Esiason’s Summarized Results: The 2021 Preseason

Ok, everybody. I do apologize for the slacking off that I have been doing over the past year and a half, but I have been informed that I need to get back on the ball with these summarized results for your reading pleasure. Let’s pick up where we left off: The 2021 Preseason!

PWI LIVE! – JULY 11, 2021:

The show begins with the opening video package and obligatory introduction. For the sake of saving you needless wasted time reading unnecessary things, I will leave this part out for future summaries unless something special happens to interrupt the usual expected things. Anyways, back to it!

Catherine opens the show with a “woe is me” promo. She conveys regrets about failing in her mission and expresses that dark days are ahead for the PWI. Mickey joins her in the ring, degrading her. Telling her that she is a “failure” and a “pathetic excuse for a daughter”. He scolds her, noting that he had her come out to introduce the show “with pride”. He warns that she has one more chance to do so, after which she obliges.

Trish Stratus then defeats Tegan Nox in a competitive opening bout. Trish followed up the victory by raising Tegan’s hand in a show of respect.

We then cut to the back after the break, seeing the Dollhouse assembled. The Dollhouse members are silent whilst Angelina Love stews in her thoughts and laughs to herself. Amber Gallows clears her throat, which prompts Love to get up. Love tears into Gallows, saying she wasn’t permitted to speak. Everyone cowers as Love takes credit getting rid of Madison Rayne and Becky Lynch (both of whom were drafted to the EWA), claiming that she put a proverbial bug in Executioner’s ear, suggesting that he should let Rayne go. Love tells the members that they need to take out their enemies, and that they should know who needs to be taken out.

Sunny is then interviewing Nikki Cross, who tells Sunny that she is ready to tear the women’s division apart. She claims that nobody want to “play” and that she will get what she wants. She promises that we have yet to see what she is capable of.

Alicia Fox is seen in the parking lot boring the crap out of Catherine with tales about relationships and whatnot. Catherine asks if she ever stops talking, and Alicia of course is just clueless as to what she’s done wrong. Catherine then decides to leave.

Natalya, Beth Phoenix, and Mickie James defeat the Allure and Harley Quinn in six person tag action! Despite losing, however, these members of the Dollhouse completely decimated their opponents. Natalya fights back, though, preventing this beatdown from getting worse. She then comes to the aid of the badly hurt Beth.

Following the break, Alexa Bliss is bitching about Gail Kim being absent. Slammer grunts in agreement. Gail Kim finally arrives and Alexa tears into her for being fashionably late. Alexa warns that she will put Gail in her place. Kim responds that she will be the one to tame Alexa, reminding the Goddess that Gail Kim is not Tessa Blanchard. Alexa retorts that Tessa “knew her place”. Alexa says that Gail will be reminded of “who she serves”, noting the 50% of Kim’s contract (the most lucrative of any woman in the industry) under Alexa’s control. Alexa goes to send Slammer out with Gail, but Gail opposes the idea. Alexa then offers a bet on whether Gail can win without help. Alexa wagers that Gail losing will mean she has to serve Alexa “happily”. If Gail wins, she’s free. Gail takes the bet, as Alexa calls her a “fool”.

Lawrence Mason is then interviewing the Undying Legends. Ivory had her doubts that they would become champions, but Molly never doubted it, citing the mentorship of Stevie R. When asked where their mentor is, they note that they are not sure. They point out that he has “business to attend to”.

Booker D is pumping himself up when suddenly Stevie R throws a giant statue arm at him! They sing opera to each other for their reunion, embracing in an emotional moment!

Brie Bella defeats Gail Kim after Slammer knocks Gail out with the Head Mashing Super Punch! Slammer then carries Gail out of the ring.

Alexa Bliss comes out and laughs at Gail being carried away.

Natalya then attacks Angelina Love during a match with Alexa Bliss. Io Shirai then comes out and starts attacking Alexa Bliss. Then, as Io and Natalya get caught up fighting each other, Alexa hits Angelina with her finisher and scores the victory!

After the match, the Dollhouse come in the save the day for Love, but Natalya and Io look strong as they take out everyone!

As the show appears to be ending, we see a creepy scene where Bray Wyatt appears on the screen. He is laid out as the camera pans the ring and then…black screen!

PWI LIVE! – JULY 26, 2021:

MJF starts the show cutting a promo about how he is going to teach Randy Savage a lesson about how he belongs in a retirement home and that everyone will soon know that MJF is better than everyone. He then goes on defeat Randy with the Salt of the Earth, refusing to let go after winning until the official forces him to break the hold.

