| The Mickster Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior | ||
Male 25 years old United States |
| The Mickster’s Interests |
| General Dominance in the Entertainment Industry Music The Products of my company’s 2009 project: Mmouse Records Movies The Products of Mmouse Productions motion picture projects Television Whenever I decide the time is right for television and Mmouse Enter. to wed Books All Products of Mmouse Publications Heroes Yours Truly, none better. |
| The Mickster’s Details |
| Status: Married Here for: Networking Orientation: Straight Hometown: Orlando, Florida Body type: Body builder Ethnicity: Other Zodiac Sign: Aries Income: $250,000 and Higher |
| The Mickster’s Companies |
| Mmouse Enterprises Memphis, Tennessee US C.E.O. |
What isn’t there to know about the Mouse with the Most. I’m amazingly handsome, well-endowed, rich, and a genius to boot. My father tragically died in 1995, leaving his company to me – which I then sold to the Chinese – and blessing me with benjamins beyond anything the mind could comprehend.
I became the surprise success of wrestling history, after launching my premier promotion (WPW – later renamed WWWF and then the USWA) I would soon – within a three year period of time – run the ancient WWF out of business, sending Jeff Murrey back to his crayon drawing board (where he conveniently remained until he – in some freak occurence – conceived the brilliant idea of combining the legend of WWF and the spectacular talents of USWA to create two divisions of one powerhouse; UWA).
With the UWA, I often scuffled with my primitive and challenged brother Benny in weekly ratings wars, wherein I was mostly the victor. Ultimately, just as in Murrey’s case, I ran Benny and his pathetic circus out of business.
I founded Mmouse Productions in 1995, following the successful auction of my father’s company. In 1997, I founded the sister company Mmouse Publications, and in 2007 – with the resurrection of the latter – I combined the two to operate them as separate subsidiaries of the newly established Mmouse Enterprises.
The mission of this new and incredible force of entertainment is to provide the best quality in all forms thereof. In other words, the beast just got bigger.
(C) Mmouse Ent. 2007
Jan 15, 2010
After an unusually drawn out negotiation process, Mmouse Enterprises is proud to announce the long delayed resigning of Slammer to our talent roster.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokeman – Mmouse Enterprises
Mar 6, 2009
Due to loss in stock value, the UWA website has undergone some changes, wherein the “Superstar Profile”, “Dick’s Article”, and “Injured List” pages have been discontinued or erased all together. Assuming the responsibilities vacated by the departing Rick “the Dick” Richards, will be Richard Venom and Ms. Lady Love of the “Love Bite”.
Ironically enough, amidst these cuts, a set of contracts have been signed by newcoming talent. We at the UWA and it’s parent company – Mmouse Enterprises – proudly welcome Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon to our ranks. More on all developing news in the numerous projects of Mmouse Enterprises to come.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jan 31, 2009
The Undisputed Wrestling Alliance would like to welcome the newest additions to our female roster: Tammy “Sunny” Sytch, Rena “Sable” Mero, Lita, Tori, Torrie Wilson, and Stephanie McMahon!
Jan 26, 2009
In the wake of the Seventh Installment of the Royal Rumble (as presented by Mmouse Enterprises), the UWA proudly announces the return of two more superstars who’ve asked not to be named. Sub-Promotional designation has been set but is also being withheld until further notice. There is another acquisition, but he has requested the same privelege as has been afforded the returning veterans.
Please accept our sincere apologies for the secrecy, but patience will pay off in the end.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jan 8, 2009
Mmouse Enterprises has just learned that the UWA finished first and second for the first time ever on Monday, December 15th with the USWA topping the charts. Congratulations to Promotional Administrators’ Murrey and McMahon for their historic achievement.
Lawrence C. Mason – Spokesman
Mmouse Enterprises
Jan 8, 2009
At this time, Mmouse Enterprises would like to welcome back the Giant Gonzales to the family. Sub-Promotional designation has not yet been determined. More on this as the story developes.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Dec 21, 2008
We here at Mmouse Enterprises wish to issue our most sincere apologies for the abrupt and unannounced cancellation of Saturday Sanitarium for a second consecutive week. It is our understanding that thousands of loyal fans were awaiting entry to the show they purchased tickets to watch, but were denied such due to the sudden change of plans. A combination of unforeseen circumstances played a pivotal role in this unusual turn of events: a hacking of our database and the extreme impact the winter storm through our region had on the venue.
As has been standard policy in the past, contact the appropriate officials for ticket refunds. The schedules of the past two Sanitariums that have been “cancelled” have merely been postponed until the first week back from our holiday break that proceeds Motivation 4.
Dec 15, 2008
Ahh, here I am, sitting in this prison cell with some dork named Charlie when I suddenly hear of the latest press release from the fledgling company owned and operated by my less-than-intellectual brother Benny. It turns out that his latest excuse for his mediocre attendance on the primetime Monday Wrestling War is related to the death of his bastard child; born of a quasi-prostitute and aptly named after him.
You see, while Benny chooses his false mourning over business; the UWA continues to grow and generate more momentum in garnering fanfare. Our storylines are developing at a satisfactory rate en route to Motivation 4 and the conclusion of 2008 with only one obstacle that had stifled its progression; last night’s POSTPONED (not cancelled) episode of our developmental Saturday program.
Hell, that was only due to the passing of a key member of our Directory Board at the outset of the weekend, but it is hardly enough to derail the freight train that is the UWA. We may have started out sluggish, but now we are moving at full speed towards our goals. I could take a moment to recap all of the ridiculous reasons Benny has cited for halting his company’s projects, but I would rather serve my time in this hell hole carving a smiley face under my ballsack, to be quite honest.
The point is, Benny claims that just because he personally wants to set out on another endeavor, a campaign, production of a sporting event, bereavement, revisiting his missed love; Lilo (Lie-loh!!), his wrestling promotion or other projects can’t proceed in his absence. He is obviously the single most self-absorbed promoter in pro-wrestling.
My promotion still thrives, despite the fact that I’m unjustly locked away in this God-forsaken den of iniquity with sodomy and murder running rampant.
The funniest aspect of this whole matter is that not only has Benny failed to deliver on his Saturday show, once planned for bi-weekly programming that was to commence the Saturday following his July 7th Monday Show and then again in September, has again been postponed or even suspended, in favor of adopting that same format of programming for the belated return of his mildly successful Monday Show.
Continue to stay tuned, because I have a feeling that the next we hear from Benny, it will be at From Dusk til Dawn 09′, apologizing for his absence, due to the death of his mojo.
Give it up already, Benny, the world already knows it’s coming!
(This letter was published on behalf of Mickey M. Mouse J.R., Chairman and CEO of Mmouse Enterprises for your convenience by his surrogate and company spokesman: Lawrence C. Mason)
Dec 14, 2008
With the passing of a prominent and influential senior member of Mmouse Enterprises Board of Directors; Tonight’s Episode and Schedule of Sanitarium will be postponed until a later date to remember and honor the memory of this outstanding contributor to our numerous projects. To redeem tickets purchased for this event, just contact your local ticketmaster or the Memphis Headquarters of the UWA.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Oct 27, 2008
At this hour, rumors are abound that the HCW’s bank has dried up. That’s right, the pioneers of “hardcore” may very well be headed toward bankruptcy and ultimate collapse. In light of this news, the CEO and Board of Directors of Mmouse Enterprises are prepared to extend a second offer to Chairman Brown at Hardcore Inc., not for annexation into the alliance, but rather to acquire, cherry-pick and dismantle what’s left instead.
