wrestling territory and wanted a hefty contract to abandon such. An annual contract to the tune of $2.5 million is ultimately what convinced her to sign.
CBS Sports: What about the two remaining shadow draft holdouts, Aleister Black and Zelina Vega?
CM: The Board really wants Aleister to sign the dotted line, but he comes from the Netherlands, and like Miss Logan, he wants a major contract deal. In fact, his current asking price is far higher than anyone else we’ve signed, and the Board is not presently comfortable caving to such. As for Zelina, she is holding out partially for personal reasons, none of which I am at liberty to discuss right now.
ESPN: The news has been steadily coming out of Mmouse Enterprises this month, but BWM Inc. has been relatively silent, care to comment on why?
CM: I will let my Uncle explain the silence from Stamford, because I don’t speak for him. Nor do I intend to break my pledge to avoid the unnecessary drama.
Sports Illustrated: Are there any setbacks to having such a large women’s division?
CM: Look, the PWI Women’s Division is now the largest, most professionally stacked, and most diverse in wrestling history. With that comes the potential for clashing egos and missed opportunities. Of course there are setbacks, but we intend – as I have stated in the past – to utilize this amazing talent as thoroughly as possible. Each star will get a chance to shine. I assure you.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Exactly how much is Aleister asking per year?
CM: About 13 million per year. He is an amazing talent, but the Board is not willing to pay anyone that amount. Well, everyone, I really must be going. Thank you for your time!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
October 5, 2019
(MM: Mickey Mouse)
*Mickey approaches the podium*
MM: I asked you all to come here today, not to boast about some new acquisition or to respond to my brother or even my daughter, but rather to celebrate. You see, today marks the 24th Anniversary of the debut of WPW, or “World Pro Wrestling” in the fall of 1995. For those of you who may have forgotten, World Pro Wrestling was my first wrestling company. I had attended a series of WWF events – Jeff Murrey’s inaugural promotion, that is, the company which started it all – over the month prior to this occasion and I had determined that I wanted to get a slice of this excitement. So I did.
With an initial roster which included just around two dozen – if even that – misfits of the industry, I dipped my toes in the proverbial pool. At first, things were slow for us. We had a small, but loyal following, and our standard bearer champion – as we only had one championship at the time – was Garz Gargoyale; who simply likes to go by “Garz”. Everything changed, though, when I met Slammu. I knew Slammu was something special and I was elated that Splinter – the greatest wrestler of all time – agreed to train him. When Slammu came back, he was ready to take the wrestling world by storm. With that cult following building up throughout 1996 as the legendary feud between Garz and Slammu transpired we finally handed the torch over once and for all for Slammu to take. This transitional period into the mainstream culminating after our brief “NWO Country” phase, wherein the WPW was transformed in late-1996 after a “hostile takeover” by our then-biggest stars such as Slammu, HBP, Scott Nash, and Kevin Hall.
This transitional period also saw the introduction of such talents as Soultaker, Metalhead, Blaster, and the Quests; all of whom – alongside numerous others – would not only catapult this company to the top in the following year, but most of who remain among the biggest names in the industry today. Then, as 1997 began, WPW – which was still the official name of our company – invaded Murrey’s World Wrestling Federation in a series of their live shows. Murrey didn’t quite know how to respond and the fresh, revolutionary talent of World Pro Wrestling became the talk of the industry.
Having invaded the then-dominant and first major wrestling promotion when they were at their best, I seized the moment. I gathered my talent and revealed to them that we were re-launching our promotion under a new banner: the USWA, to which we would assigned a nickname, as we called it the “World Whacky Wrestling Federation” so as to mock Murrey’s company. Additionally, I noticed that Murrey had never trademarked a number of his Pay Per Views, so I decided to debut the new USWA with a “borrowed” Pay Per View name from the company we invaded and intended to overrun, and that is when we hosted our first “USWA/WWWF Royal Rumble” in March of 1997. A month later, we aired our first of six “Wrestlemanias”, followed by our own “King of the Ring”, “Summerslam”, and “Survivor Series”. Our flagship program became “Monday Night Raw”, and by the end of the year the World Wrestling Federation had not only given up trying to wrestle these names from us, but they had closed shop altogether. The dominance of the original WWF – the promotion which birthed this industry into the mainstream – was over, and the USWA had swiftly taken the throne.
By the summer of 1998, we were universally recognized as the leading force in this business and I had decided to drop the additional names altogether. Our destruction of the WWF was over, so referencing our “nickname” of WWWF was no longer necessary. From that point until September 2002, the USWA remained the number one promotion in professional wrestling until it was decided that we needed to close shop. It was not like the WWF, because we ended our run on top, whereas we had toppled the WWF to get there.
Now, I know – to borrow a phrase from the Iconic “Sunfire” – what all of you are thinking: that was the USWA and that was in the late-1990s and early-2000s. The story of the UWA – which rose from the ashes of the USWA – was not as dominant, and the same could be said of the original PWI to some extent. All of this is true, but I wanted to recognize this moment and the importance of this date in wrestling history, and specifically in the history of this company. I have not forgotten what made my company number one. I remember where we came from and while I was humbled by the fierce competition in the third and fourth eras, I am prepared to end the experimentation which failed our fans in the past and expand upon what made Mmouse Enterprises the most dominant force the industry has ever seen.
So, my message to Catherine and to Benny – as well as to all the fans of wrestling – is simply this: get ready, because January will witness a true rebirth of the best form of entertainment the world has ever known.
Now, for a handful of your questions.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: As a magazine which covered the rise of WPW and the USWA, we were on the frontlines of that industry takeover back then. Do you have any regrets about the business decisions you made in the construction of that once-great empire?
MM: I see what you did there, and I will not cede the assertion that we are no longer great. Regardless, I will respond to the part of your question regarding business regrets. I have none, except that I wish we had started building our empire sooner. Murrey’s WWF was antiquated and dominated primarily because no independent promoter ever had the balls to challenge him. The moment I challenged Murrey he and his whole façade crumbled.
ESPN: You do know that Benny and your daughter are likely going to mock your nostalgia, so why do you keep referencing the past?
MM: That sounds like a question directly stuffed up your ass by BWM Inc. Is there a fax machine in your rectum feeding you these talking points? Jesus. I talk about the USWA’s past because it was the last time that the fans saw professional wrestling in its greatest condition. Sure, people have enjoyed much of the content, and the ratings for professional wrestling rose to astronomical heights from 2002 to 2005 and then even further from 2008 to 2010, but the people were neglected because we all forgot the basics of this industry, which rests in the damn ring. The USWA was the last great wrestling promotion which didn’t focus half of its energy on the backstage, but rather its emphasis was over 90% focused on the in-ring action. THAT, my ass-fax-having-friend is why I reminisce about those days so much. It is also the focus I fully intend to restore to the best of my ability starting in January.
HBO Sports: In part one of his recently-posted interview, Benny slammed your latest innovative tournament announcement as some kind of “desperate” ploy to steal some of his ideas while also rehashing your oldest. In other words, he said it was nothing special and even specifically laughed off the “Boss for a Day” privilege. What do you say to those criticisms?
MM: I say that Benny is just sore in the ass that I thought of it first. He and the rest of the world will see just unprecedented this new tournament really is. As for the privilege he mocked, it will be more meaningful a privilege once the world sees how difficult it will be to overturn the decisions of the Premier Athlete if they so choose to utilize this authority.
CBS Sports: Has anyone ever gotten to the bottom of the origins of those leaks about an early start?
MM: I am not going to entertain these silly rumors or these ridiculous questions any longer. Goodbye everyone! *Leaves*
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
October 14, 2019
(CM: Catherine Mouse)
*Catherine enters the room and takes the podium*
CM: Thank you, members of the press, for coming this afternoon. We have quite a bit to cover as the premier of our brand new era begins to enter the final stretch. I can report as of right now that PWI is about 80% ready to kick off the 6th and likely final era of professional wrestling. If I didn’t know any better and if it weren’t for the mandate issued by the WOW late this past summer, I would say that we would be ready for a premier as early as Thanksgiving, if not slightly sooner. Additionally, it is incumbent upon me to announce that the Internal Draft between the “Legends” and “Asylum” brands officially took place yesterday, the results of which will be made public very soon. Finally, I am happy to announce that my uncle, Lenny, will be getting back into the business of impartial wrestling analysis by the end of this week as he will offer previews of the upcoming PWI cards as well as his predictions for what to expect from our competition. He will simply call it “Wrestling with Lenny”. Also, I am here to reveal that I am formally withdrawing my support for any intergender matches in the PWI or elsewhere, including the currently scheduled Extreme Battle Royal for Immunity Status. Any questions.
Sports Illustrated: Yes, Catherine, does this blockbuster announcement about the intergender matches have anything to do with criticism your company received from – for example – your competition about such?
CM: I would be lying if I said that I didn’t reexamine the issue after the backlash we received. I’m trying to maintain a civil tone regarding our competition, but the legitimate concerns expressed about superstar safety by wrestling experts have caused me to think that it wouldn’t be in the best interest of our talent for the men and women to clash…even if it is just once a year. I realize, also, that I may sound like a hypocrite for taking this position especially since I lobbied for and succeeded in promoting Amazon to contend for what has traditionally been a man’s world title, but when you consider the dangerous possible male opponents that any woman on the roster may have to face – like Kane, Fred, Slammer, for example – then you are forced to recognize that this is about more than just trying to capture people’s attention. Careers are at stake here.
HBO Sports: Does that mean that the Extreme Battle Royal is cancelled?
CM: Not yet, no. Since my father has refused to sign off on a cancellation I need the Board of Directors to unanimously vote along with me to override his veto. That is a requirement that my father would have to pursue if the shoe were on the other foot. As of right now, the Board is leaning towards my position, but there are a few members who seem more amenable to Mickey’s.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: It is great news to hear about your uncle Lenny’s return to analysis. One question, though: how will his tone be regarding competition? Can we expect him to be abrasive like Ric Venom?
CM: No, my uncle respects the efforts of his youngest and eldest siblings, as well as myself. I personally assigned this task to Lenny, and he will be completely professional in this newfound role.
CBS Sports: Speaking of your uncle, he took some jabs at your company – primarily aimed at Mickey – in a recent candid interview. In said interview, he repeatedly made overtures to you, insisting that Mickey is overlooking you, and then he noted that EWA will be hosting a live show right here in Nashville. Any thoughts?
CM: I saw the interview and will not comment on the spat between Benny and my father. They have their family feud whereas I am strictly here to bring a superior product. It was not my choice to split the roster, but my father forced the split with his reentry into the business and insistence that he be granted what he considered to be his rightful authority to determine the future of the company. The Board subsequently compromised by compelling a brand split so that Mickey and I could have creative control over our own pieces of the PWI. That is why we have the brand split that my uncle thinks was just an attempt by my father to rehash an old storyline. It was the product of a legitimate inability to agree on our future course as one united brand.
As for the EWA coming to Nashville and the numerous attempts by Benny to hint that he wants a respectful battle. I say that all is fair in love and war. There may well be a demand for his product here, but I can assure you that it works both ways. We are considering every possible venue across the country for our shows, and Connecticut has always been a favorite hotspot of wrestling fandom.
NBC Sports: Why was it necessary to host the draft two and a half months in advance?
CM: Once I saw that we had reached the number of women on the roster to make it happen I pushed the issue. I want our talent to know where they will be working once the draft’s changes take effect on January 27th. This gives them ample time to make the plans they need with their families instead of creating last minute chaos for them.
PBS: With the remarks with which you opened your comments about being able to open earlier than scheduled one would be forgiven to think that PWI wishes it could start earlier and that maybe the rumors which spread a couple months ago about such may have been true. Any thoughts?
CM: It was my own opinion that we could start earlier than scheduled if we could and if we wanted to. I am also of the opinion that we are perfectly fine waiting until January 6th, 2020. Thank you, everyone, I must be going. *Leaves*
BREAKING NEWS: Chaos at Mmouse Enterprises – 10/17/2019
An altercation occurred at the HQ1 in Memphis where the Board of Directors had been called to convene for an emergency vote on the controversial Intergender Extreme Battle Royal Match for Immunity at the “Greatness Reborn” Pay-Per-View on January 6th, 2020. The Board had been instructed to appear for this special meeting at 2pm, Wednesday October 16th, 2019. The deliberations quickly devolved into a shout fest – according to anonymous sources with direct knowledge of the closed-door proceedings – between Chairman Mickey and Vice Chair Catherine. A stalemate ensued wherein Catherine repeatedly ordered a roll call and won a majority of support each time, but fell a handful of votes shy of the unanimous decision she needed to override Mickey’s veto (a procedural rule installed two decades ago by Mickey to prevent the Board of Directors from ever overriding his authority when he had sole control).
Catherine reportedly refused to adjourn the meeting – insisting that the majority of the Board which supported her leave the meeting open until there was a resolution – and threatened to hold a vote in Mickey’s absence should he and his Board loyalists have left prematurely. Mickey – in turn – suggested that he would rather live the rest of his life in that room before relinquishing his vote. Then, at 2am, Eastern Standard Time, a letter was rushed into the meeting. The President of the Board – Howard Knuckles, one of the loyalists to Mickey – read the letter, which reportedly came from the third shareholder possessing the same number of shares as Mickey and Catherine. The letter was – according to assurances made by the Board President – notarized and certified by a credible lawyer as being the legitimate correspondence from the mystery third party. After President Knuckles read the certification letter he proceeded to read the letter from the 1/3 owner of Mmouse Enterprises, which simply said:
“To the Board of Directors, the Chairman, and the Vice Chair,
I have been following the news about the controversial match in question since it first became a major story impacting our company. After careful consideration, I have decided to cast my vote in favor of the Vice Chair’s proposal.”
At that moment, Chairman Mickey reportedly exploded into a vicious, vulgar tirade aimed at the Board and his daughter. He exclaimed that the letter was a fraud and must not be permitted as representative of a vote on the measure in question. However, a lawyer representing the mystery client slapped a piece of paper on the table which highlighted a section of the by-laws which granted the “owner or owners” the exclusive right to vote by proxy. The lawyer then made it clear that he was officially serving as the proxy vote for his client. President Knuckles – reportedly sweating profusely from the pressure being applied on all sides – reluctantly allowed the action.
As a result, according to President Knuckles, the 48% of shares represented by Vice Chair Catherine’s and the anonymous party’s votes in addition to the majority of the shares represented by the Board voting with them constituted a majority of shareholder votes siding with Catherine Mouse’s proposal to cancel the Intergender Extreme Battle Royal match and to furthermore ban all future Intergender matches in PWI. Mickey then – according to these sources – let out an unintelligible scream and then stormed out of the room.
The Vice Chair then proceeded to change the Extreme Battle Royal Match in the following way:
1) Ariel, Molly Holly, Maria, Layla, Ivory, Michelle McCool, Stephanie McMahon, Sable, and Sunny would be replaced in the match by Shinsuke Nakamura, Jon Moxley, Marty Scurll, Drew McIntyre, Samoa Joe, Kevin Owens, Ken Shamrock, and Taz.
2) The women removed from that match would instead have a separate match later that evening: a Gauntlet Match to determine the first number one contender for the PWI Women’s Championship!
The Meeting was then subsequently adjourned by affirmation at 2:34am, October 17th, 2019.
In other news: The remaining two holdouts from the “Shadow Draft” finalized their contracts to the tune of 11 Million Dollars total. So, PWI welcomes Aleister Black and Zelina Vega to the roster, alongside Zelina’s business partner, Andrade Cien Almas!!
Press Release: From the Desk of Mmouse Chairman Mickey M. Mouse J.R. – 10/19/2019
Good morning to all. It is has truly been an historic week in the history of our industry, and between our the controversy over the opening bout at “Greatness Reborn” and the calls for my resignation which have emerged from the aftermath of a tumultuous coup which occurred in a Board of Directors meeting the other day, I have been inundated with requests for public comment on the events of this insane week. Let me blunt in saying this: I will not resign as the Chairman of this company that I built from the shell that my father left me. Benny can take his vain and empty rhetoric supposedly aimed at “protecting” a group of my employees and shove it straight up his ass. Furthermore, I have lost my patience with the secrecy surrounding this anonymous shareholder who apparently has decided to side with my daughter, who is in over her head. Show yourself and let us be done with this sophomoric drama of having some secret individual sabotage my creation and the hard work of all those who’ve made it a reality. This is a business, not some damn teenage game.
Later tonight I will be hosting a press conference to address all of these matter further while my brother Lenny will be posting the first installment of his new article: “Wrestling with Lenny”. Good day.
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
Chairman of Mmouse Enterprises
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
October 20, 2019
(MM: Mickey Mouse)
*Mickey approaches the podium*
MM: I don’t apologize for the late hour of this press conference. After everything that you people and that idiot in Connecticut have put me and this company through over the past week, you know damn well you want to hear what I have to say here and I say it on my terms, and my terms called for an overnight press conference because I know that you leeches were ready to slither on over into those seats and listen. Don’t worry, though, when I am done here you will get a chance to bombard me with your predictable onslaught of stupidity-laced questions which I will entertain only because I am great like that.
Anyways, on to the business of the drama you all experienced this past week. Let’s start at the beginning, actually, which far predates what we all just endured in this manufactured crisis of conscience. Let’s travel all the way back to 2004, yes, 15 years ago. Catherine, my wonderful, intelligent, and super-wise daughter, proposed to me an idea to make history in the wrestling world. You see, we were in the midst of the so-called “Third Era” and competition in the industry was at its greatest up to that date. My daughter, whom I had only known for a short period of time since she had not long before this revealed herself to me and the world as my illegitimate child, was now in a position of power which I felt was earned by her apparent display of persistence and business acumen – an obvious sign that she was my child which was only later supported by my mandatory paternity test -, and she was determined to stick it to the competition.
Her radical idea would be centered around her – acting as a relentless feminist – promoting Amazon into the world championship scene. I was not a fan of the idea, because I was always taught that men and women should never lay hands on one another, but Catherine insisted that Amazon be treated as an equal. I admittedly had to ponder the idea for a week before I finally gave her the green light. At the time, the Heartbreak Punk was our champion, which he had won shortly after a controversial $200 Million contract buyout wherein I managed to coerce my brother Vinny, who managed Benny’s developmental promotion at the time, to sell Punk’s contract to me in a deal which gave Vinny $180 Million and the rest to HBP himself. Benny was livid about the fact that I had nabbed HBP from under him despite the fact that Benny only held onto that contract to spite me while simultaneously going out of his way to bury HBP as a permanent jobber overseen by Vinnie.
Why is the HBP part of this story relevant? Because much of the bad business blood between Benny and I stems from the fact that I shocked the world by bringing HBP back, and pushing him to the world title. At the time it was a major ratings boost for the UWA, and it was a crucial component in not only achieving a series of victories over the UWF but also in wiping out Murrey’s LWF. Numerous lawsuits ensued following this sea-changing moment and after I won in court, Benny was hell bent on revenge and hasn’t looked back ever since. Benny did – however – succeed in promoting a propaganda campaign against the Heartbreak Punk which turned a portion of our fanbase against HBP, so we were scrambling for a reset for his story. I knew HBP needed a new foe, one who would help us stay on top, but I couldn’t quite figure out who it should be. That is where Catherine came in with her idea.