We then see American Alpha getting ready for their tag team match as Proud and Powerful come in and introduce themselves. Santana tell American Alpha that he doesn’t care about who they are. He promises that they will get those titles and Ortiz backs this up, saying it’s because they are “the best!” American Alpha mocks the tag team name.

Dominik Dijakovic attacks Raven, who bumped into him. Raven is non-responsive, prompting the Big Show to intervene. Show tells Dominik to respect Raven as a legend. Dominik leaves assuring both that this “isn’t the end”. Show promises to get Raven help, and Raven expresses his confusion with how he is feeling.

American Alpha successfully defend their tag titles against the Samoan Connection.

After the break, we then see Sunfire who says that he knows that we are thinking “Sunfire failed again”. Dragonfly then interrupts him, calling him pathetic. The two then proceed to argue. Dragonfly confirms that he is here to rub it in Sunfire’s face, suggesting that Sunfire should have known who was better and that he needs to move on with his career despite not putting himself in the active roster. Sunfire demands to be left alone and says that he hasn’t decided yet on what he wants to do.

We then see Pete Dunne trying to watch some TV, but it isn’t working. Dunne goes to get the cable repair man. However, after Dunne leaves the cable box is revealed to have actually been a hat on top of Edge’s head, as the crazy bastard was spying on Pete.

Daniel Bryan defeats Jeff Hardy.

Mickey then comes down to the ring. He announces that tonight’s show is taking place on a Monday instead of the originally planned day before because of his emboldened feelings after both the recent ratings report for PWI and the lack of reporting from EWA’s first show. He reveals that there will be PPV matches with special stipulations in each PPV other than Motivation to help determine number one contenders. Mickey declares that the next PPV will be called “The Wrath of Mickey” since he will set out for vengeance against the allies of his enemies. He proclaims that he can’t be taken down because he is “order” and “chaos”, the “beginning” and the “apocalypse”!

Kurt Angle then retains his world title against a surprise opponent: Christian!

PWI LIVE! – AUGUST 9, 2021:

The Undying Legends successfully defend their tag team titles against their mystery opponents: A Taste of Heaven!

Angelina Love tells the Dollhouse that she is awaiting Catherine’s announcement tonight; saying that Catherine better be getting ready to give Love her dues or else there will be hell to pay. Harley Quinn gets silenced when she tries to chime in.

Booker D begs Stevie R to revive the Harlem Turtles. Booker D insists that they still have gas in the proverbial tank. Stevie, though, says his time has passed.

Mia Yim defeats Ariel after an interference from Emma. Emma also attacks Mia, but her main focus is Ariel.

Trish Stratus catches up with Tegan Nox in the hallway. Trish is impressed with Tegan’s hard work. Nox is appreciative as Trish even predicts that Nox may become champion one day. Tegan concerned about her upcoming match with Nyla Rose. Trish believes that Tegan can get the job done, especially if she “brings it” as she did a month ago.

Alexa Bliss and Slammer arrive. They are going to keep a close eye on what Catherine plans to say. Alexa insists that she doesn’t care who her challenger will be, as she is confident of a victory at the Wrath of Mickey. Nyla arrives in the entrance way and is approached by Alexa, who promises a championship opportunity if Nyla can take out Tegan, who she sees as a future threat and Nyla accepts the challenge.

Nyla Rose obliterates Tegan before the match and defeats her. The beating continues until Trish Stratus makes way for the ring.

Catherine makes her announcement. She reveals that Mickey is making her announce her own superior at the Wrath of Mickey. She also announces that there will be a four corner elimination match among the top four ranked women to decide Alexa’s challenger early next month on the last PWI Live of the 2021 preseason. Alexa Bliss confronts Catherine, saying she has more authority than Catherine and reminds everyone that Slammer is her insurance policy.

An Extreme Battle Royal is held to determine the next Women’s Immunity Champion. Brie Bella surprise eliminates Thundra to start things off. Poor Toni Storm is beaten up left and right, being attacked by every new entrant. Zelina Vega eliminated Shayna Baszler and Ivelisse at the same time. Ivelisse stared daggers into Zelina afterwards. Nikki Cross has an impressive run. Amazon dominates until Queen Sherri eliminates her. Brie Bella is declared the winner after last eliminating Mickie James, leading to staredown between Brie and Nikki Cross.

PWI LIVE! – AUGUST 30, 2021:

Mickey kicks off the show, revealing that starting with the Wrath of Mickey, every time a World or Women’s Champion is also the Immunity Champion, they will have to defend both titles at the PPV with the first of three falls being for Immunity. Mickey then introduces a slew of new talent: Candice LeRae, Toni Storm, Austin Theory, Angel Garza, and Jeff Cobb. Blaster then interrupted Mickey, reminding Mickey that he can’t be fired due to their contract signed in 2002. Blaster then unveils that Mickey is stuck with him as the new Asylum Commissioner! Blaster then introduces his new business partner: Stone Cold Steve Austin! Austin stuns everyone, including Mickey!

