Press Conference: Acting Mmouse Enterprises Chair Makes A Special Announcement!

Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters

Memphis, Tennessee

December 27, 2022


(LM = Lawrence Mason)

*The spokesman for Mmouse Enterprises, Lawrence Mason walks up to the podium*

LM: Good afternoon. Thank you for coming here on such short notice once again, as you fine people are always so capable at doing. The Acting Chair, Madame Catherine Mouse, has asked me to convene you all here for a very special announcement. Without any further delay, here is the Acting Chair herself.

(CM = Catherine Mouse)

*Catherine replaces Mason at the podium with a proud look on her face*

CM: Hello, yet again, everyone. It is my pleasure to come here today, because as Mr. Mason noted: we have a very special announcement. The moment my father came up missing and the Board voted me in as his temporary replacement I knew that I had to act fast to prevent a disaster from unfolding. My father is a genius in the world of business. There’s just simply no way around that. We are here today in one of the most successful companies in the history of the world in large part because of his vision.

Having said that, it is all too painfully obvious that my father has a blind side. He is blinded by his greed, and one of the many consequences of that greed is that he fails to recognize incredible opportunities when they are presented to him. One of those opportunities came in the form of HCW’s resurrection. Instead of working with Mr. Brown to develop a strong new alliance, my father sought to undermine this tried and true wrestling company. Well, I am beyond proud to announce that this ridiculous and self-defeating mission is finally over!

Before I continue, please welcome – in joining the stage with me – the Acting President of the HCW; Ted Brown!

*Ted Brown joins Catherine at the podium*

(TB: Ted Brown)

TB: Thank you, Madame Chair – and that is a title that I suspect many in here will join me in saying that you have earned, and have long been unjustly denied -, I can’t express enough how much of an honor this is for me.

CM: You are most welcome, President Brown, please feel free to address the audience here today.

TB: Absolutely. The past couple of years have been a rough one, for sure. With Mickey doing everything possible to knee-cap the HCW and to soil our legacy, we have had to fight tooth and nail each and every day to finally get some recognition again after we made it clear in the Fourth Era that we deserve as much respect as Mmouse Enterprises, BWM Inc., and Cross Inc.

When the Chairwoman here – and, no, I will not insert the deceitful word “acting” there – approached me for a renegotiated deal, I was very hesitant, based on this recent history of corporate sabotage by her father. However, we spent hours talking the other day, and I have come to realize and appreciate that having the same DNA and last name doesn’t make Catherine and Mickey the same person whatsoever. That’s why I have agreed to participate in this joint announcement by your side, Madame Chair.

CM: The feeling is mutual, my friend. This industry doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game. We thrive as a community of entertainers in what is arguably the greatest form of entertainment ever invented. It is in considering what makes professional wrestling so amazing that I came to the conclusion the other day that we must end these hostilities between Ted’s HCW and the PWI so as to advance the best interests of the business we all love.

TB: It is with the teamwork mindset that we renegotiated the arrangement between our sports entertainment promotions. When the HCW was reborn this past June, it came in the form of a hostile revolution launched two decades after the infamous BFCW-HCW Revolution against the USWA. My intent wasn’t to destroy the PWI, though. Rather, it has always been to offer the people an alternative in the most hardcore way possible.

CM: And so you shall! Starting on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023, the HCW will have its very own weekly show with a handful of exceptions.

TB: This show will only take place within the same weeks that we see Ascendants and Wednesday Night War, except in the weeks slated for Monday Night Mayhem.

CM: Moreover, this new arrangement will spell the end of the so-called “HCW Segment”; except in cases of special broadcasts and pay per views.

TB: Finally, this will be a three match show, called “HCW Insanity”!

CM: Now, I know that all of you will have plenty of questions, so let’s start with you.

NBC Sports: How can you be sure that this deal will survive once Mickey returns?

TB: Because Mickey won’t be able to break this contract. A new contract will depend on the joint signatures of myself and whoever the chair is of Mmouse Enterprises.

HBO Sports: Was there a specific reason for why Tuesday was chosen?

CM: Yes, actually, and it isn’t just because we already have an event on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. It’s in keeping with the rule of “3”. HCW was given the 3rd segment of each PWI event except for certain special shows. Well, Tuesday is the 3rd day of the week, when you count Sunday as the 1st day. I felt that this made the most sense.

ESPN: How much was ratings a factor in this new deal?

TB: I will take this one, Catherine, if you don’t mind…

CM: Sure.

TB: Ratings were absolutely a factor here across the board. We discussed how the audience of the sixth era wasn’t being given a proper reintroduction to the HCW talent after over a decade away from the screen. This naturally led a number of HCW segments to get a lower rating than they should have, in my opinion. To be frank, this benefits the HCW as much as it does the PWI.

Sports Illustrated: Is there a plan for an HCW PPV in the near future?

CM: We will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, the HCW is slated to host a Wrestlemania for the first time ever this coming April. The ninth installment of that classic show should be one for the ages, in my estimation.

TB: It sure will. I can’t wait!

CBS Sports: You said earlier that the HCW will still be featured in certain special events, does that include the upcoming Showcase and shows like the Championship Spectacle?

CM: The Championship Spectacle will absolutely still feature the HCW, since the HCW title will be an important part of that show. As for the upcoming installment of The Showcase, we have agreed that it will be too soon to feature the HCW in such an important show. The next time you can expect the HCW to be featured in the 3rd segment of a PWI show will be at The Epic in March.

Pro Wrestling Illustrated: Any word on the search for Mickey?

CM: No, not yet. Honestly, it appears that the search for my Uncle Benny may be playing a partial role in the sluggish progress of our own search. Maybe they really are hanging out together somewhere.

TB: I would love to be a fly on THAT wall.

CM: You’re telling me.

Wrestler Magazine: With your recent promotion, though temporary, what will come of your Uncle Vinnie?

CM: Oh you just wait. I have plans for my uncle. As I have said before, there are changes coming for sure. That’s it for now, everyone! Thank you for coming!

*Ted Brown and Catherine Mouse both leave through the curtains as the press attempt to get one more question answered*

Published by Daniel Crawford

I'm a single father of two, one of four children of a single mother (who passed at the age of 49), an activist, an aspiring public servant, an author, a podcast host, and an average member of the working class.

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