I felt in my bones that it was wrong to have HBP square off against a woman for his championship, but I came to admit that the concept of this veteran of our company competing against who was already at the time one of the greatest and most feared women in wrestling was compelling. So, I told Catherine and Amazon to proceed with the plan, because I knew it would work with HBP being the quintessential man of the supposed “old boys network” appearing in the feminist mindset to be holding women back. In the end, on Halloween night in 2004 – 15 years ago as of 11 days from now -, Amazon became the first woman in the history of this business to win a world championship. While she only held the gold once, and while it lasted a mere month, it was a groundbreaking moment for the industry and for women overall.
Needless to say, we didn’t do much more of that in the remaining months of UWA’s original run. Nor did we attempt it in UWA’s second run or in the PWI’s initial run which ended 5 years ago. I have maintained over the course of my long career an opposition to violence against women, but I knew that Catherine had an objective, and I respected it. Her leadership during that experience, combined with the leadership she displayed in the second UWA run was ultimately what led me to hand her the reins without any interference from me during the PWI. I felt the time had come to give her unfettered power…that was until From Dusk Til Dawn 3.
In May, as we were preparing the negotiations for that final Joint Extravaganza, I initially allowed Catherine to represent our company in talks with her uncle. At first, everything seemed harmless. Hell, Catherine even played a key role in securing the long-desired FRED v. Armageddon match, but it was when I noticed Benny was attempting to manipulate her and was actually achieving some success in that mission that I decided it was time to intervene. I don’t like stepping on Catherine’s toes, but she could not see how Benny was undermining her and was convincing her of her greatness all the while he was molding this epic show in his image, if you will. In Early June, I approached Catherine and told her to beware of her uncle, but she pushed back and went on a tangent about how Benny respected her more than I. I knew then that we were in a crisis and that I had to act to save my company from being disgraced by Benny’s efforts of sabotage.
So, that’s when I “meddled” in the negotiations and forced the issue of the main event that night. Out of protest, Catherine told me she would boycott the show. Well, what many people later came to realize, we were already planning our opening show for a new era of the PWI and it was my plan to announce some of the matches for that card at the show. To spite me, Catherine – who maintains a significant amount of control in the company – changed the Extreme Rules Battle Royal to include ten women when my original plan was for it to only involve ten men. Perhaps this was an effort to sabotage the match, maybe it was her hoping to build on the revolutionary moment of Amazon becoming champion in 2004, or maybe she just lost her damn mind. I don’t know what compelled her to add this twist to the opening show, but what I do know is that the backlash to the announcement of that match was immediate.
This may be hard for people to believe, but I profoundly respect my daughter…even today. It was always my intention to let her run the show…again. Yet, I was alarmed by the obvious recklessness of her decision-making. I quietly protested the match change that she had made for the next month until the backlash started to wind down. We, after all, had to get to work on planning for the first few months of the sixth era. I had come to feel that Catherine had to witness the failure of her idea unfold in the public eye as a disaster.
When Benny started reviving the controversy about a month ago I was not on speaking terms with Catherine at the time, but I did send her a series of cautionary letters warning that this was a sign of things to come if she maintained her course of forcing equality in an industry as violent as professional wrestling. Man on woman violence is just too sensitive an issue to recreate it in any form via our brand of entertainment. Through Benny’s insincere public appeals for us to change the match, he did say one accurate thing: it was a grotesque idea. The only thing he and everyone got wrong was this notion that it was my idea.
It should speak volumes that Catherine refused for weeks to cancel the match or to even speak out about it as she would do in dramatic fashion 6 days ago. I opposed the intergender setting from the start, but I threatened to veto the soap opera-style proposal to change it because I wanted Catherine to learn her lesson without looking like a phony hero. Two things have been true about my daughter since I met her in 2003: 1) she is as ruthless as I am, and is even willing to work with me when it suits her, and 2) she will turn me into the villain the moment that it helps create the myth that she is the hero.
I repeat what I said in my press release hours ago: I will not resign, nor will I call on anyone else to resign. Enough with this charade and let’s get back to business. Now, on to your questions.
NBC Sports: Mickey, what is your objection to removing intergender wrestling? Are you advocating for this programming, or are you just asserting your dominance over your daughter?
MM: *Looking at the reporter with a dumbfounded expression* Did you seriously not hear anything I just said? I opposed serious intergender wrestling from the start. My only objection to the vote just taken by the Board was that it was an attempt to force me to vote with Catherine and make her look like a champion for women’s safety when it was her damn, foolish idea which endangered them to begin with! I will not be anyone’s scapegoat. I am not looking to dominate my daughter. She would do wise to pay attention to me, as I have much wisdom to absorb.
Sports Illustrated: What are your thoughts now about the opening event since the Board vote did not go your way?
MM: Well, what’s done is done. Now, we have a card more closely reflecting what I wanted all along. It will be a great show, that I am damn sure of.
HBO Sports: Will the women get their own Extreme Rules Battle Royal?
MM: Well, that’s something I am certainly considering. Perhaps the women on Asylum will come to see that I honestly do respect and adore their efforts when they see how much I promote them as all will see in PWI’s third season.
CBS Sports: If you respect the women on your roster so much and are looking out for their safety, then why were you so adamant about opposing a women’s draft prior to them having 50 women, as your initial demand suggested?
MM: Umm, because splitting a roster of 20 superstars of either gender is just stupid. Does that explain things enough for you? I realize that all of you are still recovering from the fog of lies about me as spread by my daughter and should’ve-been-aborted sibling, but you really need to think about this logically.
ESPN: Since you mentioned the controversy in your introduction, do you have any regrets about the acquisition of HBP in 2004?
MM: No. I don’t regret any business decision I have ever made. It worked for my company at the time, and I won in court. Benny would later get some semblance of revenge in the 2011 draft when he AGAIN drafted HBP and AGAIN relegated him to benchwarming in a company which itself became the home of benchwarmers. So, considering all of that, I would say we were even…although I won when it counted.
RT: Are you…
MM: Listen commie! I have already kicked your ass out of here before and I will do so again, right now. I want the nitwit who keeps letting the Russians in here fired!! *Russian reporter picked up and thrown out of the room* The nerve of these people. First, they rig an election, and now they want to hijack my press conference!
Fox Sports: Mickey, what is…
MM: You know what? I’m too damn irritated now to take anymore questions. Go back home people, I’m out. *Leaves*
Press Release from the Desk of Catherine L. Mouse
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
Dearest fans and pundits of professional wrestling, I apologize for taking so long to respond, but after the turmoil at the HQ1 Headquarters in Memphis this past weekend I had to take a moment to rest. There was quite a bit of drama which unfolded that night and then my father decided to pile on when he hosted his late-night press conference the other day, which was entirely unprofessional. I have stated all along that I am not in this for the soap opera, but to ensure that our fans of the best possible experience that we can deliver. Unfortunately, this recent controversy requires my direct response, so please forgive me as I deviate from the original goal of avoiding the conflict with my family.
At the Board Meeting and then again at the Press Conference, my father attacked me and my business skills directly as he desperately clung to what remained of his power. The moment he realized that he had lost the battle for which he had mistakenly drawn his line in the sand he saw fit to lash out at my sanity and my credibility. Was he correct in saying that it was my idea that the men and the women be allowed to compete against each other? Yes, and no. While I suggested to my father that there should be more opportunities for the women to follow the footsteps of Amazon in the past and while I even supported the initial idea of an intergender battle royal for immunity, I was not a supporter of the idea that women could have their careers or lives endangered in the “Extreme” match he wound up booking.
There is some truth to the claim that I pushed for women to be treated equally in the way my father said I had advocated, and I will NEVER apologize for being the fiercest advocate for the best performers in this industry. My father may have liked women’s wrestling and even pioneered the existence thereof in this industry, but he also never saw them as equals. It was only when I arrived that he was soon compelled to take all athletes seriously. While he did – in fact – step back from 2011 through to this year and allow me to run this company without his help, he had lost his faith in me just when he felt the heat rising this past May. He never trusted me to succeed on my own with genuine competition.
This lack of faith in my strengths is what led him to hijack the management of “From Dusk Til Dawn 3” and when it became clear that I was not going to cooperate like a “good little girl” he took it out on me with the booking decision that he green-lighted regarding that controversial match for Immunity. In other words, yes, I supported the intergender match in question, but he was the one who pushed for the “extreme” stipulations. It was my opinion at the time – an opinion I kept to myself until now – that my father added these stipulations to compel me to backtrack my advocacy for equality. His objective was pure backstage politics, and he was intent on achieving this administrative victory over me on the backs of our women stars. My selfishness was admittedly to blame for my refusal to back down, as I did not want to back down and let him win.
When my father realized I wasn’t backing down he stormed into my office on the eve of “From Dusk Til Dawn” and threatened to make the match official if I didn’t. I – blinded by my Mouse-family pride – told him right to his face that he should make it official and that I would even announce it for him. He cussed me out, called me a fool, and promised to make me regret that moment of defiance all before leaving my office in a rage. I later informed him that day that I was boycotting the event with this particular interaction being the final straw, and the rest of what happened that night is history.
When my uncle made it a point to capitalize on the justifiable public backlash about the match I was distraught. I was in tears in a conference call with the women on our roster, begging them not to go through with a planned strike which they were going to announce on the eve of “Greatness Reborn”. They were enraged with me and the rest of the men and women at Headquarters 1 and 2, for they had come to believe that I stopped fighting for them. In a way, they were right. While I was trying to do right by all women, I let my ego overcome me…just like my father and my uncles before me.
I can’t and won’t speak to Benny’s motives for speaking out against the match, because the only thing that matters is it helped to make mainstream an important discussion throughout the industry and specifically at Mmouse Enterprises. Yes, I was legitimately pushing for women to get treated better, to have the ability to be drafted for a safer and fairer schedule, for a women’s tag division, and more. However, my spat with my father and the fear of the appearance of losing had crippled me so much that I forgot to stand up for the ten women booked for that dangerous match.
Ultimately, this pressure mounted so much from the outrage outside and the threats of strikes and company resignations inside that I had no choice but to publicly rescind my support for the match; admitting I was wrong and that my father was right. What happened next – with my father’s petty refusal to cancel the match and the showdown which followed – took me by surprise. This war between my father and I was not one that I wanted, but his bitter actions derived from his desperate attempts to stay relevant have now driven me to fight back.
Our first shot in said war was in the Board Room when we – the side of justice – achieved a much needed victory over my father, his cronies, and the side of injustice. Now, seeing the wounded animal that Mickey has become in light of his humiliating defeat, I am calling for the Board of Directors to replace my father as the Chairman of the Board with a Chair who holds no significant shares in this company; a man or woman who will be justly compensated for their service, but whose service will not enrich them even further.
Demote my father to be a “Co-Vice Chair” like myself and the mystery shareholder and replace him with an objective third party, because that is the only way we can completely defang the monster he has become and make him a true equal amongst the rest of us.
The next time you all hear from me will be at my next press conference, which will be soon. Thank you.
Catherine Louise Mouse
Chief Operations Officer and Co-Vice Chair of the Board
Breaking News! – Catherine Mouse to Hold “No Questions Barred” Press Conference at Midnight!
October 27th, 2019
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
With the recent turmoil in Memphis and the pressure mounting for Catherine to face direct questions from the press, the Vice Chairwoman and C.O.O. has revealed her intent to finally hold another press conference later tonight. From what sources close to the Vice Chair have revealed, Catherine plans to make a handful of major announcements and is inviting the press to ask anything they want. Additionally, she is asking anyone amongst the fans to submit questions for her to answer as well. Literally nothing is off limits!
Stay tuned for more updates!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
October 28, 2019
(CM: Catherine Mouse)
*Catherine enters the room, gazes at the press, and looks to her handlers behind the curtain before approaching the podium*
CM: Thank you, members of the press, for coming here at this late hour. While I made sure to give you all approximately 12 hours notice of this event, I am genuinely appreciative of your presence here. My comments will be as brief as possible, because I want to get right to your questions as quickly as I can.
October 2019 will forever be remembered as the most tumultuous month in the history of this company, and this entire year will be remembered in like fashion. In my press release a few days ago, I addressed many of the concerns of the fans, pundits, co-workers, board members, and even our competitors. In that press release I also called for the Board of Directors to vote for a demotion of rank for my father from his current title of “Chair” to “Co-Vice Chair” and for him to be replaced in the chair by an objective third party. I am tonight – in the first of my numerous announcements – here to reveal that the anonymous Co-Vice Chair has sent me and the Board a letter of support for my proposal, and I have learned that the majority of the Board is with me. With the news, I am calling a Special Board Meeting immediately following this press conference in the Board Room located here at HQ2 whereat we shall consider my proposal. Naturally, my father is invited to partake, but I have my doubts that he will attend; as he has indicated to his confidantes that he regards HQ2 as an illegitimate Corporate Headquarters for this company.
Dealing with the Chairmanship issue is vital, because it is more than a title. My father is presently endowed with powers which he has no problem abusing and which I am powerless to stop alone as a Vice Chair. While my decisions require the Board’s approval, my father’s decisions – per the By-Laws he wrote over 20 years ago – do not require their approval. Despite the fact that he is no longer the majority shareholder as he was back then, his dictatorial powers remain unchanged as if his ownership were unchanged. The Board literally has to vote unanimously to overrule him without my support and the support of the other Co-Vice Chair. If he were demoted to Co-Vice Chair tonight he would face all the same restrictions the same as myself and our mystery cohort. That’s why I am urging the Board to vote with me on this proposal to restore sanity and stability to our company.
Now, on to the second bit of news. I believe we have finally discovered the source of those ridiculous rumors which were spreading in the summer about an early sta…*Catherine’s microphone is suddenly cut off, creating confusion in the room.*
*The lights in the room dim, and a projector screen turns on behind Catherine. Seconds later a familiar cackling can be heard over the speakers as the screen reveals Mickey laughing hysterically at his HQ1 desk in Memphis*
Mickey Mouse: Thank you, Catherine. I will take it from here. First and foremost, before I get to the important news of what is to come, let me laugh a little more at the hyperventilating show of drama put on display by my misguided child. *Laughs out loud while slapping his desk* Oh, that’s good. I needed that laugh.
What Catherine was going to tell you is that the source she had discovered was a former employee of mine. This individual was a janitor who overheard a number of officials chatting with network executives about TV deals. The idiot had no idea the importance of what he was hearing and was trying to get famous by being the “deep throat” of professional wrestling…kind of like my ex-wife, Jane.
Anyways, before the World of Wrestling – an organization I should have dissolved when I was in control of it 5 years ago – instituted their universal ban against any promotion starting before December I was in talks with these networks about launching the PWI on the 24th Anniversary of WPW’s debut on October 5th. Unfortunately, the surprise launch – which was sure to rock the wrestling world, catch my nitwit brother off guard, and give the fans what they want – was spoiled by the human waste who sought personal gain over the interests of his employers. When Benny learned about the rumors and was prematurely shaken by the prospect of PWI coming back over two months before the EWA he went to the World of Wrestling and begged them to stop me, and since those fools have always leaned in his favor – just like my pushover parents, who undoubtedly felt bad for their “special” child – they gave him everything he wanted.
So, that change forced a shift in strategy and in the talks with those networks. While I certainly pondered risking a fine from the World of Wrestling just to stick it to them, recent developments have convinced me that Catherine and her mysterious admirer would have undoubtedly exploited my bold act as the true leader of this company to turn the Board against me and force a unanimous vote to depose me completely. So, before this coup – as laid out by my daughter tonight – comes in the wee hours of the night, I am going to make what may well be my final decree as the greatest Chair MY company will ever know, a decree that I have full confidence will eventually be embraced by the Board and perhaps even the chief mutineers leading the way to topple me.
Since the World of Wrestling wants to micromanage the timetable for professional wrestling’s return as the chief source of entertainment for the people, I will oblige them with the biggest middle finger possible; by upstaging Benny yet again. On Sunday, December 1st, the PWI will return with our “Greatness Reborn” Opening Day Pay Per View, instead of its original date of January 6th! To the fans who purchased tickets for the original date, you will be fully refunded if you can’t attend, but I am going to add a bonus for everyone who can attend: free tickets for the first month of PWI shows!!
Finally, one last announcement, PWI “Ascendants” will debut the Saturday after “Greatness Reborn” – that is December 7th –, and will air from that point forward. The only exception will be on the 21st and the 28th, because our stars will not be forced to compete over the holidays. So, there you have it. Take it away, Catherine, if you can. *Laughs as the feed is cut*
*Catherine appears stunned as the screen rolls back up and the lights come back on*
CM: …I’m not sure how to follow that. We’ve taken enough of your time. Let’s get to these questions, without restrictions…as promised.
ESPN: Madame Vice Chair…I can only imagine what is going through your mind right now. Care to share your thoughts on what we just saw?
CM: *Sighs* What you see with my father is the hyper-masculine persona with which he was raised, a scourge on all of male-dominated society. Even though this was my press conference – albeit a press conference representing the company he presently chairs and which he founded -, he felt compelled to interrupt me and cast his shadow over me even now. What I can say about this is that it will end tonight. The Board undoubtedly saw what we all just saw, and I am confident that even his loyalists won’t feel comfortable supporting his continued use of the iron fist.
CBS Sports: Care to comment on the incredible news he just broke?
CM: Which part?
CBS Sports: All of it.
CM: Well, my uncle was right in his suspicions about my father’s intentions. I was not privy to the negotiations he mentioned, and I was conducting my own internal investigation into the rumors. He was correct in noting that the source was a former employee, but what he left out was the part that the gentleman was fired after first being demoted to janitor by my father. The man was demoted because he talked to the press about a separate matter entirely. More specifically, this man was also the source to the press about the argument between my father and I about From Dusk Til Dawn. He had served as an advisor to my father and when Mickey learned about this gentleman being the source of that breaking news he was punished with janitorial duties. The gentleman then took this to so much offense that he shared the details of the network negotiations with the press.
Regarding the early launch of our Opening Day, I guess that there is nothing I can do about it for reasons I’ve just noted. This is why it is urgent to demote him as soon as possible, before he causes anymore harm. Hell, you heard him right there note he was willing to incur fines from the World of Wrestling Organization just to make a point. He is childish and seriously ill-equipped to continue on as the unquestioned Chairman of Mmouse Enterprises.
NBC Sports: Catherine, with your uncle’s support and the support of the anonymous shareholder, you’ve been successful in overturning the company’s stance on mixed gendered wrestling. What do you make of Benny’s support and do you know the identity of the investor?
CM: I appreciate the support of my uncle, but I also know that he is operating as a crafty member of Earth’s wealthiest and most clever billionaire family. He is a businessman as much as he is my uncle. I will happily attend family outings with him, but we remain competitors. In other words, I have deep respect for him and all that he has accomplished, but I look forward to the hardworking men and women under my employ besting him in the ratings. As for the investor, I wish I knew. I had investigated the question quite extensively back in August to no avail. Whoever they are, they are very good at covering their tracks.
Sports Illustrated: What do you suppose this early launch means for the weekly PWI Monday programs of “Legends” and “Asylum”?
CM: From what I heard and as far as I can tell, nothing about that schedule changed. Both shows look like they remain scheduled for premieres in January on the 13th and 20th, respectfully. I anticipate that this will not change, because the Board is intent on debuting these shows to counter-program the EWA’s return to Monday nights. As for “Ascendants”, one of the announcements I was going to make eventually – I guess I will make it tonight considering the major news we’ve already broken – is that the format for this Saturday programming will be quite simple. There will be two matches – one featuring “Legends” superstars, and one featuring “Asylum” superstars – and there will be a special “Ascendants Spotlight” segment which will have Lawrence Mason conducting an in-ring interview with a superstar or team which we want to highlight. The interview will serve as the intermission between the two matches. I guess the fans will now get to see this starting in just over a month.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Who do you think will be the first Knockout’s Champion?
CM: Oh, going right for it, aren’t you? Well, Benny and my father conduct business in very similar yet very different ways. In some areas you can see their plan coming from a mile away, then there are moments where they truly are gifted in hitting an unexpected homerun. I am inclined to agree with much of what my Uncle Lenny has predicted, but I think that the first Knockouts Champion won’t be a dominant powerhouse like Rousey. This thing could go to someone like Charlotte or even an underdog like Nikki Cross. Either way, I will be watching it intently.
ABC Sports: Who are YOU rooting for in that tournament?
CM: It would be too cliché to say my cousin, right? *Laughs*
CNN Sports: What if tonight’s vote fails?
CM: After what we just witnessed? There’s not a chance it will.
CNN Sports: But what if it does?
CM: Then, folks, things are going to get pretty interesting real fast. My father is very predictable in what he does, and I know that better than anyone else. He is power hungry and it is only getting worse with age. I have no doubt that he would abuse his power further to try and press his tyrannical thumb down on my attempts to try and improve our product. He would continue to use our budget as his piggy bank to thumb his nose at the World of Wrestling and his greatest enemy: Benny. I’m not positive that we could sustain such conditions for very long before being forced to shut this operation down. That’s why this vote MUST succeed tonight.
New York Times: Some rumors about the investor believe that it could either be Jeff Murrey or Blaster Bladwick. Thoughts?
CM: I worked with Murrey and was intimate with Blaster. With Jeff, I can say that he is bitter to his core about what Mickey did to him in the 1990s and how Mickey embarrassed him every chance he got when Mickey came to work here after the LWF closed shop in 2004, but I don’t believe that Jeff Murrey is remotely interested in being a major shareholder in the company which forced his first major company – the World Wrestling Federation – into bankruptcy.
As for Blaster, I know it is an easy go-to for people to speculate this given the history between him and Mickey, but those same people forget that Mickey and Blaster resolved their differences in the UWA in 2010 with Mickey giving the final UWA Championship to Blaster, over Dragonfly. I know Blaster personally, and was even pregnant with his child. He would laugh off the prospect of being a major shareholder in this company. It’s just not him.
National Enquirer: Catherine…
CM: Oh boy, here we go…
National Enquirer: …did you really abort Blaster’s baby, as you claimed in 2009?
CM: Under normal circumstances I would reject that disgusting question, but I promised that no questions would be prohibited. So, this is a very touchy issue for me. An abortion is not a decision easily made by any woman. I remain confident that I made the right decision at the time. Was it wrong to use this issue as an attack against Blaster ten years ago? Perhaps, but I made the decision I did at the time while thinking about the turmoil my relationship was going to have on the family and even on my career. I know this sounds selfish, and it is to a certain degree, but it was my decision to make…alone. I wish we had more time for questions, but I need to get to this special board meeting. Thank you everyone for coming!
*Catherine exits the room, as the press actually applauds*
November 2nd, 2019
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
Following the late-night special Board Meeting called by Catherine on October 28th and interrupted by a team of Mickey’s lawyers that forced the gathering to stop, citing Mickey’s unrealistic chances at attending given that he was in Memphis at the time, a new meeting was called for today. Upon arrival in the HQ2 Board Room, Catherine and the Board Members were confronted with a surprise presence of the Nashville Police Department. Catherine – visibly frustrated with what appeared to be another delay – demanded an explanation for the police coming, to which one of the officers insisted that she come with him for questioning. After an hour of the Vice Chairwoman sitting in the police station awaiting her round of questions, it was soon made clear that she was arrested because an “anonymous source” reported a “theft in progress” with Catherine Mouse being the main suspect. Once Catherine answered questions for another hour about the accusation, the arresting officer felt satisfied that she was likely telling the truth about her innocence.
Miss Mouse then released the following statement: “In what appears to have been another crafty delay tactic orchestrated by my father so as to prevent the inevitable – that is, his official dethroning as the unquestioned leader of Mmouse Enterprises -, I have resolved that we will meet one more time tomorrow. Mickey has had more than sufficient time to prepare for this meeting and the time has come for him to present his case for why we should not go forward or submit to the will of the Board. Enough games, it is time to get back to business.”
There was no statement offered by Chairman Mickey Mouse Junior nor was there any apparent effort to comment by the mysterious Co-Vice Chairperson.
In other news, the details of the PWI Internal Draft between “Asylum” and “Legends” was released, and the results thereof will take effect on January 27th:
Mickey – representing “Asylum” – won the coin flip to get the first pick in the men’s and women’s drafts. Catherine represented “Legends”. Here’s how the picks unfolded:
Men’s Draft –
Asylum secured = 1. FRED, 2. Dragonfly, 3. Drakus, 4. Bray Wyatt, 5. Braun Strowman, 6. Dolph Ziggler, 7. Kane, 8. Matt Taven, 9. Mark Henry, 10. Scarecrow, 11. Kurt Angle, 12. Cesaro, 13. Christopher Daniels, 14. Baron Corbin, 15. Wade Barrett, 16. Shinsuke Nakamura, 17. DDP, 18. Test, 19. Mr. Perfect, 20. Abyss, 21. Tiny, 22. Chaz, 23. Ken Shamrock, 24. Bossman, 25. The Anvil, 26. Mr. Ass, 27. Eddie Guerrero, 28. Chavo, 29. Mr. Clean, 30. Drake Nash, 31. X-Pac, and 32. Kurgan
Legends secured = 1. Teo, 2. Attitude, 3. Robbie Storm, 4. Miz, 5. Andrade, 6. Brock Lesnar, 7. Kevin Owens, 8. Rhyno, 9. Jon Moxley, 10. Petey Williams, 11. Brandon Lee, 12. Jeff Hardy, 13. Rob Van Dam, 14. Jeff Jarrett, 15. Drew McIntyre, 16. Mike O’Malley, 17. Samoa Joe, 18. Mr. Kennedy, 19. Aleister Black, 20. Randy Savage, 21. John Morrison, 22. Scott Nash, 23. Slammer, 24. Marty Scurll, 25. Doink, 26. Tazz, 27. Scorpion, 28. Matt Hardy, 29. Triple H, 30. Lance Storm, 31. B-Rad, and 32. T-Page
Women’s Draft –
Asylum secured = 1. Amazon, 2. Paige, 3. Alexa Bliss, 4. Sasha Banks, 5. Molly Holly, 6. Tenille Dashwood (Emma), 7. Carmella, 8. Taya Valkyrie, 9. Ariel, 10. Alundra Blayze, 11. Madyson Rayne, 12. Ivelisse, 13. Maria, 14. Britt Baker, 15. Ivory, 16. Peyton Royce, 17. Billie Kaye, 18. Sable, 19. Zevon Heaven, 20. Mockingbird, and 21. Sharon Carter
Legends secured = 1. Angelina Love, 2. Gail Kim, 3. Living Dead Girl, 4. Asuka, 5. Tessa Blanchard, 6. Mandy Rose, 7. Sonya Deville, 8. Ruby Riott, 9. Velvet Sky, 10. Michelle McCool, 11. Amber Gallows, 12. Zelina Vega, 13. Victoria, 14. Sarah Logan, 15. Allie, 16. Layla, 17. Sunny, 18. Stephanie McMahon, 19. Starfire, 20. Thundra, and 21. Daisy Buffer
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
November 4, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
Just minutes ago the third attempt at Vice Chairwoman Mouse’s called special meeting of the Board came to a conclusion. Sources from inside the Board Room mentioned that Mickey appeared five minutes early for the meeting alongside his team of lawyers. As the meeting was called to order by Board President Howard Knuckles, Mickey was raising his hand insisting on his privilege – as Chairman of the Board – to speak. The Chairman, after the President gave him the floor, began by pointing out just how tumultuous this year has been for the industry and especially for the company itself. He then expressed his resentment towards the Board’s apparent loss of faith in his ability to lead despite his leadership supposedly making the PWI and its coming resurrection the talk of the entire wrestling world. Even so – he reportedly continued – Mickey conveyed an understanding in why the Board feels enticed by Catherine’s proposal.
Mickey defended his status as Chairman, citing that he was the one who built this company from scratch and made it a powerhouse which completely revolutionized the sports entertainment industry. He then pointed to Catherine – who sat silently and respectfully intently listening to Mickey’s words – and uttered some praise for her business acumen, saying that her brilliance made him proud, but that her naiveté as far as her uncle is concerned worries him about her ability to stand on an equal footing with him. Catherine visibly rolled her eyes and even sighed, something for which President Knuckles gaveled her as he insisted on decorum.
In his closing argument of the meeting, Mickey offered what he considered to be “the best possible compromise”. He offered his own vote in support of Catherine’s proposal if only the Board strip Catherine of her position of “Chief Operations Officer” and if they compel the mysterious Board member to reveal their identity within a month lest he or she risk losing their position of power by a forced selling of his or her shares to the Board. Catherine was irate at the proposal, attacking it for being yet another power-grab by her father, but then she was quieted when a number of Board members not loyal to Mickey started to speak up in favor of the Chair’s compromise. “It’s actually quite fair, Catherine” one of them stated. Another spoke up, saying “if Mickey has to be demoted as Chair, then you remaining as C.O.O. would technically grant you more authority than he”.
As the meeting dragged on for another three hours, Mickey seemed to be whipping more members in support of his position. Catherine fell silent, and eventually asked the President to call the question (in other words, force a vote on ending the debate so as to move to a vote on the proposal). Mickey agreed, but suggested a vote on the amendment must be guaranteed, which was seconded by another member. Catherine and one other Board member were the only ones to disagree with the amendment. Then, with the amendment approved, Mickey called the question to a vote to rush approval of the newly amended proposal which was almost unanimously approved. Now, with the formal vote on the proposal about to take place, Mickey – according to sources observing the events inside the room – glanced at Catherine and smirked at her as he motioned for a vote. Once another member seconded, there vote was unanimous in support, save for Catherine’s abstention. No attempt at voting was made by the anonymous shareholder nor by any person representing them.
With the vote finished and Catherine demoted just like her father, Mickey walked by her and patted her on the back, saying “proud of you, good job today”. Catherine was said to have looked more furious than ever at that point, but she sat her seat until everyone else cleared out of the room. When she left, we attempted to get a comment from her, but all she could say was: “at least Mickey is no longer the Chairman, but it looks like he got one more small victory out of his downfall. Too bad for him that it will be the last time he will get one over on me.”
Following the meeting, Mickey’s only statement was a tweet he sent out just moments ago: “With that, we can get back to business. No matter whom the Board chooses as our new Chair, I am intent on giving the fans what they want: the best entertainment that money can buy!”
The anonymous shareholder’s representatives were asked for a comment. They said their client has no comment except that they will comply with the Board’s wishes at “Greatness Reborn”.
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
November 10, 2019
Signed: Lawrence C. Mason
With “Greatness Reborn” just three weeks away, later tonight there will be a significant press conference pertinent to that pay per view and other matters related to the company and the world of wrestling. Stay tuned.
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
November 11, 2019
(MM: Mickey Mouse)
*Mickey enters the room, with a big grin on his face*
MM: Welcome, everyone, it is such a pleasure to see all of your beautiful faces at this late…or early…hour. I realize that I have asked you all to be here three hours ago only to arrive now, but I had some last minute discussions that I had to make some things official. It is Veterans Day and we are now 20 days away from the rebirth of PWI. The world wants to know what will be happening next in the world of wrestling as we speed towards the sixth great era of this business and I have it on good authority that the Board of Directors will be electing our new Chairman/Chairwoman by the end of the week. In summary, there is A LOT happening right now in this industry!
In the days leading to ‘Greatness Reborn’, Lenny Mouse will be conducting a series of interviews with the ten double-main eventing PWI superstars: Teo, Attitude, Petey Williams, Drakus, Rhyno, Scott Nash, Amazon, Angelina Love, Victoria, and Living Dead Girl. Within hours, our website will be updated to show our updated PPV and TV posters as well as to present the first of the aforementioned interviews. Lenny will also present his analysis of the first Head-to-Head Monday Night War between EWA and the PWI as ‘Asylum’ takes on ‘Revolution’. A lot to look forward to this week!
It brings me a great deal of pleasure to report that one of the provisions of the deal the Board of Directors voted on last month was a an agreement that I will have complete control over what happens in ‘Asylum’ and the same will be the case for Catherine in her project on ‘Legends’. Neither of us will have the power to influence the other’s program, per this provision. ‘Ascendants’, our developmental program, will be managed by Commissioner Slammu; who will answer directly to the Chair. This is where it gets real interesting.
I’ve never liked the idea of our competition getting a free pass. In 2008, I kicked myself for months after letting the HCW and the EWA start a month before the UWA was reborn. Many of my closest advisers felt that it was a crucial mistake in allowing ‘the other guys’ to get a running head start before we debuted on Independence Day of that year. Furthermore, I announced ‘Saturday Sanitarium’ – our previous developmental program – to both permit our upcoming talent to have a spotlight and to inhibit the EWA from having free reign to do the same without competition. The end result of that decision was that the EWA cancelled their developmental show plans and we presented our own unchallenged for the duration of the Fourth Era.
After consulting the Board and earning their unanimous support for an idea I had, I am proud to break some news for you. When we revealed to the world that the PWI would launch on December 1st we also noted how we would debut and singularly focus on ‘Ascendants’ every Saturday leading up to the premiere of ‘Asylum’ on January 13th; with the exception of December 28th and January 3rd. Well, I am happy to announce that the up and coming talent featured first on ‘Ascendants’ under the supervision of Commissioner Slammu will get their own quarterly Pay Per View which will be held the Saturday immediately following every Major PPV starting in March. These Pay Per Views will be called ‘The Spotlight’, will consist of 8 matches booked by Commissioner Slammu and a team of his choosing, and the first edition will be held on Saturday, December 28th!!
Now, for some questions!
NBC Sports: I don’t know where to start, I suppose the first question to come to mind is whether you are hoping to hinder any steam Benny and the EWA may build with their opening PPV?
MM: Hey, I have NO – I repeat, NO – control over ‘Ascendants’ whatsoever. The PPV will take place 27 days after ‘Greatness Reborn’ and after only three editions of ‘Ascendants’; each of which will only feature two matches and a spotlight interview. ‘The Spotlight’ will not be a traditional PPV, but a special chance for our bright new talent to show the world what they’ve got. It will effectively be a “super show” for ‘Ascendants’ will little – if any – build for the matches to be featured. In essence, it will be a PPV purely for fun.
CBS Sports: So, are you saying that you don’t expect ‘The Spotlight’ to beat ‘Hell Hath No Fury’?
MM: I’m not making any predictions, honestly. If EWA struggles to defeat PWI’s developmental talent in the ratings then that is a Benny problem, not a Mmouse Enterprises problem.
ESPN: Some might be forgiven to speculate that this announcement is sort of a response to Benny saying at his latest press conference that he had no reaction to the early launch date of PWI. Any truth to that sentiment?
MM: It should certainly leave him with the impression that there is literally no chance that I will let him have a moment to breathe easy. It may be 102nd anniversary of the end of the First World War today, a day which we called “Armistice Day” to signify a call for an end to war, but that is not the spirit with which I approach this industry. We are in a war, my friends, and I intend to win that damn war…even if I had to give up my coveted leadership position in order to ensure as much!
Sports Illustrated: What about the spotlight you will be taking away from the historical night for women on that night?
MM: Oh please, get this guy a safe space to hide in! Competition is the nature of this industry…and of every industry. We are here to entertain the audience with the best possible product; not to hold the hands of our competition as they hand out “history” like cheap candy. Additionally, I suspect that the women of PWI will be greatly featured on that night as well. Have you seen our incredible pool of talent? There’s no chance in hell that we won’t give them the spotlight…if you will excuse the pun.
HBO Sports: What is your reaction to the EWA announcement that every tenth episode of ‘Revolution’ will consist entirely of women?
MM: What’s funny is that I have long suspected that there is a BWM Inc. mole in the Mmouse Enterprises Board Room, and this only adds to that suspicion. We actually had quite a few debates – prior to the coup led by my daughter – about spearheading a similar presentation for the occasional episode of our Monday broadcasts. There were a few problems that we saw with this proposal: 1) Benny was already hosting an all-women’s PPV, and I would be damned if I intentionally appeared to be following his lead, and 2) featuring only a single sex in a wrestling show is inherently sexist, even if the intentions appear to be commendable. We ultimately ruled out doing what Benny will be doing based on those two points. Benny Mouse may be supportive of appeasing a small segment of our industry’s viewers for the sake of claiming “history”, but we in the PWI are quite comfortable giving all of our talent an equal shot at fame irrespective of their private parts. That is all the time I have for today, folks, have a great night!!
*Mickey then leaves as the press attempts to get more questions answered*
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
November 12, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
BREAKING NEWS! The Austin Family, led by Terry Austin’s widow, file a lawsuit against PWI for Teo’s recent inflammatory comments – made during his interview with Lenny Mouse over the weekend – about Terry’s career and championship victory in late-2014. The ten million dollar lawsuit calls for PWI to take serious action against Teo and to strike his comments from the Mmouse Enterprises website immediately as well as to pay at least a year’s worth of a champion’s salary to the aggrieved family.
Co-Vice Chairwoman Catherine Mouse – who serves as Teo direct supervisor as the chief executive of the Legends Brand – held off on a full-length statement for now, but assured the press that she will be dealing with the issue swiftly. Co-Vice Chairman Mickey Mouse chimed in via tweet this morning, saying: “It looks like another frivolous lawsuit to me. I’m not understanding what the fuss is all about. Was Teo lying? I’ll let the statistics speak for themselves. Teo’s draw > Terry Austin’s. Catherine knew this.”
We reached out for a comment from Teo. His only response was to laugh out loud and to hang up on us.
Stay tuned for more details as they come.