Make no mistake about it, we here at Mmouse Enterprises are elated to learn about the purported demise of our fiercest competitor. The HCW’s plight will be welcomed by everyone in the staff and talent rosters of the UWA, and will be celebrated with great enthusiasm.
In the event that these rumors are verified and the announcement made official, the UWA will throw a celebration immediately following the declaration thereof and will move to proclaim victory over our most consistent and seemingly stable opponents. In which case, the EWA – the least dedicated and more erratic of our competitors – will be left to suffer a trembling series of defeats to be dealt by the greatest and truest alliance ever forged in sports!
Viva Los UWA!!
Lawrence C. Mason – Spokesman
Mmouse Enterprises
Sep 13, 2008
Memphis, TENN.: It has been reported by the Federal Correctional Institution (FCI) in Memphis, Tennessee that following a temporarily granted and paid unsupervised visitation between Inmate Mickey M. Mouse S.R. and Mmouse Enterprises Chairman Mickey M. Mouse J.R., the senior Mouse failed to report back to prison. The Chairman of MME reportedly checked back in with the FCI and had even called the Memphis City Police Department to escort the missing inmate back to his cell. However, when the officer dispatched to carry out the escort arrived at the local diner whereat the visitation transpired, Mr. Mouse (the inmate) was unaccounted for.
The cashier in the diner as well as a few waitresses report having witnessed the Chairman of MME exit alone as his father remained seated, but don’t recall at what point the elder Mouse may have exited.
There is presently a $500,000 reward for the capture of or assistance in locating the missing inmate. For the purpose of sharing any information pertinent to this reward or even a mere suspicion of the inmate’s whereabouts; please contact the FCI in Memphis, TN. Stay Tuned to Mmouse Enterprises information blog (a.k.a. “Mickster’s Blog”) for new developments on this story.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Sep 3, 2008
The UWA website will be undergoing some changes in the interest of liberating bandwidth and storage space that has been overwhelmed by the increasing number of videos mounting on top of one another in the Mmouse Productions page. So, as of the posting of Massacre and Raw from the 1st, only four weeks worth of each weekly event (4 Raw/Massacres, 3 Sanitariums) and up to 3 PPVs will be available at a given time.
We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but rest assured that brainstorming is in progress to devise an archives page that will allow the fans of UWA to enjoy their favorite cards at any time of their choosing. We are interested in your entertainment and satisfaction, so stay tuned for more news here at Mickster’s Blog from Mmouse Enterprises.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Aug 25, 2008
In the wake of UWA’s first ratings victory with sub-promotion USWA’s Massacre on its seventh episode; the board of directors of Mmouse Enterprises will officially hold a congratulatory ceremony at the outset of tonight’s episode of Monday Massacre.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jul 9, 2008
Mmouse Enterprise CEO and Chairman Mickey Mouse J.R. has decided to postpone the press conference slated for this morning once more until August 6th, at which point he’ll host the first ever Webcast-Press Conference. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jul 6, 2008
With Opening Day and the hectic schedule in the week proceeding it, the monthly press conference has been moved up to Wednesday. Feel free to post any questions you may have for the UWA’s Chairman.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 21, 2008
In the UWA’s vast search for new talent, we come across many skilled candidates for the job. Yesterday, that search landed new contract deals for four lucky athletes. The Promotional Administrator of the USWA, Shane McMahon, won dibs on two new females and two males:
Whitney Derringer – a feisty young woman who struggles with sexual identity and possesses one of the greatest fighting spirits in the world.
Milan – a young Japanese woman with an expertise in every form of martial arts known to man, or woman.
Mr. Gerald Smith – a tough and take no prisoners kind of guy…bearing a personality similar to that of Terrence Paige.
Vigo – the most ruthless italian wrestler to ever step into the ring.
Altogether, these four comprise a portion of the fourth and greatest era in professional wrestling! Brace yourselves, the day is almost upon us!!
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 14, 2008
The WWF’s PA has just successfully finalized a contract deal with Molly Holly, Ariel and Victoria thus adding to the growing female talent roster!!
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 11, 2008
Jeff Murrey, Promotional Administrator of the WWF, has just landed a contract deal with Jerry Lawler (father of Jerry “the Prince” Lawler and Brian Christopher) and his arch-independent circuit-nemesis Andy Kaufman. These acquisitions are now reflected on the UWA roster page.
UPDATE (6/12/08, 9:25 PM): In a sudden turn of events, Shane McMahon, the Promotional Administrator of the USWA, has just signed former LWF Athlete “The Best” Mike O’Mally to a long-term contract!!
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 9, 2008
In the ongoing contract negotiations with independent and free-agent talent; the Promotional Administrators of both the WWF and USWA landed the following signings:
WWF: Kelly Kelly and Cousin of the Gonzales brothers; Jesus Gonzales.
USWA: Balls Mahoney, Rick Rude, and the Masked Phenom.
More to come as the countdown towards the Second Coming winds down.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 8, 2008
MEMPHIS, TENN. – At the headquarters for Mickey Mouse Junior’s corporate headquarters, the Chairman answers an assortment of questions from the press:
(MM = Mickey Mouse, Q = Question from the Press)
MM: “Welcome to this morning’s conference of the press. I apologize for the delay in holding this meeting and trust that all of you will be considerate of the need to keep some details of Mmouse Enterprises’ projects confidential in your inquiries. So, with that, I now open the floor to your questions.”
Q: “Mr. Mouse, thank you, with the revelation at ‘From Dusk till Dawn’ of your father’s faked death; how exactly has that affected you?”
MM: “How typical of the press to ask a despicable question relating to the deception that my brothers and I were subjected to since we were in our twenties. How the hell am I supposed to react to such a thing? Am I supposed to embrace the liar and assure him that all is forgiven? Hell no. The truth is that nothing – not money, apologies or even his imprisonment – can compensate for the traumatizing experience felt by my brothers and I…”
Q: “But didn’t you once claim responsibility for his perceived death?”
MM: “Yes, and that is because I sincerely believed I caused it out of anger and resentment for the way he used my potential to his advantage. I now see my folly in jumping the gun in accepting responsibility for what I thought was his death and have been forced to freeze the publishing of my autobiography as a result. The release date has been postponed and set for a yet-to-be-determined date within the next two years in order to provide a sufficient amount of time for a revision of the chapters relating to Mickey Senior.”
Q: “So, even after all these years, he is still causing problems for you?”
MM: “Indeed.”
Q: “What is it about your company’s other projects that you can share with us?”
MM: “That the editing for the movie project is complete and that we are in the works of setting a release date for Mmouse Productions first film sometime either this winter or next spring, and that the first slate of record projects should be seeing release in the coming months.”
Q: “Any comments in regards to the UWA Project?”
MM: “The media has been abuzz about the opening day event on July 4th, and our numerous press releases have shared many details as to what the fans should expect next month. However, none of these revelations seem to satisfy the hunger of a restless fanbase constantly seeking information. All I can say is that everyone needs to stay informed by periodically checking out the UWA website as well as the Mmouse Enterprise blog. More details will be shared as this spectacular return to sports entertainment draws nearer.”
Q: “What have you to say regarding the many charges made by the chairman of BWM Incorporated?”
MM: “My response to these erroneous and provocative claims made by this company’s competition remains the same as always. It should always be dismissed as propaganda, nothing less. From now on, I’ll allow UWA’s columnists and spokespeople respond to the ridiculous antics of that band of retards.”
Q: “About that, many of us in the press corps have noticed that you have adopted a policy of not mentioning anyone in the competition by name; why is that?”
MM: “Just business. That is all for today.”
Jun 6, 2008
First and foremost, a press conference will be held on Sunday in order to address concerns and questions relating to developments within my company. Relating to comments made by our competition on my so-called cowardice, lack of funds or even being disorganized; just allow me to say this. The delay in UWA’s Second Coming is only due to prolonged negotiations with the company that will assist in converting our broadcasts to HD-TV format and even prepare us for internet broadcasts (a first in this industry) by the end of the year.
I didn’t “back track” on my plans for Saturday Sanitarium as was insinuated by the competition, but had merely – and unintentionally – omitted the information regarding the limited amount of broadcasts for the only show in the industry’s history to feature a joint-promotional effort. Regardless of what our frightened competition claims; this is ground-breaking.
To deliver a successful product, such as the impending second coming of the UWA, one must be properly prepared. It takes time to lay the groundwork for such a venture and when all is said and done; the fans will be well served for it. In the end, opening day will occur as scheduled and no earlier; in order to avoid a reckless dive into a chaotic situation.
Rest assured, that on July 4th, 2008, the wrestling world will be shaken by the resounding declaration of independence from the days of old with the introduction of a whole new era.
As a new revelation about the events to come; I will take this time to unveil that the UWA Tag Team Championship will be decided by a 16 team tournament that will begin on Independence Day and conclude at Summerslam at the end of August. Stay tuned for more information.
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
Chairman/C.E.O. – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 5, 2008
Allow me to clarify the latest revelation for a moment. Saturday Sanitarium will take place on every Saturday, except those that precede a PPV in order to avoid a situation wherein our superstars would become overwhelmed and fatigued.
I’m taking Benny’s challenge into consideration, but it all depends on the progress of Mmouse Enterprises’ various projects, including the preparatory efforts for the second coming of the UWA. Why is it that Benny appears anxious to become the 3rd or even 4th ranked promoter in the wrestling industry so soon?
Benny says “bring it on…sooner.” I say – as the Chinese do – be careful what you wish for.
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
Chairman/C.E.O. – Mmouse Enterprises
Jun 4, 2008
It is my proud duty to announce that in addition to WWF Raw and USWA Massacre, the UWA will hold a weekly, hour-long joint event every weekend called Saturday Sanitarium that will consist of four matches (two from each promotion) to help provide exposure to rising superstars and to advance developing feuds and other stories. If Benny thought he was getting a free ride in launching a weekly saturday program for “developmental” purposes, he was sadly mistaken.
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
Chairman/CEO – Mmouse Enterprises
May 31, 2008
Latest Mmouse Enterprises Press Release
With the cancellation of this weekend’s scheduled Press Briefing, Mmouse Enterprises would instead like to share the following incredible news. Over the past few weeks in the wake of “From Dusk ’til Dawn”, the promotional Administrators from both the WWF and USWA were successful in signing the following talent as reflected on the UWA website:
Demolition members and former old-WWF talent Ax and Smash, Tito Santana, Rick Martel, LWF’s The Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Elijah Burke and the free agent/former HCW talent: CM Punk.
UPDATE: (6/1/2008) In light of yesterday’s revelation, Headquarters has learned that WWF Promotional Administrator Murrey has secured a trade deal with Hardcore Championship Wrestling Promoter John Brown exchanging the contract of CM Punk for that of Diamond Dallas Page.
More to come from Mmouse Enterprises as soon as can be possible.
Lawrence C. Mason
Spokesman for Mmouse Enterprises
May 20, 2008
Within two weeks, alongside a few special announcements pertaining to the various projects of Mmouse Enterprises, the chairman and CEO will be addressing comments and inquiries from you – the public. Feel free to post said comments and questions below.
As many of you might have already noticed, the roster of the UWA has been split into rosters for both subdivisions. The talents for each were decided by a shadow draft at the Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters in Memphis. Shane McMahon and Jeff Murrey are presently in the midst of contract negotiations with other potential talent as this update is typed. A new press conference to be held in the first week of June will elaborate more on the details of said negotiations.
Mickey M. Mouse Junior
Chairman/CEO – Mmouse Enterprises
May 11, 2008
Post-WOW Special Event Press Release
So, here we are, in the wake of the single largest, longest and – in all probability – most viewed wrestling extravaganza ever. What have we learned? What can we expect in the future?
Well, we’ve learned that you can never rely upon rumors circulated by Benny for the purpose of creating confusion about any business-related matter in order to elevate interest therein. We’ve learned that deception can and usually does hurt everyone that it affects. We’ve learned that Mickey is better than Benny, and we’ve learned that “From Dusk ’til Dawn” wasn’t just a title for a spectacle of wrestling, but a metaphor for the dusk of the old days and the dawn of a new.
Following the finishing video piece that proceeded the main event of the aforementioned PPV event; the Tennessee headquarters of Mmouse Enterprises was immediately flooded with emails, faxes and phone calls requesting information as to what it all meant.
It should’ve been clear then as it should now, but I guess some people require a little more elaboration. Yesterday morning, as I was preparing to leave Buckeye Stadium for Memphis (after beating the family idiot senseless just minutes prior); I was approached by Jeff Murrey and Shane McMahon who apparently had a proposition for me.
The idea they had to offer was that the UWA be resurrected; not with the Divisions of North and South but with that of the USWA and WWF instead. The original two promotions that had coalesced to create the “First Coming” of the UWA would do so again but with a different approach.
12 PPVs a year, 6 joint (under the UWA banner) and 6 separate (under the USWA and WWF banners) and two weekly cable television shows (both on Mondays in competition). These events are as follows:
Mondays = USWA Monday Massacre v. WWF Monday Night Raw
January = UWA Royal Rumble
February = USWA Imminent Destruction
March = WWF No Way Out
April = UWA Oblivion
May = USWA Damnation
June = WWF Badd Blood
July = UWA King of the Ring
August = UWA Summerslam
September = USWA Bedlam
October = WWF Breaking Point
November = UWA Survivor Series
December = UWA Motivation
When does this insanity begin? On Independence Day!! May the countdown begin…
Signed,
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
Chairman/CEO – Mmouse Enterprises
Apr 30, 2008
A Public Statement from Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior
Tonight, I want to speak directly with you; the audience. My decision to communicate with you via a “public statement” instead of a “Press Release/Conference/Briefing” is because the middle man must be removed in order to sincerely display my unwaivering devotion to your satisfaction.
Entertainment has been my calling since observing my father’s involvement in the industry. Am I a greedy entertainer? Absolutely. However, my greed doesn’t interfere with my ability to listen and see what the audience – again, you – want.
Over the course of the past half year, you have been subjected to a si-saw slugfest of both accurately and falsely-based accusations meant to smear the name/image of opposing businessman and brothers. In the midst of all this bickering, the truth has been lost.
Yesterday was no different. After a brief delay in issuing any kind of response to my last press release; Benny sought – once more – to deceive the grand fanbase of Professional Wrestling and Sports Entertainment.
Benny said: “I assure you, my claims of conceiving this spectacular PPV, “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn,” are 100% true. This is MY brain child, approved by the most powerful organization in wrestling today, the World of Wrestling (WOW). It was WOW that contacted Mickey, with my approval, knowing that having all the available talent involved would make this show even bigger.”
While it is accurate that Benny initially conceived the idea of one great spectacle encompassing the biggest stars in the business from each of our defunct promotions in addition to the sole-surviving HCW; my contributions (after Benny BEGGED me through his representatives to join the effort) to the development of this upcoming event were undeniable in their importance. First, Benny and I debated over the title for said event until he proposed the ultimate theme that would be agreed upon by both of us.
Benny then claims: “I decided upon much of this show’s look and feel, including the tournament leading up to the Massacre Six main event (which I designed as well.) In addition, I continue to contribute to the success of this show by signing a battle royal that will allow even MORE stars to compete!”
FALSE, he and I worked together in designing the structure, look and feel of this event. Benny deserves credit for conceiving the Massacre Six Match – ages ago – but the tournament leading up to it was my idea (including the six unique brackets and how each determine the final participants in the main event), as was the proposal that said tournament would crown the First Ever Undisputed Champion of the Wrestling World. As for the Underdog Battle Royal comprised of To-Be-Determined combatants; we co-devised that match.
Falsehood 3: “This PPV is expected to gross $10,000,000,000 internationally…Mickey’s only getting a fraction of what I’ll be getting from this event”
The fact of the matter is that Benny and I have an equal share in the profits that will be generated by this extravaganza, because our joint participation is essential to the success thereof. The only promoter getting a smaller percentage is John Brown of the HCW.
My deranged and delusional paint-chip devouring sibling does have one thing correct though: “the most successful PPV of all time… everything about it, down to it’s epic build, will be worth the wait.”
Signed,
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
CEO and Chairman – Mmouse Enterprises
Apr 26, 2008
Press Release in Response to Mr. B.W.Mouse
As many are well aware of by now, the chairman of an egotistically self-named company sought to smear my good name and damage my reputation by misconstruing my previous press release and digging up old rants from yours truly that were expressed in the midst of a slew of personal and business crises. He – yet again – cherry-picks my comments to support his claims that I’m detached from my audience and reality. Furthermore, he focuses on my lack of response to his assertion of sole credit for conceiving the upcoming spectacle to imply that I was conceding on that front.
I shall now pick his blog apart, piece by piece:
1) The Ethiopian and Jamaican comments made on the UWA’s now defunct proboards website were expressed out of legitimate concern for the credibility of the ratings keeping process. I had been exposed to official sensitive documentation from a well respected organization that was responsible for overseeing the aforementioned record keeping and while I haven’t any copies of those documents, they were very disturbing in what they revealed about Benny’s tampering therewith. My posts speak for themselves on the specifics of what I mean by “tampering”.
2) The four months of ratings losses to the UWF can also be largely attributed to the involvement of LWF’s expected short-lived run that had attracted incredible attention from the grand wrestling fanbase in that Mr. Murrey had made his intentions of a short final run in wrestling quite clear and even enjoyed the contributions of UWA personnel in caller commentation as well as free exposure on UWA programming. What Benny doesn’t tell you is that after the LWF went under, the tide reversed as the UWA and I reaped the benefits and were catapulted to the top of the ratings war for the remaining months of our competition.
3) By ridiculing the “redneck” base of wrestling’s fanfare; I was merely stating the obvious and undeniable reality of who the “sport” appeals to the most. As for those young fans that religiously watch wrestling and attend college: Bush went to college too, but that didn’t change the fact that he’s about as competent as a chimp in a rocket ship.
Citing the “college base” of wrestling either serves to elevate pessism for the prospects of our world’s future or reveals another unnoticed minority in wrestling’s broader audience. Professional wrestling has always relied upon the rednecks, third world and retards for viewership because they are quite frankly the only groups that fit a demographic dumb enough to pay as much as they are willing to in order to get the same stories week after week with different characters. Any promoter who denies this is nothing less than a liar.
4) The preceding press release omitted any remark on Benny’s ridiculous claims for sole credit in devising the scheme that led to “From Dusk til Dawn” because I had already addressed that moronic claim in last week’s Press Briefing. Dignifying his deceptive rhetoric any further would only be counterproductive to debunking it.
What does this all mean? Benny will stop at nothing in casting all those who oppose him as having the worst intention in order to propel his self-perceived identity as a hero.
Mickey M. Mouse J.R.
Chairman & CEO – Mmouse Enterprises
Dec 1, 2007
Due to the decision by the plaintiff in the case of Runnels v. Mmouse Enterprises to decline the generous settlement offer; court proceeds will commence over the next two to three weeks, thus resulting in a delay of the next scheduled press briefing until further notice.
OFFICIAL PRESS BRIEFING BY MMOUSE ENTERPRISES
Sunday – 9:45 AM EST – November 18th, 2007
MEMPHIS, TENN. – At the headquarters for Mickey Mouse Junior’s corporate headquarters, the Chairman answers an assortment of questions from the press:
(MM = Mickey Mouse, Q = Question from the Press)
MM: “Let’s get this show on the road, as you all know; I’m a busy mouse and have a limited amount of time to chit-chat with all of you. So, permit me to be blunt and ask for the first question.”
Q: “Thank you Mr. Mouse, I know that your next Press Briefing wasn’t due until December, but your decision to address certain matters is much appreciated. Do you care to comment on rumors that the special WOW event may be postponed until March?”
MM: “Certainly, it has come to my attention that my disabled sibling has hit quite an obstacle that may – in fact – postpone the special card from transpiring. While it tickles me to death for Benny to experience any problems, it annoys me when his misgivings affect my carefully constructed schedule. Do I know the exact source of these issues? No. I can take a guess and assume it’s more difficulties in dealing with homosexuality and retardation, alongside his daily realization of how mundane he is. Besides that, I really can’t think of anything else.”
Q: “In his response post to your last press briefing, Benny claimed the following: ‘We indeed realized that Metal Head was wasted potential, and that since the USWA didn’t know how to market him, we’d take a “mid-card” wrestler and turn him into the most profitable performer of the decade…Metal Head made me and the UWF a LOT of money because we knew how to capitalize on him and his past feuds.’ He then goes on to explain the success of using Metalhead’s old grudges to help boost his character ‘to the moon’. Why is there such a disparity between his view and yours on the career of this incredibly talented superstar?”
MM: “Obviously, you are in dire need of a lobotomy. Metalhead was a mid-carder because he lacked true talent. He wasn’t wasted potential as my brother insinuates; he was the absence thereof. He rose to prominence in the UWF following an exploitation of that promotion’s lack of alternatives. To put it bluntly, he was the best they had.”
Q: “This can be seen as nothing more than mere hyperbole. Is there any substance to these claims?”
MM: “Ok, let’s take a trip down memory lane; Metalhead worked for me over a 6 year time frame, peaking only a few times in the USWAs ranks and spending the rest of his time preoccupied with insignificant feats such as capturing the European or Light heavyweight Championships. The fans were satisfied with his stagnant positioning and never demanded more from his career. That’s probably due to their recognition of his inferior skills and anticlimactic accomplishments. In my management of his path, I simply respected the reactions and demands of our customers. Benny simply started Metalhead’s career in UWF where he had last peaked in the USWA; in a classical feud with Crock’s father. I must admit that it was a smart move to start from that point, but the very fact that Metalhead occupied the top of the roster throughout the duration of UWF’s existence is a tragically revealing tale of just how devoid the company was of any real alternatives to Metalhead as the lead man. That’s about all I have to say about that.”
Q: “What do you have to say in regards to Benny’s claims that Metalhead’s success as a heel surpassed even your status in the same category?”
MM: “Metalhead stood atop the UWF as chief heel for roughly two years, compare that to my reign as not only the most hated star in UWA, but USWA and the entire Wrestling World over a duration of seven years and you’d conclude – as have I – that Benny is out of the void that he calls his mind. He also claimed that I failed to make Dragonfly a star in the same way that he had molded Metalhead; and that’s a fact I’m proud of. I made Dragonfly an ICON, and he achieved this feat by overcoming all odds and staying on top of the fray despite the fact that he only possessed the championship a total of 9 months out of the UWAs two and a half years as the superior power in sports entertainment. I had other incredible talent that deserved to reign supreme as champion and each of their fitting and unmatched achievements resounded throughout the wrestling world. Need I mention Fred, Agramon, or the Crock? When you think of the UWA, you think of these men and then some. However, when you think about the UWF; one name will come to mind, and that is due to all the factors I mentioned before.”
Q: “Benny makes a good point when criticizing how you molded superstars to mimic the gimmicks of stars within your competition; what have you in response to this?”
MM: “Simply said, Benny is ignoring an array of underlying facts surrounding the success of my stars in USWA. I started out with a small allotted budget in the former WPW and later rechristened USWA. The budget increased as the product became profitable. That was due to the talent and endless style of entertainment we offered to our audience. The fans kept purchasing tickets and merchandise, as well as our magazines and pay per views and continued to view our telecasts and even visit our website. Revenue was plentiful. Second of all, many of those stars that ‘stole’ the gimmick of another were actually related to the original owners. For example, the Soultaker is related to the Undertaker as Shaun Michaels, otherwise known as HBP, is a second-cousin of HBK’s and is the sibling of Sean ‘HB’ Michaels and Jean ‘HBB’ Michaels. Blaster may not have been related to Steve Austin, but he earned the name ‘Stone Cold’ through his ruthless approach to all comers. Why did their recognition exceed that of the so-called originals? They put forth a greater effort to retain the interest and attention of their respective audience. It’s not their fault that the competition couldn’t keep up.”
Q: “To briefly stray from the discussion about Benny’s views on the controversies within the wrestling world, May I inquire on the developments with Silverdust’s sexual harassment suit against you?”
MM: “The matter has been resolved outside of court.”
Q: “Rumors are floating around about a 32 Million dollar settlement, is this true, and if so; what could’ve been so potentially damaging to the credibility and reputation of your company that warranted such a high priced agreement to resolve the matter?”
MM: “Silverdust, or Ronnie Runnels, has a lot of personal issues. I had to feel sympathy for his self-destructive course wherein he was attempting to sabotage the image of a corporation for whom he once enjoyed employment. His allegations were erroneous, and completely bloated with falsehoods that included numerous accusations of harassment and even a few incidents of alleged rape. So, in the interest of sparing this poor man any further self-inflicted public humiliation; I arranged a settlement for an amount that would secure him and his mate for the rest of their lives.”
Q: “Well, while there is sure to be more inquiry from the press on that matter, I must ask about the status of your marriage throughout these tumultuous times.”
MM: “No, you mustn’t ask about my marriage, because I will refuse to dignify any of your prying questions regarding it. Next question.”
Q: “In his expected post on the acquisition on your part of HBPs services, Benny claimed that the star was as stale as they came, attributing a steep ratings decline to his prominent rise through the ranks and even going as far as to state that the performer was grossly overpaid for a ‘tired, bitter, never-was’. Care to respond?”
MM: “Of course, as I’ve mentioned before in my critique on the hyperbolic nature of Benny’s sentiments on any matter pertaining to his competition or any other events in his life; the man is plainly and obviously full of horse manure. I read his weblog; as do thousands of other loyalists. For the life of me, I can’t even begin to comprehend how anyone would identify themselves as a fan of someone who calls their readers ‘pathetic’. It doesn’t strike me as even remotely deceptive when Benny insists that he neither reads the transcript nor watches the broadcast of these press briefings, because he’d get confused either way. He sees words as odd collections of unfamiliar shapes and symbols and press briefings as a compilation of pretty colors that springs forth sounds that consist of talking and other loud noises, but I digress. He complains that I paid HBP a hefty salary to be what he was truly destined for; a high rank jobber. Did the ratings slip under his tenure as champion? Yes, and the direction of his career reflected that, but I couldn’t waste the services of a man that remained loyal to me throughout the best and worst of days in promotions past. I can’t deny the contributions he made to USWA’s stellar success with the induction of Degeneration X alongside all of its incarnations, his numerous and popular title reigns and the fan reaction and sales he helped produce. Benny claimed that he used HBP in the NWA to train future talent for the parent UWF, but none of those that HBP helped push were ever blessed with a chance to shine in the big leagues. Yet again, we have a horrible entrepreneur that passes the buck by shifting blame to the talent he failed to capitalize on for their eventual failures to succeed. His puny brain can not fully consider the ramifications for his mismanagement. Thank you for your questions, but I really must depart.”
OFFICIAL PRESS BRIEFING BY MMOUSE ENTERPRISES
Sunday – 9:45 AM EST – November 4th, 2007
MEMPHIS, TENN. – At the headquarters for Mickey Mouse Junior’s corporate headquarters, the Chairman discusses matters ranging from recent developments at Mmouse Enterprises to the recent launch of BWM Incorporated’s blogsite:
(MM = Mickey Mouse, Q = Question from the Press)
MM: “If you think that you are going to hear an apology from me for my unceremonious exit at the last briefing; then you are sorely mistaken. I was vindicated in losing my temper whereas you despicably unprofessional assholes were completely out of line. Never in my entire career have I ever been so humiliated. Let it be known that I never intend to let it happen again. Now, with that said; I open the floor to your questions.”
Q: “Much anticipation has been surrounding the upcoming World of Wrestling event. The HCW’s Chairman John Brown has launched a blogsite and is preparing to post press briefings as your company does through its own website. You’ve remarked briefly on the card that is set for this spectacle, but I was wondering if you could possibly provide anymore details. I doubt that the tournament comprises the entire event. What else has been booked?”
MM: “That is presently privileged information.”
Q: “Not even a hint?”
MM: “Hey numbnuts, I said it was privileged and you sure don’t look like the type worthy of a response to any question pertaining thereto. Next question”
Q: “What other plans have been arranged for the event?”
MM: “Good question.”
(Other Reporter): “Hey!!”
MM: “…we are making the appropriate arrangements necessary for a few special extra matches…”
(Other Reporter): “Why couldn’t you answer me?”
MM: “…because your face and my ass should’ve been twins…”
OR: “Give me a break.”
MM: “I’ll tell you what. If you promise to do me a favor; I’ll be a little nicer to you.”
OR: “That depends on the nature of your request…”
MM: “Do you own a gun?”
OR: “…yes…”
MM: “…a video camera?”
OR: “Sure…”
MM: “Do you have a pet or any children?”
OR: (Hesitant to respond) “A dog and a five year old…what does that have to do…”
MM: “…then you can do the whole world a favor and instruct your child to record you f*cking your dog and then shooting your brains out before forwarding it to me for my viewing pleasure. That’ll just make my day.”
OR: “You would be pleased by the sight of me engaging my pet sexually?”
MM: “Of cou…no, wait…err…let’s just get back on track here. The question was about
additional arrangements for the WOW event, and – as I noted prior to the rude reporter’s interruption – contractual negotiations are underway to secure a number of additional matches, including but not limited to; a special bout between Ric Venom and John Brown, a special tag team gauntlet match involving the best of the best in the UWA, and a few extra stints from Benny’s circus featuring a few jokes that nobody with a brain would even piss on, let alone watch for a few agonizing minutes.”
Q: “There are rumors floating around that a grudge match might be in the works pitting you and Benny against one another in the squared circle, any truth to that?”
MM: “Maybe, but I have to get the go ahead from the internationally recognized activist group, Retards United for Equal Rights, in order to pummel one of their keystone figures into a bloody oblivion.”
Q: “Aside of your endless and baseless claims of Benny suffering from mental retardation…”
MM: “Baseless?”
Q: “Yes sir, you heard me right.”
MM: “If my claims are baseless then you can explain to me how this perfectly healthy ‘tard could mistake balls for a cow toe. How is it that this so called genius acquires the services of two bodyguards and another guy to head his security detail that are as inept at protecting him and his shows as a jaguar in serving as a friendly house cat? How is it that he can manage to obtain the contracts of UWAs best superstars and always drop the ball in utilizing their talents? On that note, it isn’t a legitimate excuse to claim that aforementioned talent was worthless, because it would only serve as an additional indictment of his infirmities.”
Q: “I honestly can’t refute your argument at this time, but I wanted to know if you would like to comment on some of what Benny has posted recently on his new weblog, wherein he claimed that you were an ‘unattractive liar’ and that his site was created to debunk said lies told by yourself.”
MM: “Why my brother is judging my sexual charisma is beyond me. In fact, I refuse to devote anymore time beyond this response to it, because it resurfaces a lot of memories of that moron donning certain attire for satirical purposes to entertain guests when we were young, and what disturbs me the most is that he’s apparently still up to it. Afterall, didn’t he hire the fruitcake Kevin Kelly?”
Q: “Yes sir, but you have room to speak because you employed the likes of Lady Love, Big Show, Saguna, Silverdust, Goldust and even that fruitcake you just mentioned at one time or another and even featured a number of wedding ceremonies featuring some of those personalities.”
MM: “I’m starting to dislike you.”
Q: “May I ask why?”
MM: “Well, you just did, but I think it’s because you remind me of a boil I was contracted on my left asscheek in my teen years. Luckily for me, it popped upon being punctured by a knitting needle. I’m just waiting for that needle to magically appear now to pop you just the same, but I guess I’ll just have to settle for you joining that other jackass in doing the dirty deed with his ‘best friend’ before the horrified eyes of children filming it all on a camera. Instead, you should blow his head off and shoot yourself in the asshole for being one! Next question…”
Q: “What about Benny’s take on behind the scenes events that transpired during the Saguna saga?”
MM: “First off, a little spelling lesson for my lesser educated and freakishly disturbed brother; Saguna is spelled with a ‘U’, not three ‘A’s’. You’d think the guy would have the courtesy to learn the pronunciation and spelling of each talent he employs, but I guess that’s too much to ask from a guy that spends more time talking about how great he is than proving it with actions. Its spelled S-A-G-U-N-A…learn and live it, moron. Second of all, while there are a few accurate assertions made within his blog, I feel compelled to debunk the myths. I’m not a liar, unless I have something to gain from it. As of late, it does me no good to lie about any developments in my company or in the arrangements made for the special card to come. Nor does it any good for me to make false statements regarding Benny’s incompetence and my own greatness, besides, both are proven on a daily basis anyways. So, lies would be unnecessary to begin with. Why lie when reality does the job for you?”
Q: “So then why would Benny proclaim to know better than you on certain matters?”
MM: “To distract from his own lack of true talent and genius. Plain and simple. Does anybody really know why the UWF truly failed? Cause Benny placed the fate of his company in the hands of a never-was. I’m referring of course to Metalhead, whose career entered stagnation in the USWA after the 1998 King of the Ring simply because the man didn’t know how to entertain an audience. When he rose to the top of my company in 1997, I quickly realized how bad of a policy decision it was to permit it because of how poorly he presented himself. He remained stagnant, because he never evolved and remained in the mid-card for the last three years under contract to yours truly for that reason. The acquisition and steady rise to superstardom for Metalhead in the UWF just proves how dull the talent was in that organization. A bunch of lackeys formed his only real competition; other formidable challenges remained trapped in feuds that went nowhere and were quickly forgotten or injured by the relentless pressure to entertain with dead-end angles and bland personas. Needless to say, Benny depends solely on name recognition and improvisational promos to maintain what he perceives as success in a business that means as much to him as a fart in the face…wait, scratch that, he’d probably get off on even the thought of it.”
Q: “Wow, that’s quite an extensive attack on your brother’s talents. What are your expectations for Benny’s next entry on his weblog?”
MM: “More of the same old, droning on with absurd accusations of being cheated and screwed over. His next entry is due to pertain to the entire controversial issue of my acquisition of HBP’s contract in the summer of 2003. He’s sure to claim that I violated and interfered with a contractual agreement between him and Mr. Michaels, but the fact is that HBP came to me first. The man was tired of being kept prisoner in the recruiting grounds of the UWF at the NWA. A superstar of his caliber was honestly forced to settle for the minors as he watched others that he probably should have mentored excel at the top level of Benny’s so-called empire. I made him an incredible offer to liberate him from his chains of bondage and open up new opportunities that inevitably led to his three reigns as UWA Champion. Benny was simply angry that I – as always – was the better negotiator and marketer of the two of us. However, I’m still going to keep an eye on his site just to get his deceptive and distractive diatribe.”
Q: “Well, to move on, can you presently give us any information on the progress of the various undertakings in Mmouse Enterprises?”
MM: “Well, as we are still in the midst of filming our first full length feature picture, we are experiencing some contractual difficulties with Touchstone and are considering a scrapping of that deal and just embarking on a new endeavor in establishing what would prospectively be identified as ‘Mickster Films’. All projects have obstacles; you just have to know how to get around them. Anyways, that’s all the time we have today, I’ll be sure to keep you all posted if anything new arises in the near future. Thank you.”
OFFICIAL PRESS BRIEFING BY MMOUSE ENTERPRISES
Sunday – 9:45 AM EST – October 14th, 2007
MEMPHIS, TENN. – At the headquarters for Mickey Mouse Junior’s corporate headquarters, the Chairman discusses a number of matters ranging from W.O.W.’s “From Dusk till Dawn”, the new Mmouse Enterprise MySpace website, and a number of rumors that have arisen in the tabloids throughout the past few years, all whist tolerating a heckler in the midst of the press:
(MM = Mickey Mouse, Q = Question from the Press)
MM: “A number of people have contacted me as of late about the two impending successes of Mmouse Enterprises: ‘From Dusk till Dawn’ and my autobiography, ‘To Be the Best’. I know that many of my billions of worshippers are having a hard time holding on their horses for both of these revolutionary products of my highly revered company, but I implore everyone to remain patient. I know how hard it can be to restrain one’s excitement when the moment of truth is at hand, and how the pressure of said anticipation can make you just want to explode…”
(Chuckles heard amidst the crowd)
“…but you can do it. You can and will remain patient, and when that time comes; it’ll be the best experience of your lives. The center focus of my company’s current promotional campaign is the upcoming feature sporting event, to be hosted at Ohio State’s Buckeye Stadium; ‘From Dusk till Dawn’. Part of this campaign has been to spread awareness thereof by launching yet another Mmouse Enterprise ran website at myspace.com/mmouseenterprises. Through this weblog, my company will maintain contact with our vast fan base, in keeping them up to date on progress being made on all Enterprise projects.”
Unidentified Heckler: “SH*T PACKER!!”
MM: “Err…ok. Anyways, included within the recent launch of this weblog was a slight unveiling of yet another undertaking for Mmouse Enterprises: Mmouse Records. That’s right, my company will erect…”
UH: “PENISES!!”
MM: “…umm…umm…yet another subsidiary to my entertainment empire. We are looking at an array of various artists from all musical genres in order to sign the best talent to this new label. I’m optimistic that the record studio; ‘Mickster’s’ will be a hit, and will attract the best of what music has to offer. Our goal is to finish the construction of the site by mid-2009 and have our first album released by the following spring. With teamwork and true dedication, we will…”
UH: “TAKE IT UP THE ASS!!”
MM: “What the f**k is going on here? I demand that someone bring an end to this or I swear I will…”
UH: “SODOMIZE A GOAT!!”
MM: “That’s it!! You want to go?!! You want to throw down with the Mickster? I’ll teach you a thing or two, somebody call the ambulance, because this is going to be one hell of a slobberknocker. Son I’ve taken on bigger guys than you and I know quite a bit about…”
UH: “ANAL SEX!!”
MM: “ARGH!!! You’re gonna get it pal, prepare to be…”
Female Reporter: “I’m sorry Mr. Mouse, but this is my twelve year old son. He has Tourette’s Syndrome and I was unable to get his babysitter to watch him today.”
MM: “Well…that certainly is unfortunate. I’m sure glad you stopped me, because I was gonna have to open up a can of…”
12 Y/O: “SH*T!!”
MM: (Sigh) “Let’s just take some questions…”
Q: “Mr. Mouse, in your brother Benny’s Memorandum in response to your initial press release on the 4th; the Chairman of BWM Inc. alleged that you were merely mimicking him by taking up the task of writing an autobiography.”
MM: “Ok people, this is what you have to expect. Over the next few months, you should anticipate Benny to trump up false allegations against me and this company. He’s going to claim that I copied him with the book, and that the special Wrestling Reunion Card was his idea and even that he can believe it’s not butter. However, even that ‘tard Fabio knows that Ben is full of it.”
Q: “What do you have to say in response to the fact that – as he had highlighted in that document – the PPV’s Main Event is the very match that he invented in the UWF and that would headline his organization’s February PPV? He questions your claims of high importance in the sports entertainment world by underlining the fact that your so-called genius is absent in this special night of action.”
MM: “You know, if you ate half as much bullsh*t as you talk, you’d be a sewage plant by now. This is what I’m talking about, Benny takes my charitable gesture in permitting his idiocy and self perceived greatness to squander the wrestling world’s final sendoff and bites the hand that…”
12 Y/O: “WHACKS OFF!!”
MM: “…err…feeds him. I’m troubled by Benny’s state of denial in acknowledging where he failed in life – which is just about everything – and expressing true gratitude for the generosity of his noble, and talented sibling.”
Q: “That’s not all sir, Benny suggested that the inclusion of your promotion in the final card was absurd to begin with and that he only dropped out of the ratings war in the early days of 2005 due to the purported illness of his step-daughter, combined with a loss of drive to prove himself to you and anyone else.”
MM: “Benny’s assertion that he had nothing to prove is correct in that there was nothing he had to show the world – let alone yours truly – from the get go. To blame his meaningless existence on some false claim of family illness is pitiful at best. The fact of the matter is that Benny deceived himself on a daily basis, just as he does every night when he wakes up with a sense of godly charisma in his power ranger pajamas, with the red and blue rangers on the shoulders, yellow and black rangers on the legs and the green ranger on the crotch area, where he regularly wets himself thus causing the original awakening.”
Q: “That seemed pretty detailed…would this a lucky guess, overactive imagination or from personal exper..”
MM: “NEXT QUESTION!!”
Q: “One couldn’t help but notice that Benny chose to poke fun at your admitted failure in successfully launching production on a sitcom by touching on his own accomplishment in the same. Care to comment?”
MM: “What Benny perceives as success wouldn’t be hard for even a two year old to achieve. My standards are high, and that is the only reason I haven’t realized my own vision of a successful and acceptable sitcom. As soon as I come across a talented crew that meets my requirements; the television project will commence. Remember, Benny is a guy that sees success when he finds his penis and is able to piss without getting it all over his miniature testicles.”
Q: “How would you know so much about Benny’s anatomy?”
MM: “How the hell is that relevant to a press briefing on the progress of my company, as well as how we are meeting the competition? I refuse to answer anymore silly inquiries regarding the B*tch Boy of Mouse House. How about some nice questions about…”
12 Y/O: “BALLS!!”
MM: “…yeah…or how about something else that doesn’t involve Benny or his many misrepresentations of the truth?”
Q: “Ok, how about certain allegations brought up last fall; wherein it was claimed that you once – in a drunken rage – sexually harassed one of your talent?”
MM: “I can assure you that I have never had to harass any sexual partner of mine. They were far too amazed at the sight of Little Mickey to pass up the chance.”
Q: “This was Silverdust, sir.”
MM: “AHH!! Well, in that case, I will most definitely feel obliged to deny those claims and will be forced to refer to attorney in case that freak wants to move any further with his delusions.”
Q: “Is it possible that some of the contents within his claims are true?”
MM: “Nope, not a lick of it.”
Q: “I’m just curious, because his statement was very detailed and…”
MM: “LOOK!! The night…err…allegations trumped up by Silverdust is as inflated as they come. I never said anything more to him than a direct order regarding a match or notifying him of his termination.”
Q: “Under what terms did his contract get terminated?”
MM: “There was a conflict of contractual obligations and personal matters and we agreed to part ways.”
Q: “I bet…”
MM: “Look, a**hole, don’t make me do to you what I’ve done to so many out there that have stood in my way!!”
Q: “I’m sure I’d prefer that over whatever it was you did to Silverdust…”
MM: “Why is everyone torturing me today?!! I just wanted to come out here and update the people on current movements made by my company as well as the progress we’ve observed in preparing for all upcoming projects in the year to come. Unfortunately, for the second time in a row, this press room – created out of the goodness of my…”
12 Y/O: “ASS!!”
MM: “…HEART!! This press rooms only seems to aim for a combative smear campaign against me in contrast to its original purpose, which is the uncovering of information for the potential customers worldwide!! I regret taking this…”
12 Y/O: “C*CK!!”
MM: “RISK!!! RISK!! RISK!! I’m done, I’m going home to…”
12 Y/O: “F**K PIGS!! PIG F**KER!!”
MM: “MY WIFE!!”
(Leaves the podium in angered impromptu manner and exits the room as the room erupts in laughter)
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE BY MMOUSE PRODUCTION
Thursday – October 4th, 2007
MEMPHIS , TENN. – At the headquarters for Mickey Mouse Junior’s production studio “Mmouse Productions”, Mickey gave the following press briefing at 9:45 AM EST on an array of pressing issues such as the ongoing production of Mmouse Productions first motion picture, Mickey’s autobiography “To be the Best”, Lance Storm’s explosive proclamation at the UWA’s last PPV that Mickey Mouse Junior and his story-lined foe “Stone Cold” Blaster Bladwick were actually half-brothers from an extra-marital affair Minnie Mouse had supposedly enjoyed with Blaster’s biological father (alongside other claims), and the upcoming – heavily anticipated – WOW show “From Dusk till Dawn”:
(MM = Mickey Mouse, Q = Question from the Press)
MM: “Thank you, and let me start things off by noting one incredible fact. Tomorrow will officially mark the twelfth anniversary of the day this production company launched our first wrestling promotion, the World Pro Wrestling organization in 1995. A year later, I was preparing the contract deals to rechristen the WPW as the USWA on a national stage to compete with and eventually rule out the ancient WWF, as led by Jeff Murrey.
It’s funny that I come here today to discuss wrestling yet again but in what will hopefully be the death of wrestling with yours truly standing atop the world one last time. I am here to confirm that ‘From Dusk till Dawn’ will crown in a six bracketed tournament, the first and only Undisputed Champion of the Wrestling World. This tournament will contain a singles bracket for the UWA, UWF, HCW and the Legends of Wrestling, alongside two special tag brackets for each of the two aforementioned leading promotions. The final match wherein the champion will be crowned is to be a Massacre Six Match. I guess that I could’ve been that courteous towards my lesser minded paint chip devouring sibling for having thrown in the towel two months before I closed out in style.
Anyways, I’m looking to humiliate that piece of shit and his band of butt-hugging tards in January or whenever this festival is to occur. The biggest stars in UWA’s history will be showcasing their greatness over the flatulent filled yawn fest that is offered up by the Underwear Whiffing Fairies. So, don’t expect total nonstop incredible entertainment, because there’ll be a few intermissions, and that will always be when Michael Buffer is no longer introducing the talent or announcing the victor for the matches.
As for HCW’s participation in the card, I figured it was the least I do to contribute to the ‘handicapped’ amongst those of us that actually meant something in the world of wrestling.
So, with few limitations that each of you were briefed on prior to my arrival at this podium, I now invite you to inquire further on a variety of pre-approved subjects.”
Q: “Yes, thank you for this opportunity sir, let me speak for everyone here when I say that we all appreciate you taking the time out of your busy life to address us and grant this special briefing to the press.”
MM: “You are welcome, I am a specially talented and much requested Mouse of great wealth and power.”
Q: “Well…on to my question now, at the conclusion of your most recent defunct promotion’s last PPV…”
MM: “Here we go…”
Q: “…a performer by the name of Lance Storm came out after the main event and claimed to know the truth about your biological parents and your extended family. He claimed that you were half-brothers with Blaster Bladwick or otherwise known as ‘Stone Cold’ Blaster and that was the result of an alleged extramarital affair between your mother and his father. Furthermore he claimed that Lenny, and not you truly fathered Catherine Mouse, the young woman previously thought to have been your illegitimate daughter from your youthful promiscuity. Is there any truth to these allegations?”
MM: “You should be shot for even considering the erroneous claims of an idiot so desperate for attention – with his mono-toned character and absent personality – that he actually traumatized a number of people just to get his rocks off. Hell no there is no truth to anything that cannuck stated that day in March 2005. Following the ‘Third Oblivion’, I called a slew of the nation’s highest paid and respected investigatory lawyers to delve into these claims, including the use of blood tests wherein it was uncovered that Blaster and I aren’t even cousins, let alone half-brothers. Regarding Catherine, she is most definitely my daughter, because Lenny couldn’t have scored with her mother even if his penis was gold with diamond balls! Next Question…and it better not be stupid.”
Q: “What role has Mmouse Productions played in the entertainment industry since the closure of the UWA almost three years ago?”
MM: “Well, that’s an incredible question, because there have been quite a few projects my company has undertaken in the past few years, including the experimentation of commercial production, a failed attempt to recruit an acceptable and competent crew in order to introduce a television series about a transsexual undercover agent that pulls out all stops to save his or her people from all threats. Since April of this year, this establishment has taken up a new project in launching the production of a feature film, the contents and cast of which will be unveiled very soon.”
Q: “When is the film to be released?”
MM: “That is still to be determined. However, we are working on that with Touchstone.”
Q: “Now that’s big.”
MM: “I seem to hear that often these days…”
(Awkward silence followed by a few snickers)
MM: “…ahem…anyways…next question.”
Q: “There has been some speculation that – in response to your brother Benny’s efforts to write an autobiography – you will be or have already begun the process of writing your own. Care to refute, confirm, and/or elaborate?”
MM: “Well, I care not for the erroneous allegations of being a copycat, especially in response to a book that is most certainly to be entitled ‘From behind the plastered walls: How one mouse chewed his way to self-perceived greatness, to which he masturbated every night’. However, I will remark on the rumors of my own quest to write the most interesting and inspiring book in decades. It will indeed be an autobiography about every decisive moment in my life from childhood throughout my days dominating the wrestling world and discovering that I had a daughter. This will be a book entitled ‘To be the Best: From prodigal son to an entertainment god’. It is the first project in years for Mmouse Publications; the former side project of Mmouse Productions that used to publish USWA and Wrestler Magazines. Needless to say, it will be the cream of the crop and an eye opening adventure.”
Q: “The publication date?”
MM: “Just as in the case of my movie project, that is to be determined. Make no mistake about it; I’m a thriving and very powerful force to be reckoned with. The death of my father, while tragic and delayed…err…untimely, was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. It propelled yours truly into the spotlight, and with all the odds stacked against me, I still succeeded and became the one you all turned out to worship and envy daily. That appears to be it for now, within a month’s time, I will brief you once more on the progress of the various products being taken up by what will soon be recognized as Mmouse Enterprises in order to properly manage the separate projects in Mmouse Productions and Publications. Thank you, now be sure to swiftly exit my building before you are assisted by my well trained and juiced up personnel.”
World Of Wrestling: Murrey Universe 