Mmouse Enterprises Archives


We here at the Undisputed Wrestling Alliance take great pride in what we have created. The U.W.A. is inspired by two great organizations that created, established and revolutionized Sports Entertainment. As a subdivided organization, with Jeff Murrey managing the World Wrestling Federation and Vince McMahon managing the United States Wrestling Association all under the brilliant Chairmanship of Mickey Mouse Junior; the mission of the U.W.A.’s second coming is to revive the long-lost passion for wrestling that had disappeared upon the U.W.A.’s first closure. This time Mickey Mouse Junior will not close shop until the mission has been accomplished!!! Let’s take a glimpse at the history of the two organizations that set the standards .. shall we ?


The creator of Sports – Entertainment, and the original “King” Organization mainly from 1990 throughout 1996 .

Created and Owned by Jeff Murrey.

Established Careers and Legacies of such stars as :
Jesse “The Body” Ventura (15 Time Champion)
Arn Anderson
Stone Cold Steve Austin
The Rock
Krusader Batman
and Undertaker

Lasted as Number One in ratings against
Extreme Championship Wrestling throughout
all of 1996.


The innovator, and revolutionizing force in Sports Entertainment. The “King”
of this industry from 1997 throughout 2002.

Recreated and Owned mainly by Mickey Mouse Junior.

Established Careers and Legacies of such stars as :
“Badass”, “Almighty King” Slammu (21 Time Champion)
“Y2C”, “Kirk Angel”, “The Crock” Woody The Third
Woody Junior
Stone Cold Blaster
“Heartbreak Punk” Shaun Michaels
“Cool” Johnny Quest
and Soultaker

Lasted as Number One in ratings against
Extreme Championship Wrestling, Extreme Wrestling Federation,
Shane Murphy Wrestling, Xtreme Wrestling Federation,
Xtreme Pro Wrestling, World Wrestling Federation,
World Championship Wrestling, National Wrestling Association,
American Wrestling Alliance, Bad Ass Wrestling Association,
Championship Wrestling Alliance, Ultimate Championship Wrestling, and the
Ultimate Championship Wrestling Federation throughout September of 2002!!

The Second Coming is HERE!!

Check Out the WOW TV page to watch UWA Programming!!

Update (8/3/09): Due to the combination of the economy’s toll on business in the UWA as it pertains to handling the compensation for the maintenance performed on this site and some technical difficulties, a number of pages will be temporarily unavailable until further notice.

Are You Ready?

On May 9th-10th, 2008, the world witnessed the single most watched wrestling extravaganza of all time that marked the official dusk of an old age in sports entertainment. As of Independence Day 2008, a new day has dawned; bringing about the next tidal wave of innovative entertainment!! Brace yourself for a wild ride…

If you want the latest from UWA’s parent company, Mmouse Enterprises, just follow the picture of its chairman below.

Mickster’s Blog


The New and Improved Question and Answer Page

 Hi, Lenny Mouse here; and I will be presenting this revitalized page for interviews that are open to questions from you – the audience – as I reprise my long abandoned role as interviewer. So, buckle your seatbelts, because it is going to get interesting.

The Post-Active Interview Era Begins…later this summer (6/27/2011)

 With the World of Wrestling organization still working on the date, location, and overall framework of the final From Dusk til Dawn, I’ve decided to revive this page after over two years of inaction. Much happened behind the scenes since my 2009 interview with the Rock that prevented me from having the time to conduct and then share any major interviews since, but I’ve received a ton of requests to fulfill promises that the UWA made regarding an interview series in the run-up to FDTD. It’s still hard to believe that – in a week – it’ll be a year since Sundown. I’ve honestly been in disbelief over the past 12 months; two years flies by way too fast.

 Either way, sometime within the next two weeks, it is my full intention to kick off the pre-FDTD interview series. I promise that you won’t be disappointed.

Your Questions

Your chance to submit questions for the Superstars of the UWA to answer…

Timothy Bonewell

I was watching Bedlam this past Sunday and I can say it was an awesome PPV. But my question is directed towards Sunfire…

How is it that you always know what I’m thinking? Are you a psychic? Because if you are I would pay for your professional help because you’re simply awesome.

I’m no psychic, I merely possess a keen intuition. You can call the headquarters of UWA to find out how to pay me for my answer.


Tommy Tickles

My question is for Lady Love.

It was rumored that you were approached by the EWA to be involved in some fashion on an upcoming broadcast of Revolution (probably something to do with the ongoing [redacted] feud)

If these rumors are true, would you mind giving us a little insight as to what kind of involvement you would have had?

 I would’ve directed my comments to Ke…this answer has been redacted due to the sensitive content contained within. Besides, we’re trying to contribute to the success of our competition.

September 2008

Lewis Black

Dear 8-Ball,

Why can’t you just accept the terms of your reinstatement already and get it overwith?

Mr. Black,
Because I’ve no desire to become Godwinn’s next partner in hate-crimes. I will not tarnish my career with a tag team involving that racist S.O.B.!!


Randall Graves

Dear Mickey,
We just got some ratings results back from the 8th and you were crushed again, even with the big title change on Massacre.

What are your comments about that?

 It’s impossible for you to have heard about the ratings results from the 8th, because I have yet to receive those numbers. The night in question – involving Maniac’s capture of the UWA Championship – occurred a week earlier. You sir, are an imbecile. Aside of your obvious lack of grasp on reality, my feelings toward the ratings loss of the 1st are unchanged from how I’ve felt about every week since the Second Coming. The UWA proves every Monday and Saturday night why it is our brand of entertainment that is superior to what Benny and Mr. Brown will offer you.

 We’ve ran unopposed every Saturday despite Benny’s promises of delivering a Saturday Show (which he will only do in the absence of the UWA next month) and have averaged over 12 million viewers when Raw and Massacre are combined. Whether or not those numbers will translate into incredible success throughout the next five Mondays of “A Night of Violence” has yet to be seen.

 However, you can rest assured that with the first combined event in this series featuring the 50th Edition of Crock’s Show; the best has yet to come. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to return to work in order to devise new ways to entertain your dumb ass.

January 22nd, 2009

 A new year brings a great breath of fresh air. We’ve yet to learn the results of the past two Mondays’ anticipated ratings bout, but we here at the Undisputed Wrestling Alliance are undeniably confident and optimistic about the days, weeks and even year to come. Needless to say, this is going to be a great year. I’ve already issued my predictions for what we should expect, but as the Royal Rumble continues to draw closer at lightning speed, I can’t help but feel an urgency to get the ball rolling in full motion.

 The PPV page finally lists the registered participants (15 from each sub-promotion), and I can’t say that I can pick any one person at this time. With that and the other two matches already scheduled, you can guarantee that the Seventh Installment of the Royal Rumble (as presented by Mmouse Enterprises) will be a must see.

 Bear in mind that the winner of the prestigious battle royal will earn a world heavyweight championship match at the Fourth Oblivion in April. Krusader and Jesus Gonzales fought a match on Raw that determined the first and last entries therein (an opportunity won by the WWF in an agreement struck between both P.A.’s) with Krusader getting the raw end of the deal, courtesy of Terminator’s distraction and Mr. McMahon issued an important address in regards to the PPV, that officially slated the Tag and World Heavyweight Championship matches therefore.

 Is it possible that Krusader could outlast 29 other “hungry” peers, over the course of a grueling hour? What about the expectations that he’ll face Jesus yet again at the very end if he does? The challenge for this icon his tall, and couldn’t be stacked up more against him. Vinnie Mouse may very well lose his “Champion of all women” status as he defends said prize against the bitter women of the WWF. The Soultaker has a difficult task awaiting him in his Last Man Standing defense of the promotional gold against Roberts, but how will the Reaper figure in here?

 The Tag Gold is up for grabs, but can we seriously expect YMCA to pose a genuine threat to the reign of wrestling’s greatest Icons? However, with all of that aside, the real question is who’ll emerge as the champion to defend against the Rumble winner at Oblivion when the Rock defends his coveted title against Mr. PPV?

 Regardless of how you feel about each of these matches, the Royal Rumble will be a MUST SEE!!


January 5th, 2009

 One week away from the return of the UWA from its holiday break, and we find ourselves faced with endless possibilities of what to expect in 2009. The schedules for next week’s Raw and Massacre have yet to be announced, but we know that we should expect a hell of a ride in the opening of the road to the Fourth Oblivion, which runs through the seventh edition of the Royal Rumble (the first of which since March 2002).

 We have yet to find out who’ll be entered into the traditional 30-man, hour-long battle royal, but you can rest assured that the best of the best will be in participation and only THE BEST will prevail (No intentional reference – whether direct or not – to any particular athlete intended). I understand that there is some chatter within the ranks of the UWA about the next dilemma facing the alliance: the conflict between the ultimate prize for the Rumble winner (a shot at the UWA Championship @ Oblivion) and the UWA rule mandating a bi-UWA PPV match-up between the Promotional Champions of both sub-promotions.

 It turns out that there is already a resolution in the works, but both will be guaranteed. Who should you look out for in 2009? I defer to the following list of the WWF and USWA’s 5 with the best potential for breaking out…

USWA: (in no particular order)

 Sunfire – I know what you’re thinking; this man is the future of all things great in professional wrestling. Many people are disappointed, even heart broken by his partnership with the evil Dragonfly. Let me just say, don’t expect Sunfire to be satisfied with tag gold for long, let alone an alliance with Dragonfly; a man he once refered to as a “wannabe” who wanted to emulate him.

 Steve Austin – could 2009 really be the year that Steve finally redeems a career that started slipping away in the Third Era (UWA/UWF era) of wrestling? I say watch for the old Steve to make a grand return to prominence this year.

 Brandon Lee – he picked a fight with Undertaker last year to restore his credibility and catapult him to relevance, but provoking Undertaker might be a misstep that makes him famous in a manner he didn’t initially envision. However, Lee might just suprise us this year.

 Jesse Ventura – Ok, we all know that as one of the top five most influential superstars in all of wrestling, Ventura’s performance of late has been pathetic. Chalk most of the blame up to his interaction with Dibiase and the infancy of what most may suspect to be the resurrection of the Million Dollar Corporation. In 2009, I fully expect a turnaround for Ventura, and the collapse of Dibiase’s whole operation.

 Rob Van Dam – he’s already captured the UWA World Heavyweight Championship for a spell, do you honestly think he’s through? Please.


 Kevin Nash – The longest reign of immunity since Olson in 04′. Nash is a monster and a threat to the UWA’s pseudo-stability as long as he holds on to that veil of immunity from consequences. Just ask DDP and his Health Provider. Look for the WWF to become Nash’s playground in 09′.

 Raphael – 08′ started out nicely for one of the First Eras greats. It held promise after he stunned all critics with his Second Coming victory over Nash. Then he hit a landmine, named Michelangelo. With their feud resolved, as of Motivation 4, I expect Raphael to finally make a break for greatness one way or another.

 Krusader – after having been bogged down with his ancient feud with Terminator that was revived at From Dusk Til Dawn, courtesy of his loving cousin, Krusader will likely bring a close to aforementioned feud before the spring and may stand as the only hope WWF has of finally bringing the UWA gold home.

 Stamboli – if anyone were to have been selected as suprise comeback or break-out star of 2008, it would’ve been Stamboli, whose actually taken the UWA by storm. As the new king of hardcore, Stamboli might just be the blue chipper of the WWF in 2009.

 Chris Jericho – I was delighted when Mickey drafted him in May, and am ecstatic about the prospects for this man’s future in the WWF. With Krusader being the one to carry the torch – as per my projections – , Stamboli serving as the blue chipper, and Nash controlling the yard, Jericho will likely assume the position of stand-by face, ready to pick up if Krusader drops the ball, and will secure that position upon capturing the Intercontinental Championship – again, as per my projections – , needless to say; 2009 is Jericho’s year to take the helm of the WWF’s last generation.

 Beyond these projections, there are rumors floating around about potential acquisitions and even returns. I can neither confirm or deny the speculation by this point, but I will say that looking forward to said confirmation or denial will make for a more entertaining year of wrestling and may very well establish this year as the year to watch the UWA!

October 1st, 2008

 The world has turned here in the UWA.

 With the buyrate returns in from Bedlam, it is becoming increasingly apparent that our luck may very well be turning for the best. This past Monday’s A Night of Violence is slightly expected to do well, but all eyes are on this Monday’s show. Mickey seems to have taken my advice in broadening his focus beyond the PPV realm, because his central focus on Monday was “unity” in order to strengthen the quality of our weekly broadcasts.

 This Monday will feature a number of high quality matches, including an interpromotional bout between Rob Van Dam and Goldberg. Last week, Goldberg officially lost more matches than he’s won and hopes to turn that around with a WWF victory over the USWA. RVD, on the otherhand, went out on a limb and challenged the World Champion, FRED, despite the fact that he has a busted left knee and a bad back. Quite frankly, Goldberg’s chances of turning things around look very good, unless he’s too distracted by the endless antics of Chris Jericho to capitalize.

 Jesse Ventura, still disoriented in the absence of Car, will compete against an angry Keeper, looking to regain his footing after the stunning defeat he suffered last week to HBP. The WWF will host the first of two “Number One Contendership” matches to decide who will compete in the Breaking Point match for the Intercontinental Championship. After Elijah Burke’s victory over Raphael in tag action last week, he has a real shot at capturing gold in this month’s PPV spectacle. Then again, never underestimate the determination of Raphael.

 The Edge will defend his Hardcore Championship against the man he defeated last week. I don’t know why Edge accepted the challenge, he’s past McMahon, but I guess logic means nothing to some people. Edge will have to watch out for Credible as Justin is sure to be nearby. Need I mention the return of Sunfire? I can’t even remember who his opponent is, because Sunfire overshadows him too much. There’s no doubt in my mind that this match alone will win over the crowd and audiences at home.

 Then we look to the dual main events. In the USWA’s feature presentation; it will be a blast from the past. A return to the old-days of USWA when the admonished Slammu battled it out with the incredibly popular Masked Phenom. This is going to be big. How is the WWF going to follow a blockbuster like that? With Nash v. Roberts. Both have had issues with Soultaker in the past, and now Roberts looks to improve his record in attempting to gain a victory over the reigning Immunity Champion. Regardless of how this all pans out, you can rest assured that Soultaker won’t be too far away.

 Just stay tuned, because the road to Breaking Point looks to be just as – if not more – interesting as the path to Bedlam last month.


September 10th, 2008

 On the eve of September 11th, the aftermath of Summerslam has wrought much for the UWA. We know not what the buyrate for said PPV was, or how we fared against the EWA in competition that night. But we do see a very definitive picture coming together for the path to Bedlam.

 So far, the USWA Sub-Promotional PPV has produced two matches; the UWA World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match and the first encounter (probably ever) between the Austin Brothers. Not too bad so far, but how does such a thing register with the fans?

 The real numbers have yet to be seen, but from a marketing standpoint; it could make for a third consecutive blockbuster PPV for this organization.

…Allow me to digress for a second to address a little problem for Mickey here. Mickey has always been heralded as a champion in the Pay-Per-View realm, always pushing the envelope and breaking barriers with respect to buyrates (or rates as a whole for that matter). But when considering the “loss” to the EWA in July and ultimately to the HCW in the “first PPV” category (maybe even last month); it is reasonable to say that it is high time that the Chairman of Mmouse Enterprises expands his focus from PPVs exclusively to include the dual-weekly events on Monday Night. Honestly, we live in the most competitive era this industry has ever seen and can’t afford to approach such with a myopic preference for focusing solely on PPVs! Wake up Mickey!!

 Back to our original subject…there are a number of potential battles for Bedlam, including Brandon Lee/Undertaker, Slammu/Krazy Kid, HBP/Keeper and possibly even a battle of the bulge between the Powerhouses and Demolition. Frankly, I’d love to see a rematch between Rock and RVD, but that’s just me. Early word from the calculations of Summerslam’s success show that two of the highest rated matches within were the Cage and Concussion matches and I would just have to say that it would be wise for the USWA to capitalize upon this opportunty to cash in on both.

 Anyways, with the pre-Massacre/RAW previews for the 15th up, we get a good look into what can be expected from both programs, including a special announcement from the controversial P.A. in the USWA as well the 48th Edition of the pop-culture favorite; Crock Show. I hear Crock has special plans in store for the 50th Edition on the 29th…stay tuned.


September 3rd, 2008

 Boy has it been a mightly long time since my last update. Quite a bit has transpired in the weeks since the UWA stood in the dark about the outcome from the first week in ratings war. We now know what came out of that blood bath and each one between then and now. It is quite a shame that the heavily hyped launch of the so-called weekly UWA Double-threat of Massacre/Raw turned out to be a tragic flop. Only one victory in the ratings has spawned from the tireless efforts of UWA writers and Superstars and I couldn’t be more disappointed.