American Alpha then successfully defend their tag titles – with Chad Gable using the ropes – against The Usos!

Sunfire again knows what we are thinking: that he should listen to Dragonfly. He reminds us that Don Sparking once said that every great man needs a sidekick. He then invites Dragonfly to join him at the PPV for the unveiling of this sidekick.

We then see Attitude and Alexa Bliss in an exclusive interview. Attitude reminisces about his training under Sabu and about how Teo became a toxic partner who thought that he was better than everyone else. He said that Teo’s persona transformed Attitude into what he is now. Alexa notes that she rehired Attitude as a promise after seeing the type of person Attitude is when he stood up for Teo despite everything at Motivation VII and that was what led to their plotting after that show. She notes their plan to seize control over the PWI.

Teo qualifies for the Premier Tournament defeating Keith Lee.

Adam Cole confronted Kurt Angle in the locker room, saying that Angle has to look forward to him come the PPV.

Mickey is then seen bitching to Executioner about Blaster, saying that they need to deal with this problem. Executioner reveals that his surprise signee on behalf of Mickey to deal with this problem is WALTER, a beastly Austrian wrestler. Mickey happily welcomes the man after he assures Mickey that he will live up to his name.

Big Show defeats Dominik Dijakovic.

Edge accidentally drops a newspaper and then falls from the ceiling in the hallway, landing on top of Pete Dunne.

Stan Hart reveals that he is not Kurt Angle’s mystery opponent, but that it is his older brother Bret! American Alpha interfere to help Angle retain! Yet, the Alpha Academy doesn’t have much time to celebrate due to a surprise attack by the returning Brock Lesnar! Lesnar clears the way as Angle cowers and the show ends!

PWI LIVE! – SEPTEMBER 6, 2021:

A special press conference is held at the outset of the show wherein Mickey talks about what’s on tap for tonight’s show. He notes how we will determine the number one contenders this evening. He discusses the Premier 8 Match and the Insane Lumberjill Match as well. He foreshadows a series of challenges for the “excess superstars” intended to slim the roster and to pave the way for the future. He mocks the lack of events held by the EWA as “pathetic”. A reporter from RT attempts to ask a question, prompting Mickey to leave.

Angel Garza qualifies for the Premier Tournament over Pete Dunne when Edge comes out as a referee and costs Dunne the match.

Lawrence Mason interviews the Undying Legends who tell Mason that they are ready for their challengers, no matter which former championship team wins the match later. They not that they will be watching from their locker room and that Stevie R is absent due to trying to avoid Booker D.

The Immunity Champion Brie Bella walks through the hallway when Nikki Cross bashes her over the head with a glass case! Nikki says that Brie will pay for screwing her over again (a reference to Brie using twin magic with Nikki Bella to cost Nikki Cross the EWA Knockouts Title).

A Beautiful Lie become the number one contenders defeating two other teams.

Brandon Lee then approaches Mickey in the parking lot and demands to know why he was left undrafted for so long this past June despite being the Premier Athlete. Mickey notes that he was confident that no one else would draft Lee, because he isn’t seen as all that valuable anymore and that Sean Olson will always be a higher priority pick. Lee storms away, saying that he will show everyone soon!

The Usos meet up with the Samoan Connection. Jimmy and Jey acknowledge the familial connection with Umaga and Yokozuna. The Usos suggest linking up together to become “unstoppable”. The Samoan Connection doesn’t respond, however.

Bret and Stan Hart defeat American Alpha after Proud and Powerful provide a distraction.

MJF comes to the ring and insists that he alone should be challenging Kurt Angle for the world title at the PPV. He scoffs at the very notion that he would be overlooked. His whining is interrupted by Jon Moxley, though, as MJF runs away.

Trish Stratus defeats Io Shirai, Natalya, and Angelina Love to become the number one contender for the Women’s Title! Slammer, however, comes down and attacks everyone in sight! Angelina Love escapes this brutality. Slammer holds Trish down as Alexa Bliss comes up and says that Trish shouldn’t have come to PWI. She notes that this is Alexa’s division and that Trish will be dominated at the Wrath of Mickey!

The show and the 2021 preseason then close with Alexa Bliss standing tall!

I will get the 2021 (Fifth Season) Fall Quarter Report done and posted as soon as possible! Thank you for reading!

Published by Daniel Crawford

I'm a single father of two, one of four children of a single mother (who passed at the age of 49), an activist, an aspiring public servant, an author, a podcast host, and an average member of the working class.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: