Press Release: Mmouse Enterprises Acting Chair Makes Blockbuster Announcements!

Mmouse Enterprises

Chairman’s HQ

Knoxville, Tennessee

January 3, 2023

From the desk of Acting Chairwoman Catherine Mouse: “HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What an eventful year 2022 was! 2023 will only be way better.

Before I announce the matches for the first installment of Asylum of 2023, I want to first congratulate AXW and AEW on their success so far. Camden Cross and my cousin Megan Mouse have added a new and much-needed level of diversity and excitement to this industry. On top of that, both have scored ratings victories against the PWI in their only two direct ratings encounters so far.

PWI has yet to win a single ratings battle in its entire history, and I do mean its ENTIRE history, spanning back to its inception in 2011. This means that Mmouse Enterprises hasn’t won a ratings battle at all since 2010, and I most certainly share in much of the blame for that.

Granted, from 2011-2014, the Fifth Era of this industry – what some experts call the “lost era” – was marred by countless false starts by both the NEW and PWI, and we had no direct competition throughout that flawed period of wrestling. Despite this fact, I take ownership for failing to stay the course back then and for prematurely putting PWI and the Fifth Era out of its misery in 2014. Had I not done that, there’s no telling where the industry could be right now.

You see, unlike my father I am willing to fully own my shortcomings. He would never admit to falling short of the expectations of a world class wrestling promoter. He would be internally tortured to acknowledge that he was doing something wrong, thus forcing a course correction. No, he relishes in dragging the entirety of the industry and the audience through the mud with him as he engages his ego in conflict.

I absolutely recognize that the PWI, and Mmouse Enterprises as a whole, has not lived up to our end of this entertainment bargain. We don’t need the billionth reinvention of our company in order to right the ship, however, since we merely need to make a few changes to fine tune this machine.

Starting this weekend, the PWI will go on tour with the results thereof being shared to the world every week on the eve of Asylum. Each live show will involve a multitude of matches from across the roster and it will directly impact the ranks and opportunities you see in PWI. This will have the effect of keeping talent fresh and even of promoting new exciting angles on camera.

I hear a lot of belly-aching about the plethora of titles in PWI. Yes, Mmouse Enterprises has long had an addiction to championships, but I stand by the decision to give the men and women equal opportunities in this company as far as titles are concerned. Even so, from now on we will see Ascendant gold exclusive to the Ascendant shows, HCW gold exclusive to HCW shows (with the exception of certain special shows), and the Immunity Title will be returned to its prestigious status that we set out to solidify earlier this season.

What does this mean specifically in regards to the Immunity Titles? The original goal was to make the title rarely defended, but constantly a threat to all those who don’t wear it. Since we want the Immunity Champions to actually take advantage of their privileges I am effective immediately adding one final rule for the Immunity Title: the “Use It or Lose It Rule”. This rule mandates that the Immunity Champion remain active over a period of time lest they forfeit their immunity by default to the most recent Premier Athlete.

Speaking of the Premier Athletes, I want the audience and critics to know that we absolutely do listen to you! I have noted before the genius of my father, and that his innovative style in creating new concepts should always be celebrated. When he conceived the Premier Athlete Tournament Roulette in 2019 he had an incredibly awesome vision of a tournament where each level thereof would be a surprise. Yet, many have complained how it is difficult to follow these tournaments due to their complex nature.

That’s why I am officially tweaking the concept a little tonight: firstly, the qualification matches will remain as random as they are now. Secondly, the match stipulations for each successive round after the qualifying round will also remain random. But, the audience will know who the participants will compete against ahead of every round after the qualifying round starting every January. While the quarterfinal participants will be randomly assorted following qualification, the final bracket will be revealed every New Year so as to make this as transparent and enjoyable as possible!

I also want to proudly announce the signing of three new women’s talents! The iconically beautiful Stacy Keibler, the young up and coming Indi Hartwell, and the fiercely talented Melina! Each of these three women will be making their presence known in the coming weeks, and I can hardly wait to see what they add to the mix!

Until we find out what they are going to bring to the table we need to first reveal the first televised PWI card of 2023!

The opening bout will pit Bayley against the 8th Ranked Lita! Lita feels betrayed after Bayley turned her back on everyone who was reaching for a hug by viciously attacking her! This rivalry will wrap up on the first Asylum of this new year!

Next, CM Punk is in action against the Impact Player himself: Christian Cage! The former WOW Undisputed Champion Cage looks to recapture the magic that catapulted him to the top of the industry by preventing Punk from using him as a launch pad!

Next, we see the Scaffold Challenge Winner and Number One Contender for the Women’s Championship Trish Stratus taking on the 2022 Premier Athlete and 6th Ranked Naomi! If Trish loses to Naomi – who has all of the privileges which come with being the recent tournament winner – it will seriously risk Trish’s chances at challenging Becky Lynch at The Epic! That’s reason enough to an interest in this showdown!

After that we have our first Quarterfinal Match for the Premier Tournament wherein the stipulations will be revealed immediately prior to the bell ringing when the Great One, the Brahma Bull, the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment, The Rock takes on the young and hungry “Hangman” Adam Page!

We will then see a battle to determine the next challengers for the Undisputed Era’s Tag Team Gold when the 1st Ranked Hollys square off against the 2nd Ranked Revival!

Finally, in the Main Event, we will see a blast from the past! I caught some heat from the locker room for making this match, but I think it makes sense. To commemorate the 20th Anniversary of Motivation (which was 20 years ago on December 29th), Dragonfly will defend his PWI World Title against the man whom he pinned to become the first UWA World Champion, the Man Beast, in his PWI Return match: Rhyno! Can Dragonfly repeat history two decades after he jumpstarted his iconic career? Be sure to tune in to the blockbuster episode of Asylum to find out!!

We will see you all in 6 days!”

Respectfully submitted by:

Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason

Published by Daniel Crawford

I'm a single father of two, one of four children of a single mother (who passed at the age of 49), an activist, an aspiring public servant, an author, a podcast host, and an average member of the working class.

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