 Honestly, when reviewing the corporate trash talk and compare it with the beat downs we’ve received since (one from the EWA and the rest from the HCW), I’d say that we here in the UWA have had a healthy dose of foot-in-mouth medicine.

 Word has it that our luck is turning around with the momentum from a very successful Summerslam at our backs, coupled with a large portion of the EWA and HCW’s fan base returning to school. I’ve heard that a significant drop in viewership and thusly the rates is to be expected. Here’s to hoping that all of these factors work to our advantage. It better, because it’s our last hope.


July 11th, 2008

 The UWA is back with a vengeance!! As the Second Coming brought in the highest numbers thus far in the wake of From Dusk til Dawn and undeniably crushed the viewership of both the EWA and HCW’s opening day events; we now await final word as to which Monday Show out of EWA Revolution, HCW Mayhem, WWF Raw and USWA Massacre came out on top. The brawl is said to have been so close that the numbers have been counted and recounted by the Nielsen Ratings people.

So, what did we see in the first week of action in the UWA? History. I need not be redundant and mention what has readily been so evident in this landmark week of wrestling, but there is no question that the first week in UWA has been amazing.

 The tag team of Rock and RVD appears done for, the Austins teamed up to come out shy of a victory, Dragonfly tested and was demolished by an angry FRED, Crock’s Show returned as the Crock accumulated and now presently holds more victories than anyone else in the WWF and is tied with Lesnar and Jones in the USWA.

 The Crock of the WWF certainly punked the USWA’s Undertaker at the Second Coming and will look to repeat that success as he capitalizes on his contendership for the WWF Gold this monday. This will rival the USWA’s own crowning of its promotional champion on Monday Massacre, and I have to say that I’m looking forward to both.

 What more can we expect in the ongoing saga involving Rock and RVD? Whatever it is, we can’t expect it to be pretty in the wake of Rock’s despicable decision to leave RVD hanging out to receive a beating at the hands of Strike Force.

 Method will seek to maintain the momentum they amassed following their victory over John Godwinn, thus giving that racist pig a heart attack in tag tournament action. We can also expect the second attempt at a ring return by Krusader this week as he seeks to heel the wounds created by his unjust defeat at FDTD due to the intervention of Terminator.

 Lesnar and Jones are slated to team up again, but this time in the tournament as Leonardo will attempt a second victory in a row. Lastly, prior to the USWA Championship determination; Jesse Ventura will battle another giant in Maxx Steel. I just have to wonder if Jesse will end up regretting the way he treated Dibiase on Monday.

 Either way, you can rest assured that the UWA will be on fire this week.


June 28th, 2008

 So, the UWA isn’t advertising the Second Coming enough now? It has now become a forgotten event? Please…

 With all that we know already about the long anticipated return of the new and improved Undisputed Wrestling Alliance; the promotion’s opening day is poised to be the most successful of any opening day in wrestling history. The first of which to be offered on Pay Per View.

 Everybody wants to see what will come of an event that we will review now:

 The Austins will team up for – to my recollection – the first time ever against another never before tagged group of wrestlers in Brock Lesnar and Nathan Jones in a match fueled seemingly by nothing short of curiousity. It appears as if Shane McMahon was attempting to premptively upstage Murrey by kicking off the UWA’s second coming with a bang. Two of these wrestlers are not well known, having experienced their best days in the independent circuit with a few brief runs in big promotions, whereas the other two are well known, but have had rough times in their most recent days of peak exposure.

 Honestly, I am expecting a brutal battle to the end between these teams. Whether the brothers pull off the victory, or the combination of powerhouses excel; I’m sure the fans will enjoy it all together.

 Jeff Murrey kind of mixes things up a bit with the unlikely booking of a match pitting Kevin Nash against Raphael. There has been a lot of confusion over why this match was set in the first place, but Murrey always has had a knack for pulling out unexpected twists in framing his shows. Maybe Murrey wanted to put Raphael’s rusty ring skills to the test against a superstar who established himself in the era of his absence. Either way, it’ll be interesting to see exactly how the turtle fairs in his first singles match in nearly a generation.

 The USWA’s Promotional Administrator throws another tag match at us for the second match from his promotion, but this time; it’s a tournament match for the UWA tag titles between the Guy and “Exciting” Lance Storm and the former UWF Tag Team sensational pairing of Rock and RVD. My money’s on the experienced team, but with the uncertainty over how The Guy and Storm will work out alongside the fallout from the WOW tournament upset experienced by their opponents; this one could be up in the air as well. The fans will be in store for a treat either way…

 Murrey retaliates with another mix up of unprecedent proportions as he decides the first Hardcore Champion of the new era in a random match between Hans Gustav and Elroy Crash. No one appears to expect much out of Elroy, but we could be underestimating a guy who’s seen a lot of training in the years following his disappearance from the spotlight. Then again, Gustav is a man without a conscience and is unlikely to show even a hint of mercy as he delivers his best to achieve what he yearns for; victory!

 Not much has been heard from Slammu since he lost to and witnessed his best friend achieve the greatest accomplishment in wrestling history before congratulating him. What does that say about what we can look forward to on the 4th when he combats a very outspoken opponent who insists that Slammu will not even present a formidable challenge to his uprising? It all ensures that independence day will be a day to watch wrestling…these two are likely to tear each other apart to climb the ladder and move beyond their losses at From Dusk til Dawn.

 WWF frontman, Murrey is swift to return the favor with another incredible gift to crown his first promotional champion in a bout between the Hulkster and Soultaker. A huge match it is with the potential of rocking the wrestling world. Either way, the first promotional champion of the WWF will be a well established and respected athlete.

 Then there’s the Interpromotional Main Event match with the USWA’s Undertaker going toe to toe with WWF’s Crock. Besides the fact that Crock will probably be exhausted from his search for a replacement sidekick, the battle between the UWF’s first champion and UWA’s last champion of it’s first run is sure to deliver. In the end, these two will succeed in sending off the show with a bang.

 After looking over this schedule…it is hard to even imagine the most anul of critics claiming that their enthusiasm for such a card is fading. Just remember, the matches aren’t all that we’ll see come the 232nd birthday of this great nation, and that’s something to remain psyched about…


June 7th, 2008

The clock is ticking, the countdown has begun and now we know some of the details of what to expect when all of this come to fruition. With recent announcements pertaining to the first installments of Raw, Massacre and Sanitarium; we are now gathering a general idea of what these show have to offer come the second week of July.

Some critcs have readily weighed on what little we are allowed to know about these cards, and quite frankly; their judgment is a little premature. We haven’t any idea as to what matches may or may not be announced at/after the Second Coming, so any judgment cast now would be slightly disingenuous.

I can understand the frustration with all the secrecy, but when you consider the fact that the people constructing all of this haven’t done so since “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn” and since 2005 before that, you realize that it may take a moment for all the chips to fall into place. Plus, there is plenty to look forward to with what we know: Massacre’s Leonardo/Giggy match holds promise in the return of a beloved veteran and the introduction of an independent circuit success to the mainstream. In fact, sources tell me that Giggy will be featured in an upcoming profile interview prior to opening day.

Then there’s the Severn,Vicious/YMCA match slated for tournament advancement determination pitting two well-known ruthless athletes against another group of rookies who have the entire wrestling world talking weeks before they arrive.

On Raw, the Ahmed Johnson/Rob Conway bout should stir some interest considering the phenomenal skills these two men possess in the ring. Both were successful in tag action and will be tested in singles competition upon their return to the ring.

Not much criticism was mentioned in regards to the Credible/Burke meeting, because every onlooker knows that these men may very well command the attention of the wrestling world on July 7th. Nor did I see any complaints on the return of the Crock Show, why? Because there isn’t a person alive that doesn’t want to know what Woody Woodstrum the Third will do next.

Now that I think about it, not one word was negatively uttered in reference to Saturday Sanitarium’s prospective schedule, and that is undoubtedly due to the fact that the EWA expects – according to my sources – a merciless beating every night “Uprising” faces off against it, starting with July 12th. The fact is, most people choose to ridicule others when they have nothing superior to offer. Afterall, when is the EWA going to announce more on what to expect on the first edition of “Revolution” and “Uprising” besides a vague description that reveals two “qualifying matches” for the “Elite” World Championship to feature two unknowns and a dry-hump fest between Olson and Goldust? If they want to excite the Dick or any of the Dick’s company, they will have to try harder than this.


A Brand NEW Day

Posted by mmouseenterprises on May 26, 2013 at 8:40 AMCommentscomments (0)

Hi, remember me, I’m Ric Venom. Yes, I’ve been on a sabbatical of sorts, but only because I can get away with it now. You see, back in the day, I was into everything. Mickey had me helping to run the show – as Executive Vice President -, I had to broadcast at the shows, and I had to write for the magazines as well as the websites. Now, I’m the Chief Executive Officer, and my role primarily consists of whatever the Chairwoman and the President don’t already take care of!

Anyways, on to what matters. Things have been a little hectic in the PWI since Pride. First, we had our spring break. Then, the Boston bombings led the Chairwoman to postpone the April 15th schedule for a week. After that, some undisclosed “technical difficulties” caused us to forestall what was supposed to be May 13th’s great show. Now, we are scheduled to see a return to action on June 3rd, and what a show that will be!

In the meantime, it appears that the fans of wrestling will have something to keep their boredom at bay as the NEW has FINALLY arrived on the scene! For starters, let me congratulate the NEW for their tentatively record-breaking debut. They no doubt benefited from the absence of PWI, as their relatively mediocre show roared into the picture. Now, I was wrong on EVERY prediction I made for the debut. In part, I argue that this was due to a major shift in the makeup of the night’s card, but I digress. At the beginning, the New “Error” Wrestling – as Orton appropriately dubbed it – hosted a Massacre 10 match with many interesting twists. The return of Armageddon cost FRED what was looking like an undeniable catapult to the “gold” – we’ll get to that in a moment -, Hash was illegally eliminated by CM Punk because the company’s two inept officials somehow missed why Hash wound up outside the ring! I mean, what the hell is the point to having two referees if neither of them plan on actually watching the action?!

Anyways, at the end we get a bullshit conclusion where Styles and Christian take each other out of the ring at the same time. So, the crowning of the first Unreputed World Champion is postponed until this Monday…or is it? Either way, things move along as the first NXT – hey, a vowel is missing there, guys – champion is crowned. As it turns out, the NEW desires to take care of two things at once, crown a champion and have that champion broadcast this to the world! Wait, what is this, Mr. Rhoades, Roads, Roods…whatever…had a satellite dish reduction? Well, my picture may be a little less clear, but the event is still coming in fine enough to give this a big “WHAT THE FUCK?”

By the way, what is with Starr’s off day? She kept “botching” every maneuver left and right. Yes, she got the championship in the end – which I largely credit the total absence of her original two opponents -, but she almost handed it over to the guy she was combating. Come on, Athena, you were the Undisputed Champion before Metalhead pulverized you. You’re better than this. It’s a good thing that Victoria saved the day by reminding us what a real women’s athlete looks like.

May I just say that the tag division here was missing a little magic. Look, Kingston and R-Truth held their own pretty well, and they were the rightful victors over those pompous asses who seemingly forgot their true identities for one night. However, I was sincerely hoping to see the Duct Tape Men and/or the YMCA in the ring. I may have been more inclined to care.

Finally, Splinter and Krusader crippled one another in a match that was definitely NOT a Crimson Car Match. Krusader surprisingly won, but his victory was short lived as the NEW sought to recreate the old Dragonfly-Krusader feud with their youngest cousin-athlete Mystico entering the ring and destroying both men. It will be interesting to see where this one goes, even if I’ve somehow seen this movie before.

That does it for today, I’ll be back when I feel like it.

Back in Action

Posted by mmouseenterprises on January 18, 2013 at 4:10 PMCommentscomments (0)

A woman would have conceived and given birth since the PWI was last on television. Even so, this company is back and charging full speed ahead into what Madame Chairwoman Mouse is dubbing the “official” kickoff of the new era on Monday, February 11th. True to her word, the first two episodes back have provided great entertainment, and the show on the 28th will not be any different. Of course, that night will mark the sixth and last edition of PWI Live! before our first PPV on February 3rd: Blind Ambition.

It will also mark the long-delayed debut of NEW’s broadcasts. How ironic is this? If you will remember, in late-2011, before the showdown over the Undisputed Championship started to transform everything, the NEW was boasting about how it would have an advantage over the PWI because – at the time – it would have been on the air for almost a month before Live! debuted. Then, the controversy kicked into high gear and wound up forcing both promotions to launch on the same date. At least, that was the case until the Cottontail Industries lawsuit against Benny was filed, reportedly postponing the NEW’s start.

Fast-forward almost a year later, and here we are. The tables have now turned 180 degrees, placing the PWI in the very advantageous position that the NEW was once looking forward to capitalizing on. Whether this company’s five Monday broadcasts were aired consecutively or with a nine month gap in between is itself irrelevant. Reason being, that the PWI has been developing stories since its debut on April 9th, 2012 all the while Benny and company just sat on their thumbs wondering what that odd prickly sensation was.

To be honest, I’m not sure who will win in the first encounter of the PWI and the NEW. Back when it was looking like the NEW was going to have the early-start advantage, I didn’t necessarily agree with them that the PWI would be hurt as a result. And the switch-er-roo hasn’t changed my mind. Making matters worse is that I have no clue – as of right now – what the cards for each show will look like except for one match: Teo versus Jeff Hardy.

Which brings me to the point where I need to comment briefly on what has been going on here in the PWI so far. I will admit, I’m surprised that Teo is left wondering what happened to his championship opportunity (just as shocked as I am about Dragonfly being side-lined). Maybe some things are happening in a certain way because we have a handful of AWOL superstars. Or, the fact that STD stands on top of the world while Teo begs for a shot at the gold is just the natural order of things.

Still, I can’t help but shake the feeling that Dragonfly would be running this thing had he not been blind-sighted on April 9th. If the most gifted performer ever had been at 100% up through now, the Undisputed and PWI titles may well have been united, thereby rendering Teo’s complaints meaningless. Likewise, Scott Nash would probably not be contending for the Undisputed gold at the first PPV, just like he would never have been in the Catherine Total Anarchy Special. Therein lies the reason that the rumors about Scott Nash possibly being the culprit behind Dragonfly’s injury have been growing by the hour.

The locker room has been increasingly torn between two camps: the “Scott Nash did it” and the “[he] didn’t do it” camps. Ultimately, this paranoia about his involvement creates bigger problems of distrust and overall unease. Just like Rhyno pointed out this past Monday: who’s to say that the Dragonfly injury will not be a repeated feature in the PWI where a jealous star takes out another one in a dangerous and underhanded way so as to pave the way for his or her own ascendancy? In this new era, this is very much the biggest challenge we now face. It seems like a “back-to-basics” approach is in order, if you ask me.

The Final Stretch

Posted by mmouseenterprises on December 25, 2011 at 4:00 AMCommentscomments (0)

It doesn’t take a wrestling expert to know that we’re in for a revolution. A week from this Monday is the most anticipated opening day extravaganza in the history of the industry, but what about the days, weeks, and months thereafter? No one seems to be placing a strong enough emphasis on the aftermath of opening day, and I’m – quite frankly – a little concerned. I mean, since when did it matter who made the biggest impact on opening day? Well, that’s easy…2008.

Before 2008, opening day was just a day for a promotion to introduce itself to the wrestling world. Before 2008, no competition was sought on the opener, because it usually transpired on a day when the other promotions were off. Then again, when competition was present on opening day its ratings-draw wasn’t important on the level that it became in June 2008. In many ways, we have Benny to thank for all of this. Why? Well, it was his idea to move the EWA’s opener from July 7th to Mid-June; so as to preempt both the HCW and the UWA. Naturally, being the turd-dispenser that he and his kind are, Brown-eye followed Benny’s lead and set up the first ever dual opening day ratings extravaganza. Benny may have won the battle that night, but he ultimately lost the war, and the wrestling world itself was forever transformed because of it all.

Essentially, Benny’s actions made the first day of a promotion’s existence the most crucial. Seriously! Nothing else matters! If you are the loser on opening day, you might as well hang up your wrestling tights and find a new career, because you will officially become number two. That’s right, you’ll be equated with shit.