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
November 15, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
A string of major events have developed all across the PWI Universe!
First and foremost, Co-Vice Chair Catherine Mouse announced a $500,000 fine for Teo if he doesn’t comply with her order to apologize publicly to the Austin Family for his gross remarks about the deceased Terry Austin during his Pre-Premiere Interview. This comes on the heel of a summons for Miss Mouse to appear in Court on behalf of PWI to confront the lawsuit spawned from Teo’s remarks. Teo could not be immediately reached for comment, as our call was promptly sent to a prerecorded voicemail message which included a plea from Teo for all callers complaining about his remarks to “kiss [his] ass”.
Secondly, Co-Vice Chairman Mickey Mouse tweeted – mocking Catherine and his brother Benny’s failure to deliver a promised “earth-shattering announcement” by the afternoon of November 14th – when he said: “My dear daughter is struggling to whip her roster into shape while my wall-nibbling brotard returns to his erratic roots. Pinch me, I must be dreaming. Then again, don’t. You might get a raw dog rumble the likes of which you’ve never seen before in the mood I’m in.” Mickey then subsequently issued another tweet on another matter of some importance to him: “I’ve officially dispatched my long-time Business Man – Harry Puddphucker, who I’ve always entrusted with my financial affairs and dealings – to investigate this anonymous sabotage master holding 24% of my company’s shares hostage. It is only a matter of time before the mask comes off!”
Finally, in news which just broke a few moments ago AS WE WERE COMPOSING THIS UPDATE the Board of Directors have made their final – seemingly unanimous – decision (a decision from which all three Co-Vice Chairs were banned from voting, per the agreed upon compromise) as to whom will serve as Mmouse Enterprises new Chairman! A Press Conference will be hosted some time between now and Greatness Reborn by the Board – led by the President – to introduce the person elected!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
November 16, 2019
The President of Mmouse Enterprises Board of Directors – Howard Knuckles -, in response to the truly earth-shattering news breaking from the parent company of EWA – BWM Inc. – invites the press to a press conference later this evening (be ready around 7pm, Eastern Standard Time) for an announcement (or two) which will dramatically shift the conversation in the world of wrestling. To foreshadow: things come around full circle as we prepare for the greatest war the industry has ever seen.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman for Mmouse Enterprises
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
November 16, 2019
(LM = Lawrence Mason, PK = Board President Knuckles)
*Lawrence Mason approaches the podium*
LM: Thank you, members of the press, for coming here this evening. The buzz in the wrestling world has started to reach a fever pitch. Within the past few days we’ve seen the goalpost shift from the end of this year to the end of this month for the kickoff of this brand new era. The Chairman of BWM Inc., Benny Mouse, announced that he would launch his product a whole month earlier than originally scheduled. It is the belief of the Board of Mmouse Enterprises that this was a direct response to Mickey’s successful proposal to move our own premiere up a month earlier. Seeing this move by our competition inspired the Board to follow through with their plans to elect our new Chairman. Without any further delay, here is the President of the Board, Mr. Howard Knuckles.
*Knuckles replaces Mason, shaking his hand and patting him on the back as he takes control of the microphone*
PK: I appreciate the professional introduction, Lawrence. I have to say that out of all the employees of this company – past and present -, none has been consistently professional and effective at their job quite like the iconic Lawrence C. Mason. *Applause*
Now, let me move on to the reason we are all here. The Board of Directors has been hard at work since Mickey’s compromise left us with a vacant chair position. We’ve had to collectively assume the responsibilities of the Chair while also attempting to balance that essential position with our own roles in the Board. Not since Mickey asked me to replace President Slammu in the wake of PWI’s original sunset have I been more excited in this position.
As we interviewed a series of candidates for the position – which, I should remind you, is a position with the executive powers Mickey and Catherine in the interim had possessed, but limited by the fact that the new Chair will own 0% shares in this company – we also had to balance that painstaking process with the earth-shaking proposals Mickey had offered in his effort to undercut the competition. To put it one way, it was not easy to do so many things of such high importance at once.
However, when Benny made his truly “earth-shattering” announcement about premiering both the opening of EWA and its Monday shows a month earlier than originally scheduled it reminded us that we needed to settle on the best possible candidate out of the dozen or so we interviewed and vetted. In the midst of a war, leadership – clear leadership – is vital to success. So, we had to ponder our options through one important filter: who among these candidates has the best chance at leading us to victory? Who among them has the necessary experience in business to make it known to the world that Mmouse Enterprises will not be ignored? Who knows this industry inside and out and is ready from the very start to lead us back to our unquestioned status at the top? Before I announce our pick, let me provide some context.
For many years the Board had religiously concluded that Mickey was the man, the only man for this job. After all, he took this company from the shell that it had been left by his father in the mid-1990s and turned it into the greatest entertainment powerhouse for 5 and a half years. Then, his leadership allowed this company to remain highly competitive for years to come. However, when he passed the reins of control over to his daughter in 2011, it was clear to many of us – and I begrudgingly say this as a lifelong friend of Mickey’s – that Mickey had lost his ability to think rationally in his obsession to defeat his youngest brother and the most formidable competitor he had ever faced: Benny. Mickey’s signs of instability had begun to appear in 2004 when he resorted to blaming ratings losses on Benny supposedly bribing the deeply poor in third world countries from Ethiopia to even Jamaica.
Mickey had a hard time understanding how anyone other than he could dominate the wrestling world, which was something that Mickey did with pride for the legendary reign of USWA atop this industry. Truthfully, the UWA wasn’t exactly second-tier during the Third Era, but the fact that Mickey had to share the spotlight on an even footing with Benny drove him insane. Things only got worse when we launched the “Second Coming” in 2008 for our involvement in the so-called 2008-2010 “Fourth Era” of wrestling. We admittedly struggled quite a bit in the first six months of the UWA’s rebirth, and we were regularly subjected to vicious, obscenity-laced tirades in the Board Room by Mickey who was frustrated by our lengthy occupation at the bottom of the ratings pile; underneath not only Benny, but John Brown as well, who Mickey always regarded as nothing more than an escaped carnival creature.
We honestly had several secret meetings – and this was when I was in a supporting role in the Board, as a noted loyalist to Mickey – wherein we contemplated amongst ourselves how we should deal with our unhinged Chairman as we were forced into being a literal “third rate” wrestling company thanks to the surprising dominance of Brown’s HCW in the early going. When things picked up for us in the early months of 2009 and we became clearly competitive again Mickey was spared our planned intervention through to the end, and we he handed control over to Catherine, we all breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, we thought to ourselves, our nightmare was over!
Then, we had the lukewarm “Fifth Era”. Times were good with Catherine’s plans for reinvention as she launched the “PWI”. The only problem was that Benny was not as interested in the competition as he had been before, and we did not absorb any of the fans that Benny had regularly attracted. It was a monopoly by default, and when you couple that with a cascade of rookie leadership mistakes by Catherine, our numerous false starts, and the sloppy introduction of the concept of “seasons” with a beginning and ending in this industry, Catherine’s fledgling leadership chased away some major investors and we started to hear rumors that Mickey was not impressed, even if he publicly praised her.
Ultimately, Mickey’s doubts about his daughter’s leadership skills came to a head earlier this year over the drama we are now all too familiar with surrounding the negotiations and booking for the final installment of “From Dusk Til Dawn”. When that drama began we in the Board began to fear that Mickey was about to launch a hostile takeover of the company to wrench control back from his daughter, and he did just that by exploiting one of his infamous hidden contractual clauses set up to create a “back door” for him to slip back into the driver’s seat. We were powerless to stop a repeat of history – but with the potential for more disastrous results, given Mickey’s worsening obsession over being the conqueror of the wrestling world -, that is until Mickey made some critical errors which allowed for the twist of fate the world saw wherein his mind games with Catherine and the Board compelled us to almost unanimously conclude that something had to change.
Mickey very possibly would still be the Chairman today had he not let his obsession – with unchecked power – get the best of him. Ironically, though, he acted out of character in offering a compromise which assured his demotion. We in the Board believe that Mickey did this solely to get one more jab at Catherine as he saw his grip on the Board fading, but what it did was left us with an opportunity to start fresh. So, who in the world could we possibly envision as being the best-suited candidate to be tasked with the job of rebuilding the empire that Mickey once built and allowed to crumble with his power-driven madness? Who best knows the world of business and the business of the wrestling world to guide this company to a great new era? It was our conclusion, and the vote was ridiculously lopsided, that the ONLY option we could possibly choose was the man who made this industry a mainstream source of entertainment to beginwith…almost 30 years ago: Jeff Murrey!
*Applause and cheers as Murrey enters the room, waving his hand. He shakes the President’s hand as he takes the podium*
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
JM: Well, this is quite the change of pace, right?! *Cheers and Applause continue*
Ok, ok, settle down now. Look, I know that this is kind of a big deal. I mean, I’m a big deal. None of this would exist if it weren’t for my vision all those years ago to take what was once a semi-carnival act which occupied small territories throughout the world and bring it under one, major banner: the WWF. I couldn’t have done it without the greatest Icons in this industry: starting with Jake Roberts and Dibiase, then Krusader, Arn Anderson, Jesse Ventura, and the greatest of all-time…Splinter. *Louder applause*
Many of you are probably scratching your heads about the irony of this moment. How did I – the man who started it all, but whose empire fell victim to the rise of Mickey’s USWA – come to lead the company created by my own most formidable foe in this industry? We all know the history by now. 7 years after the WWF collapsed and following the many experiments I toyed with to try and compete with Mickey I came back to the forefront with the Last Wrestling Federation *”LWF” Chants erupt*
Yes, yes, the LWF was awesome. By the way, aren’t you all suppose to be impartial members of the press? *Laughs and cheers*
Anyways, the LWF upset the applecart and turned the – what do you people call it…”Third Era”? – we turned the Third Era on its head! Benny and Mickey didn’t see us coming, and for ten straight weeks neither Mouse brother could touch us! I’m proud of that time, and we ended it before it could become too big. We didn’t go out with a wimper. We just ended it, because we had made our point. Mickey and Benny had to be reminded who “Daddy” was, and I did so in a big way that got under their skin for years to come.
Yes, I wound up working for Mickey under the UWA banner for the rest of that era, and then I was the so-called “Promotional Administrator” of the Mickey version of the WWF from 2008 to 2010. But, none of that…NONE OF THAT erases what I did when Mickey and Benny were at the height of their competitive streak. Nobody knows this business like me, because I created this damn business! That’s why a number of the Board of Directors came to me and asked me to apply for the position. I never doubted for a second that I would get the position, because they know that when I am in the conversation…I become the center of it.
The best part of it all is that I don’t have to – nor do I want to – own a single dime in company shares. This is about restoring the greatness of this industry at a pivotal moment in its history. I’m ready to get work, and I will start tonight by making a few announcements, some decrees, if you will.
For starters, if Benny wants to try and draw a line in the sand we will meet him right in his face. That’s why I am announcing that “Greatness Reborn” will premiere head to head with “Hell Hath No Fury”! Never before in this industry have we seen a high stakes set of opening days compete like this – on Pay Per View – and we are ready to not only meet, but defeat the EWA in the process! Furthermore, the premieres of our Monday shows will compete directly with EWA’s! We will still move forward – as planned – with the “Ascendants” broadcasts, as well as the “Spotlight” Pay Per View.
On the night of our Opening Day, we will not award the winner of the “Extreme Battle Royal” with a mere status of immunity for a season. Rather, I will restore the original great concept behind the status of Immunity with an actual, defendable championship which will be awarded to the winner of that match. It made no sense to me that the championship had been discontinued as something that was defendable; one of those questionable decisions by my predecessors. Having said that, I will tweak the rules for the Immunity Championship. There will no longer be a 24/7 chaotic defense rule as we’ve seen in times past. What we will see is a set of requirements for the privilege to challenge for Immunity. To challenge for this belt you must either win an Extreme Battle Royal – an opportunity which will be made possible at least once a month – or the Immunity Champion must elect to defend it against you.
Finally, to right the wrong of that insane controversy from the past couple of months, I am formally announcing that there will be a Women’s Immunity Championship as well and that the match to crown that first champion will take place by the end of December! *Cheers and Applause*
I apologize for how long you all had to wait for this press conference, and I am sure you are full of questions, but we will have to suspend the question and answer portion of this press conference for this one time. I promise to let you have at me next time around, but the Board and I have a great deal of work to do! Thank you! *Leaves as the room applauds*
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
November 19, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
After hours of silence following the incredible news about Chairman Murrey’s election by the Board, Co-Vice Chairman Mickey finally opined on the matter with an angry, obscenity-laced, tirade via Twitter:
11pm (November 18, 2019): “First the Board helps Catherine and the Mystery Coward to launch a disastrous coup against me, and then they elect this incompetent failure to lead the SAME FUCKING COMPANY THAT PUT HIM OUT OF BUSINESS?!! Epic FAIL!!!”
11:11pm: “You know what’s really stupid? Appointing Hillary Clinton to serve as President while demoting Trump to Vice President. Sound idiotic? Because it is!!”
11:15pm: “My ass hurts from thinking about this stupidity all day. I have been in such brain pain that the pain has literally transferred to my ass! My FUCKING ASS!!”
11:45pm: “Name one thing that Murrey did which made this appointment sensible, and don’t you dare mention the LWF! That organization was a fluke and I proved it when he failed as my promotional administrator for the revived WWF in 2008! We had to save him from himself. Disgrace!!”
12:30am: “I’ve been informed by the police that my screams are disturbing the neighbors. I live in a fucking mansion in the middle of Tennessee. My neighbors are disturbed sibling-fuckers, and I have every right to scream, because my company is being robbed and raped…in that order!!”
Reports are that Mickey may have actually been visited by the police, but only after someone heard a lady screaming in his house. There seems to be no proof that Mickey had a lady in the house with him at the time. Stay tuned for more updates on this story.
In other news, Teo has reportedly been dodging requests by Co-Vice Chair Catherine Mouse to visit her at the office. Rumor has it that he mailed a Xerox of his unclean rear end to the family of the late-Terry Austin with a note which read: “I apologize that my ass looks better unwiped than Terry did on his best day.” It is also said that Teo continues to taunt Co-Vice Chairwoman Mouse with new messages on his voicemail protesting the demand that he apologize. His latest says “If you are calling about that apology, I suggest you kill yourself…so you and Terry can bitch about it together.”
Finally, in lighter news, more updates can be found at the Mmouse Enterprises website with details about the first installments of “Ascendants” and “The Spotlight”. Stay tuned for more updates as we move onward to “Greatness Reborn”!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
November 20, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
A series of developments coming from both Headquarters of Mmouse Enterprises. First and foremost, Chairman Murrey has called for a special meeting of the Board this evening for a matter not yet made public, but rumor has it that it pertains – in part – to the lawsuit filed by the late-Terry Austin’s family in response to Teo’s controversial and degrading remarks aimed at Mr. Austin. A subsequent press release revealed – in what may be related to the special meeting – a first ever press conference this Saturday at a recently purchased space in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was noted that this will be Chairman Murrey’s first press conference where he will take questions, and that the two Co-Vice Chairs seated at HQ1 and HQ2 will be participating via Skype.
In other related news, Teo tweeted an image of Terry Austin with photoshopped tears and a caption which read: “That moment when Teo makes you the talk of the world, but you didn’t live to see it.” The Austin Family released a statement demanding that Teo immediately apologize, but there was no immediate response from Teo when we reached out for a comment.
With Mickey, there was another string of angry tweets today, but one in particular took a sharp jab at Murrey with a reference to Benny Mouse’s recent press conference: “For the first time in my life, I can wholeheartedly agree with Benjamin…Murrey’s appointment was lame!! You all will be sorry that I was forced to step down from the Chairmanship.”
Mr. Murrey could not be reached for comment, citing preparations for the special meeting. However, his office to extend an offer to the press to ask about it on Saturday.
Finally, after an outcry from the women’s locker room, the Gauntlet Match for “Greatness Reborn” has been listed as an official part of the card via the website. It was not listed due to an error on the part of the internet editing crew.
Stay tuned for more details.
Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
November 24, 2019
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Thank you, members of the press, for taking the time out of your busy lives to hear what I’ve got to say. One week from now we will be recovering from the rebirth of PWI and professional wrestling as a whole. I apologize for this late press conference, as I wanted to welcome you all through those doors behind you 12 hours ago, but we had some conflicts in schedules to work out with two of our three co-Vice Chairs. Now that we finally have those issues dealt with we can get to business. I know that there have been rumors floating around about the purpose of this press conference, and I promise that each of you will have a chance to ask me questions regarding the matter before the night is over. First and foremost, before I introduce Vice Chairs Catherine and Mickey via Skype I wanted to address head-on the serious lawsuit which predates my service as the Chair, but which I am now forced to tackle.
I wholeheartedly condemn the remarks made by Teo alongside his subsequent taunting of the Austin family, and demand a heartfelt apology by him before he competes in next Saturday’s “Six Pack Challenge”. Until he does so I will fine him and Vice Chair Catherine Mouse $10,000 for every show that he appears without an apology. The lawyers representing the Austin family have agreed that this is a reasonable punitive action as an alternative to their lawsuit, especially since the fines collected will be paid out directly to the family. I know you may ask yourself why I am fining Vice Chair Catherine Mouse. The reason is simply that she is the one in charge of “Legends”; the roster to which Teo was drafted. This lawsuit is a major reason why I have called on Catherine to participate in this press conference tonight.
As for Vice Chair Mickey Mouse, I know he has had some interesting things to say about my election as Chairman, and his attacks have been very similar to those of his younger brother. It makes me wonder what side Mickey is on, until I remember that Mickey is only on his own side…the same as his brother Benny. No major scandal is consuming Mickey or his “Asylum” roster right now outside of his apparent inability to cope with the fact that he is no longer in charge coupled with his equal inability to tame what he says on Twitter. So, I have invited him tonight to participate so that we can try and rectify our differences.
Now that I have laid out what we are doing tonight, allow me to introduce two of our three Co-Vice Chairs, Mickey and Catherine Mouse!
*Screens roll down on the walls behind Murrey, as the “Live” Skype feed displays Mickey and Catherine’s faces*
(CM = Catherine Mouse, MM = Mickey Mouse)
JM: Welcome Mickey and Catherine (*the two of them nod*)…do either of you have anything that you want to say? Catherine you first…
CM: Well, Chairman Murrey, I am obviously not too pleased with the decision to fine me. Seems a tad unfair, but I suppose it is meant to incline me to keep the pressure on Teo to do the right thing by apologizing to the family of Terry Austin…
MM: What a crock of shit…
CM: Excuse me?!
JM: Hold on, Mickey, you will get your turn to speak in a moment. Show your daughter some respect.
MM: Eat a dick bag, Jeff.
JM: I don’t believe that is how the expression goes, Mickey.
MM: Oh, I know how it goes. However, telling you to eat a single dick is not sufficient for how I am feeling towards you right now, so I am suggesting that you scarf down an entire bag of them…without removing said dicks from the bag.
JM: You can be an adult at any moment of your choosing, Mr. Vice Chair, just saying.
MM: And you can go back to being the unemployed loser who I sent into obscurity 20 years ago, but here we are.
JM: Whatever, Madame Vice Chair, please continue.
CM: As I was saying…
MM: Back to that crock of shit…
JM: Cut his damn mic for a second! Geez!
CM: *Continues as Mickey screams silently on his Skype Screen* Thank you, Chairman Murrey. Look, Teo needs to apologize and he needs to cut it out with the childish games. I’ve had a number of serious discussions with the Austin family and I have assured them that I will do whatever is in my power to compel Teo to show contrition on this matter. So, I will take this imposed fine and I will match it’s severity by warning Teo that his failure to apologize by the middle of “Greatness Reborn” will result in significant punitive action which he will learn to regret. I am not playing games here. He will learn to not be such a spoiled brat and to comply with the rules or he will pay the consequences.
JM: Very good, Madame Vice Chair, very good. I hope Teo is listening, because his failure to take this seriously may result in action that he can not walk back from. Onward to Mickey, what do you have to say for yourself?
MM: *Mic gets turned back on mid-scream* …UCKERS ARE GOING TO LEARN WHO THE FU…*mic cut again*
JM: Look, there is no reason for language like that, Vice Chairman Mickey. I’m personally ready to move beyond this pettiness. Won’t you agree that the time has come for you to accept things the way they are and just move on for the betterment of our product?
MM: *Seething, but no longer screaming as mic is turned back on*…Look, I know and have ALWAYS known what is best for this company and this industry. I tried to retire, but it became too clear to me with how the Fifth Era unfolded and with how this year began that I was more needed now than ever before. I had us on a path to reclaim our position atop the wrestling world, but now Catherine’s coup has become complete as she unseated me and replaced me with the abject failure hosting a press conference in the name of the COMPANY THAT IIIIIIIIIIIIII BUILT!! You are goddamn right that I am bitter, that I am beside myself, and that I will not relent until I – IIIIIII – lead this great company of MINE back to greatness! I recognize that you are the Chairman of the Board, but you will NEVER amount to anything more than MY BITCH for as long as I am alive. So, unless you have something special you need to tell me I would like to get off this damn feed!
JM: No can do, Mickey, because we are now going to open the floor for some questions.
NBC Sports: Yes, Mr. Murrey, this one is for you. What was the special meeting about the other day?
JM: I convened that meeting to discuss the Austin Lawsuit and contemplate our plan of action. The Board suggested a number of possible responses – none of which I will get into right now, as they were all shot down – and we all settled on the idea I just mentioned: the fining of Teo and Vice Chairwoman Catherine with the demand that a sincere apology be presented in order to lift said fines. All other actions beyond the fines were to be left up to the Vice Chair herself, given her exclusive control over the “Legends” brand.
ESPN: This one is to Mickey, do you seriously believe that the future of this company is in peril in the hands of Mr. Murrey?
MM: WWF, that is all I have to say. Both under his exclusive leadership and when I brought it back in 2008 and put him in charge as Promotional Administrator. The man is hopelessly incompetent and I am just waiting to see him fail miserably so that the Board comes back to me begging for me to retake the Chair.
HBO Sports: Mr. Murrey, what are your thoughts about the response offered by BWM Inc. Chairman Benny Mouse to your election in Mmouse Enterprises?
JM: Benny is a man who knows this industry, but he doesn’t know me. We’ve never had the honest chance to work with each other too much outside of some light collaboration in the late-1990s, briefly when I sold him the UWA Northern Division, and when the UWA later participated in the WOW Super Pay Per View events called “Diplomatic Deficiency” and the second edition of “From Dusk Til Dawn”. Benny and I weren’t buddies and we were hardly business partners either. He claims that he predicted I would become the Chair. I don’t give a rat’s ass, honestly, what he predicted.
The only thing I will say is that he probably saw me as the next Chairman for the same reason the Board at Mmouse Enterprises did: because of my unique vision for the business. I have been involved with this company in one form or another for most of the past 17 years. I partnered – equally – with Mickey to create the UWA in the aftermath of USWA’s closure. I served under Mickey’s leadership in order to manage his incarnation of the WWF, and now I am privileged to get this chance to give Mickey some direction for a change as his new superior. Things have come around full circle, if you ask me. Benny doesn’t have to like it, but he will not be able to ignore the impact of what I will bring to the table in my new role.
Sports Illustrated: Vice Chairwoman Catherine, what serious measures are you contemplating in the event that Teo does not comply in time?
CM: Honestly, I don’t want to foreshadow here at all. I want Teo to imagine the numerous ways in which I can make him pay for his actions. He need only test my resolve for him and the world to find out what happens when you don’t adhere to the standards I set.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: This question goes to whomever wants to answer it; when can we expect the “Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette” to begin?
JM: I will take this one, actually. The answer is that we will see the first series of matches in the coming weeks. If we don’t yet have all 8 of our first round entrants by the end of December then I will mandate that both “Asylum” and “Legends” must have at least two qualifying matches each Monday night throughout January just so we can get the ball rolling. It is an important tournament with higher stakes than we have seen out of any tournament in the history of our industry. As a reminder, I must note that every qualifying match will be chosen at random without prior notice for the participants.
CBS Sports: Any word on who the mystery entrant is in the Extreme Battle Royal?
CM: That is something for which you will have to wait and see. Be patient, guys, be patient. *Chuckles*
MM: *Mocking the Chuckles and voice* Be patient, be patient, be patient…
JM: Oh please, Mickey, give it up.
MM: As soon as you su…*mic cut*
JM: Thank you, everyone, please stay tuned for more details and be sure to keep tabs on our website. We will be sharing the final set of interviews in preparation for the show by Sunday night! *Leaves as the screens roll back up*
Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
November 25, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
A fight broke out in the entrance hall of the “Legends” Building earlier this evening between Teo and Attitude, forcing security to remove both men from the building. Attitude was arriving to sit down with Lenny Mouse for his “Pre-Greatness” Interview and Teo was arriving to reportedly address Catherine’s ultimatum and Chairman Murrey’s fine. However, their timing was apparently terrible as they came in at about the same time. Witnesses to the scuffle report hearing Attitude directly attack Teo’s character for “kicking a dead man” and for the mockery of the controversy. Teo apparently told Attitude that his “newfound concern for the rotting corpse” represented nothing more than an “attempt to stay relevant”. From there the argument quickly escalated into a shouting match and then an all-out brawl which culminated in damaged property; prompting Vice Chair Catherine to order that both men be removed from the building immediately.
As a result of this incident Attitude will no longer be partaking in the interview. Now, only Amazon’s interview will be shared and will only be late due to these reported events of the day.
Stay tuned for more information.
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
November 29, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
On the eve of “Greatness Reborn”, Chairman Murrey issued the following press release:
“To all the fans of PWI, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. With this incredible night of professional wrestling on the horizon we are very excited for the action you are about to see. I, for one, can’t wait for all of you to witness the rebirth of PWI. A truly exciting time to be a fan of professional wrestling. We would also like to extend our sincerest congratulations to Benny Mouse and his wife Molly on the news about their expectations for an addition to their family.
In the words of our very own Michael Buffer, let’s get ready to rumble!!!
Additionally, both of our known Co-Vice Chairs had something to say as well. First, we had Miss Catherine Mouse weighing in with comments she offered me in a conversation we had in her office this morning when I asked her about whether she had heard from Teo yet:
“No, quite frankly, I haven’t. He keeps changing his message on the answering machine and basically forces me and other callers to listen to him – in new and sickeningly creative ways – mocking the Austin controversy. I’m fed up. If he does not relent and do as I have insisted that he do tomorrow night at ‘Greatness Reborn’, I will be forced to take action.”
Finally, Co-Vice Chairman Mickey had some more tweets for the wrestling world in the early hours of the night after Thanksgiving:
“I’m stuffed full of turkey and Molly is stuffed full of Benny’s babies. Guess who’s having a good time. Not Molly!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”
We reached out to Teo for a comment on the ultimatum and were again subjected to one of his insensitive messages: “Sorry, I’m out. Probably bathing myself in the tears of Austin’s Family. Most likely dining on his grave right now. Catch you on Saturday, losers.”
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ-Hub
December 15, 2019
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
In the wake of the news around the historic dual Opening Day Pay Per View ratings battle for November 30th, 2019, the following statements were released:
Chairman Murrey: “It is with humility that I extend my sincerest congratulations to the women of EWA for their impressive showing at ‘Hell Hath No Fury’. While ‘Greatness Reborn’ was a fantastic show, the women in professional owned the night overall, and that fact shined through brilliantly in New York City. This is the first of many battles to come, but as the man who started all of this, I could not be more proud to be in this industry than I am now. What a time to be a wrestling fan.”
Co-Vice Chair (by Proxy) Harry Puddphucker: “It was the biggest night of my life, and while PWI didn’t come out on top in this particular ratings battle, I feel confident about our product and the overall status of the industry. You haven’t seen the last of myself or Miss Jackie Mouse.”
Co-Vice Chair Catherine Mouse: “Tears of joy flowed from my face from the incredible history which was made that night. I admittedly watched the ‘other PPV’, and I am damn proud to say I did! I saw my niece put on the performance of a lifetime – which happened around the time I was stunnered by the father of my daughter, but I digress – and I saw the women of professional wrestling across both major promotions demonstrate why THIS is the era of the women! It came with a degree of satisfaction that my father’s original plan to undercut the landmark occasion hosted by EWA – which was sadly reinforced by our new Chairman – wound up blowing up in his face. I know I was – at least on paper – on the ‘losing side’, but as a woman I feel stronger and more emboldened than ever tonight!”
Co-Vice Chair Mickey Mouse (via Twitter): “Typical flub. THIS is what happens when you force me out of the chair and replace me with the buffoon that I buried 20 years ago! If you just listened to me from the get-go instead of being so damn sensitive about every critique from the audience, EWA, and keyboard warriors like Cross and Hyatte we would be popping truckloads of champaign right now!!”
Members of the PWI Locker Room reacted as well. Though much of what they had to say was mixed – having hoped to achieve a victory on the first ratings battle -, the women of PWI couldn’t help but to applaud their counterparts from Stanford. Amazon was especially willing to shout her praise: “As an EWA Knockouts alum and as a sort of pioneer in this division overall, I can’t help but be so incredibly happy about the outstanding night we women had. Congrats Knockouts and PWI Women, we did it!!”
In other news, Chairman Murrey will host an important announcement at the start of Legends tomorrow night. Expect 12 new superstar profiles to be posted tomorrow morning alongside other updates.
Stay Tuned for more news as it comes.
December 24, 2019
From the desk of Chairman Jeff Murrey: “While we and the rest of the wrestling world await the ratings results from the showdown on Monday, December 16th, 2019, I am pleased to announce that Ascendants Commissioner Slammu will be in attendance at this Saturday’s Inaugural SPOTLIGHT Pay-Per-View, and that he will be revealing personally which five of the eight matches slated will be Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette Qualifying matches! Since the men only have three slots remaining for their tournament that means AT LEAST two of the women’s matches this Saturday will be for this coveted tournament. Every qualifying match will be held before the end of January, and that is a promise I will keep. Also, let the press be on notice that I will soon be holding a press conference on the state of things here in Mmouse Enterprises.”
Respectfully submitted by:
Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason
Mmouse Enterprises Media Center
January 1, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
It has just come to my attention that Mmouse Enterprises Chairman Jeff Murrey has just signed six new superstars comprising three tag teams to the PWI! Each team will be drafted to their new respective roster which will force the brand receiving the additional team to send two of their stars to the other show so as to maintain an equal balance of talent. The new signings include: Rezar and Akam – who call themselves the “Authors of Pain” -, Chad Gable and Jason Jordan – who call themselves “American Alpha” -, and finally Erik and Ivar, also known as the “War Raiders”. Chairman Murrey is giving these new stars until Leap Day to be placed in their respective brands or he will choose for them.
Stay tuned for more updates to come soon!
Mmouse Enterprises News Desk
January 11th, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
Just as the January 11th episode of “Ascendants” was set to air, a powerful storm pummeled downtown Nashville and knocked out a transformed. This cut power to the PWI Performance Center from where “Ascendants” airs. Chairman Murrey discussed the situation with Commissioner Slammu and the two have agreed that it is in the best interest of the fans who religiously attend “Ascendants” as well as to the “Ascendants Class” superstars of PWI for us to reschedule the two matches and the Spotlight Interview which were slated for tonight. So, instead of hosting this great card tonight, the first episode of Ascendants in 2020 will transpire one week from tonight in the form of a “Supershow” featuring four matches, TWO spotlight interviews, and a special “Crock Investigation”. This will not be a show that you will want to miss!
The following brief statement was released by Chairman Murrey pertaining to this turn of events: “To the fans of PWI and to our amazing talent, I want to offer my sincerest of apologies. We here in Mmouse Enterprises take great pride in our work and in the consistency thereof, but some things are out of our control. Commissioner Slammu and I could not justify risking the well-being of our talent or fans to bring you a delayed broadcast of our show tonight. That’s why it is my pledge to make the wait for the return of this critically-acclaimed show well worth your while. Just hold on for one more week, but the best action from the brightest stars in the industry returns soon!”
Stay tuned for more developments as they come!
PWI Returns on Monday, the 13th, with the second episode of Legends, which will feature – out of five great slated matches – the crowning of our new PWI Champion in a bout between Jeff Hardy and Attitude, both of whom were robbed of the championship when Teo interfered at “Greatness Reborn” and created a double-pin between them! See you then!!
Mmouse Enterprises Media Center
March 31, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence Mason
In a decree authorized by the Chair and the Board of Directors, PWI has cancelled all events for the first half of April 2020 due to the coronavirus outbreak. As of right now, Mmouse Enterprises is developing protective measures – spearheaded by our resident germophobe, Mickey – to ascertain the safety of our audience and talent when we return. At this time, our return is tentatively slated for Monday, April 20th with a “Super” version of Asylum, followed a week later by a “Super” version of Legends. More details on both events will be unveiled as soon as plans are put in place.
In the meantime, a number of updates will be made to the website, including the return of Jeff Esiason’s “Summary” and a number of profile updates for our talent.
Stay tuned for more updates to come soon!
Mmouse Enterprises Unity Headquarters
April 20, 2020
(PK = President Knuckles)
*President Knuckles approaches the podium*
PK: Thank you, members of the press for joining me today in this virtual Press Conference via Zoom. I will be taking a few quick questions after the following announcement. Per a unanimous decision of the Board as well as Leadership, we had decided in the weeks following Fate’s Resurrection that it was not safe for our talent and fans to host live shows as originally scheduled, which were slated to resume 15 days after that Pay Per View. We originally planned to resume our shows tonight with an episode of “Super Asylum” followed by an episode of “Super Legends” next week. The goal was to use these beefed up versions of our Monday broadcasts to help build towards the next edition of Showcase on May 4th. It was also planned to resume “Ascendants” with this coming Saturday.
However, our medical team – working alongside government officials – concluded that it was not yet safe without extraordinary safety precautions. So, we have decided to delay our return by just one more week. We will make this coming show a special edition of “PWI Live” which will be billed “The Return Show”. It will feature six matches – three from each brand – and will help set the foundation for our next installment of “Showcase” on the 4th. We will then take another 12 day hiatus to prepare for the return of “Ascendants” with a supersized version of that show, called “The Ascendants Extravaganza!” on Saturday May 16th. On Monday, May 18th, we will then host a show called “Showcase Rebound”. Then, starting with the following Saturday we will resume our original schedule through to “Motivation 7”. Now, for your brief questions.
NBC Sports: Considering the continuing crisis with the coronavirus, how is Mmouse Enterprises planning to keep the fans and talent safe in attending upcoming still-scheduled events?
PK: We are working on a seating and scheduling model which will emphasize the social distancing requirements as laid out by the CDC. Audience members will be seated in a manner which protects their safety and matches will involve no more than 10 individuals – including the referees and other staff – at a given time.
HBO Sports: How does this impact the coming path to Motivation 7?
PK: As things stand right now, it impacts that path very little. Yes, it does hurt losing a few shows on the schedule, but this will work out based on our current projections.
ESPN: Does the Board anticipate any further interruptions?
PK: No. We have been advised that our approach starting next Monday will be within the guidelines of the CDC. It is still risky having a public event which gathers more than ten people in one location, but our seating arrangements will be based on safe square-footage guidelines. From where we are now, we should be good to go through to the end of the season.
Sports Illustrated: Any comment about the status of the EWA?
PK: Rumor has it that their tours back in January were disrupted for various reasons, and while it has been fun for us over here in Team PWI to pick fun on them for quite some time, the severity of this crisis leaves us to stand in solidarity as an industry. We have all been forced into a hiatus as a result. Even so, we are proud to say that our hiatus will be short-lived as we return in full force starting next Monday.
CBS Sports: When can we expect an announcement about the upcoming shows and how their cards will look?
PK: Over the next couple of days we will be revealing the card for the Return Show. At that show the card for Showcase will be revealed, and so forth. Thank you all, I will be leaving now. *Leaves*
April 28, 2020
As the “Return Show” was set to air on Monday, April 27th, the local health department in Knoxville, Tennessee swarmed the venue. They threatened heavy fines if we did not disperse at once and shut our show down. As it turns out, our permit to proceed with the show was revoked at the last minute after an anonymous call – according to the local news – from an “employee of PWI” reported unsafe working conditions and a lack of adequate preparedness to combat the deadly coronavirus. So, after the Board President managed to speak with the Health Department Director we worked out an agreement to have the show ready for Thursday April 30th instead. We do apologize to the staff, talent, and – most importantly – the fans of PWI for this inconvenience.
We hit a bump in the road, but we will get this show back on track as soon as possible!
Respectfully submitted by:
Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason
May 8, 2020
In the wake of the ratings results for the May 4th, 2020 battle between PWI’s “Champions Showcase” and EWA’s “Retro Revolution” – wherein EWA continued its winning streak over the PWI -, the following sets of reactions were offered by PWI’s administration:
Chairman Murrey: “While I congratulate EWA on their fourth consecutive ratings victory over the PWI, I must note that this is only the fourth time that we have seen EWA in action. It is very easy to pick up a victory when every show that you present is a “return show” of sorts, and it is especially easy to generate excitement amongst the fans when you take them on a trip down memory lane. Don’t get me wrong, the performance of the EWA talent was spot on and they are deserving of their success so far, but we need to put things into perspective here. Let’s see how well they do in the ratings if and when they can maintain a steady schedule with a week-to-week ratings battle.”
Co-Vice Chair and Legends Commissioner Catherine L. Mouse: “The immense talent of EWA can not be denied. I, for one, actually enjoyed their show a lot more than I enjoyed ours. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything here. If the PWI is the superior product then we better damn well be ready to prove it. I haven’t seen that yet from us, and neither has a majority of the people watching at home. Time for us in PWI to stop making excuses and to use these four losses in a row as a wake up call for the things we need to improve upon.”
Icon, Record-Holding World Champion and Ascendants Commissioner Slammu Crawford: “I was on the edge of my seat watching so many of my old buddies and foes appear on Retro Revolution. How could you watch Showcase over that? I don’t mean to belittle our product at all, because Showcase was a good show. However, Retro Revolution was consistently fun to watch. I had no doubt who had won the night. It is time to deliver our own Super-Punch, if you will.”
Founder and Co-Vice Chairman Mickey M. Mouse Junior (via Twitter): “Typical Benny. The only way he could guarantee that continued success of his unreliable excuse for a product was to use a handful of legends that I molded in WPW and USWA. It was obvious what Retro Revolution really was; ‘Mickey presents Revolution’. Can’t wait for the next show sometime in early fall.”
Moreover, we have learned that a special announcement will be made about Motivation 7 this coming Monday on the Showcase Rebound!!
Respectfully submitted by:
Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
May 15, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
In the wee-hours of the morning, as Mmouse Enterprises was prepared to release a statement about the continued ratings losses to BWM Inc.’s EWA (the recent loss marked the fifth consecutive loss to our rival up north), it was reported that a sudden fight broke out at Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters 1 in Memphis. Co-Vice Chairman Mickey M. Mouse Junior had ordered the President of the Board Howard Knuckles and the Chairman of the Board Jeff Murrey to leave his building at once, citing his fear of COVID-19 and the apparent lack of social distancing being observed by Murrey and Knuckles.
The President and Chairman were visiting Mickey’s office to try and negotiate a joint statement of solidarity to offer a counter to the narrative being sold by the EWA pertaining to the misfortune the PWI has experienced in each week of competition. Co-Vice Chairwoman Catherine Mouse was not present for the meeting and had reportedly signed on to the joint statement. Mickey reportedly wouldn’t even entertain the thought, as he insisted on being left alone for safety purposes.
The authorities were dispatched per Mickey’s request and a sanitation team was immediately ordered to eliminate any microscopic threat to the Founder’s well-being.
There is still no word as to if or when a joint statement will be released about the ratings war and addressing the lopsided EWA victories since the outset of this era, but Chairman Murrey did respond to a request for comment by saying the following:
“I congratulate our competition on their success. We at Mmouse Enterprises are working on some strategies to provide the fans of professional wrestling with a better product which will live up to their expectations. Many of us – myself included – still feel that EWA’s temporary success can largely be attributed to their effective exploitation of their erratic presence in the industry in conjunction with their ability to utilize certain legends and Pay Per View-caliber matches to spike ratings when their presentation would otherwise lag. Let me be clear, we have the ability and the combined experience to use such ratings ploys all the same, but we in PWI have been primarily focused with building the stars of tomorrow – even if it costs us some viewers – while the EWA relies so heavily on nostalgia; keeping the audience trapped in the past.”
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
June 30, 2020
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Thank you, members of the press in the world of sports for gathering here on such short notice. It has indeed been a very interesting and sobering first season of the Sixth Era of Professional Wrestling and Third Season in the history of the PWI. I know that the competition over in Connecticut is undoubtedly celebrating their clean sweep of the season, having defeated the PWI in each head-to-head ratings battle so far. Seven ratings battles and seven consecutive victories for the EWA. There will be no excuses from me or anyone else here at PWI or Mmouse Enterprises overall.
Needless to say, we here in Tennessee expected a different result for each of our encounters and while the margin of loss to the EWA shrank significantly as the season came to a close, we can’t ignore the numbers and the fact which is glaring us in the face: WE MUST DO BETTER. I can assure you all right now that we are preparing with a great deal of excitement for the Fourth Season of PWI which starts with “Clash of the Destined” on September 20th – the card for which will be unveiled in the weeks to come -, and we are ready to come out swinging with a better approach to entertainment than you all have seen thus far.
I have informed the Board of Directors as well as Commissioners of each show that we will take no ratings shortage lightly and that adjustments in programming will be compulsory according to the demands of our audience. You will find that this means we will be THOROUGHLY inspecting the ratings trends of the past few months and in the weeks which open up the next season to assess where we need work. The objective, the PRIMARY objective will be to present to the viewers the most clear-cut and enjoyable experience in watching professional wrestling that we can offer.
While I don’t think it is realistic to say that we will not lose a single ratings battle in the next season, it will be the primary goal to win EVERY DAMN BATTLE. I have heard from numerous critics that Motivation 7 was one of this company’s greatest pay per views of all time, especially with respect to Night Two. As much as I don’t regret having our talent put on the extravaganza of a lifetime, we are fully appreciative of the feedback that we are getting about how we went about this. As much as I wanted to model all future Motivations based on the seventh installment, I have concluded that Motivation 8 and beyond will only be a single-night spectacle.
Moreover, I am announcing right now that there will only be one installment of the Spotlight, to transpire on New Year’s Day as a six-match card – instead of eight – every year going forward starting with New Year’s Day 2021. It will be preceded by a break following our Winter Pay Per View “The Epic” and it will be followed by yet another short break before our Monday broadcasts resume. Additionally, the “Showcase” Monday Special will only transpire once a year as well, on the First Monday of February to mark the anniversary of the first installment thereof.
The goal of these changes will be to help avoid exhausting our audience with a bombardment of major events. In the event that we have an unforeseen crisis which forces the cancellation of any broadcast, we will forego any further previously-unplanned “Supershows” such as we have seen in the past. While these special cards may have been necessary to help the audience catch up with our stories and get us on track, there are now numerous alternative ways with which we can present our brand without needlessly subjecting the audience to more content.
With respect to our alternating Monday broadcast schedule, this will continue until after the New Year. At that point, the highest rated show on average will become the permanent Monday program – except for the annual Showcase special and other planned Monday specials – while the runner-up will become the new Friday show. Once that change happens the brand split will effectively come to an end – for which our final internal draft took place last night and the details of which will be provided to you in a press release before you leave – and the roster will be unified with a number of tweaks.
Finally, I am right here and now making official some changes to the Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette, and the changes are as follows: no two matches for the tournament from the quarterfinals through to the finals will utilize the same match stipulation, and that applies to both the men’s and women’s divisions universally. Once a match type has been drawn it will be removed from consideration for all future matches in the series. To make this more unpredictable, we have added a number of a new match types to the list of match possibilities. With the Fourth Season being about two months longer than the Third Season the tournament will be able to start earlier and will not be forced into an unfortunate period of acceleration like what we saw last season.
So, without any further delay, I will now open the floor to your inquiries.
ESPN: Yes, Mr. Chairman, there was certainly a lot to unpack in your opening statement. I guess my first question is going to be addressed to the elephant in the room: the plan for a Friday show. What will this framework look like and how will it be managed?
JM: Excellent question. Well, I know some wrestling fans out there are probably worried that they are going to have an overload of wrestling with these changes. That should not be the case, because the Friday show will be shorter than the Monday show, by about half an hour to forty five minutes, and Ascendants will likewise be reduced by anywhere between ten to twenty minutes as well. The Monday show will proceed as a five segment show – except for when it is a planned special, like the six segment broadcast of “Showcase” -, but the Friday show will be a mere three segment show – including fewer backstage bits – and Ascendants will be reduced four to three matches and the Spotlight interview segment.
As for the management of these shows, Asylum will continue to be Commissioned by Mickey, Legends will continue to be Commissioned by Catherine, and Ascendants will continue to be Commissioned by Slammu. Here’s the twist, though. While the roster will be effectively reunified with movement permissible across all shows, the Ascendant Class – or Third Tier – will be reserved for Ascendants, the Second Tier will be prioritized on the Friday show, and the First Tier will be prioritized on the Monday show. The only test will be to determine whether Asylum or Legends becomes the Monday show and that will entirely be up to the fans at the end of the day.
Sports Illustrated: So, with the addition of a Friday show, even if it is shorter than the Monday broadcast, does that mean all three shows will continue to take a hiatus on Pay Per View and Special weeks?
JM: Of course.
HBO Sports: How did the Co-Vice Chairs react to the recent ratings news?
JM: Well, Catherine was quick to respond. She and I actually kept track of the ratings reports together. She was disappointed that we came up short again, especially after such a special closing broadcast, but she issued a quick congratulatory call to her Uncle and we then quickly got back to work on planning for the Fourth Season.
HBO Sports: What about Mr. Puddphucker and Mickey?
JM: Harry was just as professional as Catherine, although he and Miss Jackie are not as outspoken as the rest.
HBO Sports: You seem to be dodging revealing Mickey’s response…
JM: Look, Mickey is a little off the rails right now. I haven’t the slightest clue as to how he has taken the news about the ratings losses. All I know is that the footage we saw at the close of Motivation was among the most disturbing images I have ever witnessed. He issued no statement after we received a report of the ratings. So, maybe you can get word from Lawrence about what Mickey thinks, because he sure as hell isn’t talking to me.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Funny that you bring that up, Mr. Murrey, because I received some kind of odd letter in the mail from Mickey today.
JM: What do you mean?
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Well, I haven’t been able to figure it out, but all I could decipher was that Mickey wanted us to know that he had “dealt with the problem”.
JM: I didn’t think it was possible to be more weirded out, but here I stand corrected. Well, that is about all the time I have for now everyone, please join us in a few weeks for our next press conference. There will be plenty more press releases, breaking news, and pressers to come as we enjoy our well-deserved break from regular programming. Thank you. *Leaves as the press attempts to get another question in*
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
July 3, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
After a lengthy discussion at the New Mmouse Enterprises Main Headquarters in Knoxville, the Board approved the expenditure of $400 Million (with some consideration for further spending to prepare for next season). With that approval, Chairman Murrey managed to finalize the following contract signings:
Harley Quinn (a relative newcomer to the sport),
Io Shirai (a young woman whom has dominated the Japanese circuit, earning the nickname “Genius of the Sky”),
“Sensational” Sherri Martel (a 10 year in-ring veteran in the Independent Circuit),
The Street Profits (Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins, a fast-rising talented Tag Team),
Bianca Bel Air (A body-building award winner and fast-rising women’s talent, married to Montez Ford),
Lacey Evans (a former Marine and the so-called “Sassy Southern Belle” whom has made quite a name for herself in the Southern Independent Circuit),
Adam Cole (a man who just made a record for holding one of the major independent circuit championships for over a year),
Johnny Gargano (chief rival to Adam Cole, calls himself “Johnny Wrestling”),
The Revival (Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder, another fast-rising, traditional-style tag team),
and we welcome the return of wrestling legend Lex Luger as well!
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
July 7, 2020
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
As of Midnight, July 7th, 2020, the Board of Directors of Mmouse Enterprises have authorized an addition $200 Million to spend on the preparation for Season Four, with another $200 Million approval under consideration. Chairman Murrey asked for the approval of the new monies for the purpose of improving the look of PWI’s backstage experience and for the potential of another contract negotiation or two in the coming days. The Chairman also released the following statement after the competition’s recent public statement:
“Feeling emboldened by a season of featuring an undefeated streak for EWA’s programming, Benny is feeling quite confident in the product that he presents. He should, as it is a great product…when the fans get to see it. We have yet to see the EWA perform under pressure with a consistent schedule against PWI programming, especially when the one constant trend of PWI’s ratings is an upward trajectory at such an accelerating rate that we have narrowed the gap significantly and made this a real ratings war.
I will admit that I made some executive mistakes at the outset of this era which hurt our chances of competing with the EWA on the level that our fans have come to expect. We experimented with some projects when it wasn’t necessary, and we took a while to respond to the demands of the audience. Now, I am confident, more than ever, that the Fourth Season of PWI – the second season of professional wrestling in this, the Sixth Era – will be a fine-tuned product that will not only defeat the EWA in the ratings, but will eventually shut them out entirely. That is, unless Benny does what he has always done and…hits the reset button mid-game.
Regarding the EWA announcement about their developmental program “Dark” moving to television in the coming season, I have a few thoughts on this as well. Benny can try to say that this FRIDAY program is meant to exclusively compete with our SATURDAY developmental program all he wants, but we know what he is really saying: he doesn’t have the confidence that “Dark” will be able to compete with the PWI’s Friday show once that officially launches in January. Nor does he have the confidence that it will compete well with Ascendants in a head-to-head battle. Ascendants has consistently been one of the most popular shows on television every weekend and I have no problem authorizing Slammu to invest more time and money in making it more than another “developmental show”.
In fact, as of right now, I will be authorizing both Commissioner Slammu and the Friday Show Commissioner to do whatever they need to in order to create a superior product as a deterrent to the EWA. This includes whatever backstage content they need, a better presentation of the “Spotlight Interview”, a better stage, high-profile matches, and other special moments which will certainly captivate the audience.
If Benny wants to try us we will meet that challenge and EXCEED his expectations. I am extending a challenge to him right now: move “Dark” to Saturdays to compete directly with Ascendants, if you feel so confident about the product. If you do not do so before the Season Premiere of PWI’s Fourth Season, I will seriously consider temporarily moving Ascendants to Fridays until we have a full-time Friday show!
There will be more announcements to come over the next few days. For now, please enjoy the rest of today and check out the website for some more updates, including the official posting of our Preseason Power Rankings!”
Respectfully submitted by:
Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason
P.S.: Below are the afore-referenced Power Rankings released by Chairman Murrey. These rankings include the Top 20 Singles Stars in the Men’s and Women’s Divisions, as well as the Top 3 Tag Teams in each division. Excluded from the Rankings are the Champions. Power Rankings are not exclusively influenced by wins and losses, but rather they are influenced by other factors such as, quality of matches wherein they have won or lost, known status as a “superstar”, the round wherein they were drafted in the preseason (Top 15 Round Draft Picks are automatically Top Tier Stars, Top 15 Rank Stars are automatically Top Tier Stars as well, all champions are automatically Top Tier stars, and all drafted tag teams are automatically AT LEAST Tier Two stars).
2020-2021 PRESEASON POWER RANKINGS OF PWI:
Immunity Champion: VACANT
4) Robby Storm
5) Brock Lesnar
6) Bray Wyatt
7) Petey Williams
8) Brandon Lee
9) Scott Nash
10) Jon Moxley
11) Braun Strowman
13) Mark Henry
14) Aleister Black
15) Drew McIntyre
16) Samoa Joe
17) Kevin Owens
18) Mr. Kennedy
19) Marty Scurll
MEN’S TAG TEAM:
Champions: The Elite
2) Authors of Pain
3) Los Guerreros
Champion: Living Dead Girl
Immunity Champion: Asuka
1) Angelina Love
2) Alexa Bliss
3) Gail Kim
6) Michelle McCool
7) Zelina Vega
13) Ruby Riott
14) Mandy Rose
18) Molly Holly
19) Tessa Blanchard
20) Taya Valkyrie
WOMEN’S TAG TEAM:
Champions: The Allure
1) Team Laycool
2) Comic Nightmare
3) A Taste of Heaven
Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
July 7, 2020
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Thank you, members of the press, for joining me yet again. I hope to make this a weekly press conference from now until the launch of our next season. It has been a very busy and fast-paced past few days of news in the wrestling world and I can’t convey enough how excited we are in the PWI to be gearing up for the next Season! Things are coming together nicely and I am excited to announce a new contract signing at this moment. To the tune of a 55 Million Dollar contract, the PWI has signed the former MMA talent as well as another military veteran to our ranks: Bobby Lashley! Bobby is a fierce and talented powerhouse the likes of which I am sure Brock Lesnar will be personally interested in meeting in the coming season.
Additionally, some more updates to the situation regarding Ascendants and its now-confirmed direct competition with EWA’s “Dark”. I am glad that Benny decided to meet my challenge, especially since he knew I had successfully backed him into a corner. Whether he wanted to or not, the PWI was going to challenge him directly. I look forward to this increasingly exciting competition.
To spice things up, I am taking this moment to announce a few new developments with regard to PWI programming. For starters, starting with our television premiere for the Fourth Season, there will be a requirement for at least one title defense on EVERY PWI show and every championship MUST be defended no less than ONCE A MONTH. Likewise, the top ranked superstar or tag team – which, remember, excludes the champions – must be afforded a shot at the primary championship of their division after a month, provided that they can hold on to that ranking for at least a month.
Finally, I am now taking this time to unveil a seventh and final championship in PWI: the Ascendant Championship! This will be a men’s championship, given the fact that the women’s roster of PWI is small enough that they have more than ample opportunity to climb the ranks of their division. However, considering the size of the men’s division, the multi-tier system more affects the men than the women, preventing countless talented stars from ever having a shot at glory.
What makes the Ascendant Championship special is that it will be an automatic ticket to the Top Tier should the holder thereof maintain their status champion for three consecutive months, or 12 weeks, uninterrupted. If they hold it at least two consecutive months, or 8 weeks, they will have the option to ascend to the Second Tier, and holding the championship for at least one month or 4 consecutive weeks will entitle them to an automatic rematch for the gold. Finally, one more note: if the Champion chooses to try and go for FOUR consecutive months or 16 uninterrupted weeks, then he will be entitled to an automatic World Championship shot upon completion of that reign. Like I said before, these are very exciting times in the PWI. Now, on to some brief questions before I continue to go about some important business.
NBC Sports: Is the creation of the Ascendant Championship something which was created as a response to what Benny said about bring PPV caliber shows with each episode of EWA programming?
JM: Yes and no. The reason I say “No” is that we have actually been considering this championship since about January, but we felt at the time that there wasn’t enough time in the Third Season to establish its prestige. Granted, the numerous privileges which accompany the championship were all envisioned over time, but the title has been a part of Board discussions since then. I say “yes”, though, because Benny’s response last night compelled the Board and I to finalize our decision and make this announcement right now.
Sports Illustrated: Aren’t you afraid of the fact that PWI has more championships than any Mmouse Enterprises wrestling brand since the USWA when there were almost a dozen championships?
JM: That was obviously part of our discussion in the Board since we first conceived this idea back in January. We are aware of the image which accompanies the background of this company and its track record for what seemed like a million and a half championships. However, there is a significant difference compared to back then: each championship in PWI has a specific purpose and high level of prestige which accompanies it. The men’s division and the women’s division each have a division main championship, an immunity championship, and tag team championships. The Ascendant superstars deserve a chance to wear some gold to help build their status and prepare them for the next level.
CBS Sports: Aren’t you concerned with the confusion which some members of the audience may have in following all of this?
JM: I’m sure there will be some confusion at first, but that’s why it is our responsibility to clearly explain the prestige of each championship and expose the audience to the champions as much as possible. Let the viewer know that these goals are truly coveted and that they mean something in the grand scheme of things. Despite the fact that the USWA was the most revolutionizing force of sports entertainment after the WWF, of course, even with their plethora of championships, the slew of straps that Mickey doled out to his favorite stars meant very little with few exceptions. I don’t think anyone can seriously claim that any of our championships are meaningless in the current era. Next question.
ESPN: I want to touch base with the signing of Bobby Lashley as well as the rest of the talent that PWI has brought on board in the past week; does Benny have a point with his criticism about PWI spending money on new talent just to keep losing?
