December 13, 2022
From the desk of Chairman Mickey Mouse: “Good evening, fans of sports entertainment and professional wrestling.
It has been an interesting experience in this 6th Era of our glorious industry over the past 3 years since we began our current journey, and we’ve had a great deal of fun over this course thereof.
Even with that fun, there have been some major disappointments along the way. Despite the audience and our staff having a good time, and despite the fact that Mmouse Enterprises still holds the record for the highest rated show from an individual promotion of all time with Motivation 8, we have not managed to secure a single ratings victory in a head-to-head battle during this era.
I was informed earlier today of the fact that Camden Cross’s promotion – whatever you want to call it this week – won our only head-to-head contest on August 1st, and that every single HLW or AXW show beat every PWI show occurring in the same week.
To put it simply, this is unacceptable, and the blame rests solely with me.
Yes, you read that correctly, I am to blame. I have been so consumed by the legal fight with my half-brother Scott Nash over the Mouse family inheritance that I have lost sight of what it takes to win.
It may shock you to learn that no advisors were fired today in light of our recent ratings losses. No, I have come to accept that I can’t constantly shift the blame elsewhere.
Rather, just as I had done after our loss to AEW last Monday, I have decided to again make some schedule changes.
I have been advised that my cost-cutting decisions to shorten our schedule has come at the cost of our ratings as viewers have been tuning in unsure of what they are watching and tuning out after losing interest. This can’t be permitted to happen. We must not allow our talent to be overlooked and outshined by the inferior band of hooligans under the leadership of a freaking podcaster.
So, I am announcing today that not only will Ascendants return on a weekly basis on Saturdays (as long as it is in a month without a PPV), but that we will also be providing direct competition with Camden Cross’s Wednesday broadcast with a show I am simply calling ‘Wednesday Night War’. Right on the nose, eh? This show will air in months without a PPV, and will featured Premier Class talent the likes of whom you will never see in a backyard wrestling mutation such as the AXW.
I have heard your concerns and I want you to know and trust that better days are ahead. We didn’t dominate the industry for half a decade for no reason. It’s time to reclaim our throne.”
Respectfully submitted by:
Mmouse Enterprises Spokesman, Lawrence Mason