It’s okay, though, because wrestling promotions often bounce back, right? No. I know, I know…didn’t the HCW become number one throughout the fourth era? Yes, but it wasn’t because they were the best. Instead, what happened was that they were made superior by default, because Benny just gave up on caring about the business after that first month. Moreover, despite UWA’s “The Second Coming” seeing higher ratings than the openers for both the HCW and the EWA, it almost-permanently occupied the third ranking because it entered the fray about a month too late. All of the moment belonged to the HCW and the EWA after their heavy-hitting opening day slugfest, and nothing the UWA could do was sufficient to resurrect itself.

In essence, Catherine took it upon herself to learn from these mistakes and apply them to an era wherein she alone controlled Mickey’s company. Did she make some risky decisions? Definitely, but I wouldn’t – for even a millisecond – doubt that she conceived this plan to preempt Benny the same way that he did her father the last time around. If she succeeds, and the PWI comes out on top of the battle of January 2nd, 2012…the fifth era will officially become the era of PWI.

Expect the next questionnaire response by the end of the night…

The Battle to Come = 1/2/2012

Posted by mmouseenterprises on November 22, 2011 at 5:55 PMCommentscomments (0)

What a month! Starting with a series of ultimatums from the Chairwoman of Mmouse Enterprises, followed by an equally-risky series of “knee-jerk” reactions by Benny and company, November has more or less officially shredded the World of Wrestling; both the organization and the industry overall. I sit here completely enthusiastic about the all-out war that looms on the horizon, and with Madame Chairwoman Mouse’s recent announcement earlier this morning pertinent to two new matches that will kick off the PWI, I’m not so sure of who’s going to win at this point. So, let’s take a look at the opposing cards for the most blockbuster opening day ever!

New Era Wrestling presents: “Innovation”:

1) Things kick off in the “NEW” promotion – heh – with what I feel is a tremendous mistake; the Massacre Ten Match for what Benny is calling the “Undisputed” NEW Championship. Hey, for starters, I don’t think that anyone out there will “dispute” your your first NEW Champion, but whatever floats your boat. This monstrousity of a match – featuring FRED, Hash, Christian, Orton, Styles, CM Punk, Attitude, Kevin Nash, Raven, and the Crock – will certainly be one for the ages. In fact, I personally feel that this segment may well be the highest rated for the NEW that night. However, I believe that this was Benny and Splinter misreading what Catherine was doing with our opening show – interpreting such as a reckless give-away of a PPV-worthy show – and following suit with regards to such. My money is on Attitude, as he was obviously the break-out star at the fourth era’s closing. The reason that I don’t see a victory for the others is that:

a) a FRED victory would be too difficult to reverse any time soon…

b) Hash’s recent run-in with the law will impede his capturing of the gold; Benny hates troublemakers and refuses to award their behavior…

c) After reading Christian’s recent interview, I strongly feel as if the backstage-politics aren’t in his favor, and that suggests a rough start for Mr. Cage…

d) Randy Orton is my second pick, but it would be too obvious…just my opinion

e) AJ Styles isn’t ready, plain and simple.

f) CM Punk isn’t ready either, you don’t leap from a perpetual mid-card status in a two year feud with Edge in the HCW to leading a Benny-owned company…

g) Kevin Nash is worthy, but still needs to rebound from his sluggish tenure in the UWA…

h) Raven is definitely worthy, having almost finished his Brown-eye career as that ‘Tard’s champion, but he still has to prove himself to the man who kept him in the midcard – tagged with Goldust – for nearly two years.

i) Finally, the Crock won’t win because he is a COMEDIC PROP…that is all.

2) Next, the erection…er…selection of NEW’s first “Knockouts” Champion will be determined in a bout pitting the three “final” female champions of the fourth era – Athena, Neidhart, and Molly – against each other. Needless to say, it will be a match worth your attention. I’m definitely TiVoing it. Look for Neidhart to pull off a stunning victory.

3) The Tag Team Championship will be awarded to the winning team in a match between what was the broken-up unit of “Young Masculine Cocky Assholes” and the fan-favorite pranksters and faux-phenoms, the Duct/Electric/Shiny Tape Men. I’m going to guess that Slave and B-Rad pick up the win here, but I’m otherwise unimpressed with the match.

4) Edge takes on the Terminator in their “first meeting ever”. Wow, I’m not really sure what to think about this one. I’m predicting an Edge win here, but it’s unclear how the in-ring chemistry will work out. I guess that we’ll have to wait and see.

5) Yokozuna versus Umaga. Hey, let’s throw to ridiculously fat guys in the ring so that they can flatten it and Madison Square Garden before they get a chance to see the last two matches!! Anyways, I can’t wait to see the battle of the man boobs – which I expect Yokozuna to win -, because I’m going to need the laugh.

6) Jesse Ventura takes on Phobe. Finally working for a company other than Mmouse Enterprises for the first time in almost 14 years, Jesse hopes to make Benny’s hard on for him a full-fledged trouser sprinkler by defeating Phobe (which is what I think will happen). Good stuff…though I just made myself puke a little with the image of Benny’s excitement…

7) The Main Event, previously reserved for the first NEW PPV, will see COO Splinter partake in one last match, surrounded by junkyard vehicles and weapons, against the legendary and rather prehistoric Krusader. You know what’s sad, this is actually going to be Krusader’s first post-Mmouse Enterprises match since 1998 (just like Ventura). Too bad that the rat will beat him before he can assert himself for the first time in working for Benny.

…as for Opening Day here in the PWI…

Premier Wrestling Incorporated presents: “PWI Live!”

1) As of right now, the opening contest will feature a throwback-style match – in the rafters – between Blaster and Rhyno (the last champions of HCW and Mmouse Enterprises). Regardless of Catherine’s reasoning behind compelling the retired Blaster Bladwick to temporarily end his retirement for such a match, the one thing that is certain about it is that it will only add to the great card for which it opens. Honestly, it could go either way, though I would prefer to see the last UWA champion defeat Brown-eye’s last champ.

2) Oh, and how hilarious is it that the Chairwoman stepped up and borrowed the “Ultimate X Match” from her uncle so as to resolve the issue of two “final” champions of the erstwhile “X-Division”? What’s interesting is that this match between John Morrison (the last TNA X-Division Champ) and the Ladies Man (the last EWA X-Division Champ) also involves an inter-tier bout. If Morrison wins, does that give him the right to be promoted? What about the Ladies Man, will he be demoted if he loses? Good stuff all around. Either way, expect a fantastic fight for “honorary” recognition as the “last” X-Division Champion as each superstar looks to jump into this with guns blazing. In my view, though, Morrison needs this victory more than the Ladies Man does, but it won’t exactly be a disaster if he loses.

3) Now, making the Falls Count Anywhere match to “crown” the Fourth Era’s greatest interviewer (will it be Vice-President E-Dawg or Anthony?) the third – as opposed to the first – match was a wise decision. My view is that you never kick things off with a laugh. Instead, the laughs are supposed to be reserved for the intermission, which is – let’s be honest – what this battle is with respect to this show. As for the battle itself, don’t expect too much in in-ring action, but expect to laugh your ass off throughout. In all honesty, I can’t predict the outcome…so, just enjoy the show!

4) The Triangle Match, with the undefeated Scarecrow squaring off against Drakus and Drakus’s mentor, Keeper, is definitely going to be a match to tune in for. It is amazing the someone actually survived a stint in the HCW with their career untainted by losses, but I doubt that he’ll come out of this one as the winner. Drakus and Keeper have scarcely gone toe-to-toe since their big interpromotional battle in the summer of 2004, but one would be remiss to doubt the determination of either powerhouse. In the end, this match is almost impossible to predict, because each participant is equally focused on inflicting pain and achieving victory; even if Scarecrow sort of enjoys receiving some pain in the process.

5) It’s sort of funny that President Slammu and his former best-friend – as well as his counterpart over in the NEW – will be competing in their last matches ever on the same night. As opposed to Splinter’s match, Slammu’s victory here is not so certain. Scott Nash is in his physical prime and is desperate to kick things off in the fifth era with a bang. To say the least, this throwback to their 1997 Wrestlemania match that was then for the USWA title will be one for the ages!

6) Catherine has introduced another new match to the world of wrestling, the “Sole Survivor” Match that combines elimination and last man standing rules – to feature every woman on the roster – is going to be brutal and historic. Given the fact that Catherine is still presently negotiating with potential female talent, I am not in a position to make a dependable prediction. Regardless, the placement of this match on the card – compared to the “Knockouts” match’s placement – speaks volumes about how highly regarded the women are in this company. Then again, this shouldn’t surprise anyone, as it was Mmouse Enterprises that introduced the wrestling world to mainstream women’s wrestling back in the mid-to-late 90s.

7) Finally, there is the match that undoubtedly has Benny and Splinter shaken the most – and arguably the reason why Splinter placed himself in his first monday show’s main event -, the REAL Undisputed Championship match between the Champion, Metalhead, and Dragonfly. There’s a lot riding on this one, as any screw-ups could render all of the hype for this battle – which has been ongoing since early-2004 – completely moot. However, no one seriously doubts that these two spectacular megastars will succeed in giving the audience their money’s worth. Is this match a wasted opportunity for a major PPV match down the line? HELL NO! This is the FIRST TIME that these two have ever been on the same roster. To think that they can’t meet again in the future isn’t only absurd, but it’s flat-out idiotic (or, maybe even wishful thinking). Who’ll win this one? I don’t know, because they are both ultra-heels. On the other hand, “incumbents” always have the advantage in title matches…always.

Did I forget something? No, because the UWA Awards ceremony will just be one other little side-dish for the audience throughout the night. I truly feel that the NEW is making a mistake in assuming that the tide has turned significantly in their favor; including their mockery of the aforementioned awards. Did they become competitive? Yes, but the most that they’ve likely accomplished is narrowing what appears to be an inevitable ratings victory for the PWI’s opener.

More to come…as the countdown draws to its close.

The War is Raging…

Posted by mmouseenterprises on November 1, 2011 at 7:00 PMCommentscomments (0)

My, how the times have changed. A month ago, one could barely notice that a new era was on the horizon in lieu of the typical back and forth war of words between Benny and Mickey. Now, though, it appears as if Catherine – or Madame Chairwoman Mouse, as she has instructed all of her subordinates to refer to her – has finally found her secret weapon in igniting the new age version of the traditional interpromotional conflict: her wits and determination to prevail.

As Hyatte noted, she isn’t her father by a long shot. Mickey always resolved to stay the course no matter the outcome, but our new leader is a devout realist and a master getting what she wants. Did she change her game plan? Sure, but her objective remained the same, and it appears as if she has accomplished her initial goals. What were said goals? Plain and simple, she preemptively established the PWI as the promotion that will lead this era and the direction in which it goes.

Regarding the blockbuster cards announced for the first two weeks (should her ultimatum not be heeded), I couldn’t be more stunned…or impressed. Mickey would’ve never risked the stability of the wrestling world as his daughter is, but – as Madame Mouse keeps saying – this is a new wrestling world. By all means, her risking the state of “peace” enjoyed in professional wrestliing allows her to remake the industry in her image; just as her father had done with the USWA.

To be honest, I kind of feel sorry for Splinter. How could he have known that accepting the position as NEW’s COO would turn out so badly for him? Seriously, you heard the man yourself; he wanted to approach management the same way he did actual wrestling. However, Madame Mouse would have none of that passive bullshit in her competition. Instead, it almost seems as if she is demanding that Splinter become her twin. You’ve gotta hand it to her, she loves a good fight.

By the looks of it, I would say that she’s going to have quite the fight on her hands. But, said fight won’t just be from a newly-uncomfortable Splinter, but from the WOW, her father, her uncle, and the rest of the wrestling establishment as well! Catherine – please forgive me, it takes forever typing out that mandatory title – is ambitious, but could it all backfire?

Only time will tell.

More to come in the coming days…

Changing Tide… (8/27/11) (Updated – 8/28/11)

No, I’m not talking about the incoming Hurricane Irene, but rather about some recent major developments pertaining to HCW Inc.’s recent decision to stay out of the next era. Does this impact how thing will play out next year? Yes, and in a big way. As you may have noticed, the draft – as analyzed by yours truly below – was an historic occasion that significantly redrew the battle lines in the wrestling world. The HCW managed to get a number of highly-demanded talent, but their choice to abstain forced a third round of drafting between the NEW and the PWI. Let’s just say that things really got heated as the only two competitors of the fifth era picked apart the best that the HCW had to offer. Suffice it to say that the weakest links in both companies will likely meet the chopping block as a result of thereof. There really is nothing more that I can say about this at the moment, as we just have to wait and see how it all unfolds.

Updated: “A Stroke of Venom” is now moving to “The Vein”, where it will be featured alongside the “Superstar Q&A” section.

Assessing the 2011 Draft (8/13/11)

So, now it’s official…well, as far as the draft is concerned. The Fifth Era is now in full construction mode, and it appears as if this war will be the most fierce yet. Now, there’s no guarantee – as of right now – whether or not HCW Inc. is committed to another round of ratings bouts, but we do know for sure that the showdown will involve the Mmouse Enterprises-owned Premier Wrestling Incorporated – the name of which was chosen only after the initial 30 draft picks were finalized – and the BWM Inc.-owned (and tentatively named) New Era Wrestling. Get it (N.E.W.)? Anyways, I’m writing tonight to review the final results of the third major draft in wrestling history to assess who came out the strongest and who wound up becoming the underdog.

Assuming that John Brown’s wrestling empire doesn’t bail out (thusly triggering another draft to determine the fate of the then-unemployed stars), these are the rosters that we define the battle lines in the 2012 edition of the world of wrestling:

First and Foremost, we analyze Brown’s picks. You can’t really say that the exemption of Rhyno, Raven, and the Scarecrow from the draft list was unexpected or even unreasonable. After all, with a limit of only three exemptions this year (as opposed to ten just three years ago), it was perhaps the best business decision Brown could’ve made. Especially with Scarecrow’s untainted undefeated streak – well, as long as Hell’s Fury doesn’t bury it at FDTD -, you are talking about the whole franchise being comprised in those three men alone. Outside of the exemptions, though, were some other vitally important picks:

 1) Petey Williams – Should I really go into too much detail as to why this pick made so much sense? It’s obvious that – if Brown’s company does decide to partake in this next era – this man is among the top five men slated to take the world championship and possibly lead HCW Inc. to another series of dominant victories.

 2) El Gigante – After having been poorly utilized by Benny during the fourth era (which the occasional viewer would’ve been hard pressed to even know that Benny was a part of such to start with), Brown was desperate to bring Gigante back to his roots…where he will be more than welcome.

 3) Heavymetal – This guy really should retire by now. Come on, he’s been in this business since around 1998 and has only won – briefly – one world championship; only doing so because he defeated his brother for the belt in the first place. Look, I know that he enjoyed quite the boost in the UWF back in the third era, and he really got the crowd behind him in the HCW, but keeping him around is only going to be useful for one purpose: jobbing.

 4) The Heartbreak Punk – Yes, there’s no doubt that he’s been quite successful since 1996, but he ended his run in the UWA without the World Title. Ok, I know that he did wrap up the fourth era with a championship and that the latter half of his stint in the UWA was spent making a mockery of the industry, but he seriously should consider calling it a career.

 5) Edge – And we’re back to the guys that made the HCW formiddable from 08′ to 10′! Without CM Punk to torment in 2012, I sure do feel sorry for the rest of the roster. Oh, the joy of Edge’s insanity.

 6) Hulk – After supposedly resolving what seemed for a while to be the industry’s perpetual wrestler versus wrestler feud, I can’t see how Brown can top what they did with Hulk the last time around. However, they could shock us by awarding him the championship!

 7) Che – You know, I’m beginning to think that people have forgotten that Che has spent almost 15 years wrestling in this business. Yeah, that’s right, most of his tenure was spent in the ECW and the numerous other companies that rose and fell throughout the second era. Of course, when you look at the tremendous boost given to him by the HCW – more specifically during his epic feud with Petey Williams -, there’s simply no way that Brown could’ve let this revitalized investment slip through his fingers.

 8) Keeper – Hmmm. This will be interesting. Most of Keeper’s career has been spent wrestling for Mickey, but there have been a few times where he left for a spell to wrestle for the competition. With Hell’s Fury’s forced split, I can’t help but think that Brown is priming Keeper for a world title run.

 9-12) Diamond Dallas Page, Sandman, Aggressor, & Triple Threat – Okay, I’m cheating…so fucking sue me. Would you like to write/type an individual report for 180 superstars!! Thought not. Anyways, all but the last selection made sense to me (though, Sandman could’ve waited until much later in the draft to be selected). Why? Because no one but Brown thinks that Pickle Breath is a superstar worthy of wasting a draft on.

 13-16) Drakus, Thunder, Colossus, & Triple H – Well, here are a batch of wrestlers worthy of investment. I’m serious. For starters, the first three all enjoyed a career-boost in the LWF back in 2004, and the HCW only reminded us of their greatness during the fourth era. As for the “Game”, it’s only a matter of time before he finds his way back into prominence.