JM: I must take issue with the framing of that question. It is almost like you read it from a script provided to you by Chris Hyatte or something. The fact is that PWI swiftly closed the ratings gap as we ended the previous season. We also only had 7 head-to-head match-ups against the EWA. If anyone honestly believes that the PWI will not be able to continue that momentum to the point of actually winning against EWA then you have obviously not been paying attention to the history of this business. I have to remind all of you that I also had a significant winning streak over Mickey and Benny. For two and a half months, the Last Wrestling Federation stood undefeated in early to mid-2004 against the UWF and the UWA.
There were critics at the time who began to wonder if there was any stopping the LWF. Guess what happened: the LWF eventually lost in the ratings war and the playing was balanced yet again. The HCW experienced a similar streak of victories in 2008 and 2009, and it was again openly asked if Brown could be stopped until the UWA actually got control of their direction and became competitive again. My point is that it always seems in this industry like there is some unstoppable force, until they are proven stoppable.
ESPN: …what about the USWA from 1998-2002…
JM: With all due respect, there are no follow-up questions…next question.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Chairman Murrey, I received a bit of a leak of information this morning which unveiled something very interesting. It appears that Miss Alexa Bliss used her brief powers as “Boss of the Day” on Motivation 7’s Night Two to make some important permanent changes in the rules in order to benefit herself. Can you confirm this report?
JM: I’m not sure who leaked that to you, but it is a developing matter that we are trying to handle as quickly as possible.
FOX Sports: I received word of that same leak of information, sir…
FOX Sports:…from what I learned, Alexa managed to insert into the rules that Slammer will be shielded from punishment for protecting her by any means necessary so long as she enlists his services. Is there truth to this? Is it possible that the Premier Athlete can make such long-term changes to the rules? Is this a loophole the Board plans to address?
JM: OKAY!! That’s a lot to unpack, people! Like I said, the situation with Alexa’s abuse of her single-day powers is being dealt with. We will get back to you when we have some more updates on the matter.
HBO Sports: Sir, is it safe to assume that the “Boss for a Day” privilege will be reconsidered in the upcoming season? Or at least reformed to limit and clarify its power?
JM: There are no plans to eliminate this power at this time, but we are working on a fair approach to clarifying the authority bestowed upon the Premier Athlete if they so choose to exploit it.
*PRESS SHOUTS MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT ALEXA BLISS*
JM: Jesus Christ!! Are there any questions remaining which don’t involve Alexa Bliss?!
RT: Yes sir, do you have any news about Mickey?
JM: What is it with you Russians?! Now I know why Mickey tried to ban you all. I’m out of here, I will see you all in a week!! *Storms off the stage as press clamors for more answers*
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
July 8, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
In the wake of EWA’s recent press release which was sent to the press just as the Chairman Murrey was wrapping up his Press Conference for the day, the President of the Board, Howard Knuckles, called for a meeting to consider a resolution to answer BWM Inc. Chairman Benny Mouse’s challenge for PWI to have an all-women’s show. The meeting came together within a couple of hours via Zoom.
Co-Vice Chair and Legends Commissioner Catherine Mouse formally offered the resolution in question. She spoke passionately about the need to show that the women in PWI are valued at least as much as the women in EWA.
Co-Vice Chair and Showcase Commissioner by Proxy, Harry Puddphucker, seconded Catherine’s motion, offering an amendment with a special date for a show to be offered at some point in November.
Chairman Murrey spoke in favor of the measure as well, urging all the members to support it. Murrey noted that the EWA – though their women’s division has been inferior by comparison to PWI’s so far in this era – has successfully won two head-to-head ratings battles with shows that have near-exclusively featured the women of their roster. Murrey expressed that he was more than confident that PWI could do the same, and that they could even break records in viewership and in attendance if given the proper advertising and booking.
The Executioner (a.k.a. “Enforcer 2”) was acting as Co-Vice Chair and Asylum Commissioner Mickey Mouse’s proxy vote, citing some ongoing health issues for his boss. Executioner conveyed Mickey’s adamant opposition to the proposal, citing PWI – and Mmouse Enterprises, by a larger extent – policy against discriminatory practices. Executioner referred to Mickey’s argument a year ago which “eloquently laid out how unjust it would be to exclude the talent from any division of the PWI so as to highlight any other division.” He went on to assert that “if we were to offer an all-women’s broadcast, our by-laws would require that we schedule an all-men’s broadcast as well, at a later time. And no one in their right mind would dare to dream of excluding the most talented women’s roster in the history of the business!”
Executioner’s argument on behalf of the company’s founding member won over the Board President and a number of other influential board members, as they started nodding in agreement. Catherine grew visibly frustrated yet again, seeing the persuasive powers of her father, even as he was absent. Chairman Murrey offered a motion for a three hour recess so as to try and address Mickey’s concerns, but the Executioner protested that, suggesting that the Chair was “out of order” and insisting that the Board “Call the Question” (which means to force a vote on the proposal).
Chairman Murrey verbally lashed out at Executioner, demanding that Mickey participate in these proceedings at once and stop using his clout to manipulate the membership and hold the company back. Executioner calmly pushed back and asked that the Board President bring order to the meeting at once, thus triggering President Knuckles to gavel the meeting back into order and call the question, as suggested by Executioner.
The Board then went to vote until Executioner suddenly withdrew his insistence on “Calling the Question”. He explained that Mickey had passed him a note reminding him that in order to adopt Catherine’s resolution, the By-Laws would first need to be changed, which would – per Mickey’s outgoing set of decrees when he was leaving his post as Chairman – require a 3/4ths vote in order to accomplish. After President Knuckles referred to the By-Laws and confirmed the claims, Executioner invited Catherine to try and make that motion as an amendment to her original motion. Catherine did so, and since it required a supermajority vote to change the by-laws first it had to be voted on first.
The vote was an even split amongst Board members, but since Executioner voting on behalf of Mickey represented 24% of the shareholder votes alone, a split vote amongst the regular board members easily cleared the 26% threshold needed to reject the proposal. President Knuckles declared that the motion was defeated and without objection the meeting was promptly adjourned.
Immediately following the meeting, I was able to get a word with Catherine Mouse, who said: “Once again, my unstable father keeps his tyrannical foot on the backs of the women of professional wrestling. I get it, I really do. This is all a power trip to him. He doesn’t want to follow my Uncle’s lead and he certainly doesn’t want to follow mine. However, we have a golden opportunity here to take what my Uncle has done and make it so much better. I promise that this isn’t the last time that I will fight for this. I am far from finished in achieving my goals.”
Harry Puddphucker had the following to say: “It is a real shame that Mickey is hell-bent on crippling progress in this company, all so that he can cling to whatever semblance of relevance that remains for him in this business as he hides in the shadows and plays madman. I feel bad for his granddaughter, Jackie, who has to witness the blind and power-hungry selfishness of her grandfather…who used to be the greatest promoter this industry had ever seen.”
Chairman Murrey shared his own thoughts as well: “Mickey never fails to disappoint. He has been deeply detached from reality ever since From Dusk Til Dawn last year. The old man believes that he can derail the train of progress without wrecking the empire he built, but the truth is that he is actually torching everything that he ever claimed to love. I will do my best to lead this company to be the best in the industry, but I don’t know how far I will be able to take us so long as Mickey keeps holding us back.”
The Executioner caught up with me as I was preparing to leave and left me with this final word: “the righteous cause won tonight. You people may not want to see it, but Mickey is right. We can’t play favorites here. Not when so much is on the line. Everyone will soon come to thank Mickey for his incredible vision. As they have so many times before.”
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
Press Center – Memphis, Tennessee
July 9th, 2020 – 4:00am
*Press, tired and groggy, chat amongst each other, wondering why they have been summoned to Mickey’s Corporate Headquarters when Executioner appears and approaches the podium*
Executioner: Thank you, everyone, for joining me at this late…or early…hour. I know you all only had about an hour’s notice, but the matter is urgent and we appreciate you being here. A day ago, the world of professional wrestling was abuzz about the special board meeting called at the Chairman’s Headquarters. There has been plenty of accusations going around that Mickey is losing touch, that he is trying to keep the company from growing, and even calls for his resignation. You will soon see that none of that is true or necessary to say. Mickey has full control of his mental faculties, and if you don’t believe me, ask him yourself.
*Mickey catches everyone off guard by walking into the room, looking perfectly fine, he excuses Executioner, thanks him, and takes the podium*
Mickey (MM): As you can see, I am alive and well, and certainly not crazy. I asked Executioner to call for your immediate presence because we are about to witness history in the making. What none of you are aware of is the fact that I have also called for a new special board meeting and the best part is that ALL OF YOU ARE INVITED TO COME IN. So, let’s cut to the chase. Follow me into the Board Room where everyone is ready to hear what I have to say!
*Reporters are stunned, but they follow the Co-Vice Chairman out of the Press Center, down the hall, and into the Board Room*
MM (entering the room, where each member of the Board and the other Company Executives are left stunned both by Mickey’s presence and the audience he has brought with him): Hello comrades!! Long time, no see!! I know you all missed me and were expecting Executioner, but I felt he deserved the night off after all of his hard work. Wouldn’t you agree?!
*The room was still stunned by what was going on*
MM: Okay, okay, don’t everyone jump at me all at the same time. I promise, I am doing just fine, and I have been tested for Covid, as have all of you. I know, because, I demanded that security test EVERYONE entering my building before they came anywhere near me. *Mickey takes a somewhat long pause*
Catherine (CM): Dad…
MM: SO!! On to the business of the day! I know everyone is worried about perception and whether Benny will have us all by the balls…well, all of us except Catherine here. You know what I mean?! HA HA HA! *Mickey says this while jabbing at Murrey with his elbow* Ah, geez. Everyone has to be such a stick in the mud. Come on, lighten up, we’re going to make freaking history!!
Jeff Murrey (JM): Look, Mickey, we haven’t seen or heard from you since Motivation, it is four in the damn morning, and you call this meeting, what the hell are you on?
MM: LANGUAGE! There are ladies present, Chairman Murrey! Know your audience, bro!
JM: Oh my god…
MM: You rang? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! *Everyone looks freaked out* GET IT?!! BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS THAT I THINK I’M GOD?!! LIKE I’M FREAKING CRAAAAAAAZY?!! I kid, but no, seriously, I needed you all here because I have been doing some serious thinking about that other unfortunate special meeting, and I think we all got off on the wrong foot.
Harry Puddphucker (HP): So, what are you saying?
MM: WAIT A FUCKING SECOND AND I WILL TELL YOU!!!!! *Mickey takes another extended pause, followed by a breathing exercise* What I meant to say was…just hold on, because I am getting to that, Mr. Puddphucker.
*The whole falls silent, and the press leans in*
MM: Look, I want what you all want. Hard to believe, I know, but it’s true. I just had to do this the right way. After things fell apart at the recent Board Meeting, I took some time to reflect on my granddaughter, you know, the little lady who has…*speaking under his breath* been brainwashed into thinking that I am some kind of fucking monster…
HP: Excuse me?
MM: *Regular tone* That little girl represents so much about our future! Not just for this company and this business, but for this family, and NOTHING means more to me than doing right by the family.
MM: WATCH YOUR TONE, BITCH!!
MM: *Takes a deep breath, holds both hands up in the air for a second as he gets up, walks to a corner, and seemingly takes a pill somewhat discreetly before sitting back down* The legacy of this family means everything to me, and I must do right by it. That’s the primary reason that I called for this get together, er…meeting.
JM: What are you proposing, Mickey?
MM: A compromise, Jeff. A compromise. You see, the rules mean a great deal to me, and I want to abide by the rules. I strongly oppose making special exceptions for anyone. I take great offense to the claims that I don’t care for women’s wrestling. Most people in this room right now were there when I became the first promoter in the history of the industry to introduce a women’s division, and despite what some have tried to assert in their rewriting of history, the women’s division was definitely taken seriously.
I believe in my heart that we have to demonstrate why we are the best in this industry today, and of all time. That’s why I have reached a conclusion.
CM: You have my attention. Let’s hear it.
MM: I will oppose any effort to change our by-laws, but I will entertain a series of shows which exclusively showcases the talents of each division.
JM: What’s the catch?
HP: Yes, do tell.
MM: No real catch, ladies and gentleman, just a twist. You see, right now Benny is hoping to get a head start on us with what he calls Season “2A”, which is meant to preempt us by about a month and a half. He has planned this because he knows that our Fourth Season doesn’t begin until September 20th with our “Clash of the Destined” Pay Per View. I rather enjoyed the concept conceived by Catherine during the Fifth Era wherein the stars of PWI had an off season, and I feel it is best to enjoy that during the hottest months of the year.
CM: I appreciate that compliment, Dad, but what does this have to do with the issue of having an all-women’s card?
MM: Everything, Catherine. While we have certainly had our disagreements over the past year, I have always maintained a great deal of respect for your determination to achieve your goals. This issue was no different. So, here’s my compromise, I will offer up a proposal to host an annual series of all-women’s shows provided that it is balanced out with an equal number of all-men’s shows.
JM: That’s great, but when on the calendar do you propose we hold these cards?
MM: There’s the twist, my compatriots. It won’t take place during Season Four, but rather during a preseason which begins in August and ends a few weeks before the Season Premiere.
HP: Interesting. How long should this preseason be?
MM: Six weeks, Harry.
CM: What day of the week?
MM: *Leans in* Monday.
JM: A preseason? What should we call this series of events?
MM: I thought a little about this, guys, and I think it made the most sense to pay homage to Catherine here. The preseason shows can simply revive the Fifth Era shows called “PWI Live”.
CM: I’m truly flattered. What else can you tell us about the schedule, the structure, whose in charge?
MM: Well, I envision each show being four segments, debuting on Monday, August 3rd…
CM: Wait…you want it to debut on the same night that EWA debuts their new season?
JM: Not going to lie…I like it.
MM: Damn right, you do! The best part about all of this is that it should be ran by none other than Jackie…with Harry’s help, of course.
HP: We can make that work. Which should start? The all-men or all-women shows?
MM: I believe it should start with the women, and then be followed by the men the next week, and then go back and forth in that pattern until the preseason ends. Additionally, since it is a preseason, nothing that happens in it will impact rankings or championship opportunities at all. It is just a chance for our talent to warm up and for the audience to enjoy our product a little bit more. What do you think?
*Room nods with approval*
MM: Great!! So, I have the entire proposal here in writing *hands the paper copy to every Board member, giving the master copy to the Board President* and I formally offer a motion to adopt.
President Knuckles (PK): You have seen and heard the proposal, and heard a formal motion to adopt, do we have a second?
MM: Excellent! Thank you, Cather…
CM: Just don’t make me regret this.
MM: The only one who will come to regret this proposal is my greatest enemy, and you are not my greatest enemy.
PK: A motion has been made and a second to that motion has been offered, do we have any further discussion? *Everyone sits silently* Hearing none, we will now offer a chance for a voice vote. All those in favor of adopting this proposal say “Aye”? *The vote was unanimous for the proposal*, and it doesn’t seem like it is necessary to ask for the nays, because everyone just said “Aye”. It is the opinion of the chair that the ayes are unanimous, therefore the motion is adopted. Seeing that this was the sole piece of business on the table in this special meeting we now stand adjourned.
*Mickey claps loudly and lets out a cheer as Board Members and the Executives start to leave*
ESPN: Excuse me, Mickey, may we ask questions?
MM: I see no reason why not. You have just witnessed history, my boy. Ask away.
ESPN: Isn’t it going to seem a little odd how this all went down?
MM: I think the show of unity is a welcome breath of fresh air that even our company’s imposter 10% investor will appreciate. Everyone wins here.
HBO Sports: Are you taking medication for these outbursts?
*Executioner steps in*: He does not have to answer…
MM: No, no, I will answer it. I have to take a number of medications. I am not a young man anymore, but I assure you all that I am fine. Perfectly fine. It was a good day today.
CBS Sports: Can you tell us the whereabouts of the Crock?
MM: *dead stares at the reporter* He’s on vacation.
Sports Illustrated: What about Scott Nash, anything you can say to shed light on the matter?
MM: Look, Mr. Nash is one of our most important long-standing employees with this company. He has been a locker room leader, someone I once called a “Pillar” behind the scenes. That’s the significance of Mr. Nash. Don’t listen to the insane ramblings of the Crock, who has always had a grudge against me ever since I buried his father back in the early days of the USWA.
Executioner: Everyone, we really have no time for more questions. Thank you for coming.
NBC Sports: Can we ask the other executives a few questions?
Executioner: I said that we have no more time for questions. Find another opportunity to ask them, but not here at Mickey’s Headquarters. It’s time to leave.
*Security, as directed by the Executioner, then forcefully guided the press out of the building as the Board members and other Executives were guided out through a separate exit to their modes of transport*
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
July 10, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
This just in from HQ1 in Memphis: Co-Vice Chairman Mickey Mouse was served a notice of an indefinite suspension from his duties as Commissioner of Asylum as well as Co-Vice Chair of Mmouse Enterprises, per an order approved by the Board of Directors and signed by Chairman Murrey.
The Chairman had sought the suspension following the recent surprise Board Meeting and the revelation of potential dementia as revealed by Mickey’s younger brother Benny. Murrey had argued to the Board that Mickey’s disturbing behavior in front of not only the Board but in front of the entire world was a warning sign that his mental health may have reached a brand new low and could threaten to well being of the company. Murrey then revealed – in order to sway Mickey’s more loyal Board supporters – that Mickey’s proposal did – in fact – have a secret provision in it. However, it wasn’t from Mickey, but from Catherine instead. Catherine had inserted a provision in the earlier draft of the bill – the draft which failed to pass a couple of days prior – because she expected that draft to fail and suspected that her father would try to pass it so as to claim an accomplishment of his own.
Murrey cited Mickey’s laziness in drafting a proposal (which was basically copy-pasted from Catherine’s own work) as evidence that he was not in full control of his mental faculties. According to Murrey, Catherine suspected that Mickey was “losing it” which is why she inserted a provision which would empower the Board to take action if any Executive or Regular Board Member exhibited psychological symptoms which could impair their judgment and performance. This provision requires that the Board put a hold on Mickey’s shares – placing it temporarily in the hands of a reliable proxy – and likewise temporarily replace him in his position until he meets the terms of whatever action they take. The Board, though not united, overwhelmingly voted to suspend Co-Vice Chairman Mickey, effective immediately.
The terms of the suspension are as follows:
1. Mickey is ordered to seek professional help for his suspected condition if he wishes to lift the suspension and retain his shares and power within the company,
2. Mickey is ordered to provide – in writing – proof within 30 days that he has secured the help of a professional in the field of concern, written proof within 60 days that he is actively receiving help, and written proof within 90 days that he is fully capable of carrying out his duties as Co-Vice Chair of Mmouse Enterprises and Commissioner of Asylum,
3. Mickey is ordered to avoid contact with any member of the Board throughout the duration of this suspension; considering his proven ability to persuade those most loyal to him,
4. Mickey is ordered to avoid contact with any member of the Executive Brand of Mmouse Enterprises throughout the duration of his suspension; to prevent harassment of the same,
5. Mickey is ordered to avoid stepping foot on Mmouse Enterpises property throughout the duration of his suspension; including property being rented by the same for the purpose of hosting schedules PWI events
We reached out for additional comments from the Board and were only told that Chairman Murrey will have more to say on the matter at the upcoming Press Conference this Monday and that Co-Vice Chair Catherine Mouse will get back to us soon. There was no response whatsoever from Co-Vice Chair by Proxy Harry Puddphucker, nor from Mickey’s close confidante and handler, Mr. Executioner.
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
July 13, 2020
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Welcome, members of the press, to our weekly press conferences. Before we get into your questions we do have a few announcements to make. For starters, it came to my attention this morning that Co-Vice Chairman Mickey Mouse has obtained the services of a mental health professional that will examine him and monitor him over the recommended period of time, as set by the Board’s recent action. I commend the Co-Vice Chair and Founder of this company for obeying the wishes of the Board for the greater good of this company, this industry, and his family. We wish him well as he gets the help he so desperately needs. In the meantime, Mickey’s proxy to serve in his stead until such time that he may be deemed healthy and competent to resume his authority will be named by the end of the month.
On to other business. We convened the Board this morning upon hearing the news about Mickey seeking help. In that meeting we discussed some modifications to be made to the Preseason of PWI, which starts on August 3rd. In that Preseason, while there will be no scheduled championship matches, there will be opportunities for championships during the Fourth Season; starting with the Clash of the Destined Pay Per View on September 20th. So as to ensure that the preseason remains unique from the regular season, the brand split will be lifted for the duration of the preseason, as will the distinction between the tiers. In essence, anyone and everyone gets a chance to shine during this time. Finally, we have corrected one final mistake we made in scheduling the preseason: the power rankings for the Fourth Season WILL be influenced by the activity during the Preseason. So, to all of you ranked superstars, I have to warn you about being too cocky, because there are some hungry unranked superstars just dying for the opportunity to exploit this chaotic period before order is restored.
These past couple of weeks in Mmouse Enterprises have been tumultuous. We are rapidly changing with the issues which emerge each day. Part of this rapid change was broadcast for all to see. Our critics have rightly tore us apart for these events, but I have to say that there was a bigger picture. When everyone was convinced that Mickey was playing us for fools, I can tell you that we were on to him and we never stopped working together to address this behind the scenes. To help explain this and to help take some questions is one of the three Co-Vice Chairs, and the Commissioner of Legends, Catherine Mouse.
*Catherine enters the room and take the podium*
(CM: Catherine Mouse)
CM: Members of the press, it has indeed been a long time. I need to begin by responding to what seemed like fair criticism from my Uncle Benny. He thought that I was easily giving in to my father despite is obvious mental issues. The truth is that I couldn’t let my father see that I knew what he was up to. We in the Board are aware of my father’s propensity for inserting crafty and dangerous provisions into his proposals, and this has been a favorite tactics of his for decades. We were prepared for that – and we are currently combing through the proposal to try and find out what he may have poisoned this proposal with -, but what the world and my father didn’t see was that we recognized my father’s work when the Executioner swiftly dropped off the proposal in the Board room before launching the now infamous press conference.
It was obvious that all of this was a set up for my father to make a “surprise” return to the Board Room. Noticing this right away, we executives quickly brainstormed a “backdoor” provision which would empower us to demand that my father seek help, but which would be worded in a way that it would apply fairly to all executives of the Board. My father almost never proofreads his drafts, so we took quick, emergency Board action to officially add the amendment that we crafted while we waited for my father’s arrival.
What we didn’t expect was my father’s decision to bring the press with him into the room. He is a very private man, and the thought of the press covering – in person, with cameras – a board meeting would have horrified my father in normal times. That was ultimately one of the effective arguing points the other executives and I were able to point to when making our case to the Board for action a few days ago.
Chairman Murrey, Proxy Co-Vice Chair Puddphucker, and I knew that we would have to take a lot of flack for acting in our roles so as to ride out my father’s public display of his obvious insanity. My Uncle was right, it was indeed tragic to watch this great man collapse into the abyss. Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior is largely responsible for this industry becoming a mainstream form of entertainment, and I hope that we can remember him for that for many years to come…not this shell that he has become of his former self. *Motions to Murrey*
JM: Ok, with that, we will take a few of your questions.
FOX Sports: How can you be confident that Mickey has found a trustworthy and licensed professional? Aren’t you worried about his tendency for trickery?
JM: We were prepared for that, which is why our mandate calls for the medical professional to submit their resume for our review. Part of how Mickey informed us of his obtaining these services involved the submission of the resume, as required. Once we have verified that this professional is legit, then we can check that box and let Mickey get to work on receiving care.
NBC Sports: Mmouse Enterprises lost a lot of value – approximately 20 dollars per share – in the stock market in the immediate aftermath of the aforementioned scandalous press conference, but it rebounded entirely and added some value with the news of his suspension. Do you feel confident that you can retain the confidence of your shareholders moving forward?
CM: Given my business background, one of the areas where my father allowed me to build my resume after I first came to Mmouse Enterprises at the age of 18 back in the early 2000s was in managing Mmouse Enterprises in the stock market. He wanted me to understand the way the market works so that I could effectively take the reins when my time came. From that experience – in a role I filled from 2004 to 2011 – and given recent events I can say with absolute certainty that we will establish the confidence we need for stability of our stock and for the longevity of our brand.
ESPN: The last time you addressed the press, Mr. Murrey, you noted that the Board was looking into the issue of what Alexa Bliss did with her temporary power as “Boss of the Day” on June 21st. Has anything more come from this investigation? What actions are being taken next by the Board?
JM: Miss Bliss did some damage, I’m not going to lie. However, the Board is not currently able to agree on what it means to “limit” the powers enjoyed by the Premier athlete choosing this power. Currently, a majority of the Board believes it would completely erode the prestige of this privilege if we go too far in limiting it significantly. They believe, as did Mickey when he proposed this tournament, that the Premier Athlete must be among the most prestigious labels in the industry. Reducing the “Boss of the Day” power to a token prize with only symbolic meaning would be – in their strong view – a tremendous waste, and it would effectively eliminate the prestige and risk of the privilege. To them, the “risk” is part of the excitement which drives the audience to care about the tournament. That’s the wall we are up against with this.
HBO Sports: So, that means there might be no action at all then?
JM: Correct, as far as things stand right now. As for the other question, we are still investigating to see what all was impacted by Alexa on the 21st.
*Security personnel arrives and whispers into their ears, Catherine immediately begins leaving with them*
JM: It appears that we have an emergency situation. Thank you everyone for coming. *Promptly leaves as security ushers the press out of the room*
July 14, 2020
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
The disturbance at last night’s press conference came as a result of a reported riot threat near the building. Word of nearby protestors reportedly targeting the facility spread like wildfire throughout the Mmouse Enterprises communications department. Spokesman Lawrence Mason thought that he had learned of a credible threat posed against the building and passed the message along to security so that they could inform the Chairman and the Co-Vice Chair, Miss Mouse. It wasn’t until an hour later that the threat was deemed to be a case of miscommunication.
The Board, led by Chairman Murrey, offers their sincerest apologies to the press corps for their abrupt evacuation from the building, which was based solely on this perceived threat. An internal investigation has been launched by Board President Howard Knuckles to find the source of the miscommunication in order to rule out foul play/intentional misdirection.
Moreover, the Board finished their assessment and approval of the medical professional whose services were obtained by Co-Vice Chairman Mickey Mouse Junior, per the Board’s mandate as a term for alleviation of his suspension. The clock is still ticking for him to meet the other two deadlines. In this regard, we will keep you posted.
Finally, Chairman Murrey commissioned two new officials for the PWI: Lance Storm and the first ever woman to officiate in an Mmouse Enterprises ring: Stephanie McMahon!!
Stay tuned for more updates, coming soon!
Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
July 20, 2020
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Welcome, members of the press, thank you for coming back and I apologize for the abrupt ending to last week’s press conference. It was apparent that we received a false report of an incoming riot which we had feared was endangering this facility. The goal was to evacuate to prevent any danger to anyone here. It turned out that this was a prank of sorts and we are currently investigating to find out the source of the prank so that we may report it to the proper authorities.
Back to our regular business, we have made some more now-permanent changes to the preseason, and this will apply to all preseasons moving forward. After consulting all members of the Board and all authorized Executives thereof, we have finalized our decisions and have concluded that the following will be true of every preseason, and I invite you to look at the website by the end of the night to see how these will be permanently reflected on our Rules Page; tiers will be irrelevant in competition, so anyone can face anyone, rankings will be affected, the card for each episode of PWI Live will be a complete surprise to the audience, and not only will championships be able to be defended, but every championship match during the preseason will be an OPEN CHALLENGE.
I can also report to everyone here that Co-Vice Chairman Mickey has revealed that he has a surrogate with actual executive experience and that this person plans to make an appearance during the preseason. The President of the Board received the resume of the surrogate and while the name was withheld it was apparently notarized by a highly respected lawyer in the Memphis area to confirm that this isn’t some scheme by Mickey to skirt the system. Therefore, Mickey has successfully checked another box, and we have been alerted that this surrogate will be joining the Board in a closed door meeting the weekend before the first installment of PWI Live on August 3rd.
Now, on to your questions.
ESPN: Do you have any suspicions as to who made the false report?
JM: I sure do, but in the interest of civility and giving certain people the benefit of the doubt, I will hold my tongue on that one.
Fox Sports: The last time we had a chance to respond to concerns of the other 10% shareholder…
Fox Sports: …yes, it didn’t go unnoticed that you made sure not to address all of the concerns of Mr. Benny Mouse. Why is that?
JM: I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that Benny is used to baiting Mickey and sometimes even Catherine into doing a back and forth with him. His goal is to disrupt and to divert our attention from our one goal: being the best in the industry. Benny has every right to brag about the performance of his handful of shows that he put on during the first season of this era, but I assure you of one thing: it is about to get a lot harder for Benny to walk away the victor.
CBS Sports: One of the things the BWM Inc. Chairman has accused you of is making excuses for the PWI’s losses, is there not some truth to that?
JM: I am not making excuses. I simply state things the way they are. It is very easy to put on blockbuster shows when your company doesn’t hold itself to a standard of hosting reliable entertainment. The fewer shows you put on the more opportunities you have for major surprises on each of those handful of shows. This includes big debuts, guest appearances, and huge title changes. I will admit that there were at least a handful of times when the PWI should have done better or even defeated EWA, but we have been operating on different planes.
CBS Sports: …sounds like more excuses…
JM: Say what you want, but that is just the truth. I can’t say that the EWA’s shows haven’t been better each time, because that would not be the truth in at least half of the times our shows have competed. Even so, and I want to get away from talking about the EWA, if I may, I am confident that the magic of EWA’s erratic trance on the audience is starting to wear off. Eventually, you have to have consistent schedules, with complete pictures painted over a period of time, and with cohesive stories. PWI will absolutely prove itself to be the superior product in this next season, and we will flex that muscle in a big way in the six weeks of our preseason. Mark my words.
Sports Illustrated: You mentioned some additional changes to the preseason alongside reiterating some changes that were mentioned at an earlier time. Is this not an invitation to chaos?
JM: That’s the point. The preseason is all about shaking everything up. We wanted to make this as unpredictable as possible, in a great way. No one in the PWI should get comfortable where they are, because we could start the Fourth Season with a completely different picture in the rankings than what we entered the preseason with. Hell, we could have all new champions.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Speaking of the Fourth Season, what is the slate for the opening day of that season at “Clash of the Destined”?
JM: That card will be revealed with our next and final press conference before the preseason, which will be held next week. Stay tuned. Everyone, I wish I could stay for more, but I have to get going. A lot of work to do before we launch in just a couple weeks! *Leaves*
Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
July 27, 2020
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Welcome members of the press to this, the final press conference before the launch of PWI’s preseason. A week from tonight we will see the return of “PWI Live” with Mmouse Enterprises’s first ever all-women’s broadcast. It will compete against what is likely to be the highest rated EWA broadcast since their “Retro” special. Still, we at Mmouse Enterprises are excited for the preseason to come and the official launch of the Fourth Season at “Clash of the Destined” on September 20th.
The Board met this past weekend and decided that there should be one final change to the preseason: there will be no consequences for any of the PWI talent. That’s right, for the duration of the preseason everyone is effectively immune! Of course, order will be restored as of the Season Premiere, but until then it is as if the talent is stepping in through the entrance way in a USWA show!
A year ago today, Mickey held a brief press conference to gloat about his forcing his way back into the picture after ending his presidential campaign, purging the corporate headquarters of those disloyal to him, and splitting the roster in half. We’ve come a long way since that moment. Now, as Mickey continues to receive the help he needs, we move forward into a brighter future for the company!
Now, if you have any questions, I will happily entertain them.
ESPN: With the suspension of consequences for the preseason, does that mean the rules on intergender interaction are also lifted?
JM: Intergender wrestling is still banned from this company.
ESPN: But you didn’t ans…
JM: Next question…
Sports Illustrated: You made it a point to mention that Corporate expects to be up against a strong EWA broadcast, does this mean you expect to lose?
JM: We are taking a step back in time, folks. This is not about ratings for us. This is about giving the fans of PWI and professional wrestling what they want: great entertainment. We expect EWA to have a spectacular showing, and we expect PWI’s fans to have fun watching. Back in 1997, Mickey and the Board – according to the minutes – never once worried about ratings. They only concerned themselves with putting on a great show. The Board this past weekend agreed that we needed a “back to basics” approach to this season and beyond.
Fox Sports: Is it weird working with a Board which used to be in opposition to you?
JM: It was a long time ago, like back in 2004. I’ve worked with these people off and on for the best part of the last 16 years, though. It was a little odd reviewing old minutes from back in the Second Era this past weekend. I will admit that there is a reason why much of the Board’s members remain loyal to Mickey. The late-1990s were when he made this company a revolutionary force in the industry. That is not easily forgotten.
CBS Sports: So, does this mean that the preseason is largely about nostalgia, then?
JM: Nostalgia played a role, for sure. However, it is also about the future. We are looking to keep perfecting this company with each passing week and season.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Any word on that prank from earlier this month?
JM: Yes, and the authorities were called on Friday to deal with the suspected culprit. No, we are not disclosing their identity just yet.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Was it anyone we’d know?
JM: You guys are getting really desperate with the unauthorized follow-ups…
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Well?
JM: I will say that it was a disgruntled former wrestler, but that is all I am saying.
NBC News: How about the issue with Miss Bliss?
JM: The Board and I concluded last night that there was nothing we can do about this crisis. Bliss found a series of loopholes and exploited each one and none of those loopholes will be easily fixed, not without unanimous consent from the Board.
HBO Sports: Did the Board get a chance to meet Mickey’s new proxy?
JM: No, and we were curious as to why. The Board President, Howard Knuckles, is still sworn to secrecy on the identity of this person, but they have reportedly promised to make an appearance by the end of August. With that, ladies and gentleman, I am out of time. Look forward to seeing you in a week at PWI Live!!! *Leaves*
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
August 10, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
Chairman Murrey ordered the second episode of the preseason to be shut down and postponed just minutes before the program was set to air at 8pm tonight! I reached out to the Chairman for comment on why the show was postponed, here is what he had to say:
“As we were preparing for PWI Live to go on the air with the all-men’s episode, I was notified of a trainer testing positive for COVID-19. Since this trainer – who will remain unnamed for now as we investigate the situation – works with talent across all tiers and divisions I was left with no choice but to pull the plug on the broadcast, order an emergency test for all talent, and schedule a two-week mandatory quarantine for all staff and talent in Mmouse Enterprises. We will return with the next installment of PWI Live on Monday, August 24th.”
In additional news, the First Podcast episode of “Back to Ringside” will be available for listening by Tuesday night, as the first episode – which was supposed to be posted last week – ran into some scheduling conflicts.
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
August 24, 2020
Last night as Ascendant Commissioner Slammu and I were preparing to record our next podcast episode we received a directive from Chairman Murrey to cancel such until after PWI programming has resumed. Furthermore, the Chairman revealed to me that he will be addressing the audience at the start of tonight’s episode of PWI Live!
Respectfully submitted by:
Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
August 24, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
Just as PWI Live was set to go on the air, Chairman Murrey was forced to pull the plug on the broadcast yet again, citing what appeared to be a credible threat to the talent and fans in attendance. Instead of canceling the show outright, though, the Chairman instead negotiated with the networks to permit the broadcast to instead be aired tomorrow night, on August 25th.
“This show will take place!!” The Chairman expressed with determination. “Do not allow this fear of violence and viruses to control us. We will get back to normal. I refuse to let us slip into an erratic pattern. We are better than that. See you all tomorrow night after we have guaranteed that the threat has been addressed.”
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!
Mmouse Enterprises News Center
August 25, 2020
Reporting: Lawrence C. Mason
Police were dispatched to the PWI Dome at the site of PWI Live where it was scheduled to transpire tonight after being postponed one night when Chairman Murrey became aware of a credible terrorist threat to the venue. As a security sweep was proceeding through the building to make sure it would be safe for tonight’s broadcast authorities came across some disturbing signs of tampering with equipment. Then, as Board Members were discussing the apparent sabotage in the making a scream was heard from inside the main hallway followed quickly by Jackie Mouse – the teenage daughter of Catherine who owns 24% of company shares and is represented by Harry Puddphucker as a proxy Co-Vice Chair – was seen running frantically out of the building and into the arms of a security team member.
This is when the police were called. They discovered graffiti sprayed all over Jackie’s private room and a blood red message saying “the Apocalypse is coming”. Jackie was inconsolable and left with the authorities. Law enforcement then warned Mmouse Enterprises in official communication against holding any event this evening or until they have completed a thorough investigation into the recent occurrences. They even revealed that they slightly suspect that the recent COVID-19 outbreak which caused the beginning in these delays may have had some connection to the terrorist threats as well as the message in Jackie’s room. Chairman Murrey was visibly angry as he agreed and stormed off into his limo.
Before the chairman could leave, however, I was able to get this brief statement from him:
“The wrestling world can not be permitted to plunge into a state of uncertainty once again, especially after such a great start over the past year. I had to agree to AGAIN postpone tonight’s show per the request of law enforcement only because they threatened to either shut us down outright or to at least bar any fans from attending. So, in order to prevent next week from experiencing a similar delay I will instead postpone the next/last three episodes of PWI Live until the following dates: Monday, September 7th, Tuesday, September 8th, and Monday, September 14th. Any further delays forced by extenuating circumstances will force the cancellation of the preseason. Finally, I am forced to decide upon the card for “Clash of the Destined” on September 20th within the next week. I will have a press release for that pay per view kicking off the fourth season by September 1st.”
Stay tuned for more updates as they come!