 17-21) Mr. Clean, Drake Nash, Flyer, Adam Copeland, & Scratchy – Alright, I’m going to go easy on old Brownie here. I understand why he drafted the Untouchables, because the HCW is their home and Mmouse Enterprises was very bitter about their failure to reclaim their contracts in 2008. As for the others…I can honestly assure Brown that none of the three were going anywhere else.

 22-27) Giant Satan, Maxx Steel, Jeff Jarrett, Scorpion King, Vigo, & Evil Taker – Three of these guys got their start in the HCW, and were capitalized on by Brown and company. I’m kind of chuckling about the choice to take Scorpion King back since the HCW willingly gave him to the UWA just a few years ago (I think in exchange for the Arabian Knight). Vigo is still getting his feet off the ground, but I slightly doubt that the HCW (or whatever the fuck they’re going to call it) will provide the right type of environment for him to flourish in. Perhaps the best investment here is Jeff Jarrett. The reformed former racist and failed musician made a comeback in the aborted fetus that was TNA, and I feel as if we’ll get a good chance to seem him grow into something great this time around.

 28-33) Ted Brown, Brutal, 8 Ball, Bret Hart, Matt Morgan, & Chavo – Nothing flawed here. Surprise, I know, I’m not disgusted at all by any of these selections. John’s brother really stepped up in the HCW, and he did so in a way that actually – and quite shockingly – didn’t hog the spotlight from his costars. Hart – even at his age – is still able to go toe to toe with the best in the business, and even though the HCW traded him to the ECW in 2009 they apparently want him back to kick off this era. Either way, I expect great things from all of these guys.

 34-39) Maniac, Krazy Kid, Crash Holly, Al Snow, Batman, & Ron Snow – Well, I guess this means that we’re in for a psycho ward stable that will involve the Lunatic Fringe and Edge teaming up once more. It also appears as if Brown wanted to give Hardcore Holly’s cousin a chance after the great run that Bob had last time (Sex Toy!). Drafting the Snows may have been unnecessary, but Batman…well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see how this benefits Brown.

 40-45) Bane, British Bulldog, Hans Gustav, Fang, Jake Jericho, & The Duke – Probably the most interesting grouping of draftees so far. Bane was no doubt among the best investments that the HCW ever made (and thusly the worst trade decision that the EWA could’ve made) as his segments often contributed heavily to the company’s dominance. Bulldog brings name recognition – as well as a friendly face for good old Bret -, Gustav….let’s just say that he’ll fit in. Fang is – like Vigo – still somewhat of a newcomer, Jake Jericho (who has spent practically ALL of his career working for either Benny or Kevin Kelly) may actually get a chance to emerge from obscurity, and the Duke will likely cease to get favorable treatment from management.

 46-51) Scratcher, Eddie Guerrero, Sonjay Dutt, Forsaker, Gay Batman, & Sex Toy – Please, Brown…know that no one would’ve ever taken Scratcher from you! Eddie Guerrero – from what I’ve learned – was actually in danger of being targeted by the other two companies, as he definitely turned some heads a couple years ago. Sonjay Dutt, Gay Batman, and Sex Toy may create the next trio (or foursome) “love story”. As for Forsaker, I’m guessing that he’s back to rekindle that 2008 feud with Al Snow that no one cared about.

 52-57) Mr. Ass, Road Dogg, Ahmed Johnson, Silverdust, Hillsley, & Clayface – I think that these picks were largely made to help either retain existing tag teams or create new ones.

 58-60) Val Venis, Rocky Johnson Junior, & Iceman – I think that this was a rather weak finish for the HCW’s draft, but I can’t criticize it. Val Venis – who, by the way, stole Rick Rude’s gimmick – is a star who has resurrected his career and may provide some masculine counterweight to the overwheming presence of…the gay. I’m looking forward to more torment for “Rookie Junsun Junior” and more choking victims courtesy of the so-called “Midnight Strangler”.

 Thus wraps up the review of HCW Inc.’s draft picks. Now, on to BWM Inc.’s…

 The exemptions) It should come as no surprise that Jesse Hash, Athena Starr, and Randy Orton were selected here (in fact, BWM Inc. had first dibs on the draft as a whole). Each were responsible – in part – for the glimpses of success enjoyed by the EWA and then the ECW. One thing did shock me, though, and that was the complete disregard for Metalhead in the exclusions AND the first draft pick. Did Benny and his company really believe that Mickey’s company would allow that opportunity to reclaim him to pass them by?!

 1-2) CM Punk & FRED – WOW! That’s all I can say. Perhaps Benny and Company dropped the ball on saving Metalhead in order to make headlines with their first picks. Disarming the HCW’s ability to push Punk and intercepting Mmouse Enterprises’s most famous monster definitely shook up the world of wrestling. However, the question now is whether or not these two amazing stars will be adequately applied…time will tell.

 3-4) AJ Styles & Christian – By this time, BWM Inc. apparently recognized that their aims to seize the competition’s best risked them losing their own. Christian has been dominating the wrestling airwaves since his 2004 tenure in the LWF, but he was catapulted to a new level of greatness when Benny gave him the Undisputed and EWA belts in 08′. As for AJ Styles, I won’t be surprised to see him rise to the world title this time around.

 5-6) Victoria & Beth Phoenix – First BWM Inc. steals from Mmouse Enterprises the only woman more popular than Athena Starr, then they pull an HCW-style move by saving talent that probably wasn’t going anywhere in the first place.

 7) Attitude – Oh yes, they were petrified by Mmouse Enterprises’s drafting of Teo. In my opinion, BWM Inc. only drafted Attitude to prevent a PWI revisitation – and proper employment – of the Teo-Attitude feud.

 8-13) Rey Mysterio, Luna, Mankind, Molly Holly, Hardcore Holly, & The Crock – A major bitchslap from BWM Inc. to the competition! Having first choice comes with perks, and boy did Benny get his perks. Rey Mysterio’s career was reinvigorated by the HCW, Luna had a major and satisfying push in the UWA, Mankind managed to exit the previous era in style, Molly Holly left the UWA with the women’s gold, Hardcore Holly enjoyed a great run in the HCW only to be traded to obscurity (maybe they won’t forget him this time), and The Crock…wow, this I have to see.

 14-15) Kevin Nash & Yokozuna – Two pick-ups from the UWA. I’ll be the first to admit that Yokozuna’s jobber status in the UWA was a bit disappointing and that Nash’s ridiculously long and unjustified Immunity reign left much to be desired, but both of these picks a HUGE! There’s still a lot of fuel in their tanks, and I still expect greatness from them.

 16) Mickey James – Just like with Ms. Phoenix, this wasn’t necessary…

 17-18) Scott Hall & Randy Savage – Oooooh Yeah! I have to laugh a little about the fact that BWM Inc. was so determined to get rid of Savage back in 2009 only to jump at the opportunity to get him back after the HCW made him such an important part of their roster. Hall, for the same reason as Savage, was drafted because he was a part of the surprisingly popular NWO storyline that HCW used to their advantage. Could we see the next NWO invasion in the N.E.W.?

 19) Terminator – Hmmm, I must say that I was a little shocked about this one. Not sure what can be done with him now that his feud with Krusader was wrapped up in the UWA…wait…they couldn’t be pondering ANOTHER rehashing of that feud…could they?

 20) Natalya Neidhart – Naughty Ride-hard? Oh, I’m sorry…that’s what I read when I saw her name. Ok, this wasn’t irrational as in the previous two fucked-up drafts of females. Neidhart had a legitimate reason to expect a possible drafting by Mmouse Enterprises, but – luckily for Benny – BWM Inc. beat Mickey to the punch.

 21-26) Phobe, Krusader, Big Show, Test, Stephanie McMahon, & Lady Love – Alright, before you say anything, I’m well aware of the fact that this involved my estranged wife. Anywho, this was probably the biggest grouping of “fuck you” draft picks yet. Phobe, whose leg has been healing much better than it did 11 years ago, looks to be best investment here. With Stephanie included – especially in light of what happened between she and Phobe in 2010 -, I’m expecting an INTENSE reunion here. Big Show and Krusader may have been retained, but there might have been some reason to do so…just saying. As for Test, that guy will ALWAYS be a worthy investment.

 27-28) The Soultaker & Tazz – REALLY? The only reason that I didn’t include them in the “fuck you” draft picks is because these guys are limited in their appeal. Soultaker has always worked for Mickey, but the word on the street is that Mmouse Enterprises was going to force him into retirement this time around. As for Tazz, he seems to flourish in “hardcore” environments…if you catch my drift.

 29) Cody Rhodes – LOL!! Benny, not everyone has the troubles that you do in broadcasting their programming…

 30-33) Ted Dibiase, Lance Storm, Jesus Gonzales, & Tajiri – This was more surprising than it was a “fuck you” grouping. Sure, it can be argued that BWM Inc. drafted these guys to flip-off the competition for “raping” the BWM Inc. roster, but was it rational? Yes, Dibiase was amazing in the UWA, but he is one of the two LONGEST-RUNNING veterans of the industry! Storm…can he even make it somewhere else? Who knows, maybe he’ll finally be able to “get serious”…without forgetting what he was going to say. Jesus caught the attention of UWA’s competition, but I didn’t think that he was that interesting. Then there’s Tajiri. Granted, he’s a tremendously talented athlete, but the best thing he ever did that I could remember was getting demolished by the Great Khali.

 34-39) Umaga, Hulk Hogan, Recon, Sniper, Doink, & Matt Hardy – Only Hogan and Hardy were pick-ups, but I guess that I don’t blame Benny for any of these picks. Umaga was only given a sliver of TV time to showcase his talents, and I’m sure that he is far from finished with impressing the audience. The Establishment has always tickled Benny’s fancy, so their drafting is no surprise. Doink probably wasn’t going anywhere, but his being drafted did remind me that Brown’s Clowntown crime has yet to be addressed. I guess I’m hoping that the N.E.W. turns Hogan into a backstage interviewer…so I can ridicule them for picking him. As far as Hardy is concerned, I’m convinced that separating him from Jeff was probably the best thing that could’ve ever been done for him.

 40-45) YMCA, Mr. Moody, Retardo, Kelly Kelly, & Booker T – I hope that BWM Inc. realizes that YMCA is no more…lol. Then again, I guess we’ll get to see Slave v. B-Rad! Then we have the potentially intense showdown of Crock’s two former sidekicks (CAN’T WAIT)! Kelly Kelly is a promising young woman who would’ve done well in the PWI, I’m sure, but I hope that N.E.W. takes care of her. Then there’s Booker T. I happen to know that Mmouse Enterprises was very interested in getting Booker back for the first time in year, but BWM Inc. again benefited from having the first pick.

 46-48) Torrie Wilson, Maria, & Jesse Ventura – Did my boss want the first two…you bet. Ventura? I’m not so sure that they cared anymore, because Ventura has – after all – worked most of his career for this company.

 49-50) Jim Neidhart & Goldust – Two retentions that were really unnecessary. Enough said.

 51-56) Tori Waltman, Michelle McCool, Rene Dupree, Skinhead, Rob Conway, & Jerry Lawler – Attack of the “meh” draftees! Waltman was a jobber in the UWA women’s division – and will probably resume such status in her “new” home -, so Mmouse Enterprises merely shrugged off losing her. McCool wasn’t going anywhere (does Brown run BWM Inc. now?). La Resistance failed to live up to their costly UWA salaries in 2008-2010. Skinhead can now take his racism elsewhere, as it was no less than awkward last time around in the UWA. Regarding Lawler, rumor has it that Mickey repeatedly threatened him with the pink slip after the Lawler-Kaufmann angle flopped.

 57-60) Mystico, Uno, Dos, & Ax – True to form for BWM Inc., they start big and crash the landing! Mystico was the last GREAT pick here as I actually think the guy has a promising future. The Duct/Electric/Shiny Tape Men finished Sundown by admitting Masked Phenom into their ranks as “Quatro”, but I’m a little confused as to where they CAN go from there. Then there is Ax. For the life of me, I can not wrap my mind around this pick. Throughout Demolition’s tenure in the UWA, Hyatte did nothing but criticize them for simply breathing in the direction of a ring. NOW, BWM Inc. wastes their last pick on one-half of them? HCW managed to finish their draft picks in a relatively decent way, but I’m very disappointed in how Benny – or whoever was picking these guys on behalf of his company – managed to botch what should’ve been a big finish.

…Now, on to the roster of Premier Wrestling Incorporated…

 The Exemptions: Dragonfly, Sunfire, & Sean Olson – Look, HCW and NEW, this is how you exempt the right way! There aren’t too many critics who would argue that any of these stars wasted the PWI’s exemptions, because these three men are undeniably among the ten biggest names in professional wrestling in the last decade!

 1) Blaster – Ok, though I believe that this would’ve been a waste from a superstar standpoint there are a few good reasons as to why Mmouse Enterprises drafted Blaster first. For starters, he is officially the last UWA, USWA, and WWF champion…ever! Second of all, he is now retired, and my boss saw fit to “save” Blaster from potential enslavement by our competition since he is still on the roster.

 2) Slammer – Why not?! This guy only wrestled ONE MATCH during the whole 4th era, and he lost the damn thing! However, Slammer is now – with Slammu’s official retirement and FRED’s drafting to the NEW – the only beast in the PWI; as well as the only active wrestler from his species! Don’t overlook this monster come January, because he is ALWAYS a force to be reckoned with!

 3-7) Brandon Lee, Metalhead, Ariel, Teo, & Chris Jericho – This serves as the first “fuck you/BOOYA” wave of drafts from the PWI. Why? Because this grouping – in addition to the exemptions – ascertains that the PWI will earn the “Premier” in its name. Can anyone doubt that these earth-shattering picks sent chills up Benny’s spine?

 8) Giant Gonzales – Since 1997, there have been many giants to come and go in the world of wrestling, but no one has ever been able to compare to the original (yes, I know that the 8′ 7″ Ventura was the INITIAL giant of wrestling, but Gonzales redefined the term). Back in 2003, it was believed that a life/career-risking injury ended his career for good; those titanium-rod leg implants couldn’t offset the damage done to him during his UWF stint, but he came back on fire in 2009. It appears as if he impressed someone in upper management so much that he was drafted amongst the PWI’s first ten picks. Expect good things from good old Gonzales in the next era…

 9-14) Sabu, RVD, STD, Jeff Hardy, Blade, & Elijah Burke – Now this is how you knew that we meant business! After RVD, the PWI didn’t seek to retain another UWA star until Burke. From Sabu through Burke, Mmouse Enterprises unleashed its next “fuck you” wave, picking another batch of the best that wrestling has to offer. The first and most controversial 4th Era HCW Champion, Sabu, was undoubtedly a prized commodity in the wrestling world during the previous era; since he stole the HCW title from over 70 other wrestlers in 2008, was traded to the ECW, and then went back to finish the era at HCW again at their last show last year. With RVD and STD, there’s no telling whether their similar gimmicks will lead to a brief feud, but I am looking forward to seeing Hart finally come back home. Hardy has never worked for Mmouse Enterprises, but his stock rose significantly when he joined Scott Nash’s incarnation of the NWO in the HCW, so this should be good. Blade is a unique talent with a bright future, and I doubt that there will be a lot that will stop him from reaching the top. Then we have the incredibly talented Elijah Burke. Burke almost captured the gold at the Final Oblivion, but there is an even better chance that he will finally attain said feat this time around.

 15-20) Kurt Angle, Heartbreaker, The Rock, Mr. Perfect, Agramon, & Bam Bam Bigelow – I’m calling this another “fuck you” wave, because each of these men promise to both provide spectacular entertainment as well as a new kind of “jobber”. No, none of these men would’ve ever been considered “jobbers” before, but the PWI is a different kind of wrestling organization altogether that will allow EVERYONE a chance to raise their stock in addition to briefly serving as jobbers to other rising stars. Angle, who has had a great career thus far – and, had TNA remained independent last year, would’ve made his last employer a major competitor – looks to resume his pursuit of glory in the PWI. Heartbreaker and Perfect, the two degenerates of this group, enter the era as veterans in the best shape of their careers. The Rock has a lot of fuel left in the tank, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him at least get close to the gold. Bam Bam Bigelow will look to continue displaying his awesome skills whilst intimidating everyone that stands in his way…this time without Dibiase. As for Agramon, he was the ONLY Callaway drafted by Mmouse Enterprises. I personally think that such has a lot to do with Mickey’s departure, but I wouldn’t dismiss the demonic figure for a second.

 21-28) John Morrison, Scott Steiner, Mike O’Malley, Brock Lesnar, Amazon, Living Dead Girl, Arabian Knight, & Ladies Man – Yes, the biggest intimidating wave yet. This wave, though, is largely composed of wrestling’s future. Morrison is a guy whose career didn’t really have much of a start in the previous era, but the powers that be have faith that he’ll steal the show in much the same way Burke did last time around. Steiner’s recruitment stunned a lot of critics, but the PWI also believes that his talents have been under-utilized in his most recent employment and hope that he’ll finally be able to seize the moment and break out. O’Malley has been a crowd favorite since his LWF debut, and I’m frankly proud to see that the PWI didn’t let “The Best” slip away. Lesnar has had a rough career since 2002, but he only lost steam because of his 2004 run-in with the Crock. Thankfully, the Crock is someone else’s problem now, so Lesnar will also have plenty of room to shoot for the stars. Amazon and Living Dead Girl were two major women’s wrestlers in BWM Inc., but we shan’t forget that they aren’t your typical female talent; there will be many surprises from both of them. I can honestly say that the Arabian Knight is definitely the most underestimated of all these guys, but you can mark my words when I say that the fifth time is a charm for this guy! Then we have Ladies Man. For two eras, this guy had numerous opportunities to become the world champion…will this era finally bring him to the top?

 29-30) Johnny Stamboli & Business Man – These guys are great additions to the PWI family, but a lot of people don’t expect them to reach the top. I’m of the opinion that Stamboli is underappreciated, but the guy just keeps putting on great matches; he seems content in the mid-card. The Business Man debuted in 2008, and he was trapped in the mid-card throughout. Look for Puddphucker to become the next big-wig’s lackey…just saying…

 31-36) Billy Kidman, Nathan Jones, Great Khali, D-lo Brown, Gangrel, & Scott Nash – Kidman is the biggest pick-up here, and – if I’m not mistaken – this is his first wrestling for anyone other than Benny or Kevin Kelly. I strongly believe that Kidman is destined for greatness, and that he will attain such by era’s end. Jones getting drafted doesn’t guarantee that he and Lesnar will reunite, but it does display an appreciation for his contributions to the UWA. Khali, Gangrel, and Nash all enter the PWI from the HCW, and I’m looking forward to seeing what each can offer in making the PWI the best promotion of all time. And then there’s the talented Brown. I was impressed with his performance in the USWA and am stoked to see him come back to Mmouse Enterprises, and the sky is still the limit for this guy.

 37-42) Lex Luger, Chris Benoit, Brian Pillman, John Cena, Ultimate Warrior, & HBK – another impressive wave, but all except for HBK have worked here before. Each man is very talented and could go all the way. Regardless, this only adds to the PWI’s prestige.

 43-48) Rick Martel, Tiny, Tommy Dreamer, Shane McMahon, Justin Credible, & Frank Shamrock – Martel was undoubtedly amongst the most popular of the UWA’s jobbers, but I have a feeling that he won’t be trapped in that status this time around. Tiny served as both the guy whom everyone wanted to be crowned as HCW’s champion 3 years ago and as the MOST entertaining giant of all time; can’t wait. Dreamer will likely not restore his team with the skyrocketing Burke, but he is also not likely to become a permanent jobber either. McMahon was a great choice, in my book, and with or without FRIED he’s going places. As for the temporary team of Credible and Shamrock, I believe that a renewed opportunity for both to achieve their dreams will lead them to go their separate ways as well.

 49-54) Marc Mero, Michelangelo, Sunny, X-Pac, Lita, & Goldberg – Will there be a women’s division? I’m not sure, and it appears as if my employer isn’t either, but the roster sure has been packed with talented females all around. Mero joins the PWI after a long hiatus from the ring, but I believe that he will make his presence known soon enough. Michelangelo was the only drafted adopted son of Splinter, and is the only one not in retirement; don’t doubt him for a second. X-Pac was tossed around like a hot pepper in the 4th era, but I feel as if he’s here to stay…and for good reason. As for Goldberg, all detractors better withhold all bets against him, because this could be a friendly era to him.

 55-60) Terry Austin, Dan Severn, the Harlem Turtles, JBL, & Nunzio – The fact that the PWI picked Stevie R and Booker D without planning to force them into retirement leaves me to believe that there may actually be a tag division in this company, but – as with the women’s division – the jury is apparently still out on such. Severn and Nunzio were picked to help promote an image for the PWI as a company where anyone can strive for greatness. JBL has had very little exposure in mainstream wrestling, but I’ve been told that he’s a total douche…just warning you all. Finally, the PWI just had to go and pick our own 4th era version of Sabu; Terry Austin. Look, this guy pissed off numerous spectators and investors when he “undeservingly” captured both the USWA and UWA championships in 2008. What many of those critics fail to think about was that the original USWA never restricted championship access from any star, and that Terry only held the UWA title for one day (and lost the USWA gold after only a month and a half). Besides all of that, the guy is a gifted in-ring talent, which is more than I can say about his overrated brother. Anyways, I don’t expect his detractors to shut up and look past their hatred for him, but who cares as long as he is putting on a hell of a show?

 Well, that wraps up this hellaciously long analysis of the 2011 Draft. To be honest, it took me three days to write this…don’t like it? Blow me.

The Impending Fifth Era? (8/2/2011)

Yes, I know, it all seems a little ridiculous, but it is definitely looking like the industry of professional wrestling has officially become a hard habit to kick. Just when you thought it was all over, the influential figures in the whacky world of wrestling couldn’t even wait for what was supposed to be the final From Dusk Til Dawn before negotiating a fifth go at each other’s throats. There’s no doubt that, after four grueling and very different eras, professional wrestling has changed quite a bit in the last near-thirty years. However, what remains of BWM Inc., HCW Inc., and Mmouse Enterprises partook in yet another historic universal wrestling draft.

What was the outcome of said draft? Well, the full details will be released in good time – along with the names and management of the wrestling organizations that will wind up competing against each other with said draftees -, but you can rest assured that, if this becomes a sure thing, 2012 will truly spark a new, revolutionary era in entertainment.

As for me, am I up to another round? I guess there’s no limit to what I can endure. Besides, unemployment has sucked since the UWA closed shop, and it’s safe to say that my marriage took a huge hit as a result. How’s the kid? You’ll just have to stay tuned to find out.

…A New Leaf (7/29/2011)

Little did any of you know that, behind closed doors, the three most powerful sports entertainment entities were working on bringing a fifth era to you all…this should be interesting…

The Love Bite Returns….Again! (6/27/2011)

 Ric Venom here, and no you’re not hallucinating; I’m back. Second of all, you would be an idiot to think that I’m doing this just because Lenny is back with his interviews that apparently no one cares about! For fuck’s sake, I’m the fucking man, and anything I say is an INSTANT HIT!!

 As for those of you wondering about my Love life…just know that you’ll know more about that soon enough.

 I think that it is safe to say that life has been rather dull in the absence of professional wrestling’s weekly bouts for supremacy. And as we await the final details about what we’ll be expecting at wrestling’s last hurrah, I can’t help but feel as if life has lost its meaning. I mean, think about it, isn’t it appropriate that the world is supposed to end within a year after this last spectacle is expected to transpire?

 Until I return, I want you to ponder that thought. How much does your life suck now without wrestling to keep you company?

The Love Bite Returns!! (5/11/2010)

 My lovely – pun intended – wife is out on indefinite maternity leave, and in bad need of some knee rest. You know how achy those bones get after they rock for three consecutive hours *wink*. My oh my, it has been over a year since this page was last updated, and so much has transpired ever since. When I’m able to pry my face away from Lady Valley, I am just taken aback by the spirit each competitor exudes on a weekly basis.

 Since the last time I touched base with all of you adoring readers, the EWA closed shop, Paul Heyman brought back the ECW…with a few premature ejac…err…laun…not much better. He wasn’t prepared to give it to the fans…wait! Oh shit! Anyways, then, Joey Styles takes some horse steroids and grows by twice his own size to introduce NWA:TNA!! Early reports about the March 8th and 15th episodes from both of these programs indicate a bombing of astronomical proportions. Things might not get better in the weeks that follow their re-return to business as the atmosphere seems a little toxic for newcomers and precomers.

 HCW…sorry, my brain had a moment where bullshit had to be propelled out through my fingers.

 May I just say real quick that I’m willing to offer my services, and the evidence that I have from Clown Town back in 2001, to Doink’s legal case against Brown-eye. Afterall, Kaiser Klown himself told me that his son, our friend John, escaped from his cellar a decade ago only to assault Doink and steal the deed to the company he now claims as his own.

 At the end of the month, I’ll be sure to give a more detailed report on my reactions to what has happened in the world of wrestling since the Spring Season began. In the meantime, I think my LADY has achieved full knee recovery.

The Bite (4/26/09)

 My Lady is on a bit of a break (she seemed really bent out of shape about something she saw on TV a few weeks ago). So, here I am, for an old-fashioned review of the goings-on in the Wrestling World. Tonight, as the UWA prepares for its biggest card of the year; I’ll be reviewing and issuing predictions for Oblivion, which was – until recently – supposed to compete against the PPV from that other promotion prior to the almost predictable hiatus thereof. I guess I’ll also devote a sentence or two to Brown-eye as well.

 First off, the Undisputed Wrestling Alliance has been on a notorious role as of late, with ratings victories and the development of the Fourth Oblivion. There are eight blockbuster matches on tap for a spectacle that is to commemorate the 11th anniversary of the biggest and second (out of six) Wrestlemania that was held by the USWA in Bombai, India before well over two million people!

 Among these matches are Brandon Lee and The Undertaker in a rafter match. There is a bit of psychology in this bout as the mystery over Mirror Man’s involvement will likely play as a factor. Either way, Brandon Lee’s effort to break out of his brother’s shadow will certainly mesh with Undertaker’s knack for making people famous. Just a matter of how said meshing unfolds. My money is on Lee, who remains the odds on favorite.

 Then there’s the Sacrifice Match involving Undertaker’s brother, the Soultaker. (In reality, all four Callaway’s were in line to compete on the opposing flagship PPVs) Now, this is the least anticipated feud resolution of the card, but still stands to be an interesting encounter nevertheless. Look for Soultaker to bury the Grim Reaper once and for all.

  DDP and Credible go toe to toe in a Finisher to Finish match. There’s a bit of an intended pun in the gimmick aspect of this match, but that’s beside the point. Some speculation is abound as to the reasoning behind the recent assembly of some unnamed stable that appears to be centered around making DDP’s life a living hell. Look for DDP, who’s recent success in the ring against the other two conspirators of this scheme, to finally discover the motive, even if it is at the cost of his match.

 The Career Match. Tensions subsided for a while after Steve Austin drew first blood at Motivation 4, but Terry couldn’t contain his anger anymore. Terry let lose upon his return to the spotlight earlier this month, chronicling an entire lifetime worth of psychological and physical abuse endured at the hands of his elder brother. This one promises to be the knock-down drag out of all their encounters, but with a catch; it will be the absolute last one! Will Terry’s career end before it really begins or will Steve finally see the light at the end of the long tunnel? The last laugh rule demands that I side with Steve.

 Stephanie McMahon has her biggest test to date in defending her title against the most bet upon combatant of this era; Victoria. The challenger has been the pick of analysts and fans alike, but will the watching eye of Ariel have a role in the outcome, or effect the challenger’s focus? Should be nerve-rackingly entertaining to watch. I’m going to gamble and say that Stephanie’s luck hasn’t run out yet.

 Phobe rocked the wrestling world when he returned in February, at the expense of Jesse Ventura. Here and there he has been taunting Ventura’s former and long-lost tag team partner, but the primary investment of Ted Dibiase is set to certainly continue down a path of destruction by defeating Ventura and continuing his taunts towards the giant who “nobody stands up from”.

 The Main Event is a double feature that begins with the long awaited encounter between the two most recognizable and respected Icons in all of professional wrestling; Dragonfly and Sunfire. With Dragonfly channeling his 2004 self in preemptively injuring Sunfire, the anticipation and tension will be thick. You can guaran-damn-tee that this will be one for the ages, and it could go either way.

 Then, there’s the big one. Many of criticized the main event caliber of this match and its participants, but I am amongst the realists who see the hard work and sacrifice of these three men for what it is. Each one of these men deserves to be here. The Terminator may have won the Rumble by questionable means, but his recent progression in capabilities that have restored his once legendary skills in and out of the ring have actually greatly improved his chances of coming out on top. Krusader may be the WWF Champion, and may very well have overcome adversity as of late, but he really has his work cut out for him in attempting to capture his first UWA Championship!! The Rock. Not much more can be said to elaborate on how truly gifted this man is in the ring and just how powerful it is to utter his name. He has beat many obstacles over the course of his history making joint championship reign (beating out Midget Hogan as the longest reigning USWA Champion ever) and has kept the Million Dollar Corporation at bay. Will he be distracted by the knowledge that the next night, he must defend against Bam Bam Bigelow, or whether the MDC could try and intervene by meddling with the outcome in some way? In the end, this one deserves its full credit for successfully establishing itself as the Main Event and a legitimately great one at that.

  It was my hope that the HCW would produce an exciting storyline that resulted in the NWO bringing it down to its knees, but as I’ve become accustomed to, HCW disappoints.

 So, there you have my take on what will be the biggest night in professional wrestling, too bad the consistency-challenged among us will have to miss out on it.

Major Changes!! (3/9/2009)

The Love Bite will be taking on the role of analyzing both the competition and developments within the Undisputed Wrestling Alliance from this day forward. To read archives of the Dick’s Article, visit here.

The Love Bite (2/16/09)

 Welcome back to the Love Bite, tonight, on the eve of the next EWE and Horribly-Crappy Wrasslin PPVs – in direct competition with each other – Love and I will be reviewing and predicting the PPV outcome of the one thing Benny has produced that’s deader than his unborn bastard. I will forego another HCW review, because…well, just because.


 Oh Kenny Boy is my pick here. With his rippled chest and massive arms, getting in his zone gets my fingers tangled in mine.

 Wow, calm down their baby, I’m the only ripped one here…who should get you riled up. This is obviously Benny’s attempt to wrap up a feud that has spanned human history. At this point, with Savage technically getting the last laugh on Revolution 13 days ago (by distracting Shamrock long enough to enable their opponents to pick up the victory), Shamrock is indeed poised for a victory, unless the powers that be intend on carrying the feud beyond the winter.


 Oh my God, my leg is shaking with anticipation of the cumming victory of the phenomenal Mr. Styles. If that bald-headed, mutant gargoyale defeats my AJ, I’ll just have to pepe him myself.

 Baby, you’re still not getti…nevermind. It is obvious that one of two outcomes will occur here. Either AJ will look like a hero by defeating Agramon, but suffering at the hands of Bearer’s other monkey man, or Styles will play the part of the victim at the outset with a brutal defeat and follow-up beat down. Either way, this saga continues.


 I’d like to use Rhodes’ big fluffy ears a handle bars to celebrate his and Orton’s victory of the sexy beasts. I’ve not a thing for reptilian creatures.

 Then how do you explain what we did to our sofa this morning? Moving on, Stevie R and Booker D have well worn-out their title reign and will only win as a result of a twist involving some family drama amongst the Rhodes’. Otherwise, Randy Orton is a man destined for gold, whether it’s the World or Tag Titles. Then again, we must consider the exclusion of Cody, due – in part – to the fact that the weight of his humungous was too much for his poor shoulders to bear. Could play a factor.


 I’ve thought about this and have concluded that pot smoking usually leads to laziness, and I’m the only one allowed to lay down and take it. Hash is far from my ideal sexy man, but Christian comes rather close. However, Starr counters that sexy factor with her sluttiness, so I guess I’ll have to go with Mr. Sloth.

 Whoa, I’m actually slightly impressed with that review, but I’ll have to disagree with you there. Christian is not a man prepared to pass the torch to a degenerate hippie who’s sort of sobered up since Starr abandoned him. Hash would shock me if he wins, but seeing how this match sets the stage – alongside the main event – for No Boundaries 4 and not a potential continuation of the feud, I don’t envision a Hash victory; unless this turns out to be a shot at the “perfect revenge” angle for what happened at Diplomatic Deficiency.



 I feel as if my panties just experienced a cyclone of raging pleasure.

 Ok, no more review for you. This has been a tough one to assess. But I’ll say this, should Hash win the gold, Olson will win this match (largely because of their brief feud that culminated at the last EWE PPV). Ladies Man hasn’t had enough time in the main event scene to headline EWE’s biggest shit-fest of the year. Goldust is merely in their to – alongside Metalhead and Olson – recreate the From Dusk Til Dawn Massacre Six Match as well as to add a little comedic edge to the match. Here comes the tricky part. Teo’s received a lot of attention since his defection from HCW while Metalhead has sprung back into the limelight since Diplomatic Deficiency. It may very well come down to these two men with Teo winning (if Hash becomes Champion) or Metalhead pulling off an upset (with either Christian or Hash winning, mostly Christian). Why must this formula work? Because Benny hates putting two heels against one another, and would love a great showdown between a different combination of Heel/Face.

 I guess we’ll have to see how it all pans out.

The Love Bite (1/22/2009)

 Allow Ric and I to nibble our way into your hearts and minds once more as we delve into the complex and often rowdy world of professional wrestling.

 Promises of nibbles and what-not aside, let’s get on with it…

 Get it on?

 No, get on with it…

 Sounds kinky, can I play?

 Uh, what? I guess…the HCW blew your minds away with its usual weekly display of professional idiocy confined in a squared-circle (how much you want to bet that they know not the origin of that nickname?). It turns out that the NWO angle is amongst the most popular in the world of wrestling…

 Hell, I’m wanting some right NOW too, at an angle of my preference…

 Honey, you…are you dyslexic? Never mind, resuming my analysis of the sanctioned and corporate-funded bum fights; I must point out my disdain for ship-jumpers. Scott Nash was one of the most respected administrators in the history of pro-wrestling, but then he turns around and stabs the company that made him to assist the HCW into its seemingly unabated and mind-boggling dominance of this industry.

 Did you say Nash masturb…

 Hun, you do know that children read these posts, right?

 Well, I just thought I could offer some assistance of my own.

 How could you? Uh…this is…on to our favorite elastic-men conceived from Benny’s diseased testicles. Benny gave up the likes of Gangrel, Khali and Mr. Ass, and elected to welcome back Teo to an easy placement in the Massacre Six Match. Is there any doubt in anyone’s mind that Teo is within six months to three PPVs away from capturing the EWA gold?

 I doubt my hemorrhoids will permit me to find out…

 Yeah…we were also treated to a humongo-light bulb fest on Revolution, wherein Metalhead took one step closer to teasing the disoriented masses with the prospect of another epic and drawn-out championship reign. Since it is too obvious, I am leaning towards a prediction that Metalhead may have a chance at winning the big match, but won’t succeed in defeating the champion.

 I know that every time he teases me, I’m disoriented.

 Is daddy gonna have to beat an ass?

 Why? Would you like another round with my donkey?

 That’s not what I meant…

The Love Bite (1/4/2009)

 Welcome back to the bite of love!! With the new year comes a new round of competitive wrestling, and just as is the case with every year; we’re starting fresh. In fact, tomorrow will seem a little like the beginning of the 4th Wrestling Era all over again (obvious reference to June 16th, 2008), as we’ll be treated to an old-fashioned showdown between the erratic and the hardcore. This belated edition of the bite will offer our collective predictions as to what you may want to look for in the coming months from the EWA and HCW.

 That’s exactly right my love…

 That’s LADY LOVE to you Ricky…

 I couldn’t agree more. On with our preview of the year that will be 2009:

 We’ll be discussing the top 5 superstars in both promotions and guessing – in an educated and comical manner – where we believe fate will take them. Starting with HCW’s Sabu.

 Hmmm, what to say about the second most hated man in the HCW and one of the most controversial figures in pro-wrestling history? Basically, I see the end looming for this man. Honestly, after the reign he’s had over the land of the athletically handicapped since August; I really don’t see much of a future for him beyond passing the torch to Rhyno at “Bloodshot”. (By the way, I want to point out the fact that I CALLED RHYNO’S RETURN…Brown-eye is TOO easy)

 Look, despite what you say about the hottie with scars and who uses no shampoo, I get a rise out of him…or at least I would if I were st…a guy. I see Sabu ripping Rhyno limb from limb and moving on to the next victim two months later, possibly @ From Dusk Til Dawn 09′!

 Err…moving on, let’s talk about the lame, overrated, overexposed, and washed up Rhyno. Regardless of who’s ass he kicks to mount the land of overachievers, his prime has long since passed. He choked at FDTD, fumbled his tenure in the EWA, and is now back in the sh**hole that gave him his name to pick a burial plot for his dead career. I was not impressed by his predictable return. In fact, I was furious, because the one match I cared about was scrubbed to give him a means by which to propel his carcass to the mountain top.

 Gore!!!! All I hear when that is said is MORE!!!!!! I’m so excited by the prospect of Rhyno’s dominant prowess that my nipple’s have hardened to a point of standing the hairs up like needles!!

 Seeing…or reading about…you getting this hot makes it difficult to contain myself, but knowing that you are hot and bothered by a deformed midget gorilla like Rhyno rubs my fancy in a not so fancy fashion. Next, Drakus. Personally, I see Drakus becoming more sadistic as the year plays out. We could see his return to the top of the ranks in no time…if Brown-eye is anything more than a turd dispenser.

 Drakus makes me nauseous…nuff said.

 Stan Hart. One can only dream that the HCW recognizes and capitalizes on STD’s full potential, but I think we all know by now that Hart’s future looks a little bleak considering the few indicators we’ve had since his brief brush with Main Eventing a major HCW PPV. For heaven’s sake, the man shook the foundation of the UWA-ND, and electrified the masses in the UWF, but the closest he gets to gold is the pathetic “Lightheavyweight” belt?!! This will be a good year for Stan in his win/loss record but an abysmal one considering where he could be.

 I don’t like STDs, they burn and itch and obtruct your ability to please and be pleased.

 Umm…ok. On to the last little gem, or piece of glass sticking out of that turd floating in my toilet; Tiny. Typo? No, that is an oxymoron personified. Just like his overall impact on the wrestling scene, Tiny hasn’t made much noise as of late. I’m hoping that he will become the break-out star who dethrones Rhyno (making for a mildly interesting feud). Otherwise, I see him fading into the darkness.

 Tell me about, everything Tiny I encounter always withers into the dark when it fails to stay on top of things. Always a BIG disappointment.

 Hey!! You said you wouldn’t…umm…anyways!! Now on to the Unmarketable Promotion, the Elastic Wrestling Assholes (Elastic, in that they always have to stretch and twist reality to explain away their failures at delivering upon their promises) with top man: Christian. Christian impressed many critics when his summer-long rhetoric about being better than Splinter finally paid off with the acquisition of both the Undisputed Championship and the EWA Championship in September. He also managed to pick off Jesse Hash’s girl before the EWA closed shop for the year, what can we expect this year? Frankly, I don’t see an end in sight for Christian’s reign as lord of the douchebags, unless Teo’s arrival means anything of consequence.

 Christian tickles my fancy…oh, wait, that’s my pubic hair getting tangled with…nevermind. Either way, I expect Christian to remain as hot and bodacious as Sabu in the HCW.

 Splinter. What can be said aside of how stunning his conversion was? I do anticipate the tension between he and Slammu to continue escalating on the road to FDTD 09′, but – more importantly – I look for there to be a pile of victims along the way. Starting with AJ Styles.

 Splinter is as painful to watchful as one is to remove from my ass.

 Fascinating.  On to good ole AJ. Much can be expected from this talented young man, who may very well become the blue chipper that could save the EWA from obscurity. His unique talent and technique makes him an amazing performer and a fantastic entertainer. I look for him to swiftly move up through the ranks, beyond the X-Division and on to the Undisputed Championship.

 He can pepe me anytime.

 Um, I’m certain that it’s “pele”…

 Yeah, I know.

 Oh…heh. How about that Teo? Restores his damaged image in the HCW only to jump ship just before the big face off against his greatest foe. I truly consider him to be a coward for that move, but more importantly, I know that this was all part of a grand scheme between the heads of EWA and HCW to execute the biggest screw job of all time. I perceive Teo in much the same way Hyatte once viewed HBP after that superstar’s controversial contract buyout in 2003. Who cares where he goes…because if it’s to the top, then I feel a foul taste in my mouth.


 Apparently, my Love has taken a breather. This is the time when we bring this article to a close with an analysis on the path awaiting Athena Starr. I must admit, I grew an extender everytime she swung that little toosh around in the ring or trotted around the backstage, but let’s be serious though. Since her heel turn, Athena is poised to become little more than Christian’s eye candy. Is it too late to mention that Melina is the ONLY fan favorite in the whole “Knockout’s” roster? Seem a little obvious as to who’ll feud with who? Or should I say: “Who should feud with who?” Benny needs to act quickly, because he’s backed himself (or at least his female roster) up into a corner that’ll be difficult to escape from.

 Sorry about that, you have no idea how hard it is to wipe away all that…

 With that, we’ll see you next time.

The Love Bite (11/19/2008)

 Welcome to the new and improved bite. Unlike past “Bites”, this edition dawns a new day in assessing the actions of those who compete against us. Every entry, I, Lady Love and my new boy-toy Ric Venom will share with you, our take on current events in the “other side”. Now, without any further delay, here’s my man: Ric Venom!!

 Thank you, this is flattering, really, to have the most amazing vixen in all of sports entertainment deliver such a grand introduction to yours truly. Things have changed so much in personal life as they have in my career since WOW’s Diplomatic Deficiency, wherein I spilled the beans by unveiling the new love interest in my life, the lovely Lady Love. To top it off, watching that freak Kevin Kelly sob over yet another dream of his wrecked and stolen by me was genuinely fulfilling.

 Since that night of spectacle and mixed emotion, the WOW suggested to all three promotions, a two week break to regroup. So, the only developments in the extended wrestling world to comment on are from what I saw personally almost 2 weeks ago.

 I’ll be honest, I was sort of looking forward to watching my TiVo-recorded Sympathy for the Unstable, but when I learned that I would be receiving a refund for my purchase of a PPV cancelled because Benny thought getting an erection from the thought of Palin as VP was more important, I laughed my ass off. Seriously, how can Benny even call himself or the EWE a serious competitor if he’s never able to keep a promise to the people who choose to endure the torture of viewing his programming? Benny, you must stop kidding yourself, you’ve been outpaced and overtaken by John Brown; the walking punch-line himself!!

 Aww, come on now Venom baby, be easy on Benny. He doesn’t understand what he’s gotten himself into with this whole three way death match for promotion supremacy. I think what he really needs is a hot, steamy back rub. Not from me though, as my hands only belong on YOUR back. I really was kind of sad for K. Kelly. We had our good times and all, but he just wasn’t enough for me. I guess I was a Louis looking for her Superman, and I found him. I think I just have a thing for REALLY short guys!

 No, you’re into guys who can give you your dreams packed in a superman-suit wearing midget with the greatest mind in all of entertainment! How about those EWE awards? Splinter swept them! The only thing he should be sweeping is a stairwell in a hotel, damn, get that rodent off my television already! I don’t care if he’s turning a new leaf, it’s the best thing he’s done yet, but can that new found purpose provide him with enough energy, might and determination to overcome Slammu @ a second From Dusk til Dawn encounter? That remains to be seen, but my money remains on the overgrown tuna fish.

 Jesse Hash lost the Main Event match after Athena Starr betrayed him for Christian, could’ve seen it coming, but it was still kind of stunning. Too bad Rhyno had to Gore the Mouse Slut and earn himself a termination. Look for Rhyno’s return to Brown-eye’s wet dreams by HCW’s February PPV.

 Speaking of Brown-eyes, what was that business about Kelly giving his ass to me? I haven’t male body parts anymore, so unless he was refering to the dildo we used…

 Please, please, have some dignity. No one wants to imagine that crap. On the “crap” note, lets take a look at the HCW and how they swept the WOW awards…hell truly froze over on the 8th. I mean, how the hell did that happen? Sure, they had the superior show out of them and the land of instability, but really? Do the fans of wrestling truly prefer to watch HCW over the other two? Then again, it does help that Brown isn’t on television anywhere near as much as we critics once expected him to be.

 Frankly, I wish I could see more of Brownie…

 You are going to stop right there…as am I.

Venom’s Bite (10/26/08)

 Ahh, here I am again, with another review…or preview rather…of what our unstable competition is up to. I say unstable because on one hand you have the often absent EWE and on the other, the dominant and nearly bankrupt HCW. Rumor has it that the latter may even have to fold or at least postpone their advertised 20th installment of Mayhem. Anyways, enough of that, let’s now direct our attention toward tonight EWE PPV in competition with Tonight’s WWF extravaganza. For those of you wondering why I didn’t preview Sinister Urges, well maybe it’s because of the fact that these tards feel the need to wait every two months for a PPV, thus leading those of us who don’t care to forget about them. So, without any further delay…

EWE Knockout’s Champion Starr defends against LDG

 Look, all I care about with this match is getting a rise out of the action. These women are talented, in appearance, but with the challenger having competed in as many matches as Sarah Palin has visited foreign nations, I’m not sure how deserving of the gold I feel Living Dead Girl is. Regardless, this is just the first test for Starr outside of Amazon, so it is unlikely that she will lose it all to the Female Phenom. Then again, in an attempt to put over the over-promoted and overdue debut of LDG, she may very well have this thing locked up. If it resolves in the latter approach, it will likely be due to an Amazon interference or a twist that initiates a feud between Starr and LDG.

EWE Tag Champs (Turtles) defend against the Freaks & Geeks, Establishment and Morgan, Holly

 Since the fans of this crap haven’t been subjected thereto in roughly two weeks, it is hard to remember how we ended up with a four way bout for the least prestigious Tag Team Championships in professional wrestling. I know, I know, the Harlem Turtles are the champs, so it MUST be prestigious, but I staunchly disagree with that notion. Reason being? You show me one tag title the turtles haven’t held and I’ll kiss Brown-eye’s brown-eye. Anyways, this interweaving of two overexposed feuds into one massive s**t pile of a feud is the lamest attempt at trying to create enthusiasm for a dead division. Amidst all of this inanity, yes…I used the right word there, Either the Establishment will come out victorious (with Morgan and Holly stopping the Freaks from winning and the Turtles playing the victim rule to a heel title capture) or the gold will be retained. Either way, the chief feud between Establishment and the Turtles will determine the match’s outcome.

Elevation X Match: Splinter v. Olson v. Kidman v. Wight

 Wait, another four way battle? Didn’t the Erratic Wrestling Alliance crticize HCW for doing this back in August? Anyways, Splinter’s heel turn will certainly play a role in the matches outcome. There is no doubt that EWE will not permit Wight to pick up a victory here, nor will Kidman. Olson will put up a fight, but all will serve as a huge test for Splinter’s rebound from a stunning and heartbreaking loss at Sacrifice. In the end, Splinter will win, reluctantly securing his contention for a belt he doesn’t want.

X Division Champion Styles defends against Ladies Man?

 Why the question mark? Because I don’t watch their programming, don’t have TiVo, and certainly don’t want to waste electricity or time recording and watching it later. So, I depend on outside sources of imput as to what transpires on EWE programming. I assume a sixth match is slated (it isn’t listed on the website) and that it will pit Styles against the man he defeated for the gold. Styles will win, because EWE has a little HCW in them. Hell, their promoter did invest in the admonished brand of wrestling after all. This is merely the contractually bound rematch that will seal the deal for Styles as champion before he encounters Splinter.

Randy Orton v. Jesse Hash

 Is it really here? I mean, Hash, the moronic pothead he is, traded a shot at the world title for an opportunity to settle a five month old score. This bout wasn’t slated for the world title because Hash will win it and Benny is not about to permit a man he has always detested to obtain the main prize in the EWE. This match will either conclude or precede the conclusion of this feud.

EWE and Undisputed Champion Christian Cage defending the former against Rhyno

 So Christian not only bounces back from a career slump by gaining the Undisputed Title, but shocks all by uniting the WOW and EWE titles as well! Not to mention the fact that he lucked out with the ganja smoking idiot who elected to pass on his chance to compete for the belt in favor of battling Orton at Sympathy for the anul. However, his chances just got better, because Rhyno makes his PPV return in a match he has no chance of winning! Benny hates Rhyno, always has, always will. This is his chance to mock Rhyno’s record while further boosting that of Christian’s. Remember in 2004, when Benny had Rhyno lose in less than five minutes to Orton? Benny isn’t over the manner with which the UWA utilized Rhyno’s popularity to gain ratings and crush the UWF on several occasions. He traded Rhyno in to his ranks in spite of his career, not to capitalize on it. Rhyno will put up a good fight, but will lose, and in a big way! If he doesn’t, I will s**t myself!

 BTW, I am aware of the fact that Hash received a title shot in the triple threat match that gave Christian the gold, but because it was on Revolution, it doesn’t count…in my book.

 More bite…when I feel like it.

Venom’s Bite (10/2/08)

 So, the ratings are in and the UWA has – for the first time so far – pulled ahead of the EWE, and once again behind the HCW. In all fairness, the numbers are questionable. Given the trend of EWE’s rates over the course of this era’s short history; they should’ve done better. Especially since their main event was the – admittedly – stronger of the three. I – for one – was not satisfied with the WWF’s Main Event on “A Night of Violence”, and it’s not because of my employment with the USWA, but rather because it was mostly non-storyline based.

 However, it appears as if more people tuned in to watch the Crock shit himself over a historical relived battle between two ex-foes of the UWA and HCW. Frankly, even as a critic of Benny’s Butt Buddies (still laughing to myself about the failed delivery of a promise to feature a UWA star on their programming), I was more interested in EWE’s feature match than I was the bout between the UWA Tag Champs and the Crock Show or even HCW’s shitty Hulk v. Tremor 2 match.

 Seriously, is Tremor Two honestly still in this business? It’s a miracle that he outlasted his former partner and original foe; Overkill 2 let alone headlining a promotion that is unfortunately viewed as the lead promotion in the industry. This is absurd! I get it, Brown. Slating a match between two beasts to conclude an overal decent show, but you can’t sincerely tell me that it could’ve matched the significance of a match between two men who feuded at the peak of their second and third era careers!

 Face it folks, the ratings for September 29th, 2008 were badly flawed. Either the Nielsen Folks botched the process of gathering input from the viewers or the morons who still watch this “sport” know dick about entertainment. I’m accepting the reality that Benny – in all his paint chip devouring glory – won…at least in delivery. Revolution was a solid show, and deserves better recognition therefore.

 I know that when I return to work on Monday, I’ll catch some flack for my honesty. The WWF broadcast team will especially be dissatisfied with this post, but I guess that’s the least of my concerns. I’m hoping for a better performance on the part of my promotion and of the Nielsen Ratings in recording the reaction to follow.

 That’s it for now, more next week.

Venom’s Bite (9/28/08)

  I know, I know; I’ve been gone quite a while. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. What have we learned in the past 27 days since my last update? EWA disappoints and the HCW really knows how to scam a majority of viewers into watching their shoddy programming.

 Seriously, as evidenced by the post below, I was anticipating the UWA to compete against the HCW AND EWA that week, but noooooo, as has become all too common in the past three months; the EWA has developed a penchant for setting up the pins (your hopes) just to knock them down with a huge ball (Benny’s “conflicts”). Until the 22nd, the EWA was noticeably absent in the wake of their first PPV second place finish (to the HCW). Apparently, they taped the event for the 8th, but experienced a litany of technical problems in delivering the final product to the station in addition to converting it to Webcast Format (an area the UWA and even the HCW are leaps and bounds ahead of them on). What’s hilarious is that the horribly lit “wrestling” program featured references to the date of taping and a PPV that has since been cancelled.

 I’m sure glad to be an employee of the UWA and not a fan of the competition because the originally slated PPV mentioned in the episode aired on the 22nd would’ve led me to believe that Vengeance and not Sympathy for the Disabled was in line to seek out the contents of my wallet.  Seriously EWA, or “EWE” as you’ve apparently come to identify yourselves, next time you run into one of these hurdles; make sure you keep your commentators, and even the Powers that Be, in check. Now we have to wait until Mid-Late October for a PPV that will be meaningless now that we’ve had to wait nearly a month for the fallout of the last PPV.

 The HCW, what can I say? They’ve completely brainwashed the masses into believing that the crappola Brown produces actually resembles quality entertainment. This is absurd! Honestly, how the bloody hell did the HCW manage to achieve the highest single-promotion buyrate since the Third Oblivion? Edge is the ONLY entertaining and original athlete I care for on their programming and Punk has robbed him of his glory! Edge better defeat Punk in that Strap Match or I’ll take a page out of my EWA counterpart’s book and …riot.

 Sure, Tumultuous Iniquity was impressive and kept people on the edge of their seats, but it was up against Sacrifice and Summerslam for heaven’s sake…wtf?!! The ratings scoreboard shows Mayhem with 10 Victories, Revolution with 3 (maybe 4 if the numbers from the 22nd hold true) and Massacre 1. How is it that Brown’s motto became prophetic? I’m asking out of genuine curiousity. The Mouse performance in what has been dubbed Wrestling’s 4th Era has been abysmal, and it might be safe to say that the curtain is closing on both Benny and Mickey.

 If Bedlam fails to overcome Sinister Urges and “Sympathy” in the battle of the First Fall PPVs, and if Breaking Point fails to defeat the same two in the battle of the October PPVs; I’ll officially deliver the Eulogy of the Mouse Era at the next WOW Award Show. In fact, if Mayhem continues its dominance through to that ceremony, I’ll proclaim Brown’s superiority at same said show. I’m convinced, that if the HCW isn’t overthrown soon, they’ll solidify their position as the new premier promotion in the industry.

 Here’s hoping that day never comes…

Venom’s Bite (9/1/08)

 Tonight’s Mayhem and Revolution will set the stage for the fall season in professional wrestling. It is obvious by now that the HCW and the EWA have taken the helm with HCW in the clear lead. Who would’ve thought that after all these years, I’d be acknowledging Brown’s dominance of this business. After tonight’s programming, I’ll issue a full review of the past two weeks in wrestling, including Sacrifice and Tumultuous Iniquity.

Venom’s Bite (8/27/08)

 Well, here we are yet again to rundown another PPV-card of UWA’s competition. Tonight, I take a bite out of the Ever-so Washed-up Assholes’s “Sacrifice” (of their dignity)…

“Bane v. Big Show”

 Geesh, the crapola kicks off with the next chapter of Kelly’s revenge for the bitch-slap his transvestite vixen received a few years ago. I mean, must a grudge held over some slutty man-girl receive so much airtime, let alone exposure on two EWA PPVs in a row? I thought this was the company of the “Elite”. It appears as if that should’ve read “Inferior”. The basic tale behind this match is that one giant made a mistake by hooking up with the aforementioned tranny…I mean, who hasn’t…some confused and closeted half-ass ring broadcaster feels the wrath of that demented freak’s tongue and falls head over ass infatuated with it along the way. Then, big dumb giant breaks up with dude-woman, pimp smacks it and pisses off make-up wearing freak. Fast Forward almost 4 years and that grudge holding Lady’s Boy hasn’t gotten over his deep-seeded issues yet. So, he decides to wreck that once dumb giant’s chance at leading the Inferior, causes a short-lived feud between he and the only talent ever produced by Benny Mouse, then proceeds to screw that big guy over on his second chance to top the bottom of the barrel by involving another mad giant with issues in this little shin-dig. Big Show will lose to Bane and then apologize to Kelly the next night before kicking the crap out of him. I just can’t imagine Benny allowing his feature freak boy being humiliated anymore at the hands of a guy who used to double team Lady Love with Saguna.

“The WOW Undisputed Champion, Splinter defends against Christian”

 The old and pathetic 1992 Running Mate for Ross Perot, Vice Admiral James Stockdale once famously asked in that year’s Vice Presidential Debate: “Who am I, Why am I here?” Little did that poor guy know how much those words would haunt him later that fall. The same should be asked by Christian as he failed miserably in his first attempt to out wrestle a guy who helped make wrestling the world’s best and most entertaining sport…back when Alexander the Great ruled the known world. Seriously Christian, three times this year you’ll have a shot at this championship and each of the first two chances you blew. Why should the third time differ? You couldn’t out-wrestle that moronic Crock at From Dusk til Dawn and you couldn’t defeat the rat. Frankly, you should be mopping floors, not competing in a ring. I obviously believe that Christian will win this match, because it is the only way to save his credibility.

“X-Division Champion, Ladies Man defends against Billy Kidman and AJ Styles in a two out of three series match”

 So, I have to choose between an injury prone, never-has-been sore loser, a virtual nobody who thinks he’s somehow Stylish and a guy who failed to achieve greatness in the UWA at every attempt he made, only succeeding in receiving a concussion and an anal raping for his troubles? Please, this match may be innovative, but it is innovatively ridiculous in its presentation. AJ is the only guy who hasn’t been defeated in the time between Bound for Glory and now. He’s the logical selection. Ladies Man and Kidman will obviously be too preoccupied making this a personal matter to care about Styles’ accumulated falls and ultimate victory. Styles will prevail and the Kidman/LM feud will continue.

“Tag Team Champions, Harlem Turtles defend against Freaks and Geeks”

 The EWA has been presenting this match as the biggest in Moody and Hogan’s careers…umm…what? Maybe the morons in the land of Inferior Minds has a memory lapse or they blatantly overlook the tenure’s of both “freaks” in USWA and UWA. In the former, both had either once or twice acquired the USWA Championship. Not an easy feat by any measure. The Harlem Turtles have held so many damned Tag Titles that their acquisition of such is now expected upon their arrival in any promotion. With the ongoing feud of penis-envy that the freaks are dealing with the team of Morgan and Holly, combined with the Establishment’s resentment of the challenging team’s contention for the belts; I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Turtles come out on top as a result.

“Benny weds Molly”

 Pure and simple, this whole arrangement will make the original marriage look like a walk in the park. Expect complete insanity, and the end of Benny’s marriage (or the beginning thereof).

“Sean Olson v. Jesse Hash to determine the number one contender”

 The story between Hash and Olson only started in the aftermath of Bound for Glory, where both have set their sights squarely on achieving a second go at the championship next month. Storyline wise, in the larger scheme of things, it only makes sense for Hash to vindicate himself and all his efforts with a victory over the underappreciated Olson. Expect a continuation of the feud that started between Olson and Hash in the wake of the first PPV after Hash gains the title in a few weeks or months.

“World Champion, Randy Orton defends against Metalhead in a Brickhouse Brawl”

 A BRICKHOUSE BRAWL!! There’s a reason that this match hasn’t been seen in roughly a decade…because none of the fans in the front row can see the damn action!! Instead, they have to look upwards, toward the giant screens, straining their neck to see what action transpires just a few feet in front of them. Then again, that was how the tradition BHB matches were held. Either way, in what will likely be the conclusion of the first phase in the Metalhead/Orton saga; Orton will solidify his place as Metalhead’s successor and pave the way for the Hash/Orton match to follow next month.*

* = By the way, I don’t believe that Hash and Orton’s match will have a conclusion next month, but a precursing teaser to the real resolution a month or two later.

 The deed is done, now we sit and wait for the outcome. I’ll return next week to analyze the ongoing war of world’s in the universe of professional wrestling.

Venom’s Bite (8/23/08)

 First off, I want to apologize for the lack of updates in the weeks following the release of this page’s former author. Things have been hectic in the UWA since that fateful weekend and it has taken us some time to get everything in order. With that, I proceed with the next PPV analysis of our competition…

 Who better to pry apart than Brown-eye’s Homo Cock-Wranglers? This will be great!!

“HCW Tag Team Championship, Four-Way, Tornado Tag Tables Match: Potsmoker, Y2B (Chicken, Pot and Pie), Hardy Boyz, Scratcher & Clayface, Scratchy & Flyer”

Well, it appears as if the most predictable match will kick off the suck-fest that will be Tumultuous Iniquity. If you know anything about the HCW, aside of its involvement in the Allegiance storyline in the old-USWA or its participation in the special olympics; You’d know that half of this match consists of underachievers who somehow made a name for themselves in that over-aged toddler’s promotion. I mean the first and last HCW champions tag together against a second-rate copy cat of a second-rate star (guess that would make him “fourth-rate”, ha!). Then we have Luke Bushwacker…err..John Potsmoker tagging with the son of the Crock in a tag team named after Marijuana, poultry and a vague reference to pastry. The only remotely deserving combatants here are Clayface (a former chief-henchman of my boss) and the Boys of Hardy. This match belongs to the Hardyz, hands down. However, in the twisted world of that goofy, gimpy midget; expect the potheads be victorious.

“Al Snow v. Forsaker in a Barbwire Match”

 In the midst of HCW’s yawn-inspiring tournament’s second bracket; Al Snow was given a “bye” pass to advance to the second round when the delinquent (or ingenius) Shaitan no-showed. This immediately sparked resentment amongst the special-people of HCW as they started to see similarities between Snow and the First Bracket’s victor; Sabu. One of the offended was the champion of mediocrity and first BFCW Champ; Forsaker. Forsaker apparently blamed Snow for the absence of his dark-souled comrade. Forsaker would challenge Snow to a Barbwire Match in order to beat a confession or exact revenge against hi adversary, and Snow, hoping to disspell any more suspicions of foul play and to prove himself worthy of sub-greatness, accepted. I predict, that as part of an ongoing feud, Forsaker will come out the victor in this bout, because such an occurence would be necessary to prolong the tensions between the two.

“Extreme Championship, Six Man Elimination; Blade v. CM Punk v. Attitude v. Edge v. Brutal v. Batista”

 Whoa, definitely the strongest match so far on the card (even when factoring in the reality that this will be the millionth six man elimination match in 3 months..argh). Given the insanity of the rules (a defeated combatant must be lacerated before a pinfall or submission) to this title’s matches; I’d say we are in store for a match full of brutality. Speaking of which; Brutal could use a victory a lot more than rest of these guys, in that, he needs the exposure. CM Punk appears poised for a feud with Edge and could share a loss therewith as a result. Batista isn’t ready and I believe Blade will play the part of the star eliminated last. In the end, to best promote the long anticipated rematch between Attitude and Teo, an Attitude victory would be best, and likely.

“Hulk v. Colossus in a Last Man Standing Match”

 Some believe that repetitive encounters between two foes is a key component to a successful story. If that truly is the case, then Brown-eye has out done himself here. Since the days of Murrey’s Losers With no Future, Hulk and Colossus have attempted to upstage one another in numerous battles. Hell, they even had a tournament matches in both “From Dusk til Dawn” and in that recently concluded marathon of boredom to crown the sparkle of Brown’s eye. Hopefully, one or the other kill one another or eachother thusly resolving this feud once and for all. Just as in the case with the Barbwire Match, I believe that a heel-victory (Colossus) is essential to the continuation of this neverending saga. This is especially the case when considering the threats by Colossus to harm an apparent and mysterious loved one of Hulk’s. You know this thing is going to proceed.

“HCW Championship, Triple Threat Tournament Finale in a Cell; Sabu, Dark Warrior and Tiny”

 After 9 mind-numbing weeks of this ridiculously long tournament, we finally have three finalists to compete for supremacy over the land of professionally-handicapped wrasslers. One guy merely qualified by debuting in the last match of the first bracket after the first four guys were readily eliminated, leaving that fifth guy wore out for him to finish off. The second guy, a former minion of Soultaker, advanced in an unexpected fashion after defeating his other five semi-finalists fairly, even over a number of favorites to win. Then, the odds-on favorite to win this match, plowed through his competition – squeaky voice and all – heading to Tumultuous Iniquity with the help of the Aggressor. My pick to win this battle – based on premises already highlighted in the analytical review – is Tiny. Why? Sabu will have hell to pay for attacking and replacing Crush in the first bracket and Dark Warrior will assume the role of chief phenom in his quest for glory. Tiny is the only man whose swift rise to prominence and popularity demands his being rewarded with the top prize in the HCW.

“The Death from Above Match; Drakus v. STD v. Test v. Heavymetal”

 In his last ditch effort to emulate the innovative nature of his two rival mice promoters with the inception of this new means by which to punish athletes for their ambitions; Brown-eye has – again – out-done himself. This modified rafter match promises to be the highest risk and most injury prone environment of the entire night, if not the whole month, and may very well lead its participants and the gimp who envisioned it to regret its introduction to the world of wrestling. The sole benefit to those involved is that victory will equal opportunity. What opportunity? A trade to a better funded and well respected organization? No, the chance to challenge for any piece of scrap that this company considers to be a championship. Honestly, the logical favorites to win are either Heavymetal or STD, but something tells me to watch for a Drakus victory. As for Test, the guy was merely selected to avoid another triple threat match on the card. Overall, my money is on Drakus, because word has it that Brown-eye has a raging hard on every time the guy comes out to the ring.

 We’ll just have to wait and see how it all turns out. Next week, return for an analytical review of the next PPV from the Enthusiastic Wieners and Assholes as they sacrifice manhood and gloryholes for chronic plaster eater that is their boss.

The End of Esiason

It is my proud duty to announce that Jeff Esiason was released from his UWA contract over the weekend due to a breech of said contract from his compromising position as an active broadcast journalist for our competition. I’ll be assuming his former responsibilities this weekend. See you then.


Richard Dredd Venom

The Competition Report by Jeff Esiason (July 11th, 2008)

 It’s almost been two weeks since my last update and so much has since transpired. With the HCW’s first ever historic ratings victory over a competitor on June 30th by a significant margin; expectations for July began to arise as the fans and those of us behind the scenes fastened our metaphorical seat belts for the impending journey through hell.

 Last Monday, a day that has yet to produce a victor in the ratings battle between four behemoth promotions, HCW’s John Brown negated to bask in his incredible ratings feat and elected instead to discuss a serious matter pertaining to a no-show superstar in the tournament. In fact, aside yours truly, there was no mention by Anthony or John Brown regarding their historic achievement; shocking.

 On Revolution, we saw the final pieces of the Bound for Glory puzzle fall in to place in what I believe – and we had been warned – was their best show yet. So, without any further delay, here are my predictions in regards to this Sunday’s EWA PPV Spectacle:

 “Big Show v. Arn Anderson”:

 There’s no doubt about it, this is an attempt by Benny and Company to recreate the classic Ventura/Anderson battles if only for a night. The problem is that they already experienced that for real earlier this year at From Dusk til Dawn when Ventura defeated Arn with the help of Car in order to advance to a brutal elimination at the hands of Slammu, but I digress. The build up for this match has been decent, but slightly obvious. It all started with the sexually confused and grudge consumed play-by-play announcer Kevin Kelly interfering in Wight’s matches, thus costing him said contests, in retaliation for the heated and violent break-up between Wight and Lady Love over three years ago. As the only commentary team that maintains a friendship on and off camera, Anderson intervened in the brewing feud when it threatened to put Kelly on the endangered list and again when the former Mr. Lady Love sought to take out Splinter. The end result being this very lopsided match destined for a probable Anderson victory to defend the honor of Kelly or a Wight win to help push the athlete’s heel character. My money is frankly on Wight who can’t afford to head into his match-up the following night in challenging the EWA Champion.

“Amazon v. Athena Starr for the Knockout’s Championship”:

 The reason this match and the one preceding it are at the beginning of the card is due to their poor promotion, but that’s besides the point of this analytical review. Amazon, as has been mentioned so much by the commentary the past few weeks on Revolution, is the single most accomplished woman in professional wrestling (thanks to the coordinated efforts of Miss Catherine and the Duke) and stands poised as the best candidate to help put over the overwhelmingly popular Miss Starr with a loss thereto. I’m sorry and I hate to take credit from the contributions of Amazon, but logic points toward an upset by Miss Starr to help push her career forward.

“Ladies Man v. Billy Kidman, Ultimate X Match for the X Division Championship”:

 Watching this match come together has been interesting. We’re first given a glimpse of what to expect from this innovational division with these two a few weeks ago, and then are later informed by the new EWA commissioner that the two men who nearly killed each other for nothing less than a division preview would compete once more in an even deadlier match to crown the first champion of said division. Honestly, both men are deserving of any championship put within their grasp, but I personally feel that Benny will finally reward Kidman for all his hard work and bodily sacrifice (almost ending his career roughly 6 years ago) with a championship, albeit a far cry from what he truly deserves.

“The WOW Champion Splinter defending against Christian”:

 From the get-go, many the world around felt that which ever promotion ended up with the Undisputed Champion of the entire wrestling world would stand to gain, but Benny Mouse is already struggling with devoting the appropriate amount of attention the honor deserves. Placed as the fourth bout of the night, the strongest singles bout thereof stands to entertain the fans from start to finish. Splinter and Christian both share a bit of resentment and jealousy towards the other; Christian resents and envies the high profile and championship status retained by Splinter, whereas Splinter is envious and resentful of Christian’s youth and easy ascension through the wrestling ranks. This face-off will be one for the ages and a must see. My money may be on Splinter, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Christian pulls out the victory instead.

“The Harlem Turtles v. The Establishment for the Tag Team Championship”:

 I’m slightly disappointed with the development of this match in that it was all kind of put together in a disorganized fashion. Benny’s undying affection for the Establishment is evident in his swift decision to place them in a position to become the new promotions first tag champions. The Harlem Turtles have contributed countless hours to the greatness of tag divisions throughout the world of wrestling since their debut in 1998 as the Team of T-R and T-D. So, how do I think the world’s most dominant and reknown tag team will fare in their first shot at tag gold in over three years? Poorly. Why? There’s no way Benny is going to permit a duo he always resented when they were employed by his competition achieve the greatest accomplishment that a team can over his loyal minions. Plain and simple.

“Metalhead v. Jesse Hash v. Sean Olson v. Randy Orton in a fatal four way match for the World Championship”:

 No one can dispute the fact that this match is poised to be the money maker of the night and is thusly deserving of its card placement. Metalhead and Randy Orton are mired in a feud over their dissolved Dynasty stable, while Orton must also contend with the rivalry he sparked @ FDTD with Hash after attacking Miss Starr. Olson, by all means, aside his brief participation in the reprehensible treatment of Starr a few weeks ago in collaboration with Orton, is the odd man out and the best poised to win. The only man to have been employed by three promotions at the same time (UWA, HCW, LWF) and the only three time UWA Immunity Champion and three time LWF Champion is beyond deserving of this honor, but will he come out the winner? No. I’ve had to rethink my initial assessment of the match and the build-up thereof and have concluded that while Olson is the best poised to win, Metalhead the most likely to win, and Jesse Hash the most deserving to win; Randy Orton is going to win this thing. Why? Because he is the most sought after man in this match and therefore the least likely to pull it off. Orton will win, create an alliance or feud with Olson, contend with the allegience of Metalhead and Hash, both of whom will gun for him, and ultimately come out on top with Metalhead officially passing the proverbial torch, hence the true origin of their now divided stable; Dynasty.

 Now, as we eagerly await the ratings to come in from the 7th, as well as the kick off of EWA’s first PPV, all before the next round in this incredible battle for supremacy; you have to wonder…just how much better can this get?

“How the Big 2 became the Big 3: the HCW’s amazing rise to prominence”(part two) Jeff Esiason’s Weekly Competition Report 6/28/2008

 It is amazing that we are still being riveted by the fairy tale rise to prominence by John Brown’s HCW. In two days, Monday Night Mayhem will return for what is slightly expected to be his first victory ever in the ratings war since the creation/renovation of his promotion in 2001. How did we get here? How is it that Brown has twice given Benny Mouse a heart attack?

 Maybe Benny should have expected this. He too was once the underdog in the world of wrestling. As were his partners in the WCW and ECW that preceded UWF’s existence. Hell, Mickey was once the underdog when the USWA/WWWF/WPW was in its infancy. Everyone should’ve anticipated that Brown, after almost a decade in the industry would build a following so loyal that he could be lifted to the top thereby. We may very well be witnessing the official torch passover unfold on national television.

 As June 30th quickly approaches, we await the third standoff between the HCW and EWA. We know that Revolution will feature the Bound for Glory “preview” with Hash v. Olson in the main event, Kevin Kelly will have to issue some public statement regarding his deplorable actions in interference with Big Show’s matches as of late, more with Splinter and Christian and appearances by Ladies Man, Steiner, Benny, the Establishment and someone else.

 I can’t help but feel a bit biased towards HCW Mayhem as I move to review the schedule for this week’s episode. The first bracket of HCW’s Championship tournament will conclude as six second round matches featuring Matt Hardy, Agramon, Hulk, Colossus, Stan Hart, Blade, Test, Drakus, Triple H, Crush, Attitude and Scorpion King will decide the main event, Six Man Elimination Match to secure the first spot in the Tumultuous Iniquity triple threat match that’ll crown the company’s first champ!

 With all of this and whatever else Brown may pull out of his box of surprises, you can’t help but feel that the EWA may not experience another victory, let alone a third close call. I just wonder, will I be sharing my thoughts on HCW’s historic victory or will I be reminiscing once more over how they came within reach yet again.

 However you look at it, the way these two companies end June and head into July will make all the difference in setting the stage for their first encounter with the return of the UWA. Stay tuned…

“How the Big 2 became the Big 3: the HCW’s amazing rise to prominence” Jeff Esiason’s Weekly Competition Report 6/20/2008

 What a week!! That’s simply all that can possibly be said about the events that have transpired since the news break below. Virtually everyone in the wrestling world had their eyes focused on the battle that raged between EWA and HCW on Monday and as one of those present – in the midst of the war – I have to say it was quite a first night of competition.

 The intensity was so evident, and in light of Benny Mouse’s pompousity in the run-up to the 16th, the HCW pulled off what was once thought to be impossible. I honestly can not convey the significance of what went down better than my EWA counterpart, but I will correct him on one key point. This ratings bout wasn’t decided by a few thousand, but a few hundred instead. 6.4 represents roughly 6,400,000 people and the difference between Revolution and Mayhem was .0004. That undeniably means that under 500 people determined the outcome of the first monday night war in over three years!! Amazing!!

 How did the HCW do it? Many have been and will probably continue to speculate about this for some time to come, but the answer has to be summed up in the combination of loyalty and precision. During the days after the UWA closed its doors, the HCW capitalized on the opportunity to establish itself as the last great refuge for disenchanted fans the world over. In its sporadic broadcasts, the HCW showcased its merciless affection for pain and won every one of those viewers over.

 Week after week, the HCW pulled no punches in giving the fans exactly what they wanted regardless of what consequences those decisions could reap. From their hardwork to impress the people, a cult following was born.

 After “From Dusk til Dawn”, where over 19 million viewers at home witnessed exactly what the HCW had to offer; the HCW’s loyal fans apparently coalesced around their champion and spread the word that the HCW was coming back, not as the side-project to a bigger organization like it used to be, but as a hellacious force to be reckoned with.

 This grassroots effort to resurrect the audience once built by John Brown in the absence of competition seemed to return home and bring Brown and his superstars (yes, we can call them that now) within inches of victory. In a way, it really shouldn’t surprise anyone; just look at some of the superstars that HCW produced in the past:

1) Rhyno, 2) El Gigante, 3) {The Return of} Agramon, 4) Sean Olson, 5) Brandon Lee

 See? That’s just a short list of HCW’s contributions over the years. As a fan of wrestling and an objective observer, I must say that I am very much looking forward to next week!

 As for the EWA, I really must say that aside the near-loss to HCW; Revolution left me more confused and disappointed than I anticipated. When I returned home from my office on Monday, I turned on my TiVo and rewound it to the first episode of Revolution.

 The matches were great, but as has been highlighted by others; there was a lot of talking. Of course, in this day and age of short attention spans, a promotion usually has to throw in a few promo-skits to boost interest in an upcoming match or ongoing feud, but after sitting through almost 2 hours of raw wrestling action; you kind of miss the days of old when people talked less and acted more. As they say; talk is cheap.

 Anyways, I really must comment on Metalhead and what appears to be (if uninterrupted by Randy Orton) another ascension to World Championship status. Can this really be happening again, and would someone please explain to me why in the hell Kevin Kelly felt compelled to intervene and cost Big Show a shot at the World Title?

 Either way you slice it; June 23rd, 2008 will definitely be a day to tune in to both shows to discover what each have in store for all of us.

 Until next time…


 In the wake of the stunning announcement by BWM Inc. Chairman Mouse that the EWA will premiere its Monday Show, “Revolution”, on the 16th (three weeks prior to its original launch date) and one week before the HCW’s scheduled premiere of its own Monday Show, “Mayhem”; my deeply reliable sources tell me that in response to the aforementioned blockbuster announcement, HCW Chairman John Brown has apparently arranged for the re-birth of HCW to occur on that same night!! May the war begin!!

Jeff Esiason’s Weekly Competition Report 6/7/08

 This hasn’t exactly been a weekly analytical report as of late, so I’m gonna try and catch up and stay on track from here.

 Since I last posted, there has been alot going on in the world of wrestling. The EWA announced a developmental show for either every Saturday or every other Saturday as well as a number of new talent signings while the HCW unveiled its plans for their massive 72-man tournament as well as the name of their Monday show that will reportedly begin on the 23rd of this month instead of the 16th.

 While the EWA still leaves their fans and competitors mostly in the dark as to the details of what we should expect from the first episode of Revolution that so happens to be their opening day card. Besides unveiling two qualifying matches for a PPV match that will determine the first champion of the “Elite” to involve two unknown stars as well as Sean Olson and Goldust (Really?), the only other thing we hear from them is the constant taunting by their parent company’s chairman in an attempt to provoke Mickey into a premature launch of the Second Coming that could turn out to be as recklessly delivered as the Southern Division’s first opening.

 Their new talent holds a lot of promise to keep the audience interested throughout the duration of every installment of both their Monday and Saturday shows. However, there is word that Benny was furious and a little shaken up by the thought of being forced into another situation of competing against Mickey twice every week and is wanting to utilize any means by which to throw my boss off his game. Including a tactic that consists of spinning every correction or clarification issued by Mmouse Enterprises chairman to constitute an act of cowardice or flimsiness in honesty.

 This is the usual, almost mandatory, process for the Mouse brothers. One attempts to make a business-only announcement and the other immediately sees that as either a threat or an opportunity to attack. Simply put; it’s annoyingly repetitious.

 Now John Brown provides a great breath of fresh air as this long overlooked, underestimated and once independent-circuit promoter has risen to a state of prominence and genuine competitiveness. Some may ostracize Brown for the monstrous tournament he has designed to transpire over a period of time, but I hear that he has separated it into three brackets that will each occur after the previous has concluded. The schedule for the first Mayhem was announced yesterday and represents one undeniably entertaining show to look forward to and is poised to be headlined by Kane and Drakus.

 Call me crazy, but I am beginning to think that UWA and EWA may have taken Brown for granted and could be in store for a weekly beating at the hands of Brown’s superstars at the HCW. Either way you look at it, there shouldn’t be a single wrestling fan not excited about the war set to commence in July with the first shots fired later this month.

 I’ll try to be back for another installment next week, so stay tuned…

Jeff Esiason’s Weekly Competition Report 5/17/08

 It has been 3 long years since I was last able to express my views on the UWA’s competition. Since that time, so much has changed in the world of wrestling, and as July edges closer by every day that passes, one has to wonder just how much more in this industry is going to transform.

 The default prominence of Hardcore Championship Wrestling came to an end last fall upon Benny’s announced intentions of establishing the Elite Wrestling Alliance this year. In the wake of the “old-age” UWA’s closure at the Third Oblivion; John Brown’s HCW inherited all of wrestling’s stranded talent that still desired the spotlight they had worked so hard and long to attain. In other words, Brown reaped the benefits of lost UWA and UWF talent and fans in the absence of the two monstrous Mouse-operated promotions that dominated professional wrestling.

 However, as mentioned before, Brown’s exploitation of the situation created by Benny and Mickey’s departure came to a screeching halt with the aforementioned EWA’s creation and the aftermath of “From Dusk til Dawn” (the ratings calculation of which is STILL underway) that led to the UWA’s resurrection. Now, the question is who – out of these three powerhouses – will be declared the victor? Which promotion will be left standing when the dust settles? Will professional wrestling survive the impending blood bath set to commence this summer? I guess all we can do is wait and see.

 Until then, all we can do is speculate on what to expect when the first shot is fired by the HCW. Brown plans to relaunch the second longest lasting promotion in the industry’s history (next to the first generation WWF), with a yet to be named show, two week’s prior to the first ratings war scheduled for all three organizations on Monday, July 7th. What can we anticipate from what is poised to be an interesting night of wrestling from the promotion with an upperhand (coming in the battle with a two week headstart, in addition to a year on the air following the gigantic collapse of the UWA and UWF beasts). Even now as we learn of an accord struck between Benny and Brown similar that of which was landed by Mickey with HCW on shared contracts with certain superstars?

 First off, Brown reportedly plans on holding a massive tournament comprised of every HCW star to crown the first champion in HCW’s new era. I have to wonder whether Brown will cash in on that arrangement with Benny to utilize some of the agreed-upon EWA superstars in said tournament. There’s no doubt in my mind that HCW is a legitimate contender in the oncoming ratings war, especially after the incredibly impressive show they put on at the historic WOW event, as well as the average rate for their post-UWA shows ranging around 6.2-6.4 on a weekly basis.

 As for the EWA…well, we have to wait until July 7th to even see the opening day of that company. All I have to say here is that Benny has always and will always be contentious in any form of competition. Never doubt Benny’s ability to dominate, especially as long as he possesses his own secret weapon = Metalhead. He is obviously feeling confident enough about his chances when he passes up on a chance to use his fortune to buy-out the HCW contracts of former, High Profile, headlining talent. Don’t forget that this slick Mouse managed to retain his shares of the UWA and acquire some from the HCW, thus making him the most long-term profitable individual in wrestling.

 Frankly, when considering all that I’ve mentioned here – the hype for June-July – and all that has yet to transpire, I’m psyched.

Mmouse Enterprises Home

%d bloggers like this: